


Vegas Mayhem

by samwise_baggins, Steve-Bucky-Stucky (Chemical30)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Fantastic Four (Movies 2005-2007), Kings (TV 2009), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Political Animals
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anxiety Attacks, Deliberate Isolation, Drug Addiction, Drunk Sex, Enabling Behavior, F/M, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, Manipulation, Mental Health Issues, Night Terrors, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy Kink, Reckless Behavior, Stalking, Tony Stark Is Not Helping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2018-12-20 03:14:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 129,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11912049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samwise_baggins/pseuds/samwise_baggins, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chemical30/pseuds/Steve-Bucky-Stucky
Summary: High School friends made a deal to meet for their ten year reunion in Las Vegas instead of the regular alumni gathering. They find out that the past isn't what they thought and the present isn't what they'd hoped. But there is always a chance to change the future.





	1. Welcome to the Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNINGS: Alcohol, Reckless Behavior, Domestic Abuse, Stalking Behavior, PTSD, Drug Abuse, Manipulation**

“I don’t know, David. I’ve never gambled in my life, even for chips. And we can really find other places to put a hundred dollars.” Jack Benjamin Barnes frowned, holding out the five twenties his young husband had provided him. It wasn’t that Jack refused to take his beautiful husband’s money, far from it. What really bothered the stylish brunet with the pale eyes was that he still had no job, David barely made minimal acceptable wage for a veterinarian, and Jack’s youngest brother, TJ, was footing almost all of the bill for their reunion trip.

“You promised me we wouldn’t talk about money for the entire weekend, Jack,” David gave his husband a soft smile, “and aren’t you supposed to gamble in Vegas? Who knows,” the blond laughed, reaching out to caress Jack’s sharp cheekbone, “maybe you’ll win something?”

A knock on the hotel room door sounded through the luxurious suite. David leaned forward to kiss Jack’s lips before walking over to the door. After a moment, the tall blond opened it to reveal Jack’s youngest brother, TJ. The brunet, who could easily pass for Jack’s twin, they looked so alike, gave his brother-in-law a bright smile. “Hey, David,” TJ walked into the room and flashed Jack another smile, though his pale eyes looked a little worried, “how you doing, Jackie? Get all settled in for the weekend?”

With a sigh, Jack pocketed the money and nodded. “Yeah, we’re settled. Any sign of the others yet? Won’t be much of a reunion if no one shows.” Jack gave his brother a soft smile, reaching over to stroke TJ’s curls from his pale eyes.

Sighing, TJ pulled his phone from his pocket, looking down at the screen with a frown. “Bucky was _supposed_ to text me when he landed which was _supposed_ to be two hours ago. But . . . Ya know how he is. Probably just thinks I'm being dumb and _over-worried_. He said he'd meet us in the lobby with everyone else when I talked with him a few days ago.”

Nodding, Jack asked, “and are any of our friends coming, or just the family?” Jack grabbed his hotel room key and his phone.

“Oh, plenty of our old friends will be here,” TJ nodded, slipping his phone back in his pocket. “Clint and Nat are coming and so is Sam. I think Steve said he'd be here, too. Bucky said something about bringing Tony along.”

“Steve? Little Stevie Rogers?” Jack turned and grinned wide. “I haven’t heard from him since graduation when he left for the Army. Dave, you’re gonna like him! Steve’s pretty artistic.”

“No one has,” TJ gave David a smile and turned back to his brother, “except Sam, maybe. Oh! And Johnny’s gonna be here but I doubt he's gonna hang with us for very long . . . Vegas and all.” TJ’s nose scrunched up for a moment before the expression faded away quickly.

“Didn’t you guys have more friends than that? Seems a shame they all want to go to the high school reunion instead of this trip you’ve had planned for ten years.” Jack reached out for David’s hand. “But at least most of the gang is still on board. It’ll be good to see the old faces from New York.” Jack brought his husband’s hand to his lips, kissing David’s fingers.

“Including Bucky's,” TJ grumbled unhappily, running his fingers through his expertly style hair. “Haven't seen him since the wedding, a year ago.”

“Yeah,” Jack sighed and shook his head, walking from the hotel suite. “And he was still trying to get through physical therapy from that explosion. He keeps telling me on the phone that he doesn’t want to go too long without his treatments.” Jack turned to his brother and husband. “You don’t think Bucky's hooked on prescriptions, do you?”

“Who knows,” TJ rolled his eyes, his anger at his twin evident in his face and tone, “it's not like he actually tells us anything. Do you know how many times I invited him up for a weekend or offered to come down to him, if he's _so busy_. Always comes up with an excuse not to see us. He didn't even come up after . . .” TJ cut off his rant, not wanting to dredge up how Jack lost his job or anything else that had happened in the last year.

Jack stopped and turned to pull TJ into a hug. “None of that, Teej. He’s an ass and you’re free of him. Time to live a little, enjoy being footloose and fancy free, right?” he said in an encouraging voice, smiling. Of course, Jack wasn’t talking about Bucky, but he didn’t feel he needed to clarify just who he spoke about.

Sighing, TJ nodded, offering his brother and brother-in-law a smile. “Yeah, let's go have some fun. What happens in Vegas, right?”

“Oh, but if Clint does anything stupid, I am gonna blackmail him,” Jack laughed, joking of course. He grinned and tugged David down the hall, not worried about how quiet his husband was. The man didn’t know any of Jack and TJ’s high school friends.

David let Jack tug him along, happy that he and TJ had even managed to get Jack to agree to the weekend trip. He may not have met any of Jack and TJ’s friends from high school, but he'd heard many stories over the years. The only one he _had_ met was Johnny Storm, who'd gotten drunk at his and Jack's wedding. He just hoped that the trip would let his husband relax a little and get his mind off of their money troubles in DC.

Arriving at the elevator, Jack held the door open with one hand, blocking the sensor. He grinned at the other two men, barely nodding at a lean blond man who they didn’t know. The stranger had blue-green eyes in a squint, but offered a friendly smile before pushing the _‘door open’_ button for them. Jack tugged David into the elevator.

TJ gave the stranger a smile of his own as he stepped into the elevator behind Jack and David. The smaller brunet pulled out his phone again, checking to see if anyone had texted him. He'd been the main planner for this trip, helping everyone get coordinated with one another and planning on where they'd meet up.

A text had indeed come through from someone signing him or herself _‘TS’_. It said, _‘how many?’_

Frowning softly, TJ quickly texted back, _‘how many? How many, what?’_ He figured that the person was most likely Tony Stark.

 _‘People?’_ the immediate reply came. If it was Tony, a guy closer to Bucky then the others from the old crowd, it meant that Bucky had invited him, not TJ. Tony hadn’t been exactly an accepted member of the crew and hadn’t been part of the original plans to reunite in Vegas instead of New York City for the tenth year anniversary of their high school graduation.

 _‘Eleven people all together,’_ TJ texted back, he couldn't actually remember giving out his number to Tony, but he couldn't think of anyone else that would fit those initials. Quickly, TJ added, _‘and who is this? Sorry, don't recognize the number.’_

 _‘Tony, of course,’_ came the testy reply almost instantly. _‘This_ is Bucky, right?’

 _‘No, this is his brother, TJ. I thought Bucky was flying in with you and your assistant, Pepper? Is he not with you?’_ TJ couldn’t help but worry that Bucky had ditched them yet again.

 _‘Lost track at check in. He said he was going to lie down an hour ago. Said to text this number when I was ready to go down to meet the gang.’_ Tony texted back.

Frowning again, TJ glanced up and stepped out of the elevator as it opened to the lobby of their hotel.

It was impossible to miss Tony Stark standing there in designer clothing, watching the screen of a state of the art phone, right in front of the elevator. Beside him stood a pretty red-haired woman. However, whether Tony knew it or not, behind him from a different bank of elevators strolled a man that was slightly stockier than TJ but looked almost identical, except for a state-of-the-art biomechanical arm on the left side.

TJ smiled at his twin, rushing over to greet the man he'd hadn’t seen in over a year. The anger he'd felt at Bucky in the hotel room had faded away as soon as he saw his twin who'd been distancing himself from the rest of the family since he'd lost his arm. “Buck!” TJ called out, stopping in front of his brother, “hey! You look good, Bucky!”

Grinning widely, as if there had been no time apart for the twins, Bucky encircled TJ’s neck in his right arm and pulled his brother into a one-armed hug. “Hey, Teej. Someone finally got you out of a damn concert hall!” His eyes seemed to be scanning everywhere, as if on full alert.

TJ tried to ignore the pang of anger that flared up with those words, Bucky hadn't been to a single one of his concerts in over three years, despite some actually being in New York. “Well, yeah, suppose they did. Guess someone finally dragged you outta the lab, huh?” TJ knew some of the bitterness he felt leaked into his tone.

“Yeah, my boss said I had a choice, go to Vegas with him or get locked in a cage with the other lab rats. I chose Vegas,” Bucky joked, grinning.

“Glad we beat the rats, musta been a close call,” TJ tried to keep his tone light, not wanting to fight with his brother.

“Well, there is a really cute one I call Squeakers, but, hands down, you beat even Squeakers out, Teej,” Bucky said, still acting as if he hadn’t hidden himself away from most contact for the past two years.

“Glad I can outbest a mouse, Buck,” TJ said, trying to push down all the negative feelings he had about Bucky’s absence in the last few years. When TJ had needed his brother the most, Bucky _couldn’t be bothered_ to make the four hour drive to DC. “So, how’re things anyway, you never talk long on the phone.” TJ pulled away slightly so he could look at his twin. 

Allowing TJ the space, though something in Bucky’s pale eyes bespoke a sudden panic he fought down, Bucky said, “oh, you know, living high off the hog on Tony’s money and all.”

“I actually _don’t_ know,” TJ laughed softly, eying his brother, noting the panic in his eyes. “Got any new projects or . . . things?”

“Well,” Bucky glanced around, spotting Tony then letting his eyes slide away back to his twin. “I’m pretty much working solely on a specific design right now, might say exclusively.”

Frowning softly, TJ nodded, guessing Bucky couldn’t give out any specific details about anything he was working on. “That’s . . . good, Buck, I’m happy for you. How’re you feeling?” TJ’s eyes wandered to his brother’s left arm, now completely metal, and then back to Bucky’s face.

He caught Bucky fighting a look of panic again, swallowing almost convulsively as he seemed to try to laugh. “Feeling? Oh haven't been this great for a while, but I’m on the mend now . . .” Bucky made no move away from TJ’s side, nor did he seem interested in looking for the rest of their former high school crew. He actually seemed to be content just with his family.

“Well, if you’re not busy,” TJ met his twin’s eyes, “I have another concert in two weeks, last one for the season and then I’m off for about a month.”

“Philadelphia, I know,” Bucky said, smiling and looking towards Jack, as if checking his location. “Sounds like a big one, too . . . lot’s of adoring fans.”

“Don’t know about _that_ ,” TJ laughed softly, rubbing the back of his neck, his cheeks flushing a bit.

“So modest,” Bucky teased. “It’s been next to impossible to get anything for one of your shows. Sold out within days, every one of them.” Bucky tilted his head at seeing someone approaching, his manner stiffening, wary.

“Well, I always get a few tickets . . . so let me know . . .” TJ trailed off, noting his brother’s wariness, “uh . . . Bucky? You okay?” TJ looked in the direction of where Bucky’s eyes seemed to be looking.

The random stranger kept walking until he was well past them, greeting a group of expensively dressed gamblers. Bucky blew out a breath and rolled his shoulders and neck. “I feel like a drink. Anyone else want something?” he asked quickly. “We’re in Vegas, we should start this party!”

“Uh . . .” TJ looked around, noticing that no one else of their group had shown up. “Well, no one else is here yet . . . but I’ll walk with you to the bar if you want?”

“Bar?” Bucky’s eyes widened then he laughed, almost sounding forced. “I was thinking we could go to one of the rooms to swap stories, meet the others as they arrived, you know? Something a bit more . . . private?”

“Well,” TJ frowned, not used to his brother’s odd behavior, “we were supposed to meet in the lobby and then head over to the restaurant . . . but, I can send out a group text to the others and tell them to meet in one of the rooms?” 

Bucky swallowed and shook his head, and it sounded like he counted very softly. After a moment, he carefully said, “no, it’s fine. Lobby then restaurant. So, I guess that means we have to stop annoying the other guests and stop blocking the elevators, huh?” Bucky let out another laugh, this time sounding amused if a bit strained. “Hey, I told you I invited Tony, right? I didn’t see him on the original invite.” Bucky began sidling towards the main lobby, keeping his brothers in his view at all times.

“Well, he didn’t really hang out with us in high school, Buck,” TJ moved with Bucky, letting his brother find a spot he felt comfortable in. “But, I don’t think anyone is gonna mind. He seems . . . fun?”

Bucky nodded, “Fun? Yeah, he can be I guess. He wasn’t really close with any of the kids, Teej. They were so much older than he was, so he really wasn’t interested in the school reunion back home.” Bucky finally turned to look at his boss and called out, “Tony, it’s TJ, Jack, and David. David wasn’t in school with us. He went to another school. And, everyone, that’s Pepper, Tony’s real right hand.”

Tony smiled at the group and nodded. “This is promising to be great. Eleven you said?” he waved his phone.

“Yeah, eleven,” TJ confirmed with a nod, looking at the short brunet who TJ could barely remember from high school. Looking back at Bucky, TJ grinned, “ya hear? Steve’s gonna make it. He was the last to confirm the invite, but he got back to me about two weeks ago. I tried to call you when he confirmed, but you musta been busy or something.”

“Steve?” Bucky practically squeaked, his eyes widening. “God,” he groaned, “I definitely need a drink.” Bucky pulled away from the group without a glance and headed for the bar, passing close to Tony and Pepper.

Hurrying to follow his twin, TJ asked, “I thought you’d be excited? You and Steve used to be really close? And . . . you’ve always _liked_ him.”

Bucky shot his brother an inscrutable look that could have been misery or something else. “Yeah, close . . . before he got married. Guess we’ll be meeting his wife at last.”

“Nope,” TJ stated, popping the _‘p,’_ “Steve said it was only gonna be him. I guess Peggy wasn’t available or something.”

A soft groan broke from Bucky, and he shook his head, right hand going to cup over his left bicep. “Who all _did_ confirm, Teej? You said _eleven_ of us?”

“Yeah, eleven,” TJ answered with a nod, “me, you, Jack, David, Nat, Clint, Tony, Pepper, Steve, Sam, and Johnny . . . though I give it about five minutes before Johnny ditches us to hook up with a bunch of people. So, really, it’s only ten.”

Stopping just outside the bar, Bucky looked quickly at TJ. “What? We’re not a bunch of people? What’re we? Grapefruit?”

Snorting softly, TJ shook his head, “you know Johnny, he doesn’t like to sleep with anyone he actually _knows_. God forbid he actually see the person twice.” Bitterness made it’s way back into the smaller man’s tone.

Bucky studied TJ’s face for a long moment before he softly asked, “he ditch you, Teej? I didn’t even know you wanted him.”

Blinking, TJ looked at Bucky, “what? Me and Johnny? Hell no, I’m not _that_ stupid. I have a _little_ more respect for myself. Just . . . don’t like people that fuck people and then . . . leave. Not consider the damage they leave behind, ya know?” Something in TJ’s eyes belied the words he spoke, the youngest Barnes sibling was hiding _something_.

“Huh, I always got the feeling Johnny’s flings were mutual. That his partners preferred no strings attached, too. Never thought of Johnny as the use and abuse type.” Bucky shook his head and headed into the bar. “Sounds like you need a drink, too. Let’s get sloshed.”

Raising his voice so Bucky could hear him over the loud music in the bar, TJ said, “I really shouldn’t have anything until I know everyone made it to the lobby.”

Tony spoke up from right behind TJ, having followed quietly close, “Pep? Does Bucky have any meds that say no alcohol? Wouldn’t want him mixing the vices.”

TJ jumped at the unexpected voice, whirling around to look at Tony and his red-haired assistant.

Grinning at TJ, Tony glanced to his assistant. Bucky groaned and shook his head. “Baby sitting me, Stark? One drink ain’t gonna kill me.”

Pepper looked between TJ and Bucky, her eyes showing that she knew more than she let on; she said, “some of his medicines don’t mix very well with alcohol. Go easy tonight, okay, Bucky?”

Bucky sighed, “they don’t mix well because they might make me depressed, but I’ll be with family and friends. I won’t go off driving or trying to slit my own throat or anything. Relax, it’s a party and I wanna feel like a normal human being, not some cyborg freak, okay?” Bucky stormed to the bar.

“I don’t mind not drinking,” TJ tried to follow his brother, “if that’ll make you feel better?”

“It won’t,” Tony said. “You’re the reason he drinks.” Tony followed his friend and employee.

Freezing in place, letting Bucky make it to the bar by himself, TJ whirled around to face Tony, “and what the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?”

With a shrug, Tony said, “only stands to reason. He went on that major binge because you missed your Christmas concert and went into the hospital. So, I figure you’re the cause of his depression. Must be a twin thing.”

“Tony,” Pepper hissed, “that’s enough.”

“Right,” Tony nodded, “we weren’t supposed to talk problems. My bad. So, who’s for using the intercom to page our friends and claim one of the private pool rooms for a water fight?”

TJ looked at Tony and then over at Bucky, frowning severely at the idea that his brother had gone on a binge while . . . TJ shook his head, not wanting to think about last Christmas. Moving away from Tony without a word, TJ walked up behind his twin and tapped Bucky’s right shoulder.

With a sudden scream and jerking motion, Bucky was halfway under the bar among the stools before he seemed to realize what had happened. Flushing deeply, he shakily got back to his feet, trying not to notice the stares of those nearby. “Ah . . . Teej?” he asked in a breathless, slightly high tone. He’d spilled the drink he’d ordered.

Eyes wide, TJ opened his mouth a few times, letting it close after no words came out. “Uh . . . Bucky? You sure . . . you sure you don’t wanna head back to the room? I mean, we can order movies or something? Meet up with the rest of the gang tomorrow?”

Bucky swallowed several times, burying his trembling right arm in his left armpit. “I like Tony’s private room idea. Can we do that, maybe? We can make Tony pay if you want. He’s got the funds and loves to claim entire rooms for himself.” It was obvious by then that Bucky was trying hard to be social, something which used to come so easily to him.

“Um . . . sure, Buck, whatever you want,” TJ agreed, trying not to think about Tony’s accusation that _he_ was the cause of Bucky’s drinking. However, TJ could see there was something else going on with his twin, something a lot worse than binging on alcohol. “Sure people would like to swim or whatever more than dressing in fancy clothes anyways.”

“Nah, not a swim party. Tony was messing with you. He doesn’t like people touching him, and swimming might accidentally lead to a touch.” Bucky grinned with effort. “But I think if everyone agrees, we can go casual. Hey, it’s a reunion, right? Who said we have to spend the entire time at the crap tables.”

“Right,” TJ drawled, looking concerned, “well, we’ll hafta go back to the others to ask them about the change in plans. You sure you don’t wanna go back to your room, Buck?” 

Leaning closer, as if for reassurance, Bucky murmured, “Tony and Pepper won’t let me.” Straightening, Bucky said, a bit louder, “nah, private room’s good enough. Can probably get more of us in there as it is.”

“So, the party meeting in the lobby is optional?” drawled an amused, very familiar voice. Clint retrieved two tall glasses from the bar and grinned at the twins. “Buck, Teej. Howdy, guys.”

“Hey, Clint,” TJ smiled at the blond, “Bucky wanted a drink, I followed. I think we were just heading back,” the smaller brunet glanced at his brother and then back at Clint, “think we’re gonna take Tony on his offer of a private room though, instead of going to the restaurant . . .” TJ’s eyes widened slightly, “oh! I should probably cancel our reservation.” TJ had planned everything ahead of time, making the needed reservations; he’d spent a lot of time on the small reunion.

Clint laughed. “Want me to text the gang to let them know to meet in Tony’s room then? What’s the number so I can give it out?” He sipped from one glass then made a face and sighed. Switching drinks, he sipped the other and nodded, as if the nearly identical drink tasted better to him.

TJ looked to Bucky, “you know which room Tony’s staying in?”

Bucky nodded, “but he meant he’d get a private reception room, not use his own bedroom, goofy.” His tone said he was striving for calm and relaxed. “Meeting in the lobby is fine. Want . . . want _me_ to cancel the reservation, TJ, or should we hit the restaurant then go to the private room?”

“Nah,” TJ waved dismissively, pulling out his phone with his other hand, “I already have the number, and I was the one who made it. You go with Clint back to the lobby, I’ll catch up.”

Clint glanced at Bucky, grinning, “C’mon, Buck, say hello to Nat. We haven't seen you in forever.” The stocky blond stepped close to the tall brunet, causing Bucky to step away in the direction of the door. Clint stepped close again, and Bucky stepped away, and in that amazingly odd way, Clint herded Bucky from the bar. Tony followed the others, already on his own phone, but talking, it seemed, to Pepper not the hotel staff.

Jack sighed and ran a hand over his face. “What the hell just happened?”

David blinked, looking between Bucky and Jack. Finally, his eyes settled on his husband, “well, it’s safe to say that the explosion affected Bucky more than he let on.”

“I’ll say,” Jack sighed, frowning. “I thought he was doing pretty well, but it looks like he’s a nervous wreck! Maybe he shouldn’t be working for Tony anymore.”

TJ stepped up beside Jack, slipping his phone back in his pocket, “change of plans, guys. No restaurant, I guess we’ll be enjoying a private room.” TJ smiled at Jack and David, though his pale eyes looked concerned.

Nodding, Jack sighed, “with Bucky having such a bad Post Traumatic reaction to just being touched? Yeah, I think that’s wisest. Are we ordering room service to the room, TJ?”

Groaning softly, TJ let his head fall back and then said, “yeah, I guess so? I should probably talk to the staff? How much food do you think we’ll need for eleven people? Oh, and drinks? What’s good for eleven people?”

Jack shook his head, “I’d count on at least twelve, in case Johnny brings an unexpected date. You know him.” He looked to David, “how much food do you think?”

“I don’t know,” David frowned softly, looking at the group in front of him, “I’m sure the staff may know what’s best for what sized party.”

Sighing, TJ pinched the bridge of his nose, “okay, I’ll go talk with them. If I’m not back by the time everyone gets here, just shoot me a text or something, okay?”

“Need help with the unexpected change in funds?” a new voice asked. Six foot tall and build like a running back, Johnny Storm stood there, smiling, drink in one hand. His pure blue eyes seemed amused and openly friendly.

“What? No, no help needed. I got this. If you’ll excuse me,” TJ sidled around Johnny, looking very wary. 

“Still got that special something, TJ,” Johnny called after him, not clarifying what he meant.

“And you’re still . . . _you_!” TJ called over his shoulder before disappearing into the crowd in the lobby.

David looked at Johnny and then Jack and then back at Johnny.

Grinning, Johnny shook his head and looked at the others. “He grew up damn fine. Hey, I’m Johnny. Remember me? The asshat at your wedding?”

“How could I forget?” David offered his hand to Johnny, “you leave quite the impression, Johnny.”

Nodding, Jack said, “always has, David. Johnny’s hopefully a one of a kind. Maybe this time when you get plastered you can try not spout love poetry at TJ and Bucky?”

“Uh, yeah,” Johnny laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Still don’t know how I even remembered _any_ poetry, especially drunk.”

“Johnny? Jack? Hey, guys, how’re you doin’?” Sam Wilson stepped up to the foursome, grinning his friendly smile. He offered his hand to both familiar men and then looked at David, offering the stranger a hand as well, “and this is David, I assume? Sorry I couldn’t make the wedding. Congrats, Jack and David.”

Jack grinned, shaking Sam’s hand. “Yeah, we missed you, but we understand. Sorry about your grandmother, Sam. Glad you made this reunion. David, this is Sam Wilson, one of the gang.”

David shook Sam’s outstretched hand and nodded, “it’s nice to meet you, Sam.”

Sam smiled and nodded, letting his hand drop. He looked back at Jack, “so, how’re things goin’ for ya, man? Haven’t seen you in ages, since you moved to DC with TJ.”

With a small shrug and a sigh, Jack admitted, “been looking for a good job recently . . . still. But I’ve got word in a few places. David’s graduated vet school and moving up in the career ladder. Found a place he really likes, so that’s good. You?” Despite their lack of funds and housing, Jack refused to begrudge his hardworking husband the joy of the small time clinic, even if he could earn so much more elsewhere.

“A vet, huh?” Sam grinned at David, “that’s cool, man. My aunt is a vet, she really likes it.” With a shrug, the dark-skinned man looked back at Jack. “I work as a therapist at the VA in New York City. Been there since I left the army about two years ago.”

Jack looked towards the direction Bucky, Tony, Clint, and Pepper had disappeared. “Well, Sam, Bucky’s here, as is TJ. And Clint and Nat. And Tony from back in school is here, too. What say we ditch the bar and head out to meet them?” He wasn’t trying to cut off the conversation, even if it looked like he was. Jack was far more interested in getting Sam’s reaction to Bucky’s odd, almost paranoid behavior.

“Sure,” Sam nodded, gesturing for Jack to lead the way, “Steve should be down any minute. He was finishing getting ready.”

“So, Steve really did show?” Jack grinned. “I know he responded to Teej, but I wasn’t sure he’d actually make it. How’d the Army treat the little guy?”

Laughing, Sam tilted his chin in the direction of a tall, muscular blond lingering in the lobby, appearing to be looking for something. “Not so little anymore.”

Barely glancing over at the man Jack took to be Johnny, Jack looked back at Sam. “What do you mean?”

Johnny grinned and said from behind them, “Wow, good job, Cuz! Started eating your veggies after all!” Jack jumped and his eyes widened at realizing Johnny wasn’t the one Sam had gestured to.

The blond looked over at them and smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. The blond wasn’t _little_ Stevie Rogers anymore. Steve stood taller than Jack at six foot two, his chest rippling with muscle under the tight navy blue button-down shirt. “Hey, Jack, Johnny,” his bright blue eyes met with David’s, “you’re David, right? Jack’s husband? Sorry I couldn’t make it to the wedding, congrats you two.”

David, who wasn’t nearly as shocked as Jack, never having seen just how little Steve used to be, nodded and gave the blond a smile. “Yeah, I’m David, it’s great to meet you, Steve.”

Jack laughed suddenly and shook Steve’s hand. “Well, David, as you can see, our little guy isn’t as little as I’ve been telling you. He finally filled out and matches his tough interior!”

Steve flushed and let out a chuckle, “yeah, the Army did _wonders_.”

TJ hurried over, his eyes barely flickering over Steve, thinking the man to be a stranger standing close to his group. “Okay, got the food all taken care of . . . hopefully I ordered enough . . . I think I did, but it’s hard to know how much everyone is gonna eat.”

“Everyone got the new texts about the private room, right?” Johnny asked from behind David. “It’s over this way, TJ.”

“Well, you guys go ahead, I’ll wait for Steve, I think he’s the only one that hasn’t shown up yet,” TJ looked back at his phone, trying to see if Steve had texted him. Behind TJ, Steve looked surprised though his blue eyes sparkled with amusement.

“At least say hello to Sam before you send us away,” Johnny chuckled.

Pale eyes flickering up to look at Sam, TJ said, “hey, Sam, how’s it going? You flew in with Steve, right?”

Laughing, Sam nodded, gesturing yet again to Steve with a tilt of his chin, “sure did.”

Turning around, TJ looked at Steve for a few moments before it finally registered just _who_ he was looking at. “Oh . . . wow, Steve, you’re . . . wow,” TJ seemed at a loss for words.

Flushing again, Steve offered a smile to TJ, “heya, TJ. Good to see ya.”

Blinking, still looking like he didn’t quite believe what he was seeing, TJ nodded slowly, “nice to see you, Steve.”

Johnny reached over and tugged his cousin into a bear hug. “God, it’s good to see you . . . and all the old crowd.” He let Steve go then turned to lead the group to the private room Tony hired. “Stevie, you remember Tony Stark, that fifteen year old hot shot who graduated with us?”

“Yeah, I remember him,” Steve confirmed with a nod, following his cousin.

“Well, he got himself invited to the party and so decided we needed a reunion room for personal fun. This should be a blast watching TJ run around trying to readjust to Tony’s whims.” Johnny threw TJ a grin.

TJ glared at the tall blond, “glad I’m amusing, Johnny.”

Nodding, Johnny winked, “I can think of tons of way to amuse ourselves, TJ, and none of them involve snarky Tony Stark, boy genius.”

“No date, Johnny?” TJ found himself deflecting Johnny’s attempts to flirt with him, “figured you’d have your tongue down someone’s throat by now.”

“Sorry if I’m not providing a free show tonight, TJ,” Johnny grinned, though something unspoken flashed quickly through his eyes. “But, unlike Bucky, I didn’t feel right just inviting someone into the private reunion. Did you want me to try to hook up with one of Bucky’s dates?”

David looked at Jack, wondering if he knew what was going on with TJ. Usually the smaller brunet was friendly to everyone. The coldness in TJ’s tone caught him off guard.

Jack caught David’s look and leaned real close, whispering, “TJ’s hated Johnny practically from a few weeks before graduation. Never knew why, but it seems to be because Johnny’s a flirt. I don’t know why TJ disapproved of it, but he seems to.”

“One of Bucky’s dates?” TJ rolled his eyes, “no, I’d prefer you let them enjoy the party. Go bother a stranger or something, it’s what you’re good at.”

Johnny nodded, smiling widely, “ah, yes, I forgot, the _cut direct_ . . . it’s what _you’re_ good at.” Johnny slipped into the private room, greeting Natasha and Clint.

TJ glared at Johnny’s back before slipping into the private room, grumbling under his breath.

Steve looked around the room, catching Bucky talking with Tony and Pepper on the other side. Walking over, Steve flashed Bucky a grin, “hey, Bucky. It’s really good to see you.”

At the sound of Steve’s voice, Bucky went pale and began to shake. He swallowed, clutching his glass tightly, and turned slowly, as if about to face his worst fear. Blinking in shock at the hulking adonis in front of him, Bucky shook his head and bolted for the attached bathroom.

Tony sipped his drink. “Told you he shouldn’t drink on that medicine, Pepper.”

“He is a grown man, Tony,” Pepper frowned, watching Bucky as he disappeared, “we can’t force him to take care of himself.”

“But Bucky Bear needs someone to care for him. He’s been on his own too long, struggling with . . .” Tony cut off when Pepper kicked him sharply in the ankle.

Steve frowned, looking at the bathroom door. He nodded his greetings to Pepper and Tony and excused himself. He didn’t try to follow Bucky, if the brunet needed space, Steve would give it to him. He hadn’t expected such a reaction from his old friend, but tried not to let it worry him too much.

TJ made his way back over to Jack and David after getting himself a drink. He sipped at it, his pale eyes glaring at Johnny on the other side of the room, “shouldn’t have invited him,” TJ grumbled softly.

“Can’t change it now,” Jack said softly, watching the bathroom door with worried eyes. He’d seen Bucky bolt into that room, but didn’t know if his brother needed help.

“Where’s Bucky? Wasn’t he with Tony and Pepper?” TJ looked around the room again.

Pointing to the bathroom, Jack softly said, “just after Steve came in Bucky ran, literally ran, into the bathroom. He’s been there ever since.”

Sighing, TJ thrust his drink into Jack’s hand, “I’ll go check on him. You two mingle or . . . something?”

Teasing his brother, Jack said, “David and I could make out in the middle of the room. Oughta liven the place up.”

Snorting softly, TJ gave his brother a small smile, “just might work. So far, everything is going to shit.”

“Well, all the guests showed,” Jack pointed out, glancing towards the bathroom again, “even if one’s hiding in the bathroom probably puking up his meds.” He frowned. “Should I go check on him, Teej?”

“I’ll go,” TJ insisted, “you relax. Remember that was the whole reason for this trip, Jackie. I got this, you go have fun.”

Nodding, Jack sighed and glanced at David.

TJ turned from the couple and made his way over to the bathroom door. TJ knocked softly before trying the doorknob, which turned with ease. Stepping inside, letting the door shut behind him. Eyes going wide at the sight of Bucky bent over the generous sink, the water running, his head under the tap.

“Uh . . . Bucky?” TJ called out, taking a few steps closer to his brother, “everything okay?”

Bucky pulled his totally soaked head, longish hair just running with water, from the sink. He blinked bloodshot eyes at his twin, looking miserable and sick.

“Hey, Buck,” TJ took another step towards his twin, “why don’t we go back to my room? You can relax for a few minutes . . . dry off?” TJ had no idea what to do, what his brother needed.

Bucky tried to laugh and ended on a sob. “God, I’m such a freak . . .”

“You’re not a freak,” TJ insisted, closing the distance between himself and Bucky, “what’s going on, Bucky? You can talk to me.” TJ reached out, but stopped himself from touching his twin, remembering the last time he’d touched him.

“I wish I was dead sometimes,” Bucky said, pushing his soaked hair from his dripping face. “I . . . have a problem with people and noises and everything. I can barely leave my apartment unless Tony or Pepper force me to.” Bucky shook his head. “The only times I can really relax is when I listen to you play, but it’s sheer hell going to the concerts.” He hung his head, leaning back against the sink, ignoring the still running water.

“Then I’ll stop bugging you to come see me. I can record all my stuff and burn it on some CD’s for you to listen to at home,” TJ had always, ever since they were kids, been one to do whatever he could to help people, even if it wound up hurting him in the end. “Why didn’t you say anything? You told me not to come down all those times? I would’ve stopped asking you to come up or go to one of my concerts.”

“Cause I didn’t want you to have to try not to stare at this ugly thing,” Bucky whimpered, gesturing wetly to his robotic arm. “I’m a freak, now, and Dr. Cho wants me to make special efforts to leave my apartment. She made me promise to stay out of my room for this trip unless I’m sleeping. I even had to agree to leave Tony behind though he watches me and makes sure I follow her orders. But he came anyway. He’s my therapy partner.” Bucky shook his head, eyes miserable. “But I miss you, TJ . . . even if I’m twisted and pathetic now.”

“You’re not,” TJ insisted again, carefully, giving Bucky plenty of time to pull away if he wanted, wrapping his arms around him. “You got hurt. Happens to lots of people, Bucky. And I don’t think the arm’s ugly, I think it’s beautiful, actually.”

Bucky had begun to shake his head as TJ spoke but leaning into the touch not away, despite dripping cold water all over his twin. “I . . . I don’t really work anymore, TJ,” he whispered, flushing and looking even more miserable. “Tony takes care of everything for me: apartment, bills, food, everything. It’s part of his coverage for the explosion. I . . . I spend most days just trying to talk myself into going out of the apartment or even get out of bed.”

Frowning softly, wondering how he’d not noticed his brother was in so much pain, TJ pushed Bucky’s wet hair out of his eyes. “Well, maybe I can talk with Jack and David, see if they’d want to move back to New York? That way we’d all be closer? Jack can put in more applications to different businesses.”

Blinking, leaning his forehead against TJ’s, Bucky sobbed softly. “You want to be close to me? But I’m not the guy I used to be. I . . . I so badly wanted to see Stevie. I was gonna get my best friend back. You know, the guy that understands everything and never judges?” Bucky shook his head, water dripping everywhere, “but he’s so damn gorgeous now! I nearly threw up all over him.”

TJ reached over and grabbed a few of the cloth towels that were rolled up in a basket on the sink counter. He began to dry off Bucky’s long locks, caring more for his brother’s comfort than his own at the moment. “Well, Steve’s still out there, Buck. He went straight for you once he made it into the room. And yeah, he may be big now, but he’s still the same Stevie.”

Whimpering, Bucky slid to the floor and curled up, burying his face in his arms across his knees. “I . . . I can’t . . .”

“You _can_ ,” TJ insisted, slipping to the floor next to Bucky and wrapping his arm around his twin’s shoulders. “I believe in you, Bucky, always have. You know that, right?”

“I’m gonna embarrass myself and throw up on him or something,” Bucky whispered. “I . . . what do I say? _‘Hey, Stevie, glad to see you didn’t bring your unknown wife and kid?’_ He’s _married_ and lives over seas, TJ. And now he’s as perfect outside as he was in.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t be friends with him, Bucky. I know you’ve always liked him . . . but, he can still be a good friend, right?” TJ squeezed Bucky’s shoulders gently with one arm, reaching over with the other to begin drying off his twin’s hair again.

“I wish I was drunk and didn’t care right now. I relax when I’m drunk. I can talk to people without screaming when I get touched or jumping when someone says something behind me.” Bucky leaned slightly against his twin, allowing him to dry his hair.

“Tony said that alcohol doesn’t go well with your meds, Bucky,” TJ murmured softly, continuing to dry, petting Bucky’s hair as he did so.

“That’s the standard warning, TJ. It’s because the alcohol might make me go depressed, and make me try to hurt myself. But if I’m with people I trust, drinking shouldn’t be a problem. It’s if I’m alone or with strangers I gotta be real careful.” Bucky turned his head to look at TJ. “And I only got drunk once since the explosion.”

“Yeah . . . uh . . .” TJ bit his bottom lip, worrying at it for a few moments, “Tony said something about last Christmas? You went on a binge or something?” TJ didn’t bring up his own horrible Christmas time, this wasn’t about him, this was about Bucky.

Nodding, Bucky sighed. “Yeah, I woke up from some really horribly bloody nightmares where you got ripped apart or something. I can’t really remember the details of the dreams. So I tried to call you, but I just got your answering service, over and over again. I guess I lost it.”

“I’m sorry, Bucky, that I wasn’t there for you,” TJ murmured, moving on to the second towel so he could continue to dry Bucky off. “I wish I would’ve been . . . I - - I had no idea you were in so much pain, Bucky. You always sounded so . . . good over the phone.”

“Yeah,” Bucky sighed and began pulling off his shirt since it was soaked as much as his hair. Trembling, Bucky pushed to his feet and began wringing the excess water from his shirt into the sink. “So damn put-together and popular with everyone. Sounds like a blast to be me,” Bucky sighed. “No one understands if I get sick or depressed. The emergency responders just say _‘oh it’s you again,’_ if I call.” Bucky looked at TJ. “And for the first few months after the damn explosion, I was on such heavy drugs I can’t even remember anything, especially about the accident itself. I sound _real_ on the ball, huh?”

TJ frowned softly, standing back up to look at his twin. He could remember the day of Bucky’s accident very clearly. He’d been performing and all of a sudden, his left arm had felt like it was _burning_. The pain had been so intense he had to cancel the rest of the concert, and that’s when they’d gotten the call that Bucky had been in an explosion. TJ had spent those first few months at Bucky’s bedside, canceling any appearances so he could be with his brother. He tried to shove away the dark feelings, the bitterness, he felt over Bucky not coming to DC when TJ had been in the hospital over Christmas. “You lived, Bucky. Sure, you still have some healing to do . . . but, you’ll get better. I’ll talk with Jack and David, we’ll move back to New York.”

Bucky suddenly hugged TJ to him, hard. “You lived, too,” he said, almost enigmatically.

“Yeah, ‘cept I didn’t have a near death experience to _live_ through,” TJ lied, swallowing thickly.

“Carbon monoxide is just as deadly,” Bucky suddenly sobbed, holding his twin close, feeling the fear from Christmas at his brother’s bedside all over again. TJ had been incoherent and it had terrified Bucky, making him more and more anxious until he had a literal breakdown in the hospital room and had to be sent home. Jack had called later to bitch him out, but Bucky hadn’t been able to explain his lack of support for their brother.

TJ pulled back, stumbling a few steps, “y - - you . . . _know_? Did Jack tell you? He promised he wouldn’t!”

“Course I know!” Bucky was horrified. “He told me later on the phone, when he was bitching me out.” Bucky couldn’t help the resentment in his tone for the berating Jack had given him, the inability to defend himself for leaving in the middle of the night.

“He promised he wouldn’t say anything to you!” TJ said again, looking shocked, “you . . . you had enough to deal with. I’m sorry . . .”

Huffing, Bucky grumbled, “well, I think he decided it was too hard to not say something when I challenged him with what the doctor had told me at your bedside.”

“My bedside? What the hell are you talking about? You weren’t really there, Bucky.” TJ shook his head.

Stunned, shocked really, Bucky said, “of course I was! As soon as I heard, I flew . . . actually got on a damn plane and flew down to DC! I was at your bedside most of the night before I couldn’t control the anxiety attack and had to leave. Jack was livid I left before you woke up!” Pausing, Bucky dropped his voice and sounded almost dull when he asked, “Jack never told you I’d been there . . . did he.”

“Why wouldn’t he? If you were really there he woulda told me, Bucky,” TJ said, watching his brother closely. After all these years, despite the fact that he knew the reasons as to _why_ Bucky had distanced himself, TJ still felt he couldn’t fully trust his twin. He’d been let down so many times . . . so many times Bucky had promised to show up only to cancel at the last minute.

Bucky slowly let TJ’s arms go and nodded, stepping back. “Yeah . . . I guess I was so badly medicated I remembered it funny. I must have _thought_ I sat at your bedside, crying, holding your hand while I watched you go from cherry red and pale as cream to normal color. Thanks for clearing it up. Jack’s always the truthful one, huh? Good old reliable Jack.” Bucky turned and pulled open the bathroom door, heading out into the crowd but not really looking at them, eyes dazed and hurt.

TJ stood in the bathroom, frozen, unable to move for what felt like eternity. Eventually, TJ turned on his heel, stalking back into the room where the rest of their group still were. Bucky was drinking from a tall glass, apparently not stopping to breathe, standing by himself next to the server who’d shown up with the liquor. Not even looking at his twin, TJ took a glass from the server and began to drink with the same insistence, each glass going down smoother than the last.

Jack was already on his third cocktail, laughing and talking with his old friends, noting the anger of both twins and burying his worry over the continued feud between them. He wished he could figure out how to smooth things over for them, but really, they were twenty-six years old. They needed to work this damn thing out. Jack turned to David and offered him some more of the wonderful choices from the buffet.

Bucky turned to the closest friend. At three drinks he was well beyond his anxiety and seemed to be his normal, old social self. He grinned up at the man, barely seeing his beautiful features. “Tonight, I’m gonna get laid,” he laughed.


	2. Vegas Strikes the Heart . . . Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNINGS: Angst, Confusion, Referenced Post Traumatic, Referenced past suicide attempt**

TJ groaned outwardly as he slowly regained his senses. He could feel a soft, plush mattress beneath him, the soft blankets brushing against his bare skin. Opening his eyes, TJ immediately regretted that motion as the bright lights made a rush of nausea move through his body, attempting to bring up anything in his stomach. He could feel a pounding in his head that only served to make his stomach even worse. With another groan, TJ slowly opened his eyes again, blinking several times to get adjusted to the light. After the initial dizziness cleared, TJ looked around the room that he was in . . . a room he did not recognize as his own.

Sitting up, TJ ran his hand down his face, pausing when he felt something cool, metallic on his left hand. Pulling the limb away, TJ’s eyes widened in pure shock at the sight of a silver wedding band on his left ring finger. Closing his eyes, TJ prayed once he opened them the ring would be gone, but when he opened them again, TJ felt his stomach lurch: the new ring still sat there, glimmering in the morning sunlight.

“Oh, shit,” TJ murmured to himself, looking around, noting no one else was in the room. “Oh shit, shit, shit,” TJ finally realized he was completely naked under the comfortable sheets and there was a delicious ache inside him that could only mean one thing. Looking around again, TJ’s heart pounded in his chest, matching the pounding in his head. He couldn’t hear anyone else in the suite; he’d been abandoned . . . again.

TJ’s phone buzzed for attention, drawing the understanding that the sound was what had originally awoken him. Looking around, TJ’s phone wasn’t on the bedside table, the ringer sounded muffled, probably the reason why he’d only woken up towards the tail end of the first call. Leaning over, groaning as his stomach lurched in protest with the movement, TJ grabbed at his discarded jeans on the floor next to the bed. TJ blinked at the large quantity of confetti and glitter that covered the black fabric. Fishing out his phone, TJ answered without looking, “hello?” His voice was thick and deep from just waking up.

“Finally, I got ahold of one of you!” Jack’s voice sounded a mix of worry and excitement and disbelief. “Is Bucky with you? Neither of you are in your own rooms, I’ve tried!”

“Uh . . .” TJ looked around the unfamiliar room once more, his eyes eventually making their way down to the silver band adorning his finger. “No . . . Bucky isn’t with me . . .”

“Well, uh . . . something’s happened to me and David?” Jack sounded hesitant.

“Oh?” TJ sounded half-invested in the conversation, eyes lingering on the wedding band. He’d gotten _married_ ; he didn’t even know where he was or _who_ he got married to.

“TJ? You okay? You’re not hurt are you?” Jack sounded immediately worried.

“Um . . .” TJ shifted on the luxurious bed, “no? I . . . I don’t think so? Do you remember much from last night Jack?”

“Yeah, most of the guys got drunk. David and I didn’t want to do a lot of drinking so we headed out to waste money. David gave me a hundred to gamble with.” Jack sighed. “I didn’t see you after we came back, though. You and Bucky were both gone.”

“Was anyone else gone?” TJ looked down at the band again, lifting his hand so the morning sun caught the silver.

“Sam Wilson was gone, I think. Uh, Maybe Steve? Tony and Pepper took off, and of course Johnny was gone, but he’d left early in the night like everyone expected. Come to think of it, only Clint and Natasha were still there, hand feeding each other chocolate dipped stuff.” Jack sighed, “you sound confused. You okay? Need us to come get you? Where are you, Teej?”

“I don’t know?” TJ looked around the beautifully decorated suite, though there was more heart decor than TJ was comfortable with. “I’m in a hotel room? I think?”

Sighing again, Jack asked, carefully, “TJ? Did you hook up with some stranger and go off? You can tell me. I’ll come get you. What happens in Vegas, right?”

“Uh . . .” TJ swallowed and moved to lay back against the mountain of pillows at the head of the bed. “I think I may have got married?”

“What!” The word was almost a shriek. “What the hell, Teej!”

TJ winced at Jack’s loud tone, pulling the device from his ear as the headache responded to the shriek. Carefully returning the phone back to his ear, TJ said, “there’s a ring on my left ring finger and it looks like I may be in a honeymoon suite or something.”

“How much did you drink last night?” Jack asked, voice shaking. “David, yeah, I got ahold of TJ but there’s a big problem,” Jack said slightly away from the phone then directly into it, “okay, Teej. Check the desk for a pad of paper or notebook or even the hotel room order book. It’ll tell you where you are.”

TJ shuffled out of the bed, groaning at the movement, his head pounding behind his eyes. He moved to the desk and let out a breath of relief, “same hotel, Jack. Just a different room. There’s no one here, Jackie . . . think they left once they regained their senses?”

“TJ, we’ll get this taken care of. Vegas wedding, Reno divorce, you know?” Jack sounded worried. “David, he’s in _this_ hotel.” Jack turned back to the phone, his voice fading then returning. “If you open the suite door, you can find out the room number. The first two numbers will tell you what floor you’re on. The rest will tell you the number of the room on the floor.”

“Ugh,” TJ breathed out, “I feel like death, Jackie. There’s no one here . . .” TJ looked around again, frowning at the obvious signs that _someone_ had slept on the other side of the bed. “Think they left?”

“TJ, baby, you already said the other person left. I’m trying to find out the room so David and I can come get you.” Jack sounded like he was moving around as he spoke, his voice fading and returning once more in an ominous warning of a low battery on one or the other side of the line.

“Okay, okay,” TJ nodded, wincing at the movement. He grabbed the sheet off the bed and, one-armed, wrapped the fabric around his narrow hips, bunching it in one fist so the fabric wouldn’t fall. Making his way to the suite door, TJ balanced the phone between his cheek and shoulder, though his dizziness made that task quite difficult. TJ opened the door and looked at the numbers on it, “2507,” he reported. When no reply came, TJ frowned and stepped back into the room, letting the door swing shut once more. TJ lifted his phone and looked at it, sighing when he realized the device had died.

Grumbling under his breath, TJ made his way back into the bedroom to try and find the rest of his clothes, though they were scattered all over the place.

The suite door opened, obviously by someone using a key, and the sound of someone walking in and fumbling something came from the main room, along with the door swinging shut. Humming, in a pleasant baritone, came from the unknown man; the song sounded familiar, but TJ couldn’t identify it right off.

TJ froze, one hand poised over his shirt, which hung over a lampshade. The person, who TJ could only assume he _married_ , had come back. The lean brunet tried to listen, but he couldn’t decipher exactly who it was by the humming.

Finally, the footsteps came closer, “hey, sweetheart, found the tea and honey you wanted!” The voice was pleasant and very familiar.

“Oh, no,” TJ’s eyes widened, “oh, _hell no_ ,” the brunet couldn’t believe just who he heard talking. There was no way TJ could’ve married _him_. Even drunk, TJ would know better than to do something that _stupid_.

Stepping into the bedroom, Johnny lifted his face from watching the tray he carried so carefully. Smiling widely at TJ, the tall blond said, “heya, babe. See you’re up. Want a shower or a long bath? Got vanilla soap from our shopping trip last night. Or lavender bath bomb?”

“Why are you calling me _babe_?” TJ asked, eyes wide with horror; while he’d been looking for his clothes, TJ had dropped the blanket, leaving himself completely nude. “And why did we go shopping together last night?”

Johnny smiled, “you didn’t seem too bothered by the pet name last night, but I can change over if you’d rather. And we went shopping because you insisted you needed stuff. You had forgotten your wallet so told me I was paying for it all, which I don’t mind, by the way. Did you find the robe you got?”

“Stop it,” TJ shook his head, groaning as the movement jarred his throbbing head. “Okay, you’ve had your fun, Johnny. You got me . . . but it’s not funny anymore.”

“What’s not funny?” Johnny looked confused, placing the tray of tea, water, and other gentle foodstuffs on the desk. He walked over and reached for TJ’s upper arms.

TJ stumbled back; however, being already a bit dizzy, the lean brunet tripped over his own feet, falling backwards. Johnny caught him up against his sturdy, muscular chest. “Easy, love,” he murmured softly.

Gasping, TJ’s eyes widened as he looked up at the other man. “Why are you calling me by pet names? Why are we in a honeymoon suite?”

Blinking, Johnny leaned closer and nuzzled at TJ’s slender neck. “I call you pet names because you’re adorable, TJ, love. And where else would we be after our wedding? I said we could just go back to one of our regular rooms, but you insisted on _the works_. I don’t mind.” He smiled at TJ.

TJ pulled himself out of Johnny’s grip again, stumbling back until he accidentally backed into the nightstand, hitting the back of his thigh painfully. “Okay, Johnny, that’s enough. I’m serious, this isn’t funny anymore.” The brunet looked around the bedroom until he found his boxer-briefs that were on the other side of the room. Shuffling over, TJ grabbed the item of clothing and pulled them on. Groaning as he movement made his head pound more, TJ sat on the edge of the bed, reaching over to grab his black jeans. He shook out the glitter and confetti before pulling those over his long legs as well. “You’ve had your fun.”

“I’ve had _my_ fun?” Johnny frowned, looking confused. “I thought you enjoyed last night as much as I had. Did I hurt you?” The blond moved to sit next to TJ, reaching for him again.

“Okay, _stop_ ,” TJ finally snapped, looking at the blond sitting next to him. “That’s enough.” Looking down at the ring on his finger again, TJ laughed, a bitter, hurt sound. “Gotta admit, Johnny. Acting like we’re married? That’s crazy, even for _you_. But, that’s enough fucking around. I’m guessing we slept together last night? Well, you got me _again_. Good for you.” TJ moved to stand up again.

Shaking his head, Johnny withdrew his hand and frowned. “ _Acting_?” He stood as TJ did. “What do you mean _acting_? We’re married, TJ Storm.”

“ _No_ ,” TJ shook his head, heading for his shirt that was still on the lampshade, “we are most certainly _not_ married. I am not TJ _Storm_. This isn’t happening . . .” grabbing the shirt, TJ shook it, getting the glitter off that piece of clothing as well. _What the hell happened last night?_

“What the hell is this, TJ?” Johnny sounded confused and a bit offended. “I know I’m still a bit drunk, but this is getting less amusing by the moment. I don’t understand how you play.”

“Less _amusing_?” TJ whirled around, shirt still in hand, “want to know what I find _amusing_ , Johnny? Waking up in a strange hotel room, _by myself_ , completely unaware of how I got there. Finding out I got _married_ . . . having no idea as to whom I got married to. Oh,” TJ laughed again, sharp and angry, “and then _you_ walk through that door. _You_ of all people! Now, _that’s_ amusing.”

Confusion warred with growing anger in Johnny’s fine blue eyes. “Me of all people? I’m not sure to be pleased or hurt. You sound angry, but I did everything you wanted, right down to getting you the room you requested and running out an hour ago to get you a breakfast to your specification, when I could have stayed in bed with my new husband and let room service handle it. But you _said_ you wanted _me_ to get it, to make sure it was right.”

“Oh, I am not your husband. This,” TJ waved a hand between to the two of them, “this isn’t happening. I’m not letting _this_ happen again. We’re getting an annulment.”

Shock raced over Johnny’s features and he dropped his voice, sounding hurt and defensive. “An annulment? What the hell? Did you marry me just for the sex then?” He sounded more and more sober by the minute.

“Oh my _God_!” TJ tugged his shirt over his head, “you are honestly accusing _me_ of using _you_? Really? I don’t even remember _anything_ from last night. If anything, you used me. Just how many people have you suckered into sleeping with you by pretending to get married? That a new thing, Johnny?”

“What?” Johnny looked utterly shocked. “Me? Pretend . . .” The blond whirled around, apparently nowhere near hung over despite a night of drinking and debauchery. He fished in the desk drawer and pulled out a very neatly kept paper on thick vellum, decorative and clearly written. Johnny whirled around and thrust the marriage certificate at TJ. “You proposed to _me_!”

“I was _drunk_ , Johnny!” TJ shouted, grabbing the certificate and looking down at it. It _looked_ official. TJ could see his own signature on the paper, clear as day. “Look,” TJ looked back up at Johnny, “we’ll go back to the chapel or whatever, and get this taken care of.”

Voice dropping to a soft murmur full of hurt, Johnny said, “again . . . you said you weren’t doing this again. So, you have a habit of asking a guy to marry you, playing with his heart? Fine, TJ, I fell for your twisted games. My sister warned me you weren’t reliable, and I always defended you, said you’d be ready someday.”

“My _games_?” TJ shouted, “that’s classic coming from _you_ , Johnny. Your sister doesn’t know shit about me, okay? I don’t play with people, I get _played_ , every damn time.”

“If that’s your damn kink, TJ, you picked the wrong guy, cause I was damn serious about those vows!” Johnny turned to the door, reaching for it. “You wanna divorce? Take me to fucking court!” He stormed out of the honeymoon suite, letting the door slam behind him.

TJ, certificate still in hand, grabbed his dead cell phone and stuffed it in his pocket. Barefoot, the brunet left the room and headed directly to Jack and David’s suite, stumbling as he was still coming off his hangover. TJ pounded on the door, hoping that Jack would still be inside.

**************

Stretching luxuriously, Bucky curled again into the warm, solid muscular body beside him. He nuzzled the woody-nutty scented skin, the smell long familiar and almost comforting. It was rare Bucky woke feeling buzzed and happy instead of anxious and depressed. He ran his hand over the other man’s abdomen, the muscular abs solid under his questing fingers. Bucky froze, the tactile reality not matching the delicious dream he’d woken from:a dream of a certain tiny blond finally tumbling into bed with him.

Never one to suffer a hangover as Bucky was always incredibly thirsty while drinking so went through water as if it was about to double in price, only a slight headache and sense of stomach unease accompanied the waking realization that he, Bucky Barnes, had spent the night in a stranger’s arms. And now, the sudden realization slammed over him, in the light of day without the fuzzy glow of alcohol, whoever that man was would see the twisted scars and empty shoulder and turn away. The feared rejection was Bucky’s biggest anxietal issue; he dreaded others, including his family, turning away from him in pity and disgust. And judging by the physical perfection under his now still hand, whoever _prince charming_ was would be heavy into perfection.

Humming softly, the man next to Bucky murmured, voice still heavy with sleep, “mornin’ Bucky.” The muscular man turned, revealing that it was Steve, though definitely not tiny anymore.

Taking a slow breath to calm his suddenly racing heart, Bucky keened softly at the so familiar scent of his onetime best friend . . . a friend he’d lost touch with after one got married and the other got mutilated. Married . . . “shit!” Bucky pushed away from Steve, using his only arm, horror and regret and a bit of fear crossing his pretty features.

Blinking in shock, Steve asked, “Buck? What’s wrong?” The blond sat up, letting the sheets fall around his narrow waist.

“Wrong?” Bucky started searching for his slacks, fighting the lurching in his stomach at the idea that he and Steve, in a drunken binge, had broken Steve’s vows. Bucky took marriage seriously, after all, even if half the people that worked for Tony seemed to play at relationships, like Johnny. “You . . . me . . .” The feeling of emptiness and a good, deep ache, let Bucky know they hadn’t just tumbled into the bed in exhaustion last night as they used to as teens. They’d had sex . . . Bucky had sex with a _straight_ , married man.

“You and me?” Steve frowned softly, bright blue eyes worried, “you regret it? Last night you were fine . . . I made sure to ask. You were a little drunk, but not . . . _black out_ drunk.”

Finding a pair of boxer-briefs, at the point where he didn’t care if they belonged to him or Steve, Bucky scooped up the cloth. “Black out drunk? Hell, two drinks can make me black out with the meds I’m on!” He began shimmying into the shorts. “Steve, I’m sorry if I pushed you . . . into something . . . this. I really didn’t mean to . . . you know . . . “ Bucky deliberately kept his eyes turned down, avoiding the sight of Steve’s beautiful body, not that Bucky had ever minded Steve when he was five foot four and under a hundred pounds.

“You didn’t push me into anything, Bucky,” Steve leaned over the edge of the bed to grab a pair of boxers there. He pulled them on before standing up; he also didn’t seem hungover. “I wanted this to happen . . . I thought you did too? I’m sorry if I read that wrong.”

“ _Wanted_?” Bucky shook his head, “what I want is irrelevant, Steve. I never meant to make you break your vows! Is it possible . . . maybe . . . not to tell your wife?” Bucky hated himself for even suggesting any deception between Steve and Peggy.

“My wife?” Steve shook his head, “Bucky, I’m divorced. I told you last night. It’s the reason I’m moving back to Brooklyn? You were adamant about not doing anything with me until I told you, which is very nice, by the way. But, I’m not married. No vows broken.”

Shock crossed Bucky's features and he fought with unreasonable self-guilt over the news. He had to remind himself severely that _he_ hadn’t caused the divorce Steve reminded him about. Faintly, Bucky thought he remembered that conversation, but it was fuzzy and buried under laughter and heady touches. Shaking his head, Bucky let out another soft whimper, eyes never leaving his apparently very recent lover. “But you’re straight . . . You’ve always been straight.”

“I can assure you I’m not straight,” Steve laughed softly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I didn’t tell anyone in high school, but I’ve always been attracted to both men and women.”

“Oh,” Bucky said, at a loss for words. “I . . .” he licked his suddenly dry lips, longing for his water - - and his meds. “Oh, I, uh . . . okay?”

Steve watched Bucky for a few moments before saying, “I was kinda hoping this wouldn’t be a one time thing? But, if that’s what you want, I’ll respect that.”

“One time . . . what?” Bucky blinked, shocked. “Steve, no . . . I,” he lifted his hand, shaking his head, “I might not remember much of last night, but I always wanted . . . uh . . .” His eyes fell on his one hand then traveled to where his other would be - - if he had been wearing his prosthetic. “I’m broken,” Bucky said, dropping his hand, “and you’re so damn beautiful still.”

“You’re not broken,” Steve assured the brunet, “I’d like to keep seeing you, Bucky. I’m moving back to New York and I know you still live in Manhattan? I’ve missed everyone . . . but you most of all. I’m sorry I didn’t stay in touch with you,” Steve hadn’t even known Bucky had gotten so badly hurt until he saw him the night before. “But, I’d really like to continue . . . whatever we have going on here?”

“You don’t want me, Steve, trust me,” Bucky suddenly felt on relatively stable footing. Reassuring people, even if they were few and far between, that he was aware he was out of the selection pool was something Bucky’d gotten good at, even if it made him want to throw up every time.

“Let me decide what I want and don’t want?” Steve stepped closer to Bucky, not crowding him, but not backing away either. He didn’t even look at the missing limb or scarring on the brunet’s left side; he kept his blue eyes on Bucky’s face.

“It’s . . .” Bucky couldn’t remember what he’d been saying with all that muscle and sinew so close, the overwhelming scent of his best friend embracing him. “Steve . . . I’m a freak now.” Bucky reached out to lay his trembling hand on Steve’s bare chest. “I . . . I get so sick all the time I can barely leave my apartment without throwing up or passing out.” Bucky let his fingers trace down Steve’s sternum to his muscled abdomen. “God, you’re gorgeous.”

“So are you, Buck,” Steve breathed out, letting Bucky make all the advances, not wanting to spook the scared brunet. “Give me a chance?”

“A chance,” Bucky murmured then shook himself and met Steve’s vibrant blue eyes with his own pale ones. “Steve, it’s . . . I . . . okay,” he finally conceded. “But when you want out because you realize how messed up I am, can you at least tell me in person and not a _‘dear john’_ or something?” He searched Steve’s familiar face, the one part that looked relatively unchanged and so very beloved, though Bucky had always fought his own attraction for his friend.

“I promise _if_ , and that’s a very big _if_ , I want out, I’ll tell you in person, okay?” Steve leaned closer but still didn’t touch him without Bucky asking.

Nodding, Bucky met Steve’s eyes. “Why me?” he breathed. “TJ’s single . . . so’s half a dozen of our old buddies. Monty . . . Dum Dum from the football team . . .”

“I’ve never wanted TJ or Monty or Dum Dum,” Steve smiled softly, meeting Bucky’s eyes, “I’ve wanted you since high school. I’m sorry it took me so long to be brave enough to admit it. I was scared to come out,” Steve took a moment before saying, “can I kiss you, Bucky?”

Blinking, Bucky leaned in closer, Steve’s scent all around him. “Kiss me . . .” he echoed.

Grinning, Steve closed the little distance between them and crashed his lips against Bucky’s. One strong hand move up to caress Bucky’s stubbled cheek, the other moved to the brunet’s waist, though didn’t travel any lower.

Whimpering, turning into a mewl of desire, Bucky kissed back. He slid his arm around Steve’s neck, holding on tightly in a rush of desire long-suppressed. “God, Stevie . . . need you. Always needed you . . .” he whispered into his lover’s mouth.

“I need you, too, Bucky,” Steve breathed in return, caressing Bucky’s hipbone with his thumb. “I’m sorry it took me so long to admit how long I’ve needed you.”

Humming, Bucky moved to kiss at Steve’s throat, enjoying the slight rasp of his lover’s unshaven face. Kissing again and again, the tip of his tongue tracing finally over Steve’s skin, Bucky moaned softly. He pushed his pelvis against Steve’s then froze, completely still. “God,” he moaned and began to back off. “You’re . . . gotta think . . . hard to think in your arms . . .”

Smiling, Steve kissed Bucky’s forehead and then the tip of his nose before moving back to kiss his lips. “Love how you fit in my arms, Buck. We don’t have to do anything right now if you don’t want to.”

“Don’t want to?” Bucky blinked, his eyes dark with desire. “God, Steve, how can I _not_ want to? You’re everything I’ve always wanted, from the time we were fourteen and discovered Jack’s porn stash.” Bucky shook his head and chuckled brokenly, “but, your kid. How’s she gonna feel when she finds out her daddy’s lovers with a _man_? A _one-armed_ man who can’t even leave his apartment without throwing up twice?” Bucky dropped his head so his forehead pressed against Steve’s breastbone. “I’m such a freak.”

“Sharon already knows her daddy loves men and women, Buck. And I think she’s gonna love you,” Steve kissed the top of Bucky’s head, “but I only see her on major holidays. Peggy got custody of her and they both still live in England.”

“Sharon . . .” Bucky sighed. “Real pretty name.” He sighed and tried to pull back from Steve, but it was as if his body rejected the mental order, instead pushing closer. “I love kids . . . but I don’t know if Peggy’ll like me near her girl. I’m not exactly Mike or Sully.”

“Well, we could always take a vacation to England if you’re feeling up to it? Not right now, but in the future? Sharon won’t be coming to the states until July. I managed to convince Peggy to allow Sharon a visit for my birthday. Peggy said she doesn’t mind if _I_ visit them in England anytime during the year, but Sharon only comes out here for Fourth of July, and then Thanksgiving through Christmas.” Steve kissed the top of Bucky’s head again, running a hand up and down the brunet’s spine.

“And if Peggy knows about my psychotic breakdowns?” Bucky referred to his anxiety attacks bitterly, worried that he’d finally be able to capture Steve . . . but his hold was more a dream, precarious at best. Bucky really had lost faith in good fortune if the past two years.

“Peggy suffers from PTSD from her own time in the military, Buck. She understands what it’s like,” Steve pressed his lips to his lover’s temple, “she isn’t gonna keep you away from Sharon unless you hurt her. Sharon is familiar with dissociations and panic attacks. Both her mommy _and_ daddy suffer from them. I have post traumatic, too.”

“She is?” Bucky drew in a breath. “And you don’t mind? Really, Steve, when I saw you last night, I was about to throw up . . . it happens a lot.” He didn’t seem to process Steve’s admitted disorder.

“You have social anxiety, Buck. Happens to lots of people. Nothing to be ashamed of. I hope one day that I won’t cause you to feel anxious, that I can be someone that helps keep you calm. I’ve worked with my therapist, know a few tricks that helped me when I returned home. I can try to teach you them, if you want, that is.” Steve gave Bucky a reassuring smile.

“Uh,” Bucky flushed and buried his face in Steve’s hard chest, breathing in that familiar comforting scent. Mumbling into velvety hard flesh, Bucky said, “I get worse around people I care about. Strangers are bad, but friends are worse. Weird, huh?”

“Nah, not weird,” Steve insisted softly, “people who you care about are often the one’s that judge the most. They are also the one’s you gotta keep seeing, that you don’t wanna disappoint.”

“My family most of all,” Bucky sighed and allowed himself the pleasure of beginning to kiss that broad expanse of muscle, gently placing his lips in tender marks across Steve’s chest. “My family really hates me.”

“I don’t think so,” Steve said, still holding Bucky closely, “why do _you_ think that, Bucky?”

“Cause Jack would rather I not come around TJ at all, and TJ looks at me half the time like I’m about to knife him or something.” Bucky stopped kissing, his lips over Steve’s right shoulder. He pulled back with a reluctant sigh. “Guess I gotta see them soon, huh? Breakfast and all . . .” Bucky sounded genuinely hurt and lost.

“Maybe we can meet them for lunch? We can go get breakfast, just the two of us?” Steve offered, brushing Bucky’s hair from his forehead, “how’s that sound?”

Meeting Steve’s eyes, Bucky said, “I’d rather not go out at all, Stevie. Mind . . . if we stay in bed?” He blinked his half-darkened eyes at his recent lover.

“Sure thing,” Steve agreed with a large smile, “we can order room service. Whatcha hungry for, baby?”

Laughing suddenly, Bucky stroked his hand down Steve’s chest to his belly and a bit lower, “you?” He hoped Steve wouldn’t suddenly reject contact. The man probably wanted to take it slow now that alcohol wasn’t fueling their long repressed desires.

Growling playfully, a lustful rumble from deep in his chest, Steve pulled Bucky closer and nipped at his lip. “Well, that’s good, then. ‘Cause I’m starved for you, baby.”

Bucky buried his face, smiling almost painfully, in Steve’s chest and drew another deep breath. Pushing away, he nodded and reached to remove the boxer-briefs he wore. “I’m really outta practice since . . . the explosion, you know?”

**************

Jack shook his head, giving the clerk another look mixed of exasperation and worry. “Thanks. I’ll go back to my room in case someone finds them.” He turned to scan the lobby for any sign of his husband, also looking for the missing twins. With a sigh, Jack headed for the elevator to check TJ’s and Bucky’s rooms once more then go to his own suite, worry over his brothers overshadowing his own eventful evening before.

As the elevator opened, Jack heard someone banging loudly, and rather rudely, on one of the doors of the wing they’d pretty much reserved for their own group of eleven. He blinked, recognizing the smaller form of TJ. “Teej!” Jack broke into a run for his brother, worry ratcheting even higher at TJ’s desperate shouts.

Whirling around, stumbling a bit with the fast motion, TJ looked at Jack, a piece of paper still clutched in one hand. “Jackie?” TJ called out.

Jack tugged TJ into his arms, hugging him tight then backing off and starting to look over his rumpled, barefoot brother in day old clothing dusted with remnants of confetti and glitter. “Are you hurt, baby?” Jack asked, full of worry.

“I don’t think so? Well, aside from being married? I’m fine,” TJ frowned, looking at his older brother. “He won’t just let me get an annulment, Jackie. He - - he’s gonna take it to court. I can’t go to court!”

“Wait a minute, TJ, you saying you really found someone to marry you to a total stranger while drunk last night?” Jack looked shocked, reaching past TJ to unlock his room and pull his brother inside.

TJ let Jack pull him into the room, swallowing down the nausea that threatened to make him throw up all over the suite’s floor. “I don’t know! I don’t remember anything from last night . . . ‘cept arguing with Bucky, that was the last I remember!”

Sighing, Jack nodding, pushing TJ towards the bathroom. “Yeah, you’re always arguing with Bucky any more.” He started running the shower. “Where are your shoes, Teej? And what makes you think this guy wasn’t lying about being married?”

Thrusting the paper towards Jack, TJ sighed heavily, “it’s legit. I told him that we can just go down to the chapel to get it annulled but he won’t go for it! He accused me of playing games! Can you believe that? I was drunk outta my mind, he marries me and then proceeds to _fuck me_ , and he accuses _me_ of playing games?” TJ was ranting in full blown panic.

Blinking, Jack looked at his little brother. “TJ, even if you were both drunk, if you came on to the guy and agreed to marry him, maybe he thinks you were after his assets or something?” Jack took the certificate and studied it then gasped, re-reading the names. “You married _Johnny_? What the hell were you thinking?”

“Obviously I wasn’t thinking!” TJ shouted, throwing his hands in the air, eyes wide with panic. “He hurt me once and then has the gall to accuse me of _playing with his heart_? I mean, seriously? Who does he think he is?”

“Wait? What did Johnny do to you, Teej?” Jack fell into a warning growl. “If he fucking raped you . . .”

Blinking, TJ took a moment to realize what he’d said, “oh . . . no, he didn’t rape me. He . . . uh . . . I was sixteen? He . . . we . . . um - - we had sex? My first time . . . I wake up in the morning and he’s gone. No note, no text, no nothing. Next time I see him, he tries to act like nothing happened.”

Running a hand over his face, Jack drew in a deep breath. “When you saw him after . . . how did _you_ act?” His voice sounded wary. Ten years was a long time to wait to deal with a crush or whatever TJ had been going through to give his virginity to a notorious playboy, even back then Johnny was rumored to be sleeping with anything that breathed and moved.

“What do you mean, how did _I_ act?” TJ frowned, looking at Jack, “I tried to talk with him, but he was flirting with Monty or something. He just looked at me, winked, and then went back to talking with Monty, touching him all . . . you know.” TJ sighed, running a shaky hand through his knotted, messy hair.

“TJ,” Jack sank to the edge of the wide tub and looked up at his baby brother, “you confronted him in school, in the middle of the hall, didn’t you? Where any teenaged boy would feel like he had to perform for the crowd, not have an intimate heart to heart with a potential lover.”

“Yeah, guess it was my fault, again,” TJ turned to leave the bathroom.

“TJ, I didn’t say it was your fault. Listen to me for once!” Jack snapped, rising to his feet.

“Listen to you?” TJ turned back, “all I do is listen to you! I messed up. I’ll fix it. I’m sorry to have bothered you.”

“What I’m trying to say, TJ, if you’ll stop for a moment, is that Johnny probably thought you were trying to let him down! I remember him and Monty. They were always breaking up and falling back in love, like _kids_.” Jack stepped over to TJ. “It gives him no reason to treat you like shit, though. I’m just trying to figure out why he’d have been so mean to you when he was always watching you with such heated eyes. I just figured he never got up the guts to approach you and let it go. If I’d know he actually done anything, I’d have ripped him apart!” Jack sounded angry and confused and worried.

Sighing, TJ leaned back against the sink, looking dejected and hurt. “He said that _Sue_ told him not to trust me. That I wasn’t _reliable_. Do I really give off that impression?”

Running his hand over his face again, Jack sighed and reluctantly nodded, “yeah, TJ, sometimes. You always seem . . . to be flitting, much like Johnny. But not to a new lover all the time. More like flitting from thing to thing, party to party? I know it’s part of your job, but most people might not.” Jack reached over and touched TJ’s cheek. “And Sue’s a bitch. Always has been, ever since I turned her down when she asked me to Prom. She got real pissed and said she’d _have_ to go with Reed Richards instead. Remember? They got married a month later, she dropped out of school, and she had that kid in February? I always thought she might have been pregnant and wanted to reel me in instead of Reed.”

“You think that’s why Sean didn’t . . . you think . . . if I’d been more reliable? Not focused on work? You think maybe he woulda . . .” TJ sighed, dropping his head.

“Sean was married already, TJ, so no, I think he would have used you as a soft touch and ditched you like he did,” Jack growled fiercely. “I think you choose the most unavailable guys and go for them, none of them really serious about being faithful and settling down, none of them willing to try and make things work with you and your lifestyle.”

“Well,” TJ said bitterly, his voice shaking, “guess I’m gonna hafta look into divorce lawyers or whatever.” The smaller brunet rubbed his eyes, looking exhausted and scared, “twenty-six and divorced. Awesome. My manager’s gonna love this.”

Sighing, Jack drew his brother into a hug. “I’ll help you, Teej, if you want to drag Johnny to court or however you want to handle this.”

“I don’t want to!” TJ exclaimed, “I just wanted a damn annulment! _He’s_ the one that said I’d have to take him to court! I shoulda never come to Vegas, just shoulda stayed home and practiced for my show.”

“Wait, what?” Jack blinked and put his brother a little away from him to stare at his eyes in incredulity. “Johnny said _you_ had to take him to court for a divorce? But why? That’d mean he doesn’t want out of this wedding?”

“Hell if I know,” TJ grumbled, “probably just wants to drag this out. Some people like sleeping with married men . . .”

“I’ve never heard of Johnny hooking up with someone married,” Jack said softly, ignoring the fact that TJ, himself, had been sleeping with a married man for six months the year before. “But if he wants to drag it out, why wouldn’t _he_ be the one taking _you_ to court? Why make _you_ get the divorce?”

“I don’t know,” TJ murmured brokenly, “I fucked up, Jackie. I’m just one screw up after another. I shouldn’t have drank so much. Should’ve been more responsible.”

“TJ, baby, you can’t change what you did last night. All we can do is move forward and fix it. Get a nice bath. There’s some lavender bath bombs, your favorite. I’ll talk to Johnny and find out why he is playing this way, okay?”

Numbly, TJ nodded and move towards the bath.

The door to the suite could be heard opening, David’s voice called out, “Jack?”

“In here,” Jack called back, walking to the doorway of the master bath. “TJ’s getting a bath. Did you find Bucky yet?” He held the certificate in one hand as he rubbed his face with the other.

Making his way to his husband, David nodded, “sent out a group text, Steve answered saying that Bucky was with him.” Looking at the paper in Jack’s hand and the overall worried posture of his lover, David frowned, “what happened?”

Handing over the paper, Jack let himself out of the bathroom, but didn’t shut the door, wanting to keep an eye on TJ. “Johnny Storm somehow convinced TJ when he was drunk to get married. But now he’s insisting TJ has to take _him_ to court to get the divorce.” Jack glanced into the bathroom to make sure TJ wasn’t doing anything stupid. “Think maybe he’s trying to set TJ up to lose money in settlements or something?”

Looking at the paper in his hand, David’s eyes widened and he looked back up at Jack. “Why would Johnny want TJ’s money? It’s not like Johnny short on money, the guy’s loaded.”

“No, Johnny’s got more money than TJ doubled,” sighed Jack, glancing in again at his bathing brother. “So I can’t figure this out. Maybe Steve can enlighten us on his cousin’s game? If he even has an idea? Maybe Johnny came to Vegas to hook someone and TJ fell in?”

“Well,” David lowered his voice so TJ couldn’t overhear, “we shouldn’t leave him alone right now. I can stay here? You go to Steve? Bucky’s with him.”

“I’d rather not leave Teej in this state. Especially in the bath. Can’t we text Steve to find out?” Jack looked in again, watching TJ.

“Yeah, I can try shooting him a text?” David looked down at the certificate and then back to Jack, “I’m guessing you didn’t get the chance to tell him the good news?”

“No, I didn’t. TJ and I fought before I managed to get him calm enough to bathe,” Jack sighed and pulled out his phone. “What’s Steve’s number? I’ll text him if you want to check out this church and find out if they’re legit and how we can get the marriage annulled.”

“Sure thing, love,” David nodded; he gave Jack Steve’s number and the leaned forward to kiss his husband before pulling back. “We’ll get this taken care of, Jack. I’ll text you when I’m leaving the chapel.”

Smiling, Jack reached up and stroked his husband’s cheek. “And maybe one of us can hunt down Johnny and find out what his game is if Steve can’t tell me.” Jack set his eyes directly on TJ as he dialed Steve’s number.

After several rings, Steve finally picked up; he sounded out of breath and a bit distracted, “hello? This is Steve?”

“It’s Jack, and I’ve got a serious problem with Johnny, Steve. I need to know what he’s playing at messing with TJ like this?” Jack couldn’t help the anger that shaded his tone.

“What?” Steve asked, Jack could hear sheets ruffling as the blond sat up on the bed.

“Wait,” Jack frowned, “I thought you were with Bucky? What’s going on with you cousins and my little brothers!”

“Um . . .” Steve drawled, sounding flustered, “Bucky’s right here with me, Jack. We . . . uh - - we may have gotten together? But, I swear, I have nothing to do with anything Johnny’s doing with TJ. What’s Johnny doing with TJ, anyway? I thought TJ hated Johnny?”

“You’re fucking around with a man with zero self esteem behind your wife’s back? And I thought Johnny getting TJ drunk and marrying him in some seedy dive was bad!” Jack was livid, though he never took his eyes off TJ, unaware that his brother could hear every word of his side of the conversation.

“Wait, what? Johnny and TJ got married?” Steve sounded shocked, “and I’m not fucking around behind anyone’s back. Peggy and I are divorced, have been for six months.”

“Well, congratulations,” Jack snarled, “and yeah, Johnny’s making TJ take him to court to get a divorce rather than being reasonable about the whole thing. And if you break Bucky’s heart I’ll rip your’s out!”

“I won’t!” Steve assured Jack, “look, I think this conversation might be better face to face? Want me and Bucky to come to your room? I can try to find Johnny so you can talk with him, too?”

“Definitely bring that cousin of yours to see me, Steve. I don’t dare leave TJ. Johnny’s got him so messed up right now,” Jack growled. “And see if you can find TJ’s shoes and wallet!”

“Okay, I’ll see what I can do,” Steve sounded a bit shell-shocked, “We’ll be up as soon as we can, okay?”

Jack hung up the phone and walked into the bathroom to make sure TJ was okay. “Hey, baby, how’s the bath?”

“Fine,” TJ murmured, pale eyes watching the water as it swirled around him, the lavender scent of the bath bomb filling the air. “So, Bucky and Steve, huh? Didn’t see Steve as the cheating type.” The smaller brunet sounded eerily neutral.

Sitting on the edge of the bath, running his hand through the water slowly, Jack sighed, “says he’s divorced these past six months, but I’m not sure I’m buying it. Too many guys are fucking with my brothers’ hearts.”

“I’m fine,” TJ said softly, “my heart’s perfectly intact. Just gonna have to . . . take care of things when we get back to DC. Oh,” TJ finally lifted his head, meeting his brother’s eyes, “I told Bucky I’d talk to you and David about moving to New York. I think Bucky needs us closeby. I can move anywhere . . .” TJ sighed softly, rubbing his eye with one hand.

Jack reached over and stroked TJ’s hair. “You sure you’re okay, Teej? I . . . I’ve got David at the church right now checking about an annulment for you. And Steve’s gonna hunt down his cousin so I can find out just what Johnny thinks he’s up to.”

“I’m fine,” TJ repeated, void of emotion, “my fault. Shouldn’t have drank so much.”

“Okay,” Jack growled and suddenly tugged TJ to his feet. “Bath time’s over. You’re falling back in that post-Sean attitude and I won’t let Johnny do that to you. You did _nothing_ to blame, TJ! You’re allowed to have fun at a party. Johnny’s the ass here!” Jack reached for a fluffy towel.

“Can’t keep blaming others for my mistakes, Jack,” TJ let his brother maneuver him, though didn’t move himself. “My fault that I didn’t try to talk to Johnny privately in school. My fault that I didn’t see that Sean was married. And my fault that I drank too much.”

“You were a fucking kid who saw the guy he’d just slept with flirting with someone else, Teej, not your fault!” Jack jumped to his brother’s defense. “Sean was a slime that was good at lying. And Johnny couldn’t have been half as drunk as he got you in order to get you to sign that paper, because everyone, even Johnny, knows how much you always hated him!”

TJ shrugged slightly, pale eyes empty, “maybe I am a manipulator like Sue thinks?”

“And how is being hurt over and over being a manipulator, TJ?” Jack took his brother’s shoulders and gave him a sharp shake. “Listen to yourself! You’re letting Johnny Storm do this to you.”

TJ met Jack’s eyes, sighing softly, “I’m just tired, Jack. Really tired. Can I lay down before meeting with the others?”

“If you promise me not to try to kill yourself again,” Jack said softly, leading his brother to the big bed in the suite. “I won’t let Johnny take you from me! Not like Sean almost did, that bastard!”

“Just wanna sleep, Jackie, that’s all,” TJ murmured, sitting on the edge of the bed and then crawling under the covers.


	3. You Only Hurt the Ones You Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNINGS: Misunderstandings and arguments, drug use, very bad anxiety attack, psychotic break**

A soft knock at the suite’s door came to Steve and Bucky. Noting Steve on the phone with an apparently irate Jack, though Bucky couldn’t hear everything that was being said, the brunet got up and drew on the boxer-briefs once more. He figured room service must be there with the breakfast so padded over and threw open the door before registering that it wasn’t a stranger but Sam Wilson, with a stranger, standing there. Bucky flushed brightly and looked nauseous, his right hand going to try to hide his left stump.

“Heya, Buck,” Sam grinned, not even looking at Bucky’s left arm, or lack thereof. “Is Steve in?” The dark-skinned man didn’t seemed very surprised that Bucky was in Steve’s room; he’d seen them leave the private reception room together after all.

“Yeah, my brother called him and is yelling at him. Don’t know why?” Bucky tried to fight his anxiety and sound normal, but his voice sounded unnaturally high. Fastening his eyes on the stranger, as a form of distraction, Bucky said, “new friend?”

Grinning even brighter, Sam nodded and looked at the blond standing next to him, “yeah, Bucky, this is Riley. Met him last night after you all ditched the reunion. ‘Cept for Clint and Natasha but they were doing weird things with food.”

Blinking, Bucky tried to follow the innocuous conversation topic. “Nat let Clint do weird things with food? Figures. He’s warped her beyond all reason.” Bucky stepped out of the way, pushing the door wider open. “Come in, Sam . . . Riley? Steve! Your boyfriend’s here!” Bucky said, instinctively using the old joking term everyone had used for the pair of men.

Steve, looking worried, came out to the main area in only his boxers, “oh . . . hey, uh . . . Sam and . . .” he trailed off looking at the stranger that was walking into his hotel room. “Uh . . . Bucky.”

“Sam’s new friend, Riley,” Bucky supplied. “What’d Jack want and where’s my clothes?” He turned, eyes falling on his prosthetic, and flushed but headed for the appendage.

“Clothes in the bedroom,” Steve stated, gesturing to the room where the unmade bed could be seen. “And, I think something’s happened between Johnny and TJ.”

“What? Johnny make another pass at TJ?” Bucky sounded worried, glancing over as he retrieved his arm and began strapping it carefully on, hooking up the leads to those in his arm. Riley watched in fascination, apparently not embarrassed or ashamed by his curiosity. For some reason, Bucky found the open expression more soothing than most might; he felt like Riley was one of the few honest people to ever deal with his injury.

“Jack said something about Johnny tricking TJ into marrying him? Johnny making TJ take him to court for the divorce?” Steve still appeared shocked.

Bucky froze and shook his head. “What? That makes no sense. Even in Vegas they’ve gotta have consent, right?”

“I don’t know, Buck. Jack’s livid. Said something about not wanting to leave TJ _‘in this state’_?” Steve looked at Bucky and then over to Sam.

Paling, Bucky grabbed for the nearest shirt, tugging it over his neck and shoving his right arm through the sleeve. “No, not again! Gotta go!” Bucky pushed past Sam and Riley, heading for the door without pants, shoes, or anything else, looking absolutely terrified.

“Wait, Buck!” Steve called after his lover, “we gotta find Johnny, then we’ll go up to see Jack and TJ.”

“Can we find Johnny for you?” Riley asked, looking after Bucky. “He seemed pretty scared.”

Steve grabbed Bucky’s pants. He looked over to Sam and Riley, “sure, that’d be great.” The blond seemed very distracted as he hurriedly tugged on his own clothes and stuffed his wallet and phone in his pocket as well. “Tell Johnny to bring TJ’s shoes and wallet?”

Nodding, Riley gestured towards Bucky’s wallet and room key. “Want those, Steve?” he asked, pretty good at remembering names.

Grabbing Bucky’s things, Steve nodded, “thanks, guys.” And with that, Steve left the room, hurrying after Bucky. He finally managed to catch up with his lover, “want these, Buck?” Steve asked, offering the pants.

Looking at Steve almost blankly in his terror, Bucky said, “can’t lose him! Not again . . . why do they always hurt him so bad?” Bucky made it to Jack’s room, despite not taking his stuff from Steve and his left arm being only partially attached and trapped in the shirt. He knocked, right handed. “Jackie? Let me in! TJ? I’m here!”

Steve remained by Bucky’s side, confused as to how fast that morning had turned from good to bad. He wondered what the hell Johnny could’ve done to TJ.

When Jack opened the door, Bucky hurried right past his older brother to the bedside of his younger. Crawling into the bed, as if they were small children during a thunderstorm, Bucky sobbed, “Teej?” He touched TJ’s cheek with his trembling hand.

Blinking awake, TJ looked confused for a moment, “Buck? Whatcha doin’?”

Sobbing, Bucky buried his face in TJ’s side and hip. “Don’t leave me? I . . . I’m sorry I’ve been so mean. I promise I’ll try harder. Don’t hurt yourself again,” he begged in a broken whisper, his anxiety of social situations blending with his fear for TJ.

Steve glanced at Jack, still holding Bucky’s things.

“Come in,” Jack said on a sigh, noting the blond had no one else with him. “Couldn’t find your cousin, huh?”

“Uh . . . Bucky panicked? I sent Sam and his new friend after Johnny. I told them to make sure to get TJ’s things from him as well. What’s going on?” Steve looked at the bedroom and then back at Jack.

Letting the crying Bucky handle the half-asleep TJ, Jack sighed and retrieved the certificate, offering it to Steve. “Johnny married TJ last night while TJ was drunk. Now he told TJ that TJ’ll have to take him to court to get a divorce, but we don’t know why. We’re trying to think why Johnny’s messing with TJ this way.”

Steve set down Bucky’s things on the chair next to him and took the certificate. Studying the piece of paper, Steve blew out a breath and rubbed the back of his neck. “Look, I haven’t talked with Johnny in a while before last night. Let alone seen him. But,” Steve glanced at the twins and then back to Jack, lowering his voice, Steve added, “before I left for the Army, Johnny said something about TJ.”

“What did he say? Look,” Jack had also lowered his voice, reassured that TJ was okay by Bucky’s continual babbling. “A few months before graduation, they slept together, but the next day TJ caught Johnny with Monty. Johnny playing with him twice has driven TJ into a depression that can be dangerous. He’s not as happy as people think, Steve.”

Frowning softly, Steve said, “that’s not how Johnny said things went down. I mean, all Johnny said was that he hadn’t thought TJ was the _‘bang ‘em and leave ‘em’_ kinda guy?”

“There’s something more to this than we’re seeing,” Jack said, rubbing his face. “But TJ’s going on a self-blame trip, and everything I say, he twists. And I certainly don’t have Johnny’s side of the story. Why the hell would Johnny ask TJ to marry him? I thought Johnny was the footloose kind.”

“I have no idea,” Steve shook his head, frowning in worry.

“And,” Jack growled low, “where the hell does your cousin Sue get off saying _TJ’s_ not reliable?”

Blinking, Steve looked stunned, “I don’t talk with Sue very much. She said that? TJ’s like the _most_ reliable guy out there. Whatever he promises to do, he does. Hell, he even helped me get my last minute flight out here since it took me so damn long to decide if I was gonna come or not.”

“She told Johnny that,” Jack said, glancing towards the bedroom which had fallen disturbingly quiet. He walked over to stop in surprise at the sight of Bucky lying down next to TJ, like they did as kids, his left arm still twisted and trapped but his right hand holding his twin’s. Jack sighed. “Think they’re gonna pull through,” he murmured.

“Jack,” Steve kept his tone quiet, “Bucky said that TJ can’t hurt himself _again_? How long has TJ been . . . depressed?”

Shaking his head, Jack softly replied, “he had a boyfriend last year, turned out the guy was married with kids and using TJ as a sort of mistress. TJ found out around Christmas and . . . nearly made it his last holiday.” Jack looked at Steve intently.

“He tried to kill himself?” Steve’s eyes widened, unable to fathom sweet, _happy_ TJ getting that low.

“Yeah, left the car running in a closed garage, drank himself to a stupor, and sat in the car. I went looking for him to see if he wanted to open a present early and found him.” Jack hugged himself and looked back in the room at the twins. “Didn’t help that Bucky had been withdrawing from us for over a year since the explosion. We didn’t realize he had PTSD.”

“Yeah, Bucky’s got some severe social anxiety. He . . . he thinks you and TJ hate him. That you don’t want him around TJ,” Steve watched Jack closely, waiting for his reaction.

Shock coursed over Jack’s face. “ _Hate_ him? Never! Where’d he get that crazy idea?”

Steve shook his head, “not sure. But, you guys need a good heart-to-heart. I feel like there are some assumptions floating around that aren’t necessarily true.”

Sighing, Jack asked softer still, “maybe about Johnny and TJ, too?” He glanced at the certificate in Steve’s hand then back in at the cuddling twins. Jack had the feeling that when TJ was more alert, another fight might yet break out.

“Maybe,” Steve agreed with a nod. “Though, no matter what happened when they were kids, Johnny didn’t have the right to talk to TJ like that. But, Johnny has a temper and gets real defensive if he feels like he’s being attacked.”

“How can TJ asking for an annulment be construed as an attack?” Jack shook his head. “They were drunk, of course TJ might have second thoughts when sober if he’s actively displayed his hate for Johnny all these years. It’s like Johnny’s being a jerk on purpose to punish TJ.”

“We weren’t in the room when TJ asked for the annulment. Who knows how he asked for it. TJ’s a sweet guy but when he strikes, he knows exactly which buttons to push.” Steve shrugged.

“We need Johnny here. Gotta all sit down for some major intervention on multi-levels,” Jack grumbled.

A knock on the door brought Jack hurrying over to it. He opened it, looking hopeful, and offered his husband a soft smile. “Forget your key, babe?” he asked, looking behind David. His eyes widened at the sight of Sam, the lean blond stranger from the elevator, and the elusive Johnny Storm, looking positively livid.

“Found stragglers,” David murmured, stepping into the suite, giving his husband a quick kiss.

“Thanks, Sam,” Jack said as Johnny strode into the room, frowning. “MInd if we have a private time with the two families for now? We’ll catch up later?” he brunet eased the door shut without inviting Sam or his friend in. Turning to David, Jack said, “Bucky and Steve are here, but Bucky had a panic attack. He’s in with TJ. Apparently, Bucky thinks TJ and I hate him for some reason,” he sighed and ran his hand over his face.

“Oh?” David looked surprised, “really? TJ invites Bucky up like every weekend?”

“Yeah, gotta figure that out. But we’ve also gotta figure this out,” Jack turned to Johnny and gestured towards the paper Steve held. “What the hell happened last night, Storm?”

Johnny frowned and crossed his arms, narrowing his vivid blue eyes. He didn’t say anything.

“Johnny,” Steve looked at his cousin, “TJ can’t remember _anything_. The only person who can remember is you. You hafta understand why Jack’s upset. It’s not like TJ . . . expressed his love for you.”

“The hell he didn’t!” Johnny hissed, angry. “I told TJ what happened. He proposed to me last night, said he’s been in love with me forever. He said he wanted a church wedding with rings and a honeymoon suite and everything. I agreed and we did the wedding thing. This morning he said he wanted me, specifically, to get his breakfast, so I did, again. I had no idea that when I came back to the room, he’d suddenly turn against me and accuse me of who knows what! I told him I take my vows seriously, and he insisted he wants a divorce.” Johnny hadn’t unfolded his arms, his tone switching between anger and hurt.

“Johnny,” David spoke up before Jack could cut in, “up until last night, TJ has never . . . well, to be brutally honest, he’s never liked you. You didn’t think it was at all odd that he’d suddenly want to marry you?”

Wincing, Johnny said, “yeah, I’m getting that. I don’t know what I did to piss him off so bad, but he suddenly dropped me like a rock in school just around prom. And he’s been rude and down right . . . cold all these years. But,” Johnny stopped talking, clamping his mouth shut, eyes widening and looking a bit shimmery. Johnny drew a deep, shaky breath. “Doesn’t matter what game he’s playing at. If he wants to get rid of me, he’ll have to go to court!”

Jack growled low. “Come off it, Johnny. Stop acting like the wounded party here. Everyone knows you played around, even in school. You never dated the same guy or girl twice, except Monty! And you expect TJ to respect that?”

Johnny’s back stiffened ramrod straight and he turned a cold, angry glare on the older man. “Fuck you, Jack Barnes.” Johnny turned for the door.

“Hey,” David cut in sharply, grabbing at Johnny’s arm. “As of right now, Johnny, TJ was _drunk_ , black out drunk. He couldn’t consent properly to whatever you two did.”

“How was I to know he was _black out_ drunk? He knew my name and could sign his name clearly. He was the one who picked out our rings and the chapel and everything! I shoulda known something was up when he only came near me after I was drinking a while.” Johnny folded his arms defensively across his chest again. “He asked _me_ to marry _him_. I was stupid to fall for that!”

“Johnny,” Steve reached out to place a hand on his cousin’s shoulder, “since when has TJ ever been the one to play games? That doesn’t sound like him at all, and you know that.”

Throwing his hands in the air, Johnny softly growled, “he’s done it to me before! God, I’m an idiot thinking he’d grown up!”

“What are you talking about?” TJ’s soft voice came from the doorway of the bedroom, he looked disheveled and miserable, dressed in only a pair of Jack’s sweats that he’d found, his other clothes were dirty. “You took my virginity and then left before I woke up. Then, when I came to talk with you, you had your hands all over Monty.”

“Of course I was gone when you woke up! You told me to leave before sunrise so no one would see us together,” Johnny turned to TJ, his hands falling to his sides, fists clenching and unclenching. “And I wasn’t all over Monty! You came up to me and Monty had just stumbled into me. He’d come to school high as a kite, the ass. I was trying to get his hands out of my pockets when you came over, told me to never talk to you or come near you ever and walked off! You never let me come near you again!” Johnny sounded hurt and angry.

“I never said that,” TJ shook his head, looking confused. “I would remember that.” He never even recalled telling Johnny to never come near him.

Johnny shook his head. “Wanna call up Monty or the other half dozen kids who laughed at my ass when you humiliated me in public? I’m sure at least one of _them_ remembers.”

TJ looked genuinely confused, “oh . . . I - - I’m sorry, Johnny. I - - I don’t remember, honest.” The lean brunet hugged himself. “It was my fault, I’m sorry. Shoulda known better.”

Johnny sighed, his anger draining as quickly as it’d built. “I figured I musta done something to piss you off and you’d come around, but you never did. I had no idea why you hated me so much, but I figured someday you’d tell me.” Johnny hugged himself, sounding hurt. “I never thought you’d fuck me over again by putting me through a wedding then asking me to break it off afterwards.”

“I’m . . . I’m sorry,” TJ murmured, looking dejected and hurt.

Johnny sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, eyes miserable. “Look, TJ, if you really hate me that much, I’ll get that damned annulment or whatever. I’m sorry you were so drunk and I didn’t realize you thought you were marrying someone else. Guess I thought I was getting a second chance with you.”

TJ hung his head, his fingers clutching bruisingly tight on his arms. “I - - I’ll do whatever you want, Johnny,” TJ breathed out, hating himself more with each passing second. He’d screwed with Johnny _twice_ , hurt him twice.

“Look,” David said, shaking his head, “it seems like this has been one misunderstanding after another. It’s obvious neither of you purposely hurt the other, “though, David was really concerned over the fact that TJ seemed to have literally no memory of telling Johnny off in high school.

Jack suddenly asked, “Johnny, is it possible that before you saw TJ, you really saw Bucky? You know he never wanted you to touch him. Maybe you mistakened the twins, it was easy back then when they were the same physical build.”

Jaw dropping, Johnny began to protest then stopped and swallowed. His eyes shot to TJ then back to Jack. Softly, looking upset, he conceded, “I guess that’s possible. They really were hard to tell apart, and he wasn’t the first to tell me he hated me the next morning . . . just the one I really didn’t want to hear that from?”

TJ sighed softly, still gripping his biceps tightly, the pain keeping him grounded to the present. “I . . . I never meant to hurt anyone? I - - I really am sorry.”

Johnny seemed to melt at that and stepped closer. He raised his hands and placed them on TJ’s biceps, pulling him closer. “TJ, I really meant it last night when I promised to love and honor you. I thought it was a second chance with the man I’ve loved forever. Can . . . can we try to be friends at least?”

Pale eyes flickering to look up at Johnny, TJ swallowed thickly, “you . . . you love me?”

Nodding, Johnny met TJ’s eyes. “Yeah, have since that day you walked into my junior class a tiny little shoulda-been-freshman.” He sighed. “But, I . . . I get it you didn’t like or trust me all this time, thinking I screwed you over. Give me a chance to prove myself?”

“I - - I don’t want you seeing anyone else if we’re together,” TJ breathed out, voice shaky.

Nodding, Johnny offered a hopeful smile, “no reason to look for someone else when I got the best, the one I’ve been trying to find in every face I’d looked at all these years . . .”

Meeting Johnny’s eyes, TJ’s own scared, though there was an underlying look of hope in them, TJ said, “I - - I have problems, Johnny. I . . . uh . . . I get depressed sometimes?”

Nodding, Johnny said, “I have a . . . uh . . . need to have sex? I’m sorry,” he flushed. “I can take cold showers or masturbate, but as long as we’re telling our secrets, I though you should know? Some people say clinical nymphomania doesn’t exist, but I swear I’m close to it.” He seemed unaware that there were several other people in the room hearing his confessions.

TJ licked his lips, chewing on the inside of his cheek. He knew he should tell Johnny about the incident over Christmas; it was one thing to be depressed, but another thing entirely to be suicidal. His depression might be more than Johnny wanted to take on. “I - - I tried to kill myself,” TJ said so quietly that he wasn’t even sure that Johnny would be able to hear the admission.

Shock crossed Johnny’s features and, surprisingly, he drew TJ into a secure hug rather than pushing him away. “My God! Damn, sweetheart, you’re too precious to die this young! Whoever or whatever made you lose hope, I’m gonna deal with for you!” Johnny dropped a kiss on TJ’s head.

David looked at Jack, surprise in his blue eyes. He hadn’t expected this turn of events when he’d first seen Johnny, livid, in the hallway.

Jack was just as shocked as David. It was the first time he actually considered the possibility that TJ, like Johnny, had been in love all these years and trying to find someone to replace the other man. He rubbed a hand over his face and instinctively glanced into the room at the exhausted, apparently sleeping, Bucky in his tangled shirt. His movement alerted the fifth member of the group standing there.

Steve made his way into the bedroom; he sat on the edge of the bed and carefully called out, “Bucky? I’m just gonna fix your shirt, okay?”

“Huh?” Bucky looked up at Steve with dazed eyes. Apparently he’d drifted into a restless sleep after his emotional outburst and anxiety attack. Looking around, his eyes widened in sudden fear. “Where’s Teej? What happened?” Bucky started struggling to get up.

“Calm down, Bucky,” Steve cooed in a gentle tone, “TJ is out in the main room. He’s fine. Here,” Steve reached out, keeping his movements very obvious as he fixed Bucky’s shirt, settling the fabric back in place. Frowning when he realized it still wasn’t right, Steve said, “mind if I take off your shirt, Buck? I don’t think your prosthetic is on right.”

Nodding, Bucky managed to sit up and sit still, letting out a rather loud whimper of distress and discomfort. “I feel like an idiot needing help to dress,” he said softly.

Carefully, Steve pulled Bucky’s shirt off and began helping with the metal arm. “You’re very capable of getting dressed by yourself, Buck. You just had a little panic attack when you heard TJ wasn’t feeling very good, happens to the best of us.”

Nodding, Bucky looked at the leads for his arm and began to lift a shaking hand. “I got some backwards . . . can . . .” he raised his eyes to Steve. “Can you help me get them sorted? The colors are all supposed to match.”

“Of course,” Steve nodded, letting Bucky lead him through the process of attaching the limb. After several minutes, Steve smiled, “better?”

“Yeah,” Bucky sighed, sounding far less uncomfortable, more relieved. “When they’re crossed, it doesn’t work right and it can hurt like hell.” Bucky lifted his eyes to meet Steve’s. “You sure you’re up to this kind of thing? I’m a freakin’ cyborg, Stevie.”

“And I’m a science experiment,” Steve admitted softly.

“Huh?” Bucky blinked and shook his head, frowning. “Not funny, Steve,” he murmured, looking away.

“I’m not joking with you, Buck,” Steve met his lover’s eyes, “in the Army, I was selected for a classified sector. Basically, they wanted to make _super soldiers_. There was this serum that they injected me with,” he gestured to himself, “this was the result. I was in the hospital for nearly a year afterwards, trying to get used to my new body.”

Bucky turned and his eyes roved over Steve’s form then to his eyes once more, frowning in obvious worry. “You still sick, Stevie?” he asked, touching Steve’s stubbled cheek. “Seizures or heart strokes or anything?”

“No, the serum knocked all that stuff outta me. Healthy as a horse,” Steve smiled softly.

“And come home to find me a nervous wreck and broken to boot,” Bucky sighed, shaking his head.

“You’re gonna get better, Bucky. Sure, you’ll have bad days and good days. But, you have a family that supports you and I plan to help you as long as you let me.”

Shaking his head, Bucky sighed, unaware that the others could hear him from the other room, “no, they barely tolerate me. I mean, TJ keeps inviting me over and stuff, but Jack would rather I stay away and not bug TJ. I guess he thinks I’ll send TJ over the edge, too.”

“Did Jack ever _tell you_ to stay away?” Steve asked softly.

Sighing, Bucky nodded. “Yeah. He told me he didn’t want me freaking out TJ when he woke up so stay home until I get myself under control.” Bucky looked at his mismatched hands.

In the other room, TJ looked at Jack, studying his older brother.

Jack looked shocked. “I had no clue he was suffering from anxiety disorder, Teej! I thought he was drunk!” He shook his head at his youngest brother, trying to defend himself in the face of this new information.

Looking at Jack and then pulling out of Johnny’s arms to head into the bedroom, TJ asked, “were you drunk when you came and saw me in the hospital?” The youngest brother ached at the thought that Jack had lied to him, had told him that Bucky hadn’t visited, that he couldn’t be _bothered_ to come see him.

Bucky looked over at his twin, shocked. “Drunk? No, I was on drugs . . .” he fell quiet, trying to find the right words in the face of sudden rising panic at the appearance once again of judgemental family.

“On drugs? Like prescriptions or something else?” TJ asked bluntly, looking at his brother.

Shock registered on his face as Bucky stammered, “So - - something . . . else?” He couldn’t think, a sort of buzzing hum rising in his head.

“TJ,” Steve looked at the smaller man in the doorway, “he can’t talk right now. Let him calm down.”

“When can he talk?” TJ shook his head, looking hurt and angry. “Nevermind,” TJ grumbled, turning back into the main living area. “I’m going back to DC. This trip was a horrible idea from the beginning.”

Jack looked shock, “TJ?” He was torn between his brothers, both needed serious help and some major heart-to-heart time.

Without a word, Johnny walked up to TJ’s side and touched his shoulder. “Am I allowed to come, sweetheart?” he asked, his voice holding hope and nerves.

TJ looked at Johnny for a moment before nodding; he looked back at Jack and said, “you let me believe that Bucky didn’t even come see me in the hospital, Jack. You lied to me.”

“TJ!” Jack pleaded, “he left and didn’t come back. It was as if he hadn’t even been there . . .”

In the bedroom Bucky began shaking bad, curling up and whimpering. His entire body trembled and suddenly, he seemed to lose control of his body as a wet stain appeared around him. Bucky was too far gone to realize what was happening, his fear overwhelming him.

Oblivious to his brother’s breakdown in the other room, TJ shouted, “but he _did_ come! I thought he didn’t care about me at all!”

“He came stoned out of his mind!” Jack yelled back. “My God, it was lucky he didn’t cause an accident on the way to the hospital in that condition!”

TJ shook his head, pain and betrayal on his features, “this whole family is fucked up. We’re a fucking mess. I’ll see you in DC, we can decide then if we wanna move to New York.”

“I won’t be staying in DC, TJ,” Jack said, his voice dropping to a soft, sad sound.

“What are you talking about? Won’t be staying in DC?” TJ looked confused.

Drawing a breath, Jack said, “it’s the reason I woke you up looking for you guys. I got offered a job last night. I’m taking it.”

“Where is this job?” TJ asked, watching his brother closely.

Jack rubbed his face and sighed, “could be California or Manhattan. But it’s with Stark. I go where he needs me. Apparently he has a Head of Human Resources position he needs filled.”

Hurt flashed in TJ’s eyes before he quickly pushed the emotion away. “You didn’t know I’d offered to move back to New York when you accepted, did you?”

“I was going to ask you to come with us, since you’re always saying you can live anywhere with your job, Teej,” Jack said softly.

“But, you accepted the job _before_ talking with me?” TJ pushed again.

“Because I’m sick of feeling like I’m _using_ you, Teej! My God, I have to live with you and depend on everything from you because I can’t get a job and my husband’s at the beginning of his career. Do you know how that emasculates?” Jack shook his head. “I feel like a failure every single damn day.”

“I never felt like you were a failure. But, fine, you’ll be moving to Manhattan or California. I’ll start packing your things when I get back to DC. Send me your new address, yeah?” TJ’s tone was sharp, full of pain. “Congrats on the new job, Jack.”

“Yeah?” Jack asked, equally pained, “congrats on the marriage, TJ.” Jack whirled around and headed for the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Shaking his head, TJ headed towards the door of the suite. “You coming, Johnny?” TJ asked over his shoulder, his shaking hand poised over the doorknob.

“Yeah, Sweetheart,” Johnny scooped up his wedding certificate and hurried after TJ, intent on at least trying to make this relationship work with the very volatile seeming brunet.

David watched as TJ and Johnny left, frozen in place in the main area of the hotel suite. He wondered just how this entire family seemed to be falling apart so fast.

The sound of water came from the bathroom, while from the bedroom the sound of Bucky whimpering and speaking in possible gibberish sounded on a low moan. The middle Barnes child rocked and muttered incoherently, shaking and soaking wet from his own fearful release.

Steve cautiously reached out and wrapped his arm around Bucky’s shoulders, bringing him closer, uncaring about the mess he’d made. “It’s okay, Buck,” Steve cooed against Bucky’s ear, “come back to me, Buck. You’re okay.”

Lifting a tear streaked face, lips bloody from where he’d bitten and even chewed a bit, it seemed Bucky had lost it far harder than he had before, according to Steve’s knowledge. A sudden thought surfaced, that Bucky probably hadn’t had access to his medications, and had been drinking the night before, countering what little had remained in his system. A far away look lurked in Bucky’s eyes, as if he was unaware of his immediate surroundings. This was no anxiety attack Steve had ever seen before. It looked more like the psychotic break Bucky had derisively labeled it earlier.

“David!” Steve called, making the blond run into the room, eyes widening at the sight of Bucky. “He needs his medication, grab his key card from his things on the chair, and can you get Tony? Maybe he’ll know how else to help?”

David nodded and ran out to do as instructed.

Fortunately, it didn’t take much time to find the billionaire as Tony was standing in the doorway of his own suite, reading a newspaper he held in one hand, the other holding a serving tray. The man was dressed in an expensive bathrobe and slippers, though there seemed a distracted, flushed nature to the short brunet.

“Tony,” David called, “we need your help with Bucky.”

Looking up, Tony frowned and sighed. “What symptoms? Anxiety? Catatonia?”

“Uh . . . he’s shaking and babbling, has this far-away look?” David offered.

“Is he biting himself yet?” Tony asked in concern, swinging the door to his room wider and turning to look inside, “Pepper! Get outta bed! Bucky Bear’s got a short circuit again, must’ve mixed his wires!”

It didn’t take long before Pepper was dressed and out with Tony and David. “Get his medicine?” She asked David.

David nodded, “yeah. If you guy’s will follow me, please?” He didn’t wait for them to respond before turning and leading them back towards the suite he shared with Jack.

Tony walked in without fanfare, heading right for the bedroom where he could hear the babbling. “Heya, big guy. Take off his clothes, all of ‘em, and try to get him to lay on his right side. We’ll clean up the bed when I’ve fixed him again.” Tony reached over to begin tugging Bucky’s shirt off.

Steve listened to the instructions, helping Tony strip Bucky and lay him on his right side, the babbling trembling brunet not even acknowledging them, though he whimpered at any touch.

Tony nodded and unhooked the arm completely, handing it off to Steve. “That needs cleaning.” He began examining the leads embedded in the flesh and bone. “See, these leads go to his nerves, and thus his brain, so anything happens like a bad connection, it can short circuit his thinking. It’s not common, but if he’s already high on stress and low on meds, it’s more common.” Tony held out a hand without looking, “Pep? Cleaning supplies?”

Pepper handed off the needed supplies without comment.

Without reply, Tony began cleaning each of Bucky’s leads, sending jolts through the man’s body and causing little cries of pain from the helpless brunet. It took ten full minutes of what seemed to be callous torture before Tony sat back and nodded. “Leave the arm off for a day or two. Let his brain resort itself. And for God’s sake, give him the meds I assigned him! I know he hates how doped they make him feel, but if he doesn’t take them, he freaks out.”

Drawing a soft, mewling breath, Bucky tried to burrow into the urine soaked bed, eyes dull and body pale and sweaty, though the trembling had stopped.

David helped Pepper administer the needed medication before stepping back, eyes wide with shock.

Tony sighed, looking at Steve. “So, this happen before you could sleep with him or after?”

“Not sure what that has to do with any of this?” Steve frowned, looking up at Tony.

Rolling his eyes, Tony shot back, “Bucky Bear was so scared you’d think he was an ugly, deformed freak with those scars, he nearly threw up on you when you said hello. So, yeah, the stress of being with you can have everything to do with him freaking out, mis-wiring his arm, and short circuiting.”

“There was a fight,” David said from behind Tony. “TJ and Jack were fighting while he must’ve been freaking out. TJ was super low . . .”

Nodding, Tony turned to David, “Bucky’s not only scared of his family and friends rejecting him. He’s terrified his twin’ll try to kill himself. So, if TJ gave that impression, that could be the trigger, too. Especially if he overheard his brothers fighting.”

Bucky let out a soft whimper, no longer babbling but still trying to bury himself in the bed, despite his stink. He was becoming aware of things again and knew he’d made the mess, and it humiliated him.

Steve reached over to gently run his fingers down Bucky’s back, “hey, Buck.”

Bucky tried to worm away, hiding his face by turning it away, flushed bright red and feeling like he’d rather he hadn’t woken up. Steve had witnessed him losing it, _wetting_ himself of all things.

“Buck?” Steve called again, still gentle, “it’s okay.” The blond looked at the bathroom, hoping Jack would come out soon so they could get Bucky cleaned up.

Bucky whisper-moaned, “don’t feel well. Not fit for company . . .”

David moved out of the room and into the bathroom where his husband was lying in the great tub, eyes clothes, soaking in lavender scented water. “Jack, I think Bucky’s gonna need the bathroom.”

Without opening his eyes, Jack sighed. “He’s welcome to come in and use the toilet, David. I used to wash his ass when he messed as a kid. I’ve seen him nude.”

“He . . . he had . . . not sure what Tony called it. Bucky shut down. Wet himself, was babbling,” David grabbed a towel and walked over to the edge of the bathtub.

Jack sat up in the tub, eyes opening, looking shocked. “What?” He climbed out of the still very hot tub and wrapped the towel around his hips. “Bring him in. Does he need a hospital?”

“No, Tony got him better,” David answered, “but he needs to be cleaned up.”

“Shower first?” Jack offered. “It’s big enough one of us can hold him and wash him. There’s a handicapped bench.” The brunet turned for the door, intent on helping _one_ of his brothers, at least.

David followed his husband out, leaving the bathroom door open. Steve, looking up, nodded and then cooed to Bucky, “wanna get cleaned up, Buck? You’ll feel better.”

Bucky nodded, unable to meet Steve’s eyes. He tried to drag his exhausted body to the edge of the bed, prepared to struggle his way to the bathroom and clean himself up, make himself at least presentable for human company.

“I’m gonna pick you up, okay?” Steve asked moving up with Bucky.

Eyes widening, Bucky whimpered, “don’t haveta, Steve. I . . . I know I’m not fit company. I’m a pig.”

“I want to,” Steve insisted, keeping his movements obvious, Steve scooped up his lover and carried him into the bathroom. “You’re not a pig, Buck, you got sick. Sick gets a free pass.” He carefully set Bucky on the edge of the tub so he could turn on the shower and let it get to a warm temperature. The blond helped the brunet to his feet and stepped under the running water, still completely clothed himself.

Sobbing softly, Bucky buried his face in Steve’s shirt, clutching with his right hand to Steve’s waist. “You really mean that, don’t you? You . . . you aren’t disgusted by me?”

“Of course I’m not disgusted with you, Bucky,” Steve stated his voice filled with care. He reached for a washcloth and soaped it up so he could begin to wash his lover’s skin.

“I chased TJ away,” Bucky said softly. “And Jack doesn’t want me near him anyway. I’m a danger, to everyone.” It was obvious he’s heard Jack’s words but the meaning had basically been twisted in his panic.

“You didn’t chase TJ away,” Steve insisted, continuing to bathe Bucky. “And Jack misunderstood, he didn’t know how upset you were and that you were on medication when you saw TJ in December.”

“I don’t want TJ alone, Stevie,” Bucky lifted his eyes at last, miserable but allowing Steve to care for him. “He might hurt himself.”

“Johnny went with him, Bucky, Johnny’s not gonna let TJ hurt himself,” Steve insisted.

“But Johnny’s the one who upset him!” Bucky wailed softly.

“You were sleeping, Bucky, you missed that Johnny and TJ are gonna make a go of it. There was a bunch of misunderstandings that got cleared up for them. But,” Steve lifted Bucky’s face with a gentle finger, “TJ and Johnny went back to DC, okay? TJ wasn’t mad at you, he and Jack fought, and TJ needed to calm down. He didn’t leave because of you.”

“But I thought he was coming to live in New York with me?” Bucky softly asked, studying Steve’s face.

“I think he still is,” Steve nodded, “but, Jack told him that he’d gotten a job with Stark Industries that will require Jack to move to either California or New York. TJ was upset that Jack didn’t talk to him before accepting the offer.” The blond ran his fingers through Bucky’s wet hair, pushing it away from his eyes.

“Jack doesn’t talk to anyone before doing things,” Bucky snorted. “Why would he ask TJ if he can accept a job at _Stark’s_ place? That’s an offer no sane man refuses.”

“Buck, think about it,” Steve said softly, “Jack agreed to move _away_ from TJ before TJ had told him about the idea of moving back to New York with you. At least how TJ sees it, Jack was going to abandon him.”

“Fat chance,” Bucky growled, “my older brother can’t let us go. He’s got his claws in so deep, if one of us dies, he’ll probably go out of his way looking for a Doctor Frankenstein to resurrect the corpse! Jack’s so damn needy, he’d never let TJ stay in a city Jack’s not living in. He’ll find a way to force TJ to move with him, even to California, and I’ll lose TJ all over again.” Bucky turned so Steve could wash his back, quite aware that the scars behind were worse than those in front. He waited for any negative reaction, no matter how Steve tried to hide it.

Steve leaned over to kiss the base of Bucky’s neck, “TJ was pretty adamant about moving to New York with you, Buck. Hopefully, Stark will keep Jack in New York. From what I can gather, you three need to talk with one another, not fight. Both TJ and Jack get so damn defensive and lash out.”

Nodding, Bucky bared his neck, hoping Steve would repeat the soft kiss. It felt good to have someone touch him again; he’d missed it. “If TJ’s gonna try to make his marriage work, wouldn’t he be moving in with Johnny, not me?”

Noting the silent plea for more kisses, Steve continued to trace his lips along Bucky’s neck and shoulder. “Well, that’s something you guys will need to talk about. Johnny lives with Sue and Reed, but I doubt TJ’s gonna want to move in with them.”

“Sue hates all of us since Jack refused to go out with her,” Bucky snorted. “I think she wanted to poison Johnny against us, too.”

“She almost succeeded, but Johnny’s gonna hopefully help TJ. He needs help, Bucky,” Steve washed Bucky’s lower back as he continued to kiss at Bucky’s neck.

“Yeah, too many assholes used and ditched him,” Bucky sighed finally turning around in Steve’s arms again. He studied his lover’s eyes. “You’re so . . . so much like your Mom, Stevie.”

Steve’s eyes went soft and he smiled, “thanks, Buck.” He leaned forward to kiss Bucky’s forehead.

“Steve . . .” Bucky sighed. “I don’t much feel like Vegas, either. Never did, really. Would . . . would you like to come to my house and sleep over? It’s a small apartment with a lot of broken shit in it, but I’m sure I cleaned out the fridge before I left?”

“You wanna head back to New York, Bucky?” Steve asked softly.

“I wanna be with you, Steve, but I don’t wanna deal with everyone else?” Bucky sighed. “I like being holed up in my place and not coming out. Tony even lets me do some research over the internet for him.”

“How about this,” Steve countered, smiling at Bucky, “your doctor wanted you outta your apartment, right?”

Sighing, Bucky nodded. “Yeah. She did,” he sounded defeated at the reminder.

“How about we go to DC with TJ and Johnny? Not a lot of people and you can keep an eye on your brother? But,” Steve kissed Bucky’s forehead again, “if that idea is too much, right now, we can go back to New York. I don’t mind, baby.”

“You’ll go with me to TJ’s?” Bucky sounded suddenly hopeful, putting his hand on Steve’s wet shirt and smiling at him. “Really? I can finally accept one of his invitations.”

“I’d love to go with you to TJ’s,” Steve grinned, running his fingers down Bucky’s side. “I figure this will keep your promise to your doctor while we can get outta this crazy Vegas whirlwind and spend some quality time with your twin.”

“Yes, as soon as we can, Stevie!” Bucky jumped on the offer. He hugged Steve’s wet, clothed body one-armed and pressed his lips to those plush lips without seeming to think about it.

Grinning into the kiss, Steve hugged his lover tightly, “well, let’s get you dressed and then we can go to the airport? How’s that sound?”

Nodding, Bucky stepped carefully from the shower and fumbled a towel, dropping it. He frowned but grabbed a different towel, leaving the first on the floor.

Steve stepped out of the shower, he grabbed the towel Bucky had dropped and used it to ruffle through his hair. He watched Bucky, ready to help if asked, but letting Bucky do things on his own now that he’d calmed down.

Proving himself more capable than even he apparently thought, Bucky quickly dried off and headed from the bathroom, towel around his waist and held up with a sort of tuck rather than by hand. He offered a worried smile to David and Jack, who sat wrapped in the towel on the couch. Without a word, Bucky headed into the bedroom and tried rooting through his brother’s clothes, but stopped and stared in rising shame at the still messy bed.

“C’mon, Bucky,” Steve murmured, trying to take his lover’s attention off the bed. “They’ll strip it okay? Nothing they haven’t dealt with before.”

“Yeah, from a five year old,” Bucky muttered and grabbed some sweatpants and sweatshirt and hurried from the bedroom, still flushed, eyes downcast. “Sorry about the bed,” he muttered at his brother and brother-in-law.

Jack stood. “Bucky? It’s okay. You panicked was all. We can get plastic sheets or something if you want?”

Bucky let out a soft whimper and headed back into the bathroom.

“That won’t be necessary,” Steve immediately said.

Jack shook his head, looking at Steve as the sounds of Bucky dressing came from the bathroom. “It’ll help rather than him having to change out mattresses all the time if he panics again.”

“It’ll also make him feel different from others every time he goes to lay down,” Steve countered gently, “from what I understood from Tony, this doesn’t happen regularly. Something to do with the leads in his arm and the fact that Bucky missed a dose of medication and from drinking last night.”

Sighing, Jack rubbed across his face. “I’ve got a lot to learn to take care of Bucky,” he sighed.

“Bucky’s quite capable of helping himself,” Steve said with a soft smile, “sometimes he just needs a little help.” Steve paused before continuing, “Bucky wants to go to DC with TJ, Jack. Just for a visit, of course.”

“TJ would love to have Bucky move back in with us,” Jack smiled in return, but he looked so very tired. “But if he’s going to be alone with TJ, it might be best if Bucky _does_ have an ability to care for himself. Lord knows TJ needs constant vigilance to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself.”

“How often do you remind TJ that he tried to hurt himself?” Steve asked softly, not at all judging more just curious.

“Remind him? Uh,” Jack looked at David, “I don’t think I _have_ to remind him, do I? He’s depressed and suspicious, remembers quite clearly the bastard who screwed him over.” Jack looked back at Steve, not catching on to the fact that in his over-worry, he might be hurting TJ rather than helping him.

“What I mean, Jack, is that it’s been roughly three months since TJ tried to commit suicide. With you being home from not having a job, your _constant vigilance_ might be reminding him over and over again that you don’t trust him enough to leave him alone. Which, would remind him over and over again that he tried to kill himself.” Steve kept Jack’s gaze, running the towel over his drenched clothing.

Jack frowned and looked to David.

David sighed softly, taking his husband’s hand and kissing his knuckles, “it’s been a rough few years. TJ and Bucky both need help, maybe,” David kissed again, “maybe help beyond your capabilities.”

Nodding, Jack sighed. “I was toying with the idea for a counselor for TJ. I guess Bucky needs one even more.”

From the bathroom doorway, Bucky shook his head, going pale. “I don’t want a new doctor. I’m . . . I’m fine.” He hurried past all four other men and the one woman and reached for the hall door, struggling to open it, trying to leave his arm as much as his family and friends.

“Buck?” Steve called after his lover, stepping closer to him, “you okay? What’s wrong?”

Shaking his head, Bucky tried the knob again. “I like Dr. Cho. I don’t want to switch doctors. I’m not going to DC.” His sudden panic overruled the logic that he didn’t have to switch to Jack’s choice, whether visiting or not, didn’t sink through. “Out . . . I need out!”

“Bucky,” Steve stepped up to the brunet, “no one is making you switch doctors. We were talking about TJ.”

“Pepper? The syringe with the blue stopper?” Tony said calmly, standing up and walking over to Bucky. He quietly instructed no one in particular, “stroke down his spine softly. It soothes him to have his back touched.”

Steve immediately did as instructed, running his fingers down his lover’s spine.

Bucky arched slightly and let out a soft sigh, turning worried eyes to Steve. He stopped struggling with the door but didn’t take his hand away from it. “TJ would like Dr. Cho, too, if he needs a doctor . . .”

“Well, you can tell him about her,” Steve offered Bucky a smile, continuing to stroke up and down the brunet’s back.

Tony took the requested syringe from Pepper and calmly injected right above the leads on Bucky’s left shoulder, drawing a snap of attention but little protest from the high strung brunet. Tony backed off and said, calmly, “that should take the edge off, Bucky Bear. Really, next time don’t drink. I warned you. It interferes with your meds.”

Bucky looked over at Tony and curled his lip in a sort of silent snarl. He then looked up at Steve. “I want to catch TJ before he leaves? I need to be sedated on a plane . . .” He was beginning to feel relieved: no more faking happiness and excitement to be at this party they’d planned ten years ago before life went to hell.

“Sure,” Steve nodded, “he should still be packing up.” He was still dripping from taking a shower in his clothes. “I’ll walk you over, and grab my things while you’re talking with him? I gotta change before we go to the airport.”

“I’ll need to get my stuff together, too,” Bucky sighed. “Let’s go before TJ leaves.” He didn’t even look back at the other four, tugging at the door again. Tony sighed and scooped up the prosthetic arm, glancing at his assistant.

Steve followed Bucky until they made it to TJ’s suite. He waited there as Bucky knocked. The door opened, and TJ stood there, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. He looked surprised when he saw Steve, dripping wet, and Bucky, hair still wet and dressed in Jack’s sweats, smiling lazily, looking like he was drunk or stoned. He leaned close, to TJ. “TJ, don’t go yet? Need to tell you about Helen.” The barbiturate Tony had slipped him had done its job, once again.

“Uh . . .” TJ looked between Steve and Bucky, “okay?” The smaller man stepped back, allowing them entry into the suite. “Johnny’s grabbing some things.”

Bucky shuffled into the room and threw his arm around TJ’s neck in a hug. “Love you, Teej.”

“I . . . I love you, too, Buck,” TJ said, his voice sounding confused. He glanced at Steve and then back at Bucky. “You look like you’re feeling better?”

“Feel good enough to fly, Teej,” Bucky smiled serenely, looking very relaxed. He didn’t _smell_ like alcohol, but acted like he was at that mellow drunk stage some people got. “Wanted to tell you you can see Helen ‘stead of Jack’s doctor, Teej. She’s nice. Helps me learn to do things without help.” Bucky continued to hug his brother lovingly.

“But, I don’t need a doctor, Buck. I’m glad she helps you out, but I don’t need one,” TJ insisted softly.

Nodding, Bucky sighed. “S’good. Jack says I need plastic sheets like a baby.” He sighed and shuffled to the couch. “Gonna sit,” he announced then slid to the ground with a chuckle when he missed the furniture. Steve could see that by Bucky’s behavior, if he had been dosed at Christmas with that same drug, Jack would swear up and down he was drinking or taking illicit drugs, not an anti-anxiety, probably experimental drug, knowing Stark.

TJ looked at Steve with wide eyes, he knelt down and asked, “whatcha on, Buck?”

Looking up, Bucky smiled. “Other . . . drugs . . .” he said. “Feel good now. Not scared at all.”

“Tony gave him something to help with his anxiety,” Steve said, looking at TJ. He wasn’t sure if he approved of the drug; he’d ask Bucky about it later.

Looking confused, TJ moved his eyes back to Bucky, “oh, okay.” TJ watched Bucky for a few more moments.

Johnny softly pushed open the room to the suite, one bag looped over his shoulder by a strap and another held in his hand, more of a duffle. “Hey, Sweetheart. Steve,” he smiled hesitantly then blinked at the sight of Bucky sitting calmly smiling on the floor. “He okay?”

“Uh . . . I guess Tony gave him something for his anxiety?” TJ looked up at Johnny with a frown.

“Will he be okay to travel?” Johnny asked, dropping his bags and squatting down to study Bucky who suddenly batted one-handed at Johnny.

“I told you never touch me! I don’t like you!” Bucky growled.

TJ blinked, looking shocked, his eyes moved back to Johnny, “uh . . .”

Johnny looked surprised and backed off, shaking his head.

“Bucky?” TJ reached out for his brother, putting his hand on his shoulder, “did . . . why don’t you want Johnny to touch you?”

Bucky rolled his eyes and leaned into TJ, whispering too loudly, “because just look at him! He’s in love with you, not me. And I love Steve, not _Johnny_.” Bucky nodded and let his eyes close. “And his sister’s an evil bitch for wanting to blame Jack for her pregnancy.”

Johnny looked absolutely shocked, stumbling back a pace or two, blue eyes widening.

TJ looked up at Johnny and then back at Bucky, “why would you say that, Bucky?”

“Say what?” Bucky blinked at TJ, tilting his head, his entire body leaning heavily to the right, weighing on TJ.

“That Sue blames Jack for her pregnancy?” TJ asked, letting Bucky lean on him.

Snickering, Bucky shook his head and groaned, hand going to his head. “Dizzy . . .”

“You wanna lay down, Bucky?” TJ asked, beginning to help his brother to his feet.

“No!” Bucky opened his eyes wide, fighting the languidness the drug caused. “Don’t leave me here! Wanna take Steve ta visit you in DC. Wanna go with you and Johnny,” Bucky begged. “Don’t leave me with Jack. Smothers me.”

Blinking, looking completely shocked, TJ asked, “you wanna go with me to DC?”

“Anywhere you go, Teej. Blood to the end . . .” Bucky murmured. “But gotta see Helen. Maybe she can go to DC?”

“Where’s Helen, Buck?” TJ asked softly.

Bucky opened his pale eyes, smiling at TJ. “You’re my pretty half, TJ,” he said happily. After a moment, he nodded, as if asked again about Helen’s location. “Dr. Cho works for Tony. She lives downstairs to me at Tony’s tower.”

“So, she’s in New York?” TJ guessed, having a hard time understanding everything his brother was trying to tell him.

“Yeah, in Brooklyn?” Bucky shook his head and corrected, “no, live in Manhattan. The big island. Like a cold Hawaii.”

“Uh . . . okay, cold Hawaii,” TJ nodding slowly.

Johnny chuckled. “TJ, Manhattan’s a big island, like you know. Bucky’s comparing it to Honolulu, the big island of Hawaii. I don’t think he actually thinks he lives in Hawaii.” Johnny sank to the couch, amused by his brother-in-law’s odd communication attempts.

“Well, he’s in no condition to fly,” TJ stated softly, “no one would let him fly in this condition.”

“Unless he goes on my private jet,” Johnny nodded. “Since we know it’s not illegal substances or alcohol, but is anti-anxiety meds, I don’t see a problem flying him back east.” He didn’t actually remind them he was a test pilot.

“You own a private jet?” TJ looked over at his new husband, mouth opening and closing.

“Yeah,” Johnny smiled at TJ reassuringly. “I’m a test pilot for NASA and other private contractors, especially for Reed. I was able to buy a small jet, able to hold about twelve to fifteen passengers.” He leaned closer to TJ and kissed the tip of his nose. “You are adorable when flustered, Sweetheart.”

TJ flushed lightly and smiled softly. Sighing, TJ said, “I need to go apologize to Jack. I was . . . mean.”

Bucky sighed, “Jack smothers,” he reiterated his earlier point then snuggled his head against TJ’s shoulder. “Do I gotta leave ‘gain ‘till I’m all better? Don’t think I’ll ever be all better, Teej.”

“Jack loves us and just wants us to be happy, Buck,” TJ stroked his fingers through his brother’s damp hair. “And you don’t hafta go anywhere you don’t want to, Bucky. Will you be okay with Steve and Johnny while I go talk with Jack for a minute?”

“Don’t want Johnny,” Bucky insisted. “Wanna love Stevie. He says I’m beautiful, even if I’m all twisted and dirty.” Bucky sounded happy in his drug-induced haze.

“You _are_ beautiful,” Steve sank down to the floor next to Bucky, giving TJ a wink, letting the smaller brunet know it was okay to move. Steve nibbled at Bucky’s ear, “mmm . . . so tasty, too.”

Giggling, Bucky exposed his neck, totally ignoring Johnny on the couch behind them. “You spoil me, Stevie,” he breathed happily, a dream-like tone in his voice.

TJ stood up and gave Johnny a smile, “I’ll be right back.”

Johnny nodded and waved his husband off, prepared to keep an eye on the couple, in case Steve suddenly needed help with Bucky if he reacted oddly to the experimental drug. He hoped that someday he and TJ could get to that kind of love play, too.

TJ slipped out of the suite and headed back to Jack and David’s. Taking a deep breath, TJ lifted a hand and knocked subduedly.

Looking at the door, Jack looked at David, eyes widening. He hurried to the door and flung it open. “Bucky?” Drawing in a breath, he let it out, “TJ?”

“Hey, Jackie,” TJ murmured, giving his brother a small, sheepish smile. “I . . . uh . . . I need to apologize?”

Jack shook his head and tugged TJ into a hug. “No, I do. I shouldn’t have just said yes to Tony without letting you know. I was so damned excited to get that job offer, I just assumed you’d go wherever I went.” He lifted his face, eyes worried. “And, I’m sorry I sent Bucky away when he was so drugged. I was afraid he might pull at your IV or something . . . or hurt you with his stumbling. I only told him to go sleep it off, come back when he felt better . . . I should have told you he’d been there, but he never came back, and I didn’t want you to think he just ditched you after seeing you . . .”

TJ shook his head, hugging his brother tightly, “I understand, Jackie. He came to my room after Tony gave him that relaxant. If it’d been reverse . . . I probably would’ve done the same thing.”

“Wait . . .” Jack frowned and glanced towards the door. “That shot Tony just gave him has him stumbling and acting drunk? Is it even safe for Bucky to be walking around?” Jack pulled away from TJ, prepared to storm to his other brother’s rescue.

“He’s with Johnny and Steve, Jack, he’s fine. Just a bit giggly,” TJ grabbed Jack’s hand, holding him in place. TJ tugged Jack back to him and brought him back into a tight, loving hug. “Congratulations on finding a job, Jackie. I’m so happy for you.”

Jack hesitated then seemed to accept TJ’s well wishes for what they meant. He smiled, eyes crinkling. “Thanks, baby brother.” Jack hugged TJ tightly. Softly, he asked, “TJ, if you think you want to talk to someone . . . you know, at the times you feel overwhelmed or something,” he prayed David’s careful coaching just a few minutes ago worked, “we can look into getting you someone . . . just on those times you need to talk about stuff you might not want me or Bucky to know?”

Pulling back slightly, TJ watched his brother closely, “thanks, Jack. I’ll think about it, okay?”

Nodding, Jack smiled. “Yeah, just think about it. Bucky . . . Bucky swears he feels better when he talks to someone he calls Helen.” Jack drew a breath. “Now I just gotta find a way to reassure Bucky I didn’t mean to insult him with the plastic sheets comment. I was thinking about saving him money from future accidents . . . not how it might embarrass him.” Jack shook his head and stroked TJ’s hair from his forehead, “I keep forgetting you guys aren’t little kids looking up to me for advice, but are full grown men.”

Smiling, TJ shrugged, “you give pretty good advice, Jackie, Bucky and I just need to get better about listening to it. Hey,” TJ’s smile turned brighter, “we’re taking Johnny’s jet back to either DC or New York, still not completely sure, do you and David wanna catch that flight or hang out in Vegas for the rest of the weekend.”

Jack looked at David for his husband’s input, trying to be mindful of Bucky’s claims that Jack needed to listen more than just assume he knew what was best. “Davey?” he asked, softly.

David looked over and smiled at Jack, “I’m good with whatever, Jack. This trip was about you trying to relax. Would you feel better here in Vegas or flying back with Bucky and TJ?”

Thinking, Jack asked, “would Bucky mind if we all went to see his place in New York? Oh,” shaking his head, Jack said, “Steve said something about Bucky’s doctor insisting he get out of his apartment. It’s one of the reasons they wanted to go to DC to visit TJ.” Looking at TJ, Jack said, “believe it or not, I’d feel more relaxed going home and beginning to house hunt for a place in New York.”

“I don’t think Bucky will mind you guys hitching a ride,” TJ smiled, “course, I don’t think he’s gonna care much about anything for at least a few more hours.”

“It’ll be rude of us to leave early, won’t it? I mean, Sam, and his new friend, and Nat and Clint, and Tony and Pepper are still here for our reunion.” Jack sighed.

“They’ll be fine,” TJ assured with a dismissive wave, “they’ll get to have a plan-free trip to Vegas.”

Laughing suddenly, Jack shook his head, “I just realized how much alike we are, Teej. We both feel obsessed with planning everything around us.”

Blinking, TJ smiled at Jack, “maybe that’s the thing, maybe we should plan less?”

“I can’t help it,” Jack grinned. “Ever since I had my first lemonade stand when I was six, I’ve felt a deep need to be in charge.” He reached over to tug David towards him. “Luckily I found a guy who lets me have that illusion.”

David kissed Jack’s cheek and then said, “we should get packing, though. The sooner we get home the sooner you can get to planning our life in New York.” David didn’t seem upset over having to leave the clinic he was at in DC. He knew Jack couldn’t turn down Stark’s offer, and with the family all moving back to New York, hopefully, they’d be able to mend their relationship.

“We,” Jack firmly countered. “I’m gonna take TJ and Bucky’s advise here, David. I want your help looking for our first home.” He grinned. “What happens in Vegas doesn’t have to stay in Vegas, my love.”


	4. Not So Happy Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Post Traumatic**

TJ slipped out of the town-car Johnny had hired to bring them all to the tarmac where Johnny’s jet was being prepped for their flight out to New York; it had been decided to get Bucky back to Dr. Cho as soon as possible. TJ wore his sunglasses, the lingering headache from the remnants of his hangover making it hard to be out in the bright sun. He grabbed his weekend bag and stepped out of the way for the next person to get out of the car.

Johnny took out both of his bags and stepped out of the way, handing his luggage off to the steward he hired regularly to take care of his flight passengers. “Thanks,” he said and reached for TJ. “Wanna give up the bag, Sweetheart?” he asked with a flirty smile for his new husband, still finding it hard to believe that elusive, stand-offish TJ Barnes had wanted to try to make their marriage work.

Looking at Johnny, TJ nodded and gave the bag to the steward with a thankful nod. Turning back to the tall blond, TJ moved his eyes to the jet on the tarmac, “so, you actually have your own jet, huh?”

“Yeah, saved up and bought it second hand. Went over it like a new mother counts fingers and toes,” he chuckled. “I keep her well tuned and stocked fully.” Johnny reached out to twine fingers with TJ’s, still facing him, their left hands joined. Lifting TJ’s hand to his lips, Johnny placed a kiss right next to TJ’s sparkling silver wedding band, the sun glinting off the matched set.

“Well, I’d hate to go down in your plane,” TJ laughed softly, flushing at the attention Johnny gave him. “So, in New York,” TJ bit his lip, “where are we gonna stay? I . . . I don’t think I wanna stay with your sister.”

Snorting lightly, Johnny shook his head. “After hearing the horror stories from your family, I can say I don’t, either. I love my sister, and I might be living there currently, but I rarely hang out with her or Reed. I’ll be packing up and moving into a hotel until I can find a spot, if that’s okay with you, Sweetheart?”

“Um . . .” TJ licked his lips, watching as Steve helped Bucky out of the car. Turning back to his husband, TJ said, “did you . . . did you want to find a place together? I mean . . . I know we’re married but we don’t know each other very well . . . so . . . so I’d understand if you don’t wanna move in with me . . .”

Slipping a finger under TJ’s chin, Johnny softly kissed his lips. Smiling, he said, “I was hoping we could pick out a place together, love. Maybe have separate rooms until we’re more comfortable with each other and agree to move into a master bedroom together?”

“And . . . and if I didn’t want to sleep in separate rooms?” TJ asked softly, his lips pulled into a worried frown; even with the sunglasses, it was obvious his eyes were just as concerned. Since his suicide attempt, TJ had troubles sleeping by himself, something only Jack and David knew of.

“I think that can be arranged, too, love,” Johnny breathed into TJ’s mouth, kissing again.

Smiling softly into the kiss, TJ’s head snapped to the side when he heard a shutter of a camera going off. 

A man with a camera stood there, snapping pictures of the widely popular concert pianist and his newest boyfriend. “TJ Barnes! Who’s the new man?”

Johnny looked mildly amused and turned his gaze on the paparazzi and then TJ. “Fan of yours?” he asked.

“More like a leech,” TJ grumbled; he looked at the young photographer behind the lens, an up and coming journalist by the name of Peter Parker that seemed to follow him everywhere. “Not just a new man, this is Johnny Storm, my _husband_.”

“Congratulations, TJ! Johnny! Smile for your society shot?” Peter asked, grinning widely, excitement thrumming through him. It’d taken some finagling to fly out to Vegas to follow the pianist, but as TJ’s unofficial shadow, Peter had managed it. “Are you the Johnny Storm that flies the test planes?” he asked, displaying his knowledge of the very well-off pilot.

Johnny blinked and looked at TJ, unsure how he should answer the question, or if he should even encourage this conversation with the photographer.

TJ plastered on his social smile and said, “yes, Peter. Johnny flies test planes for NASA. Tell him, love,” TJ placed his hand on Johnny’s chest, the left hand so the ring was clearly visible to Peter, and looked up at his new husband.

Nodding, smiling down at TJ, Johnny turned towards Peter. “Can’t talk about the job or planes, themselves, you understand. Testing them means they’re prototypes and hush hush. But, as you can see, I’ve got a rather not-test plane to keep in practice on. Plan to fly my husband and the family back home now our wedding’s done.”

Peter nodded, grinning as he snapped a couple of more shots. “Thanks so much! Have a great flight, guys! Thanks, TJ!” He waved, not one to push his luck too far. Peter had gotten lucky, being one of the few paparazzi the exclusive pianist was friendly enough with. He planned to keep it that way.

Sighing, TJ laid his head on Johnny’s shoulder, “sorry about that,” he said, “that’s pretty much gonna happen every time we go out.”

“Seemed like a nice guy,” Johnny commented. “Not pushy like in the movies and stuff.” Johnny lifted TJ’s chin again and smiled, kissing him gently once more now the camera wasn’t on them.

Smiling against Johnny’s lips, TJ nodded, “yeah, Peter’s alright. C’mon, show me this plane of yours.”

Grinning, Johnny glanced over his shoulder at where Bucky stood close to Steve, smiling and looking far from nervous, despite the stranger taking luggage or the idea he would be closed into an airplane for sometime with his family.

Steve kept his arm around Bucky’s waist, helping the middle Barnes sibling keep upright with the relaxant running through his system. He continued to place kisses on Bucky’s neck and ear, Bucky seeming to enjoy all the attention.

Humming off tune, Bucky leaned happily against his strong lover. He kept smiling at Steve and sighing, but said nothing at all. When the steward came for his bag, Bucky merely held it out then let it drop when it got near the man’s hand. It was apparent the steward thought Bucky was doing a dick move because the man frowned and bent to retrieve the bag. Bucky looked a bit surprised, but rather uncomprehending, as he watched the steward bend; the brunet tried to bow back, stumbling.

Steve helped Bucky remain on his feet; after he was sure that Bucky wouldn’t fall down, Steve removed his arm from Bucky’s waist to bend down and grab the bag for the steward. “Sorry about that, he gets real nervous when flying.” He didn’t tell the man that Bucky was on anti-anxiety medication, but left the impression that they’d given Bucky something to take the edge off.

The steward looked at Steve, accepting the bag, then glanced at Bucky with that same frown. “He looks like he’s about to fall down the steps, sir.” Bucky had left Steve’s side and began climbing the short steps into the aircraft, both hands on the rail and moving slowly up, sideways, step by step, his face a mask of concentration. “Maybe fasten him in once he’s settled? Bathroom’s in the rear.”

Luckily, TJ had seen his brother’s clumsy attempts up the stairs and hurried from Johnny’s side to help Bucky the rest of the way up. “Gotcha, Buck, c’mon . . . one at a time, alright,” TJ said in Bucky’s ear.

“I was trying for one at a time, but rubber stairs move and wiggle,” Bucky replied, sounding like he was struggling not to laugh or cry. He met TJ’s eyes and there was fear lurking behind the drugged state. “This plane’s kinda big, right? Anything bigger’n a bird shouldn’t maybe be in the air . . .”

“Well, we can’t drive all the way back to New York, Buck,” TJ said softly, helping Bucky up the stairs. “But, Johnny assured me the plane is super safe. Nothing to worry about, Buck.”

Once Bucky was on the top stair, Johnny reach out to steady the man. Bucky looked at him then leaned towards TJ, “I dropped my bag.”

“Oh? That’s okay, lot’s of people drop their bags,” TJ assured, ushering his twin into the plane.

“Why don’t you guys come inside and get seats?” Johnny offered in a friendly manner, smiling. He didn’t seem put out that one of his passengers would be needing babysitting on the trip. “Got a nice bathroom and great seats.” He moved into the plane to show them the interior, which was set up much like private jets in movies were. Johnny looked over Bucky’s head to TJ, mouthing words which could be _‘need help?’_

TJ looked over at his husband, frowning softly; he shook his head and then looked back at his twin. “Wanna sit, Buck? There’s some nice seats.”

“On the stairs?” Bucky blinked and shook his head then grabbed for Johnny’s still outstretched hand. “Can’t fly with the door open, Teej. Not a wing walker . . . are you?” He grinned, and it was obvious the frightened, drugged man was trying to form coherent thoughts and even make a joke, but his lucidity was fleeting.

Steve finally made his way into the plane with the others. He smiled at Bucky, still in TJ’s arms, and said, “heya, Buck. Ready to get to New York?”

Jack sighed and moved to a seat, letting David move ahead of him. He set down a container Tony had given him for Bucky. Turning, the oldest Barnes watched his hung-over little brother and drugged other little brother.

“Wish I could teleport to New York,” Bucky sighed and stepped into the plane, letting TJ and Johnny help him. Once on relatively flat footing, Bucky seemed relieved and looked around with wide eyes. “This ain’t a plane. No crowds!”

“No crowds,” TJ repeated on a nod, trying to get Bucky to a seat, “we’re taking Johnny’s plane, remember, Buck? No crowded airport.”

“Johnny flies?” Bucky looked at TJ and sighed. “I hate flying, Teej.” His eyes were starting to droop.

“I know,” TJ finally managed to get his twin to a seat and helped him sit down, “but, try and sleep, yeah? We’ll be back in New York before ya know it.”

“Then we go to DC to get your piano?” Bucky asked, yawning and snuggling back in the large, suede chair.

“Sure thing,” TJ agreed readily, trying to keep his brother calm and hopefully get him to sleep. He reached forward to begin belting his twin in. “We’ll get my piano.”

Opening his sleepy eyes one last time, Bucky false-whispered, not realizing he was being loud, “Stevie’s gay, Teej.”

Johnny snickered and moved to settle the rest of the Barnes family. “The straightest man on the plane handles the luggage,” he commented softly.

“Is he?” TJ laughed softly, “well, that’s good to hear, Buck. Get some rest, ‘kay?” He finished buckling up Bucky and then moved his fingers through his twin’s hair.

With another yawn, Bucky closed his eyes and seemed to drift off instantly, with a sigh, hand curling under his chin like when he was five. Jack instantly seemed to relax, unaware of the tension he’d felt while near an awake, if drugged, Bucky. He sank down and pushed the case towards Steve. “Those are his meds.”

Nodding, Steve took the case and then moved to get settled in the chair next to the sleeping Bucky.

David sat down next to Jack, taking his husband’s hand and then kissing his fingers. “Love you, Jackie,” he said, looking over at the brunet.

Blinking, Jack turned to David and smiled at him. He leaned over and gently traced his lips over David’s. “I love you, too, Davie.” He fastened his own seatbelt and absently checked to see if David, Bucky, and Steve were fastened in, since those were the ones seated. “TJ, gonna need to get buckled in before Johnny can fly this thing,” he absently instructed.

TJ gave his oldest brother a lazy, two-fingered salute and then moved away from Bucky.

“Wanna sit up front with me or back here and sleep?” Johnny asked with a grin.

“You mean . . . up in the cockpit?” TJ asked, eyes wide behind his sunglasses, which he still hadn’t taken off yet.

“Sure. Won’t be allowed to touch anything, since I’m not authorized to give lessons in this thing. I’ll have the co-pilot station shut on automatic. But you can sit there.” Johnny leaned closer, “but if you don’t wanna, I understand. Seeing the world through the windscreen of a plane isn’t on everybody’s bucket list. Also, no sun visors up there. Just your aviators.” He plucked out a pair of mirrored sunglasses and put them on.

“Sure . . . I’ll sit up there, never been in a cockpit before,” TJ gave his new husband a smile before moving towards the blond.

Jack held his tongue but looked worried, glancing to David. Johnny seemed not to notice. He held out his hand to TJ and said, “while I’m flying, Sweetheart, I’ll be doing a lot of concentrating, so if you get bored, just come back here and rest, okay? Not one of those talky pilots who takes his eyes off the skylanes.”

“Sure, I understand,” TJ nodded, taking Johnny’s hand, letting the taller man pull him towards the front of the plane.

Giving TJ a quick kiss before leading him into the cockpit, Johnny laughed, “I should give you flowers everyday the same color as your blush. You are adorable, TJ, my love.”

Flushing brighter, TJ ducked his head, “c’mon, let’s get to New York, yeah?”

Nodding, Johnny strapped into the pilot's seat then turned to instruct TJ how to buckle up and get out. He also told him about safety features as the steward instructed those in the main passenger hold. Finally, Johnny pointed out key things TJ could spot on the main bank of dials and meters and such. Johnny put on his headphones and began his checkpoints, talking back and forth with the tower and the ground crew as he seriously began his job, TJ only on the periphery at last.

**************

Steve carefully balanced Bucky in his arms as he slipped out of the car. He stepped out of the way to let the others get out of the car that had taken them from the airport to Stark Tower where Bucky lived and the others would be staying until they found their own residences.

Jack stepped out and looked up at the towering high rise, sighing. “So, this is where Bucky’s been holed up all these years?”

David slipped his arms around Jack’s waist, resting his chin on his husband’s shoulders, “at least it’s a nice place?”

“Do you realize, David, that the New York address for Stark’s business is _this_ tower? Bucky _lives_ where he works, where he injured himself. That’s gotta be messing him up!” Jack looked around at the well dressed office workers and inventors and engineers all moving about their hurried lives. The living quarters were on several of the top floors, and a private elevator would take them up, but still, Jack didn’t like the constant reminder Bucky must be living with.

Shaking his head, David let out a sigh, “but Bucky refused both your’s and TJ’s offers to move to DC when he was injured. Can’t force him to go where he doesn’t want.”

“Think he’s addicted to Stark’s _medicines_?” Jack growled low.

“Wouldn’t be surprised. Those are some heavy-duty relaxants. I don’t like that he's been administering Bucky drugs,” David frowned softly.

“I don’t like it. Stark just pumps him full of shit and no medical paper trail, not ethics or responsibility. Starks a loose cannon!” Jack frowned, knowing he’d have to work on getting Bucky out of his friend, Tony’s, clutches.

“And now,” TJ piped up directly behind Jack and David, always having being quiet-footed, “he’s your _boss_ , Jackie.”

Jack looked at his youngest brother then slid his eyes over to peer at Bucky, still in Steve’s strong arms. “Boss or not, I won’t let Tony Stark continue to experiment on my brother. And if he says Bucky signed papers to let him, I want those legally checked out. My brother’s not a guinea pig.”

TJ nodded his agreement, pushing his sunglasses up into his hair. “Yeah . . . no wonder he never wanted to visit. He wouldn’t have access to his drugs in DC.”

“Could be he was just afraid to fly down and meet with disgusted looks for his damaged flesh?” Stark’s voice greeted them, apparently not bothered by the private conversation or speculation he interrupted. “Let me show you the private access to the living floors. This way.” He turned and started walking down a long hall, using a keycard and his fingerprints to get in. “Pepper will have you granted access.”

“Wasn’t he in Vegas when we left?” TJ whispered towards Johnny, eyes wide as he watched the smaller brunet ahead of them.

Johnny sighed, “he wouldn’t have needed to try to work with someone on heavy suppressants to fly out. He could have left as soon as he gave Jack those meds. There were a couple of other private jets in the lineup, and I wasn’t the first in line.” Johnny slid his glasses onto the top of his head and put an arm around TJ.

“Still don’t like the fact that he’s been doping up my brother without our knowledge,” TJ grumbled, leaning into Johnny’s chest. 

Hand sliding down from TJ’s waist to his hip, fingers playing close to where his hip would join his crotch, Johnny said, “We can always demand medical accountability. Especially from his beloved Dr. Cho. Make sure she’s on the level?”

TJ nodded his agreement to Johnny’s statement, squirming slightly as his body started to respond to Johnny’s wandering hands. “Uh . . . yeah, that sounds . . . that sounds like a good plan.”

Bucky began stirring groggily in Steve’s arms, instantly freezing when he felt someone else’s arms. Opening his pale eyes, Bucky looked up at Steve’s blue ones and opened his mouth as if to scream. But, instead, he sighed and pushed slightly at Steve’s chest. “Can walk . . .” he mumbled.

“You sure you can walk, Buck?” Steve asked softly, “I don’t mind carrying you.”

“I been doin’ it since I was two,” Bucky muttered, looking back into Steve’s face. “Too heavy to carry.”

“Nah, you’re not heavy. But, if you wanna walk, I can put you down,” Steve offered; he kissed Bucky’s forehead and added, “though, I do love how you fit in my arms, baby.”

Flushing a bit, Bucky put his face against Steve’s chest. “Dreamed you said that,” he sighed and relaxed, no longer pushing or trying to get away. “We home or in DC? I forget,” Bucky sighed, but didn’t lift his head to look, afraid of what he’d see, actually.

“New York, Buck,” Steve informed. “We’re heading towards your place right now, actually.”

“My place? Ain’t clean . . .” Bucky finally looked up and around then seemed to relax, slipping his arm around Steve’s neck for security. “The private hall. I’ve got backdoor access, too, so don’t haveta meet people if I leave.”

“Nothing’s too good for my Bucky Bear,” Tony called in an amused, friendly tone before swiping his card and using his fingerprint at the elevator.

David leaned closer to Jack again to whisper, “if Bucky wasn’t head over heels for Steve, I would think him and Tony were together.”

Jack nodded, whispering back, “think Tony’s overdoing the repentance thing for the explosion? Maybe paying off Bucky with all this private care and such?”

“Yeah, I think that may be a factor,” David nodded, looking around before stepping into the elevator after Tony, Steve, and Bucky.

Jack followed his husband into the elevator and turned to face the door, offering a small frown and raised eyebrow to Johnny and TJ, Johnny’s fingers still playing quite close to TJ’s crotch over his pants. Bucky looked around the elevator and seemed to relax even more, smiling softly. “Almost home. Not the most organized, but you’ll get to see where I live?”

“Can’t wait, baby,” Steve murmured, kissing at Bucky’s neck again. The muscular blond watched as Johnny and TJ stepped into the large elevator, TJ looking flushed and a bit breathless.

Tony made sure the entire group was in the elevator, which was quite large and had a sitting bench along the three walls. He inserted his card and pushed the only button, sending the elevator up, quietly, smoothly, and relatively free of noticeable motion. It tooks minutes only before the door swung open on a large sitting area complete with kitchen space at the back and huge balcony doors. Several hallways shot off from this main room and another group of elevators sat next to the first, probably to bring occupants up to the rest of the living floors. “Home,” Tony said, simply. If that lounge was any indication of the opulence of the apartments, whomever Tony had ensconced in his private tower would be in the lap of luxury indeed.

Jack looked shocked and whistled low. “Very nice, Stark,” he said, stepping on first and turning to view the decorated space. Looking at the men and one woman in the elevator, Jack asked, “so our rooms are on this floor?”

Tony stepped out and nodded to Pepper. “You can hand out rooms, Pep. Unless you’re permanent residents, yeah, this is your floor. It’s the guest wing. Bucky lives upstairs, and I’m the top two with Pepper. Anything you need, just speak and my houseboy, Jarvis, will help.” Blinking as the man took in the sight of Bucky still in Steve’s arms, Tony frowned slightly. “Is this a bridal thing? Thought it was Tommy-Boy that got married.”

“The meds you gave him knocked him out,” Steve stated simply.

“Yeah, had Pepper give him the heavy dose,” Tony nodded and turned to gesture to the room. “Group kitchen, but each suite has a private kitchen. Let Jarvis or Pepper know if you want stuff stocked. Right now they’re pretty bare since no guests until you. Bathrooms, though, stocked fully.”

“What was in that dose, anyway, Tony?” Jack said, his tone a shade more aggressive than normal.

Tony glanced at the older man and shrugged. “Assigned him by Dr. Cho for severe anxiety attacks. You can ask her. I don’t question his doctor.” Tony gave them his charming smile.

“That . . .” TJ breathed, his forehead resting against Johnny’s strong shoulder, “that answers that question, then.” His breath hitched in the back of his throat as Johnny’s hand seemed to get closer and closer to his crotch without outright groping him.

“So, where is Doctor Cho?” Jack challenged more boldly, turning to accept the guest key card from Pepper before looking back at Tony.

Shaking his head, Tony said, “she lives two floors up. But you can have Pepper or Jarvis arrange for a meeting. I think she’d like that. She’s been trying to get Buckaroo to bring his family in to meet her for months now. Says she wants to talk about his emotional care. But,” Tony gestured towards the frowning Bucky, “that’s his affair, not mine. I just house and employ him.” Placing his hand on the counter of the kitchenette, Tony said, “no booze on premises in the public spaces, but you can have it in your private suites if you want. Try not to offer it to Bucky. He likes to thwart his medications by drinking.”

“Tony, shut up,” Bucky growled, struggling finally to get out of Steve’s arms.

Steve let Bucky down without a word, though he kept very closeby in case Bucky stumbled.

Eyes widening in mock innocence, Tony said, “wait? Was it supposed to be a secret that you’re almost an alcoholic? Sorry, thought they knew.” He turned again to head for the elevator, sidling past the shocked Jack. “See ya later all.”

“Tony,” Pepper called in a warning tone, following her boss. She turned to look at the Barnes family, “sorry about him. Have a good day, guys.”

As the elevator slid shut behind Pepper, Bucky growled, glaring at the doors. “Not a drunk. He’s having a tantrum ‘cause he doesn't’ have me to himself anymore. Spoiled ass.”

TJ blinked, pulling out of Johnny’s arms so he could stay with the conversation, Johnny letting out the softest of protesting whimpers but not stopping him. “It’s okay if you drink, Bucky . . . well, maybe not okay with your medication but . . .” TJ shook his head, his words jumbling in his mouth. “I mean . . .” he looked at Bucky with a worried frown, “you don’t have anything to be ashamed of?” TJ winced as the words left his mouth.

Turning, gripping Steve for balance, Bucky frowned at TJ. “Ashamed? I told you, I’m not a drunk. Why would I be ashamed of the occasional drink? Don’t you believe me?”

“I . . . uh . . .” TJ rubbed the back of his neck, “yeah, I believe you, Buck.” TJ couldn’t help but think about Jack and David’s wedding, how Bucky had started drinking as soon as he’d arrived and didn’t stop until he could barely stand on his own two feet.

Frowning, Bucky finally fished in his pockets until he sighed. “Who’s got my wallet?” his voice had gone from defensive and near angry to a softer, almost worried sound, as if the bark had been punctured from him.

“I have it,” Steve stated, fishing out his lover’s wallet from one of his back pockets, “you said it was bothering you on the plane.”

“Thanks,” Bucky reached over and took it back. He offered a shaky smile. “I’m sorry, Teej,” Bucky’s eyes slid over to his twin’s. “Coming down from the meds makes me jumpy and a bit paranoid. Look, my place isn’t the cleanest or neatest, but I’ve got food and stuff stocked. If you guys want, I’ve got two spare rooms, too. Come on up?” He took out his keycard with trembling fingers.

TJ gave Bucky a smile that didn’t match with his concerned eyes, “sure, sounds good, Buck. Coming up, Johnny?”

“Sure am. I’d love a shower if that’s possible? Haven’t had a bath or anything since before the wedding, really.” He shot a smile at TJ. “And I’ve been very active since then.”

Flushing bright red, TJ ducked his head, though a small smile graced his lips.

Jack took David’s hand. “Thanks, Bucky. We’d love to come up. If this common room is any indicator, you’re place has got to be beautiful, right?”

Bucky froze as if put on the spot. He shook his head. “No . . . maybe a bad idea. You guys can always get the rooms down here stocked. Jarvis is quick, will get it done within the hour . . .” He looked nervous as he shifted from foot to foot.

TJ looked up and frowned softly, “do you want us to stay down here, Buck? We don’t mind. Whatever makes you most comfortable.”

“Look, I didn’t mean that I expected it to look like it’s out of a magazine, Bucky . . .” Jack tried to soothe things.

Bucky’s eyes began widening and he shook his head. “Maybe a house flippers magazine?” he sounded like he tried to joke and fell flat.

“Buck,” Steve ran his fingers down his lover’s spine, “how about I go up with you while your brothers get cleaned up. I’ll help you get your place ready?”

Drawing a deep breath, leaning back into the soothing feel of Steve’s fingers on his spine, Bucky nodded. “Yeah, that’s good. Steve can tell me if I really need a dumpster or I’m just over reacting, right?” He let out a nervous laugh.

“Sounds good,” Jack immediately jumped on the solution. “I’m gonna go to this room on the left here. I like the feng shui of it.” He disappeared into the claimed room without another word, David following right behind his husband, giving Bucky a reassuring smile.

“C’mon, Buck,” Steve took Bucky’s hand and pulled him in the direction Tony had said the brunet’s level was.

TJ looked up at Johnny, “uh . . . wanna find a room?”

A slow grin spread over Johnny’s face and he leaned close. “Bucky might need some time to clean. Wanna shower and play with me, Mr. Barnes-Storm?” Suddenly, he chuckled, “oh, that’s a classic name for a pilot’s husband, isn’t it? Barn-storm.”

Blushing again, TJ slowly nodded, “yeah . . . okay? Shower might be good.”

“How about we go on the right?” He looked over to Steve’s back and nodded then back to TJ, taking his hands and guiding him into the closest guest suite. “Besides, I think a hot shower would help you feel less gross after your hangover. Those suck bad. Surest way not to get them is to drink water all night between alcohol.”

Bucky used his key card and fingerprint to open the proper elevator and step in, relaxing onto the bench with a relieved sigh. He glanced up at his lover. “I think the place might be a disaster area. I don’t think I got it fixed up.” Soon the elevator reached his level and the door opened.

Steve looked around the relatively clean apartment, though he could see some holes in the walls and a pile of broken things pushed in one corner of the main room. “Nah, it’s actually not bad, Buck. I promise.” He stepped inside, followed by Bucky.

Glancing around, Bucky tapped his key on his right hip. “You sure? I,” he flushed at the sight of the mess in the corner, “I kinda got upset when Jack told me to leave.”

Looking at the pile of broken objects, Steve nodded, “I’d be upset, too, if I was told to leave my baby brother’s bedside by my other brother.”

Bucky nodded and stepped one step closer to Steve. “I mean, yeah, I was on heavy meds since I’d just heard TJ had been hurt and was close to death and had to fly down, but I would never, ever hurt my brother, Steve, I swear it!” Bucky’s eyes had filled with tears, and his hand clenched as he sidled even closer to Steve. “And when I heard it wasn’t a car accident, I was so scared. I _needed_ the meds just to function. I . . . I knew it was my fault. I should have been there. I was selfish after the explosion,” Bucky whimpered.

“Jack told me the reason why TJ tried to kill himself,” Steve said softly, running his thumb over Bucky’s cheekbone, “did he ever explain it to you?”

“No, not really,” Bucky sighed. “More like told me to get the hell away from my twin until I was better.” Bucky leaned into Steve’s touch. “I’m a bad brother. Couldn’t even be there for my own twin brother.”

Steve took a deep breath and then said, “I only heard the bare details, but basically, TJ got involved with a guy for about six or so months. Turned out the guy was married with children and using TJ as a sort-of mistress. TJ found out, drank himself into a stupor . . . and well, you know the rest. He didn’t do it because of you, Buck. Some selfish bastard messed with his heart real bad.”

Bucky’s hand clenched in Steve’s shirt, his keycard dropping to the floor. “Someone played with TJ like that?” his voice turned cold, a blood-chilling cold. “I’ll kill him.”

Running his thumb over Bucky’s cheekbone again, Steve said, “the last thing TJ needs is you in prison for murdering some jackass who isn’t worth a single thought.”

Lifting his face to study Steve’s, Bucky was very reminiscent of the confident boy from high school, though the friendliness wasn’t there at the moment. “He _hurt_ my TJ, Stevie.”

“I know he did,” Steve nodded, his other hand moving to run down Bucky’s back. “TJ’s still hurting, Bucky. It’ll take time and care to erase the damage that asshole did.”

“And there’s nothing I can do? I have to just let TJ be hurt and that bastard walk’s away scot free?” Bucky sounded angry, but he less cold, leaning back into the touch. Apparently, whoever originally discovered Bucky liked his back stroked hit upon a great relaxer for the sometimes volatile man.

“Well, you can be there for TJ. He’s gonna have good days and bad days, just like you do, Buck,” Steve offered his lover a small smile, continuing his gentle rubbing.

Sighing, Bucky shook his head. “How come the kid who jumped every guy who looked at him funny turned into the zen master?”

Snorting softly, Steve shot Bucky a wide grin, “oh, that kid’s still there. I learned a lot over the past ten years, Bucky. One of those things was that I can’t win everything by punching my way out. I still got a temper, but I don’t let it control me anymore, if that makes sense?”

“Yeah, it does. Helen would love you. You’re the epitome of a success case.” Bucky pulled away and stood on rather sturdy legs, apparently even further over his dosing. “The kitchen’s through that door, and guest bath there, but every room has a bathroom. I’ve got two guest bedrooms, but there are four bedrooms total. I just keep two for myself.” Bucky led his lover down the hall, showing the very clean and neat rooms of his home. Apparently, despite his problems, Bucky managed to maintain a healthy environment; he just kept sliding further to being a shut in.

“Well, good news is,” Steve smiled, following the brunet, “we just gotta pick up the pile in the living room and your apartment is ready for guests, Buck.”

Sighing Bucky walked back to the living room and ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah, that’s a problem. I . . . I don’t know what I did to it, but it’s kinda stuck there and it causes my hand to burn if I touch it without a glove. I can’t get it up. I think I may have maximum super glued it or something?” He sounded worried and self-conscious. “I kinda don’t want Tony to know? It’s his tower and he’ll really rag on me for my temper. He’s only just stopped since Helen started the meds.”

Steve walked over to the pile and touched it, eyebrows raising when nothing moved. Bucky had literally glued the pile to the floor. “Well . . .” Steve rubbed the back of his neck, “not sure how to remove it without taking up the flooring below.”

“Maybe we can call it postmodernism art?” Bucky joked, though the pile of broken stuff looked nothing like art. It looked like chairs and appliances broken and heaped together in a pile.

Looking over at Bucky, Steve gave the brunet a smile. “Perhaps. I’m not sure what can break down all this glue. This amount should’ve been toxic . . . you’re lucky you didn’t get hurt, Buck.”

Flushing, Bucky said, “Jarvis opened the windows. I don’t remember much else for a couple days. I think Pepper might have checked on me?”

“Makes sense,” Steve nodded; he looked back at the pile, “well, your brothers may need to stay downstairs if you aren’t comfortable with them seeing it. We can figure out how to take it out?”

Sighing, Bucky moved to one of two couches and took the afghan threw. He clumsily tossed it over the pile and began trying to cover it completely. “I think Jack won’t like it if he doesn’t at least get to see that I’m not an animal?”

“Jack doesn’t think you’re an animal, Buck,” Steve assured, running his fingers through Bucky’s hair, “he just worries about you, I think it’s hardwired in him to worry about you and TJ.”

“He loves TJ more,” Bucky sighed and headed back into the elevator, forgetting his keycard on the floor in his distress.

“Why would you say that?” Steve scooped up the keycard, following the brunet.

“Because, he never even came to New York when I was hurt,” Bucky punched the key for the common floor.

“That doesn’t seem like him, Buck,” Steve breathed out, laying a hand on his lover’s shoulder.

Bucky turned to face Steve, misery in his eyes. “TJ was on tour in Europe and Jack was with _him_ , Steve.”

“No,” Steve shook his head, giving Bucky a relieved looking smile.

“No?” Bucky frowned, puzzled.

“Bucky,” Steve ran his thumb over Bucky’s clothed collarbone, “TJ canceled that entire European tour. It was all over the news back in England. He said his brother had gotten in an accident and he needed to be with family. Jack would have been with him.”

“I . . .” Bucky frowned, thinking hard, shaking his head. “It’s fuzzy? Lots of twisted dreams. Half what I remember isn’t real. Are you sure?” Bucky looked hopeful but like he didn’t want to be hopeful, didn’t want to be disappointed.

“Positive. I’d actually bought a ticket to go see him,” Steve gave Bucky another smile, “that entire tour was canceled, Buck. TJ and Jack were home with you.”

“I . . .” Bucky drew a breath but the elevator opened and he turned, wide eyed, to face the large common room. Walking out, he cocked his head, hearing showers running. “That . . . that sounds more like . . . what I would expect?” Bucky glanced at Steve, pale eyes searching. “But I don’t remember Jack there. I kept dreaming TJ was there. Sometimes even in bed with me, like when we were little.”

“Do you wanna ask Jack about it?” Steve questioned.

“Jack wouldn’t lie to me . . . right?” Bucky whispered. HIs confidence in his older brother had severely crumbled over the past three years.

“Of course not,” Steve assured, heading over to the room that Jack and David had claimed. He knocked softly on the door.

The door opened readily enough, and Jack, dressed only in dark jeans with a towel around his neck, opened it. He smiled, looking much more relaxed after the shower. “Steve. Bucky down here or upstairs?” he asked pleasantly enough.

“Bucky’s right here,” Steve gestured behind him, “he was hoping you’d clear up something for him?” The blond turned and gave Bucky a reassuring smile.

Flushing brightly, Bucky looked at Jack with wide eyes and began to breathe a little faster. He clutched at his keycard, his nerves threatening to cause it to snap. “Uh . . .”

Moving back to Bucky, Steve ran his fingers up and down Bucky’s back, “it’s okay, Buck. You can ask him.”

“Uh,” Bucky swallowed, barely aware of the sounds of both showers stopping. He looked at Jack who, for once, didn’t push. Instead his older brother merely waited in the doorway, patient and looking interested. Bucky swallowed again. “You weren’t there when I exploded,” Bucky spat out quickly, looking like he wanted to throw up.

Jack looked shocked at the unexpected accusation. “Bucky, I worked in DC. I couldn’t be here when that thing exploded!”

“He means in the hospital, Jack,” Steve offered, continuing to rub soothingly at his lover’s back.

“Of course I was in the hospital,” Jack frowned, looking confused. “I insisted on a private room with two beds, paid extra, so I could sleep there. TJ and I did shifts watching you for two whole weeks, Bucky!”

“It’s true,” TJ spoke up behind Bucky and Steve, hair damp from his shower, dressed in only a pair of sweats. “Buck, Jackie was there. Both of us were.”

Slowly, carefully enunciating every word, Jack said, “Bucky, I was so busy tending to you, when I got back to DC, I was told I had no job. I always thought he fired me because of all the leave I’d used, but he said he was down-sizing. I certainly was here for you after the explosion. For three months.”

“You . . . you told us to leave, Buck,” TJ breathed out, chewing his bottom lip. “Said you didn’t want us there anymore.”

“I did?” Bucky looked overwhelmed and shocked. He leaned back into Steve with a whimper. “I don’t remember you there. I told the nightmares to leave me alone. I couldn’t sleep. It hurt so much. I wanted to sleep so the pain would leave.” He whimpered again and the stroking seemed not to be working anymore as he began to tremble.

TJ looked across the hall at Jack, though he didn’t say anything else; his eyes were miserable.

“Ah, shit,” Jack stepped out and pulled Bucky against him, ignoring the trembling and whimpering. He hugged his frightened, confused brother tightly. “I thought you were talking to us. We didn’t know you had _nightmares_ , Bucky, I swear!”

Bucky seemed too lost to hear Jack’s reassurances because he dropped to the floor after a small struggle and crawled away to a corner, whimpering and crying. “Don’t touch . . . don’t touch . . .” Jack watched, looking helpless.

Sighing, Steve pulled out the medicine Jack had given him on the plane. A hand on his wrist drew his attention and Johnny shook his head. “TJ, Sweetheart. Do you think Bucky needs his twin?”

“He’s saying not to touch him,” TJ whimpered himself, running a hand through his short curls.

“I didn’t say touch him. Talk to him. Haven’t you noticed? Your voice soothes him sometimes.” Johnny looked at his husband, also dressed only in sweats and still damp from their shared shower and gentle loveplay.

Blinking, TJ swallowed thickly and nodded. He walked over to where Bucky had cornered himself and sank to his knees in front of his brother. He didn’t make any moves to touch his trembling twin. “Buck?” TJ called out, his own voice shaking, “Bucky? Hey, it’s TJ . . . you’re alright, Bucky. You’re okay.”

Bucky lifted his eyes to TJ. “Hurts . . . don’t touch . . .” He sounded lost and scared and overwhelmed, but he wasn’t as far gone as when he’d wet himself at the hotel.

“Not gonna touch you, Bucky,” TJ assured, eyes wide, though he tried to gain control of his voice. “I’m here, Buck. Not gonna leave. Right here, Buck.”

“TJ, I wanted to stay,” Bucky whispered, switching lines of trauma, events, lightning fast, as if they blended together for him. “Jack said I had to be better. I’m not better. I’m sick . . . too sick for you.” Tears trailed down Bucky’s cheeks.

“You’re not,” TJ assured, aching to hug his twin, “we’ll get better together, yeah? We always do things together. Makes sense we’ll get better together.”

Holding his breath a heartbeat or two, Bucky finally launched himself at his twin and hugged him, one-armed, hard. “I’m sorry, Teej. So sorry.”

TJ fell back with a solid thud but that didn’t stop him from wrapping both arms around Bucky and hugging him tightly. “I’m sorry, too, Buck. Shoulda just come down. Shoulda stayed with you in New York. I’m so sorry.” TJ kissed the top of Bucky’s head, clutching tightly, desperately at his twin.

Bucky sighed and continued the embrace, just breathing in his twin’s scent and calming slowly. He kept murmuring how sorry he was, but his body slowly stopped trembling and his tears dried on his cheeks.

The youngest Barnes sibling nuzzled at Bucky’s neck, making soft keening noises.

Johnny’s stance relaxed finally and he removed his hand from Steve’s wrist. “Maybe too soon for another dose. Thought we should try this first.” He smiled softly.

Steve sighed softly, putting the medicine back in his pocket. “You’re right,” he looked at the twins, frowning slightly, “though, now, TJ’s upset, too.”

“Yeah, but it’s a good upset, Steve. See? They’re gonna get through it together. Now neither are hiding or holding back. TJ needed Bucky as much as Bucky needed TJ. They’ll probably have a really rough few nights with all this opening up.” Johnny sighed and looked to his cousin. “Maybe we should go up to Bucky’s for the next few days? So TJ and Bucky are on hand to comfort each other?” True, the twins weren’t yet including Jack in the grieving process, but it would probably take that torn family a lot of time before they were whole again.

“We all should be in the same place,” Steve nodded, giving Jack a soft smile.

Jack nodded, speaking softly, “at least they’re talking to one another at last. That’s a far cry from a few days ago when they didn’t talk at all.” He sighed, longing to make up with his brothers but not knowing how. He felt like an unwelcome intruder.

**************

Johnny slept peacefully with TJ curled up against him. They hadn’t really had sex after the break down, but Johnny had relieved himself in the bathroom while TJ continued to make up with Bucky. Earlier, before falling asleep, the couple had done a bit of petting and kissing, but Johnny had let TJ fall asleep from his exhausting weekend. It had taken a half hour longer for Johnny to finally drift off, cuddling his beautiful husband - - a man he’d never thought he’d get to hold after that one night in high school.

In Johnny’s arms, TJ began to softly whimper, squirming slightly in the bed.

Waking, confused, Johnny blinked and looked down at TJ. “Sweetheart?” he whispered, not wanting to disturb TJ if he’d only dreamed the odd noise and movement. “You okay, love?”

It was only moments before TJ began to thrash desperately, a full, pained scream ripping from his throat. His skin had gone completely pale and shone with a thin layer of sweat.

As Johnny sat up to turn to his husband, the bedroom door flung open and Jack ran in, “TJ? Baby, it’s Jackie,” he called, sliding onto the bed beside TJ, ignoring Johnny completely.

“TJ? Jack?” Johnny said, confused and a bit shocked. “Jack, back off, give him air!” Johnny stroked at TJ’s face and Jack glared at him.

Gasping, TJ’s eyes opened and they were clouded over with terror. “J - - Jackie?” The smaller brunet whimpered.

Giving Johnny another glare, Jack pulled TJ into a hug, ignoring his nude state. “Right here, TJ baby. Right here. You’re safe. I’m here. We’re safe, baby.”

TJ clung onto Jack, a wet, scared sob echoing throughout the room as TJ broke down. “Don’t . . . don’t leave . . . please. . . don’t leave.”

“Not going anywhere, baby,” Jack said firmly as Johnny slid from the bed, helplessly.

Johnny shook his head, watching, wishing Jack had given him the chance, or at least the information, to try to soothe TJ’s nightmares. After all, _he_ was TJ’s husband; they might not live with Jack forever, and it’d be damned awkward having Jack barge into their bedroom all the time.

“Sorry . . . sorry . . . I know I . . . I know I’m mess - - messed up . . . I’ll get . . . I’ll get better,” TJ pleaded, holding his brother close to him, not letting Jack go. “Don’t leave . . . I’m sorry . . . I - - I’ll get better . . .”

“Of course you will,” Jack soothed, stroking TJ’s curls and rocking him gently. “I’ll help you get better, Teej. And so will Bucky. He’s back now. We’re all together again, TJ.”

Breath hitching, TJ nodded, slowly coming back to himself after the night terror, “I - - I was hoping . . . I was hoping I wouldn’t have them anymore . . . didn’t have one last night . . .”

Finally, Johnny interrupted from his standing position, totally nude, by the bed. “It’s okay, Sweetheart. You went through a ton of harsh emotions this weekend. Opened a lot of old memories.” He slid back onto the mattress, despite not having much room since Jack and TJ took up most of it.

TJ pulled slightly away from Jack to look at Johnny; finally it seemed to register that Johnny had been in the room when he’d had a nightmare. Looking embarrassed, TJ said softly, “I - - I get . . . I get them all the time . . . since . . .”

Johnny reached for TJ and stroked his shoulder, smiling gently. “It’s okay, TJ. Nothing wrong with you for suffering nightmares. Means you’re still struggling with something. When you wake up, you can look around and see it’s not here.” He stroked again, ignoring Jack’s venomous look.

Swallowing thickly, TJ’s eyes flickered to look at his older brother, something unspoken in his pale blue eyes. Only Jack and David knew how bad TJ had gotten over the past few months.

Johnny sighed. Softly, he asked, “would you be happier with Jack tonight, Sweetheart?” He didn’t want to start their marriage with TJ in a different bed, Johnny unable to start building the relationship, the trust and understanding needed to help one another. But he could tell TJ was traumatized.

Looking back at Johnny, TJ hugged himself, whimpering softly, “I - - I don’t know? I’m . . . I’m sorry . . .”

Nodding, Johnny stroked his husband’s arm. “TJ, if I cuddle you, will that make you feel safer, or do you think you feel safer with your brother?” he tried rewording the question, hoping TJ would find comfort in being given a choice and not dictated to.

“I can calm him, Johnny,” Jack said. “I’ve been here for him through everything. He knows I’ll care for him. If you’re uncomfortable, go ahead and find another room.”

Johnny’s mouth dropped open at the unlooked for misunderstanding and suggestion. “I _want_ to take care of my TJ, but I want _him_ comfortable, Jack!”

TJ let out another sob and hugged himself tighter, bowing his head as his nails dug into his flesh. “I’m . . . I’m sorry . . . I’m sorry . . .”

“Jack,” David’s voice came from the doorway, drawing Jack’s immediate attention. “Remember what we talked about?”

“David,” Jack frowned, “he doesn’t know what TJ needs . . .”

“Then explain it to him,” David offered his husband a soft smile, “he’s gonna need to know.”

Frowning worse, Jack turned to look at Johnny then TJ. He let out a sigh and tenderly guided TJ into Johnny’s arms. “Hold him,” Jack instructed, sounding resentful and worried. “He needs reassurance and cuddles. The nightmares are gruesome, so don’t make him take about them. They only come more often if he does.”

Nodding, Johnny held his husband against his strong chest, his breathing calmer than Jack’s ever was after TJ woke the house screaming. The steady rhythm of his heart under TJ’s cheek, Johnny stroked his husband’s curls. “TJ, Sweetheart, I’m here. You’re safe,” he reassured calmly, love in his tones.

A gentle arm enclosed Jack and tugged him off the bed, “c’mon, Jackie,” David said softly, guiding his husband towards the door, his arm snaking around Jack’s waist.

Reluctantly, Jack nodded. He stopped and looked back at the couple on the bed. “It’s okay, TJ. Johnny’s gonna be good to you. And me and David are right next door if you want to come over.”

TJ looked over and nodded, his sobs dying off to gentle hitches. His hands held onto Johnny, keeping the blond close.

Johnny cooed. “There’s my lovely TJ. Right here, safe in our bed. Jackie and David are next door. Bucky and Steve are on the other side. You’re surrounded by your family and we love you. We love you, TJ. We want you with us,” he reassured.

“Not . . . not leaving me?” TJ whimpered softly, rubbing his tear-streaked face against Johnny’s bare chest, “you’ll stay?”

Chuckling softly, Johnny cuddled TJ. “I already told you. I’m not leaving you ever, Sweetheart. If you want me gone, you’ll have to take me to court to kick me out.” He kissed TJ’s head and stroked down his back.

“Ev - - everyone leaves,” TJ murmured softly, “they left . . .”

“Not everyone,” Johnny smiled. “Jack and David stayed. Bucky came back. And you tried to get rid of me already, but I’m still here, aren't I? Even after you screamed loud enough to make a cat jump, you’re here in my arms, where you belong.”

“I’m . . . I’m here,” TJ nodded, taking and releasing deep breaths. It usually took Jack almost an hour to calm TJ down; somehow, Johnny had done it in a fraction of the time. “I’m here . . .”

“Yup, and I’m here. So, Sweetheart, means we’re both together.” Johnny kissed his head again then carefully lifted TJ’s face with a pair of fingers under his chin. Smiling tenderly, Johnny said, “I’d ask if you wanna fool around, but you might think I’m a . . .”

TJ cut Johnny off as he crashed his lips against his husband’s, desperate and needy. The lean brunet straddled his husband’s hips and deepened the kiss, his tongue pushing into Johnny’s mouth. TJ rolled his hips, grinding down against Johnny’s shaft.

Johnny willingly obliged his delicate-seeming husband.

**************

Walking back to their room, unaware of just how Johnny was distracting the youngest Barnes, Jack sighed and shook his head. “It’s hard. I’ve been there for them since Mom and Dad left.”

“I know,” David kissed Jack’s cheek, “it’s not something you’re gonna be able to let go of overnight. There may be nights, still, that TJ will need you. We have to talk to Johnny about his needs, though.”

“He was doing so well until stupid Vegas,” Jack grumbled, climbing back into bed. He barely got the blanket settled, however, when another, softer, shout drew him sitting up instinctively. He didn’t recognize the call, but his instincts for listening to night sounds drew Jack from the bed and following the noise. Incredulously, he called out, “Bucky? David, was that _Bucky_?”

David grabbed Jack’s arm before he could rush into the room Bucky and Steve were sharing. “Let Steve have a chance, Jack.”

Frowning, Jack paused, his body tensed for action, waiting to hear another troubled call from his other brother.

**************

Bucky whimpered and shook his head, pulling away from whatever was trying to hold him down. He flet pinned, unable to get free, his arm burning into his very bones. Calling out again, Bucky hoped to God someone would hear him and come help.

“Bucky,” Steve called out, “Bucky, it’s okay. It’s just a nightmare. C’mon, Buck, you’re okay.”

Bucky sobbed. “Trapped . . . under here,” he called to the voice, feeling it sounded familiar but knowing it couldn’t be Stevie; Steve was overseas. God, he longed for Steve; Steve always made everything better, safe.

“It’s okay, Buck,” Steve moved on the mattress, gently pushing at Bucky’s body as if trying to push a weight off the brunet. Thinking for a moment, Steve looked at the blanket on top of the brunet and ripped it off, “it’s okay, Buck, you’re free, it’s okay.”

Breathing suddenly deep as the weight seemed to disappear, Bucky sat up, eyes snapping open at last. “Steve?” he called, gasping and trembling. Focusing, Bucky sobbed and launched at Steve, much like he had at TJ earlier. “Steve, you came! You found me!”

“I’ll always find you, Buck,” Steve breathed against Bucky’s ear, kissing it, “you’re okay, Bucky. You’re okay. I got you.”

Bucky let Steve cuddle and kiss him, pushing against the large man, almost burrowing. He nodded and whimpered again, crying once more. “Couldn’t get out. Was burning.”

“I know,” Steve said, “I could hear your pain, Buck. But, you’re okay now. You’re okay. You’re safe.”

Lifting his face, Bucky studied Steve’s face. “You’re here . . . even if I’m broken, you’re here.”

“You’re not broken, Buck,” Steve cupped Bucky’s face, giving him a gentle kiss, “I’m right here, Buck. Right here.”

“Glue,” Bucky whispered. “I need glue to put it back . . .” obviously Bucky’s thought process wasn’t as steady as it sounded if he was talking about gluing something after suggesting Steve would leave him because of his missing arm. “I’m outta glue . . .” Bucky’s eyes, however, were quite clear and his entire manner calming down, so it wasn’t clear why he was discussing glue.

“You don’t need glue, Buck,” Steve assured softly, “you’re perfectly whole, Bucky. You don’t need glue.”

Bucky blinked. “Steve . . . is there a body glue?” He sounded confused and it suddenly became apparent that Bucky might actually be half asleep, just sounding coherent. He was known, as a boy, to talk and walk in his sleep when highly stressed.

“No, Buck, there isn’t body glue,” Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky and brought him back down on the bed, petting his hair. 

“Guess Tony’s leads are the only way, huh?” Bucky yawned, blinking. As he seemed to wake more, he sounded less lucid, more confused and tired, proving that at first he’d still been asleep. He nuzzled Steve’s neck.

“Yeah, Buck, guess so,” Steve kissed Bucky’s hair, “get some sleep, baby. I’ll be right here with you, okay?”

“‘Kay, Stevie,” Bucky nuzzled again and sighed, drifting back into deeper sleep. It was doubtful he’d even recall what happened in the morning, leading credence to the idea that while recovering from his injuries, he might have not remembered his brothers being there or even telling them to leave.


	5. Pain from the Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNINGS: Angst and Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Severe Depressive Reaction, Delusions, Deep Internal Reveals**

“It’s gonna be hard getting a piano in an apartment on the thirty-fourth floor,” TJ murmured, looking at the listing Johnny had shown him of an apartment only a few blocks away from Stark Tower.

“Window? Bucky suggested, yawning and reaching for the coffee, his mug sitting securely on the counter of his apartment; he had the full run of that wing of the tower and that floor. “Can have a crane lift it?”

“On the thirty-fourth floor?” TJ looked over at his twin, “that seems like it’d be very expensive.”

“Take it in from the roof?” Bucky tried again, shaking his head. He was often foggy when waking up, feeling like he’d slept so deeply nothing would stir him.

“How’d we get it on the roof?” TJ frowned, looking back at the listing on the tablet in his hands.

“Have professionals take it apart carefully then reconstruct it inside the chosen room,” Johnny smiled, dropping a kiss to TJ’s head as he passed by. He reached for the eggs in the warmer, personally glad that the mysterious Jarvis had a hot buffet-style breakfast sent up for them.

“Oh,” TJ nodded, not looking up, “that could work. And it’s only a few blocks away. Walking distance.” He showed the listing to Jack, “whatcha think?”

Jack took the tablet and glanced over it then nodded, passing it back. “Looks reasonable. What’s the utilities situation? That’s a pretty hefty rent if they aren’t included.”

“It’s New York, Jack, everything is expensive in New York. Says it has an onsite gym and pool? Twenty-four hour doorman posted at the doors.” TJ looked back down as he took the tablet from Jack, something seeming off with his oldest brother. “Johnny and I can afford the rent though.”

“I can afford an even higher rent if you want bigger?” Johnny asked. “If we want Brooklyn, a couple of penthouses are open.” He sat down, plate housing a reasonable breakfast, nothing over abundant, but enough eggs, sausage, toast, and fruit to satisfy the man.

“Brooklyn’s a bit further away,” TJ murmured, typing in _Brooklyn_ in the search engine for the listing site. TJ only had a small bowl of fruit and a cup of coffee for breakfast, never hungry in the mornings after suffering from one of his nightmares.

“That’s a bit further than walking distance,” Bucky commented softly, not looking at his brothers. Instead, after pouring carefully, he put the coffee back on the warmer and grabbed his mug by the handle.

“Yeah, with both you and Jackie living here in the tower . . . I think I may want to be closer than Brooklyn,” TJ said, though he still looked at the listings in Brooklyn.

“Service elevator,” Johnny suddenly said. “Could take the legs off and have it taken up in the service elevator then reattach the legs.” He grinned and began eating again, his appetite quite healthy after his night of comfort loving his new husband.

“Yeah, that may work,” TJ grinned, going back to the original listing that he’d saved. “Says it has great views, too. Not the penthouse, but close to it.”

Snorting, Bucky said, “they all say that in the city. Are these great views of other buildings or the river is the real question. You could find yourself looking over Broadway with the bright lights glaring in while you’re trying to sleep.”

“Only get a few hours anyways,” TJ waved dismissively at his brother, taking another drink of his coffee, sweetened with vanilla creamer. “And we could always invest in some good blinds.”

“I was talking about _with_ the blinds,” Bucky snorted again. He sank onto a chair and glared at Johnny’s eggs and sausage. “Really? Fried food before your stomach wakes up?”

TJ frowned softly and looked at Bucky and then Jack and then back to the tablet. “Think maybe we can check it out today?” He asked out loud to no one in particular.

“Sure can,” Johnny responded instantly, smiling. “Hey, is Steve back from his morning self-torture?”

“He’s used to running because of the Army,” Bucky replied, frowning into his black coffee. “God, I hate mornings.”

The elevator opened and Steve strolled in, his tight t-shirt sticking to his skin with the sweat. He smiled at everyone, “it’s a beautiful morning out there.”

Jack chuckled. “Not to Bucky it isn’t. Haven’t you realized? You’re old best friend despises mornings. He’s especially grumpy when he runs out of his favorite creamer.”

“I swear I had another bottle of it,” Bucky grumped, still staring into his coffee mug.

“Vanilla?” TJ asked, looking up at his twin.

“Yeah,” Bucky sighed. “I don’t use sugar or milk, but the vanilla is perfect.”

Slipping off the stool, TJ walked over to the fridge and opened it. He pushed a few items out of the way and grabbed the bottle of vanilla creamer he’d used on his coffee before Bucky had woken up. “Here,” TJ handed the bottle to his twin, “musta got pushed behind the milk and orange juice.”

Bucky looked up and a slow grin spread over his face. “You are officially my new favorite person!” Bucky took the creamer and added some to his coffee, careful not to spill or overuse. Pushing it back from his place, Bucky carefully lifted the mug and sipped, sighing in pleasure. “Perfect.”

Snorting softly, TJ grabbed the bottle and put it back in the fridge, “still not a morning person, huh, Buck?”

“Morning is the most evil time of day, devised by sadistic teachers out to punish children,” Bucky responded.

Steve grinned and moved behind Bucky; he kissed his lover’s neck and shoulders. He was happy that Bucky seemed to have no recollection of the nightmare he’d suffered. “Mmm . . .” Steve hummed, nipping at Bucky’s neck and shoulder, “even grumpy, you still taste so good.”

Smiling and exposing his neck, Bucky sighed, “not bitter?” He blinked towards TJ and said, “you know, Teej, there are other floors in the tower that aren’t occupied. You can always ask Tony what the rest might be.”

“Don’t work for Tony,” TJ replied softly, “you and Jack do.”

“Oh, right,” Bucky sighed and sipped his coffee again. “Didn’t think of that.” HIs phone buzzed and Bucky struggled to pull it out and flick it on. He looked at the screen and sighed. “Great, Tony tattled that I came home early. Dr. Cho wants to see me to discuss why I fled Vegas.” Bucky slumped and flopped his phone to the table, frowning.

“Well, while you’re doing that, Johnny and I can look at the apartment? Maybe we can go have dinner or something tonight?” TJ offered, looking at his twin.

Bucky blinked up at TJ and straightened slowly. “Or,” he said hopefully, “we could have a nice dinner in-house?”

“Yeah, in-house is good, too,” TJ agreed, taking a drink of his coffee and shooting Jack a worried glance.

Jack nodded, “dinner together would be great,” he said. He was distracted that morning, still mentally reviewing the events with TJ and Johnny, the overheard conversation of Steve and Bucky right after. He felt like his family was further away than ever, and they were sitting at the same table as him.

“You want to come check the apartment out with us, Jack, David?” TJ asked, worrying at his bottom lip. It was obvious that the lean brunet was scared to leave his brother, reluctant to move away from the man who’d raised him since he was fourteen.

Jack looked over, “you sure you need me to? I mean, you and Johnny would be the ones living there.”

TJ sighed softly and nodded, “yeah, I guess. Me and Johnny can handle it . . .”

“Sure we want you to,” Johnny interrupted the downward spiraling conversation. Obviously the two brothers had trouble communicating. “We want your opinion, and TJ will want you to know exactly where it is so you can drop in whenever you wish, right, Sweetheart?”

Giving Johnny a small smile, eyes nervously flickering to Jack, TJ nodded, “yeah.”

Jack offered a hesitant smile. “Okay, I’d love to come check it out. Maybe, together . . . we can figure out the measurements for the piano moving, if you decide on the place?”

“Yeah, the place needs to be able to have a piano,” TJ stated, “I was hoping to perform a new piece for Philly, but haven’t been able to practice it. Might haveta wait until the Summer season.”

“Tony’s got a piano down on the common guest floor,” Bucky said. “It’s in the back near the rear pool patio.” He finished his coffee then went to investigate the still-warm offerings Jarvis had ordered for their breakfast.

“Oh?” TJ smiled, looking excited, “I’ll be able to practice before Philly. That’s really good.”

Johnny grinned and cut into his sausage again, “that’s great. So, until we get a new place and the piano moved for you, you can play whenever you want.” He glanced over at his brother-in-law, “fried food for breakfast, Bucky?” Johnny pointed to the eggs on Bucky’s plate.

Bucky stuck his tongue out at Johnny and kept perusing the chafing dishes.

TJ nodded; he finished his coffee and suddenly looked a little nervous, “there’s another thing I wanted to ask you guys.” He left the comment open to everyone in the room.

“What’s that, Teej?” Jack asked, beginning to eat his toast.

“Well, I was wondering,” TJ’s eyes moved to Bucky but quickly flickered back to Jack, “I was . . . _hoping_ that everyone could make it to my concert in Philly? I know it’s a bit aways and out of the way . . . and you starting the new job and all . . . so . . . probably isn’t smart to ask for a weekend off right away - -”

“Philadelphia's not hours away like from DC, TJ,” Jack grinned suddenly. “It’s only an a hour or two. I’ll be there. Someone from the family needs to show.”

“Hey!” Bucky frowned severely, turning to glare at Jack. “I have never, once, missed a single concert except when I was in the hospital!”

“Uh . . .” TJ looked at Bucky, “Buck, you haven’t been to one of my concerts in over three years. Last one was when I came here, to New York, right before Thanksgiving.”

“No,” Bucky shook his head and put his plate down on the counter. “I’ve been to every one!” He strode quickly out of the room, as if angry.

Jack sighed. “He,” he looked to Steve and Johnny, “he get’s delusions, sometimes. It started when our parents left. Remembers things he _wished_ he did.”

Following Bucky, TJ said, “you turned down every single ticket I ever offered you in the last three years, Bucky! Said you were too busy!”

Shaking his head, Bucky squatted down at his book shelf and struggled to pull out a large photo-album in a long series of albums. “I never said I was too busy. I said I’d try to come if I could make it. And I refused the tickets because I already had ones. I have a life-time membership, if you will. Arranged it with your manager, actually.” He finally got the book out and dropped it, the book flopping open and displaying a concert ticket, punched, and a picture from one of the small private boxes that lined the upper area near the stage, separate from the main balcony or mezzanine seating.

TJ’s eyes widened and he knelt down, reaching out for the photo album. He flipped through several pages, “why . . . why wouldn’t you tell me you were there?”

Flushing, Bucky sighed, “panic attacks? They started before the explosion, really.” He looked uncomfortable, embarrassed. “Started with flying and near Jack. After the explosion . . . well, you’ve seen how freaky and broken I am now.”

TJ continued to look at all the tickets in the album, one for every show he’d ever done, even the one’s overseas. Bucky hadn’t missed a single show.

“By the time each concert ended, I was a nervous wreck and never thought I’d get to another, so I didn’t say anything.” Bucky couldn’t meet TJ’s eyes.

“I thought you didn’t care about . . .” TJ breathed out, pain and guilt in his voice. TJ got to the page with a ticket for the Christmas show, unpunched, that had to be canceled because he’d tried to kill himself, though that detail was never released to the public. “You’ve come to every one . . . you _flew_ by yourself to come see me perform . . .”

“Actually, Tony or Pepper would fly with me, because I had to be drugged and then recover the day before. Then the next day would be the concert,” Bucky explained softly, still flushing, still looking down.

“I thought . . . I thought such _mean_ things about you,” TJ whimpered, his voice sounding choked. “I thought you didn’t care about us anymore . . .”

Looking up at the tone, Bucky shook his head vigorously. “No, Teej, I never stopped caring. I . . . I’m such a mess. I couldn’t promise to be there and _not_ show up, so I never promised . . . just in case?” Bucky scooched closer, touching TJ’s hand. “I love you!”

TJ dropped the album and covered his mouth as a sob shook his body. “I’m . . . I’m so sorry, Bucky! I - - I was . . . I was a _horrible_ brother! Y - - you were there . . . I - - I never even _knew_! I - - I let you suffer by yourself! I . . . I was so worried about Jackie . . .”

Whimpering, Bucky said, “don’t, Teej. Don’t be upset? I’m sorry I never said anything. That was mean of me. I should’ve said I’d made it to them . . .”

“Guys?” Jack’s voice came from the doorway, hesitant and worried. “Everything okay?”

TJ shook his head and bolted out of the room, pushing past Jack, the opening and slamming of a door could be heard. Johnny went after his husband, signaling Steve and David to check on the other two brothers.

“Sweetheart?” Johnny asked gently. “You in here?”

The bedroom was empty, though the sounds of vomiting could be heard from the attached bathroom. “I - - I’m . . . fine,” TJ called out weakly. 

Nodding, Johnny opened the bathroom door and stepped in, beginning to soak cloths and fill a water glass, preparing TJ’s toothbrush. “More family realizations, huh? Rough when things are so tangled.”

Another painful heave shook through TJ’s body, bile the only thing coming up.

Finally, Johnny knelt and stroked TJ’s hair, sliding his other hand to TJ’s chest, not his tummy, to brace him. “Dry heaves?”

“‘M . . . sorry,” TJ whimpered softly.

“I accept your apology,” Johnny said, the first time someone didn’t argue TJ’s apologies. “Now, that’s done, let’s get you cleaned up, right, love?” He stroked again.

Coughing a few times, TJ spat in the toilet and then leaned back, skin flushed and eyes miserable. “Sorry you gotta see this? I - - I can clean myself up . . .”

Johnny offered the first tumbler of water. “Rinse and spit, don’t swallow, Sweetheart. And I’m privileged to see it. If you were a woman, I’d be holding you through pregnancy and delivery. At least, for a man, I can hold and tend you when you’re feeling low or sick.”

Shakily accepting the glass, TJ took a sip and rinsed out the sour taste in his mouth before spitting the water out in the toilet.

Nodding, Johnny washed TJ’s face with a warm cloth. He then offered the toothbrush. “Should help a bit, Sweetheart.”

“I - - I can understand if this isn’t what you signed on for, Johnny,” TJ muttered softly, taking the toothbrush.

“In sickness, and in health, till death do us part, love. I signed up exactly for this.” Johnny smiled and kissed TJ’s forehead. “Thank you for not pushing me away when you need me.”

“I’m a mess,” TJ breathed out, “I haven’t let Jack and David get a decent night’s sleep in over three months.”

Nodding, Johnny grinned, “and when I get the flu and am shitting rivers and coughing up the fridge, I’ll be the mess. And sleep’s over-rated when we could be having comfort sex afterwards. As long as you need. Of course, sleep isn’t so bad if your mind lets you . . .”

“Every night, Johnny,” TJ looked at his husband, eyes worried, “what happened last night . . . happens _every_ night,” unlike Bucky; TJ remembered each and every time he’d wake up screaming in the middle of the night, the horrible terrors he saw when he closed his eyes.

“Except our wedding night. So, we figure out the difference. Was it the alcohol? The exhaustion from all the sex? The strangeness of a luxury hotel?” Johnny stroked TJ’s hair and gave him the glass to rinse the toothpaste from his mouth. Afterwards, he handed over the second, colder glass of drinking water. “Maybe the lack of deep emotional conversations? We can limit the heart to hearts to once a week . . .”

TJ shook his head, taking a small sip of the water, “Jack, David and I didn’t have deep conversations . . . whatever’s happening here,” TJ waved weakly in the air, “this is all new.”

Nodding, Johnny said, “so, that means either you slept after the wedding night because of the alcohol or the heavy sex or both?”

“I definitely don’t wanna think it was the alcohol,” TJ frowned softly.

Smiling slowly, Johnny kissed TJ’s head again. “Well, even if it was, we won’t use that as your cure, so don’t worry. I’m not into drugging you. Steve’s even gonna try to wean Bucky off his drugs. So, wanna try to see if heavy sex puts you into calm sleep tonight?” He kissed TJ’s neck, behind his ear, not minding the sweaty skin.

Smiling softly, TJ murmured, “couldn’t hurt to try, right?”

“Not hurt at all, love,” Johnny kissed again, smiling. He lifted his face and cupped his husband’s cheek with one strong hand. “So, take a deep breath and tell me what you’re sorry for?” We can figure this out.”

“Bucky’s . . . he’s been to every one of my shows, Johnny,” TJ whimpered, leaning into Johnny’s touch.

“Ah, is he mad at you for not noticing?” Johnny stroked TJ’s cheek.

“He never told me he came . . . I offered him tickets but he always turned them down. I . . . I didn’t even know,” TJ explained softly.

“Is he mad at you, TJ?” Johnny pressed softly.

TJ shook his head, biting his bottom lip, “but . . . I thought so badly of him . . .”

“Okay, so Bucky’s not mad you never knew, plus he never told you until now. So, there’s gotta be something else that you feel is wrong. What’s wrong, love?” Johnny nuzzled at TJ’s jaw. “How would he know you felt bad? Did you yell at him? Write him nasty letters?”

“ _I_ know. While he was by himself in New York . . . I was thinking horrible things about him because I thought he never showed up . . .” TJ swallowed thickly, meeting Johnny’s eyes.

“Ah,” Johnny lifted his face. “So, that’s the problem. You blame yourself for staying away from someone who appeared not to like you when in reality he cared deeply. Sounds like something I did . . . “ Johnny tilted his head, stroking TJ’s cheek. “Know what I say?”

“What?” TJ asked softly, voice shaky slightly.

“I say, once you both tell each other what you did wrong, you both say you’re sorry, cause you both obviously are, and you _both_ accept it and forgive each other and yourselves. Move on, learn, and love. Communication is the first thing we learn as infants and the hardest task to master as adults.”

TJ worried at his bottom lip, chewing it until it was red.

“Do you forgive Bucky for never telling you that he was showing up?” Johnny asked. He ran a finger over TJ’s lip, pulling it from his teeth.

Guilt flashed in TJ’s pale eyes, “I - - I don’t know? I know he was hurting and put himself through hell to come see me . . . but . . . but a part of me is still angry? A part of me still blames _him_. I know it’s horrible and selfish . . . a part of me is still mad about how he left at Christmas . . . even if Jack asked him to leave. I - - I stayed with Bucky for months . . . . after the accident and he . . . he couldn’t handle . . .” TJ sighed letting the sentence die off.

“Hallelujah, I married a human being,” Johnny grinned. “Sweetheart, it’s fine to feel upset and hurt over this. It’s also fine to want to demand he never keep this from you again. He probably feels pissed about a couple things you did when sick or hurt, too. You think? Maybe he’s mad you even considered getting that drunk, instead of coming to him?”

Sighing, TJ asked softly, “do you think I should go talk with him?”

“Yeah, I do. I also think he needs reassuring that he’s allowed to be angry and sorry, too. Think someone else is advising him right now?” Johnny hugged TJ.

“Probably Steve,” TJ said, “Steve’s doing good with him . . . keeps him relatively calm.”

Sitting up straight, Johnny’s eyes widened. “My God, TJ, I think you hit upon something. Bucky was never like this in school, right? He started slowly breaking down after . . . after Steve joined the Army . . . no,” Johnny shook his head, “after Steve told us he got married!”

“So, now that Steve’s with him . . . you think Bucky’s gonna get better?” TJ asked, standing up slowly and flushing the toilet.

“I think it’s going to take a lot more than just Steve being around,” Johnny stood. “He’s gotten really bad. But Steve’s a good start. Now, if we can make sure his counselor is reputable and he keeps up with his counseling, Bucky’s pretty salvageable, don’t you think?”

TJ nodded, running his fingers through his hair, “yeah, I think so. I . . . I should probably go talk with him?”

“Want me and Steve to stay on as mediators and calmers?” Johnny offered, holding out his hand.

“Yeah,” TJ nodded, taking Johnny’s hand.

“What about Jack and David?” Johnny asked.

“I think Jack needs to say some things, too. He’s been bottling everything up for years,” TJ stated softly.

Johnny nodded. “I think Jack’s feeling like the parent that’s being pushed away. He wasn’t too happy about leaving you with me last night.”

TJ nodded and let Johnny lead them out of the bedroom, towards the living room where everyone still was. The youngest Barnes sibling flashed the group a sheepish smile, “I - - I think we all need to talk.”

Johnny sat TJ down and started by saying, “I think all three of you need time to say things, without interruption or attack. Each man gets to speak and respond.”

“I think that sounds like a good idea,” Steve nodded from his spot beside Bucky, running his fingers up and down the brunet’s spine.

Bucky nodded in agreement, eyeing TJ worriedly. He seemed fairly calm considering the recent revelations, but being in his own home helped a lot.

David wrapped his arm around Jack and kissed his husband’s cheek, “I think it’ll be good for you guys to finally get some things off your chest.”

Jack sighed. “We’re gonna need tissues. I mean, we’re already having emotional breakdowns. Wouldn’t this be better with a mediator if we plan to let loose? Might not like what everyone says . . .” He looked at each twin with worried eyes.

“I believe that’s why the non-Barnes siblings are being asked to stay,” Steve guessed, looking at his cousin.

Bucky leaned into Steve’s stroking hand. “Okay, who first?”

TJ curled up the on the couch, tucking his legs close to his chest, though he didn’t offer to be the first to spill his emotions over his shattering family. Johnny sank down with him and pulled TJ onto his lap instead, letting TJ stay curled but holding him securely.

“Maybe you first?” Jack offered, softly. “You’ve had counseling so know how this works . . . right?”

“This is far from counseling. That has a trained counselor helping,” Bucky sighed.

“I - - I can go,” TJ offered softly, eyes wide and scared.

Johnny raised a hand. “How about this?” He smiled and cuddled TJ. “How about TJ tells Bucky one thing that really upsets him and Bucky respond about it. Then TJ tells Bucky something he really likes or admires about him? And every one goes back and forth like that?”

TJ nodded, agreeing to the plan that Johnny explained.

“Okay,” Bucky drew a breath and turned fully to his younger twin. “Something that upsets you about me.”

TJ looked at Bucky and then said softly, “th - - that you didn’t tell me you came to all my shows.”

Bucky nodded and looked down at his hand then back up at TJ. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I wasn’t thinking about how you’d feel, TJ, but how I felt. It was selfish? And I promise to try to tell you in the future if I change my mind and show up to something I didn’t think I could come to?”

“I - - I’d like that,” TJ nodded, giving Bucky a small smile. “Now . . . something I admire about you,” TJ’s smile widened a bit, “that you cared enough about your family to put yourself through hell to see my shows.”

Bucky sniffled and Jack offered a tissue, which Bucky took.

Johnny nuzzled TJ’s neck. “Good job, guys. TJ, want to tell Jack something, now?” He hoped offering to let TJ get both brothers done would help the young man relax a bit.

Turning his eyes to his older brother, TJ bit his lip, and nodded slowly. “Jackie? I . . . it upset me when you said it was emasculating to accept my help. You’ve helped us your whole life and . . . and I liked that I was helping you? I know you can’t help what you feel . . . but . . . it still hurt?”

Looking surprised, Jack’s pale eyes widened. “I . . .” he didn’t know how to respond to that, never expecting his admitting his own inadequacy would be what upset his youngest brother. Trying to figure out how to say things, Bucky seemed so much better at it, Jack said, “I didn’t say it to hurt you. I was trying to explain how much frustration I felt when I couldn’t continue being the strong provider I was before? It’s . . . I always felt like a giant, ten feet tall, for you guys and suddenly I felt like a beggar coming to you and . . . like you shouldn’t have to worry about me, you should enjoy your youth and good fortune?” Jack sighed, “I’m saying this all wrong.”

Turning to look at Johnny, TJ asked, “is hugging allowed?”

“Hugging is very much allowed. This is a way to connect not an attack, remember?” Johnny smiled.

TJ moved off of Johnny’s lap and hurried over to his oldest brother, hugging him tightly and kissing his neck like they used to do as kids, nothing sexual, just brotherly love.

Jack hugged back tightly. “I love that you help me and care for me, TJ. I am so proud of how far you’ve come. I was so glad you were able to help me and David, but I was embarrassed that I needed to ask for that help. It made me feel small and weak, like you couldn’t look up to and admire me anymore . . . like I’d lost that right?”

“I’ll always look up to you, Jack,” TJ breathed, still hugging his brother tightly. “Thank you for finding me,” it was something the younger man had never thanked Jack for. TJ had never thanked his brother for saving his life.

Jack hugged harder. “My turn, since we’re on the subject. I was so hurt that you chose suicide over coming to me when that asshole hurt you, TJ.” Jack didn’t let go of his brother, still hugging. “I never want you to think you can’t come to me, that life is too hard to live, because I’m still here for you.”

“I . . . I was so embarrassed,” TJ admitted on a soft whimper, “you’d warned me about Sean, told me that he wasn’t good for me. I - - I didn’t listen to you. I’m so sorry.”

Nodding, Jack let his brother go to cup his face and meet his eyes. “Teej, baby, I want you to try to remember in the future, that if I tell you something and you don’t take my advice, if something goes wrong, I will _never, ever_ tell you _‘I told you so.’_ I love you, and you are such a strong, beautiful, independent, gifted young man. I want to help you, not rub it in. We learn from mistakes. I hate you have to make them, but how else will you learn, baby?”

Nodding, TJ wiped at his eyes and said, “I love you, Jackie.”

Jack hugged again and sighed. He slowly turned to look at Bucky. Drawing another shaking breath, he said, “Bucky, it bothers me that you never told us how bad you were feeling, how frightened you felt. You let us think you just didn’t care about us when you were really hurting all this time.”

Bucky leaned back against Steve, as if slapped. He shook his head and let out a whimper. “Don’t wanna do this any more,” he said.

“Buck,” Steve ran his fingers down his lover’s spine, “it’s okay. Remember, it’s not an attack. Things need to be out in the open for you three to heal. It’s okay, respond to Jack. I’m right here.”

Bucky shook his head and softly choked out, “I - - I did . . . didn’t mean to. I . . . I’m a freak . . .”

“None of that,” Steve said softly in Bucky’s ear, “no one is calling you a freak, Buck. Jack’s sad that you didn’t let him know that you were hurting all this time.”

Bucky met Jack’s eyes and his mouth worked. Finally, Jack said, “I’m not mad at you, Bucky. You’re a scared, hurt young man whose whole world was torn apart. I love you and . . .”

Bucky cut off Jack, however, with a bitter, “you love TJ, not me!”

Pure shock crossed Jack’s face.

TJ’s eyes widened and it looked as if he’d been slapped. He looked at Bucky and said, “that’s not true! Jack loves you, Buck!”

Bucky shook his head. “Everyone loves TJ more than me. Everyone. And then Steve fell in love with someone, too. And I was alone.” Bucky curled up, into Steve, but still in a fetal position.

“You pushed us away! Went to MIT, didn’t talk - -” TJ’s mouth snapped shut as Johnny cut in.

“Enough, everyone,” Johnny called out, but not harshly. “Take some deep breaths. Everyone breathe.” He stroked TJ’s shoulder, pulling him back to the couch gently, his other hand guiding Jack back to David’s side.

David wrapped his arm around Jack’s shoulders, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on his husband’s shirt covered shoulder.

Jack drew several breaths then looked to Bucky. “Buck, I’m sorry if I made you feel unloved. I _do_ love you. I never hated you or loved TJ more. You were always strong, Bucky. I thought you were strong, and TJ was a cuddler. I felt TJ needed more guidance and demonstration. I’m sorry you saw that as neglect. I really love you, little brother.”

Bucky sobbed, still curled in Steve’s lap. “You - - you _never_ call me _‘little brother’_ any more.”

“Want to give your big brother a hug, Buck?” Steve whispered in Bucky’s ear.

Bucky shook his head. “No . . . no touching. It burns . . .”

“You hug me, you hug TJ, it doesn’t burn then,” Steve said softly, keeping the conversation low.

“No, doesn’t burn,” Bucky responded, still eyeing Jack.

“Jack’s not gonna burn, Buck. He loves you, baby,” Steve reassured his lover.

Shaking his head, Bucky said, “I’ll burn him with my bad feelings.”

“Oh, no you won’t,” Steve said, “you’re not gonna burn him.”

Jack suddenly slid over and pulled Bucky into his arms without warning. He hugged the younger man hard and whispered, “that feels so good, having you hug me, Buck.”

Shock crossed Bucky’s face then he let out a loud sob and wrapped his arm around Jack’s neck, pulling his brother closer and burying his face in Jack’s shoulder.

TJ settled back against Johnny, taking a few deep breaths as he watched his two older brothers. He hated that Bucky felt so alone . . . he should’ve just come down to New York, not listen to Bucky’s excuses as to why he couldn’t visit DC or why TJ couldn’t visit him in New York.

Finally, the pair stopped hugging and Jack pushed Bucky gently into Steve’s lap once more, the other man turning to burrow into his lover. Taking a deep breath, Jack said, “I have always loved how smart and sassy you are, Bucky. Maybe together we can get that back for you.” He sat next to David again.

Bucky didn’t lift his head, still sobbing into Steve.

Steve kissed Bucky’s head and whispered in his ear, “it’s your turn, Buck.”

“I already told Jack what makes me unhappy,” Bucky whispered back.

“Okay, why don’t you tell him what you like, then?” Steve pushed gently.

Bucky looked up then over at Jack. “I like that you take care of us so good, even if it smothers. I don’t like to be babied and smothered, but I like that you try.”

Jack smiled softly. “I’ll try not to be smothering so much to either of you. I keep forgetting you both grew up.”

Nodding, Bucky sighed, as if a terrible weight had fled with those few words. He sat up straighter, leaning back against Steve, and breathed out a sigh of relief. “That wasn’t . . . so bad?”

“You forgot one, Buck,” Steve whispered.

“Oh,” Bucky looked at Steve and swallowed. “I feel hurt you never answered me when I asked you to go to prom with me?”

Steve blinked, surprised that Bucky had included him when Steve had been talking about TJ. “I’m sorry, baby, I was a scared kid in high school. Afraid to come out. It was a much different time then.”

“I know,” Bucky nodded. “I didn’t come out either. You’re the first man I ever loved like _that_.”

Smiling, Steve kissed Bucky’s lips, “I love you, too, Buck. Have since high school. I was a damn fool to let you go.”

“I hope you loved Peggy even a little . . . even if you are a fool to have let me go,” Bucky said.

“I did, for a time,” Steve answered softly, “but, we grew apart. Our interests changed and we decided we’d be better friends than lovers.”

“She couldn’t give it to you like I could?” Bucky asked, his face a mask of innocence but his eyes playful.

“No one can,” Steve assured and then kissed Bucky.

Bucky flushed and buried his face in Steve’s chest. “You’re just saying it, but I love to hear it.”

“I’m happy you included me in this, Buck, but you forgot one of your brothers, baby,” Steve stated.

“I never forget my brothers. I love them,” Bucky smiled, lifting his head to turn his smile on the other two, “even if Jack drives me up a wall.”

“What does TJ do?” Steve pushed, knowing there had to be something that Bucky was keeping pushed down deep about his twin. There’d be no reason for Bucky to be avoiding TJ all these years if he was completely comfortable with him.

“Nothing. TJ’s always been the only perfect one of the family,” Bucky answered promptly. “Everyone loves him.”

TJ’s eyes widened and he looked at his brother in shock. “I - - I’m not perfect, Buck.”

“Perfect hair, perfect clothes, not even a pimple in school. Even the other kids adored you. All the teachers loved you. You’re perfect. It’s sickening sometimes how much everyone loved you and ignored me.” Bucky shrugged, frowning. “I’m used to it.”

The youngest Barnes sibling’s mouth dropped open and he softly said, “my life isn’t perfect, Bucky.”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky said, “of course it isn’t. But _you_ are. Hell, you even got a career in the field you love. How many get that when they keep flunking chemistry . . .” Bucky flushed horribly and snapped his mouth shut.

TJ blinked, stunned, and watched his brother closely, “you’re jealous.”

Bucky turned redder and pushed back against Steve, mouth pressed closed.

“You don’t think I worked just as hard as you in school? I . . . I had to work my ass off to get my scholarship,” TJ stated.

“God, TJ, I know you worked hard. I was there, remember? I never had to study a day in my life until I hit college. So, yeah, I remember you having to hit the books while I wanted to hang out and play videos or go to the mall. I hated that you weren’t smart like me,” Bucky shook his head. “I know you _earned_ your life and career. You _deserve_ a perfect life. It’s fucked up you didn’t get it. If any of us deserve it, it’s _you_.”

TJ’s brows furrowed and he looked confused, “I’m sorry, Bucky, I don’t understand. You’re . . . you’re jealous because of how I look?”

Sighing, Bucky shook his head and pushed away from Steve. “No, dolt. I look like you. How can I be jealous of my own looks? I’m _jealous_ that you make friends so fucking easy and I’ve always had to struggle just to smile and say hello! I dreaded going to school every day, but if you were gonna go, I sure as hell wasn’t staying behind. And then, when I went off to college, and you weren’t there for the very first time, I hated you so much, because I realized just how inadequate I was without your example. I couldn’t even get a study partner to help me with chemistry, so flunked out of my classes. Luckily Tony was there and hired me anyway. Fat lot of good it did. I fucked up and blew my damn arm off!” Bucky collapsed at last, against Steve but seemingly lost in miserable thought. “I hated you so much for not following me the one time I didn’t follow you.”

TJ bit his bottom lip and said, “but . . . I got into Juilliard, Buck. MIT doesn’t have music programs.”

“Yeah,” Bucky muttered in a near whispered growl. “I know. Didn’t make me hate you any less for abandoning me. I was a stupid sixteen year old, remember?”

Flinching as if Bucky’s words were physical blows, TJ whimpered, “I - - I called you every day. I - - I didn’t abandon you . . . I’d never abandon you like Mom and Dad abandoned us.”

Sighing, Bucky lifted his eyes. “Not an attack, TJ. I forgave you years ago. But it’s the only thing I ever hated you for, and we’re supposed to say something that needed fixing, right? I was the stupid selfish idiot who couldn’t let go. I know you didn’t leave me. And I’d never leave you . . . not on purpose.”

“You left me at the hospital,” TJ breathed out softly.

Eyes widening, Bucky pointed at the other brother, “Jack kicked me out!”

“You coulda slept off the relaxants, Buck. Come back to see me when they wore off,” TJ said, looking pained.

“I did,” Bucky whimpered suddenly, “but the nurse told me I was banned from coming in. That Jack said to ban me unless I was well.”

Jack looked shocked. “I did no such thing! I never even talked to the nurse about you!”

“Are you sure you came back, Buck? It’s not one of your delusions . . . Tony said you went on a bender last Christmas. Blamed that on me,” TJ didn’t sound bitter or angry, just worried.

“Oh . . .” Bucky softly said then dropped his head. He slowly pushed to his feet and walked to the window, looking out. “Tony said that, huh?” He sighed then nodded. “So, now I’m an alcoholic and delusional.”

TJ pushed to his feet and approached his twin, “I never said you were a drunk. Am I a drunk because of what I did last Christmas? And, Buck, you’ve had vivid delusions since you were a kid.”

“Right, I remember Dad telling Mom he thought I should be in a hospital or something. Always thought I’d dreamed that, actually. So, tell me, Teej. Am I dangerous, too?” Bucky never met his eyes, still looking out the window.

“What? I never said you were dangerous? You’re delusions have never made you hurt anyone, Bucky, just make you think you did things that you _wished_ you’d done,” TJ reached out to put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

Bucky didn’t respond to the touch. Instead he placed his forehead on the window and softly said, “I’m crazy. That’s why Mom and Dad left. I drove them away, too, like I drive everyone away.”

“You’re not crazy, Bucky,” TJ insisted, sliding around so he could look at his brother, “and Mom and Dad left because they’re selfish assholes who don’t appreciate family. But, you have me, Jack, David . . . Johnny and Steve. You have _family_ , Buck.”

“Maybe I didn’t go to those concerts and only think I did,” Bucky said softly. He sounded confused and lost.

“They were punched, Buck,” TJ assured his brother, “you went.”

“But I didn’t go back to the hospital? How can I believe anything I thought I did or knew?” Bucky finally looked at TJ, and he looked like his entire world was shattering. “If most of my life is a delusion, how do I know what’s real? What if I think a cop comes up and tells me there’s some asshole around that I’ve gotta defend us against and I end up shooting one of you or something?” He sobbed. “Dad was right, I belong locked up.”

TJ gripped both of Bucky’s shoulders and gave him a gentle shake, “you don’t belong locked up, Buck. You’d never hurt any of us.”

“I might,” Bucky whimpered. “I can’t be trusted if I can’t trust what I think or see or hear. Maybe I should be medicated more often.”

“No, you’re fine, Bucky. We’ll get through this together, right? You’ve always protected me, let me help you, okay?” TJ repeated the words he’d spoken so long ago when they’d been fourteen.

“I’m scared,” Bucky whimpered. He met TJ’s eyes. “What if someone finds out?”

“No one is gonna find out, Buck,” TJ whispered, his eyes flashing with determination; the youngest sibling seemed to forget the others were even in the room. He put his hand behind Bucky’s neck and brought their foreheads together. “You did nothing wrong. Okay? No one is gonna find out.”

“Okay,” Bucky whimpered. He kept his forehead pressed to TJ’s, his body beginning to tremble once more, as it often did when he felt like others were judging him and finding him inadequate.

“Stay with me, Buck,” TJ breathed out, “stay right here with me. You and me, right?”

“But . . . you’re married.” Bucky protested softly. “And Stevie’s back . . . right?”

“Steve’s back, Buck,” TJ confirmed, “but it’s still you and me, Bucky. Always has been, always will be.”

“And you and Pepper won’t let Tony call the hospital? You’ll help Pepper talk Tony out of it?” Bucky suddenly revealed either a possible delusion or a problem. If Tony wanted Bucky in the hospital and couldn’t get him into one, it was possible the billionaire was keeping Bucky in the tower, feeding his fears even, to keep him locked up a different way. But with Bucky’s confusion, that could be one of his delusions in the making.

“You are _not_ going to a hospital, Buck,” TJ assured on a protective growl, a tone the man hardly ever took. “I’m here now. Jack’s here. Jack won’t let you go to a hospital.”

“Hell no,” Jack stood and walked over to his brothers. “You don’t need a hospital. Tell you what, Bucky. Why don’t you get a hold of Helen and ask her to lunch? Then we can see if she’s legit and find out her recommendations. If she says hospital, we fire her.”

Bucky looked at Jack slowly. He shook his head and said, quite firmly, “Jack, you’re an ass.” Bucky hugged Jack to him.

TJ took and released a deep breath, happy that it seemed that Bucky was calming down.

Steve looked at the brother’s with wide eyes; he’d never heard of Bucky having delusions when they were kids. It sounded as if this had been a problem since Bucky was little. He knew that Bucky had to go to the nurse’s office for meds every day when they were kids; however, when he asked him about it, Bucky would just say they were to calm him. He would never suggest that Bucky be locked up, but Steve wondered if his lover was being honest with his therapist, if he’d told Cho about the delusions.

Johnny sat forward. “Okay, so, we talk to Pepper about Tony and Cho about Bucky. Anyone else we need to talk to?” He carefully watched the small group to see their reactions, wondering just how much he’d not noticed growing up near this family. Sounded like they were all fucked up, including his beautiful TJ. Absently, Johnny wondered if David even knew what was going on.

David watched his husband and brothers-in-law for several moments, a worried frown on the normally calm man’s face. He’d met Jack after the twins had already gone off to college; he couldn’t remember Jack telling him about Bucky suffering from delusions as a child. David worried that the mental illness may run in the family and that maybe TJ’s very vivid, gruesome night terrors could be linked to Bucky’s delusions. He’d already talked with Jack, suggesting that TJ may have clinical depression rather than just being low from a bad break-up. David had been living with TJ for the last eight months, had seen TJ go through bouts where the young man couldn’t even get out of bed. Then the whole thing with Sean. Now, TJ’s appetite had diminished, he suffered from constant night terrors, and he’d go, sometimes days, where he wouldn’t get out of bed.

Johnny looked back and forth, realizing that either no one heard his questions or was willing to answer him. Instead, he nodded and clapped his hands, loudly, standing up. “Break time.”


	6. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNINGS: Anger and angst, medical revelations (some), reveal of past violent crime, medical confusion and possible malpractice, controlling behavior**

TJ jumped slightly and looked at his husband, having been lost in thought until the loud clap snapped him back to the present.

“Break time,” Johnny repeated. “Lot’s of emotions and stuff. Now comes the refuel. Strawberries and other good stuff all around.” He walked hurriedly into the kitchen to gather a tray and load it with the fruits, cream, and chocolate that Bucky seemed to have stocked in abundance. Not wanting to leave the group for long, Johnny grabbed several bottles of iced water and hurried back, placing the tray on the coffee table. “Hydrate and fuel up. Hugs are recommended,” he advised, reaching over to take TJ’s hand. He tugged his husband closer and whispered, “you’re doing great, love.” Johnny knew that Bucky was displaying signs of more mental trauma than anyone had hinted at, but they had to tread lightly. Any suggestion of in-hospital treatment looked like it could bring the entire family against the guy making the suggestion. Despite being at each other’s throats from years of miscommunication, the Barnes brothers were a _very close_ pack.

TJ chewed at his bottom lip, running his free hand through his unruly hair. He glanced over at Bucky and Jack and then back to his husband. “I don't . . . I don't feel like I am . . .” He whispered in return, pale eyes worried.

Continuing to keep his voice from the others, Johnny said, “you and your brothers have opened up and shared problems that can now be met, when before you didn’t know what they were. You’ve shared your love and what makes you proud of each other. And, TJ, you know know that sometimes more help might be needed. Now you can take steps to help Bucky get better, for one.” He kissed TJ’s lips gently. “With his memory, his confusion, right? It’s painful to be part of each other’s lives, but if you don’t, you’re making yourself alone.” Johnny stroked his hair and offered an encouraging smile.

“I . . . I don't know how to help him?” TJ’s eyes were miserable as he met Johnny’s. “Jack and I have been pretending a problem doesn't exist and . . . and look where that's gotten him.” The young man sighed softly, shaking his head, “what if it's our fault? We let him get this bad . . . I covered for him . . .”

Johnny stroked again and continued to smile softly. “Love, you did what you thought was best, but neither of you are trained mental professionals. Now it’s time to try to get him that kind of help, and I think your support will help him move in the right direction faster. It’s never easy to do things when you think you’re alone. So, this time around, we all show him we’re here. Right?”

“Mom and Dad were gonna lock him up,” TJ said softly, a breath of a whisper, “Dad was just _looking_ for an excuse to admit him.”

“Well,” Johnny sighed and gently kissed TJ’s lips. “Maybe they gave up themselves, but you and Jack can do better and show him you’re here to stay? First thing is to meet his current doctor and exchange facts about his case.”

Sighing, TJ nodded, worrying at his bottom lip again. “Yeah, you're right. Meet this Dr. Cho and see what she thinks . . . what Bucky's told her. Maybe she doesn't even know about the delusions?”

“That’s likely since Bucky didn’t seem aware of them, either,” Johnny smiled. “Ready for some strawberries?”

“Not all that hungry,” TJ murmured softly.

“One,” Johnny took TJ’s hand and kissed the fingers. “One strawberry? For me? So I’ll stop bugging?”

Smiling softly, TJ conceded, “okay, _one_ strawberry.”

Reaching over to the bowl, Johnny picked out a medium sized strawberry and brought it to TJ’s lips.

TJ carefully took a bite of the ripe strawberry, licking his lips after he'd swallowed, “they're good,” he nodded, giving his husband a small smile.

Johnny kissed TJ’s strawberry flavored lips. “Another or you good?”

“I . . . I think I can do one more?” TJ gave his husband a soft smile. Usually, the thought of food, this close to such emotional upheaval, would send TJ running for the restroom. However, something about Johnny soothed him, calmed his nerves and fears that always seemed present in the last few months.

With a smile of approval, Johnny retrieved another medium sized strawberry. He didn’t go for the large ones, feeling the sight would just turn TJ’s stomach with the idea of eating _so much_ , and he skipped the smaller ones as a waste of time since TJ might give up after a certain number. Johnny felt the mid-sized strawberries were easy to deal with for a delicate stomach while still not being intimidating. Brushing the strawberry against TJ’s lips, Johnny leaned in close for a kiss then fed the berry to his husband.

TJ hummed against Johnny’s lips, letting his husband continue to feed him. It had been so long since a lover had given him this type of attention. He never realized how much he’d missed this type of affection.

Stroking the backs of his fingers across one of TJ’s cheeks, Johnny offered strawberry after strawberry, enjoying the shine in his husband’s eyes and the slight flush to his cheeks. Stealing kisses with each ripe red berry, Johnny ignored the others in the room, his entire world TJ at that moment.

TJ didn’t even seem to notice how many strawberries his husband fed him. The uneasiness in his stomach fading away until he could manage eating. With each kiss Johnny gave him, TJ felt lighter, happier, forgetting for a moment all the craziness that was his life.

Bucky let go of Jack and backed off, directly into Steve. He didn’t seem to mind bumping into the tall, well-built man. Rather, the brunet pulled out his cell phone and hit speed dial. Without putting it on speaker, Bucky said, calmly, “Dr. Cho? I’ve had a breakthrough I think? My family’s here and we’re holding an intervention for each other. My brother Jack wants you to come here so he can fire you.”

Jack’s jaw dropped open, “Bucky! That’s not what I said!”

His middle brother grinned and stuck his tongue out at the elder. “Okay. Yup, just keycard in. We’re in my place.” Bucky hung up the phone and put it away.

Jack turned to David and muttered, very low, “think he really has a doctor or is he faking it? What doctor has a key to a patient’s home?”

David shrugged and kissed Jack’s temple, “Stark seems to handle things very differently than normal. I hope Bucky really has a doctor that’s been helping him out.”

Bucky looked back at Steve behind him, eyes searching Steve’s. Softly, he asked, “Steve? You . . . you think Helen won’t lock me up, right?”

Steve kissed Bucky’s lips gently, running his hands up and down Bucky’s spine, “I think she’ll try her hardest not to, Buck. I don’t think doctors go around wanting to lock people away from their friends and family, that’s only really extreme cases . . . or if you hurt someone.”

Shaking his head, Bucky insisted, “I’d never hurt someone unless I had to. You know, to defend someone.”

“Of course,” Steve nodded, kissing his lover again, “and, at least in high school, you always tried to avoid conflict . . . only jumping in when my scrawny ass bit off more than I could chew.”

"Yeah, but I loved that scrawny ass," Bucky sighed and finally allowed himself to lean back against Steve again. "Maybe I shoulda told you back then . . ."

“Yeah, but then, maybe we wouldn’t be here, ya know?” Steve stated softly, kissing Bucky’s ear. “With you going off to MIT and me joining the military . . . who knows what would’ve happened. The only thing I do regret is not coming out when I heard you’d been hurt.” Steve sighed and kissed again, “I was afraid of you rejecting me, ya know? We hadn’t talked in years and I didn’t know if you’d want to see me.”

Bucky slipped his right arm above his head and around Steve’s neck, pulling Steve into a deeper kiss. He hummed into Steve, body vibrating in happiness. Squirming around, Bucky managed to end up facing Steve, arm still somewhat around his lover’s neck, kissing and nipping at Steve’s full lips. “You’re here now . . .” he murmured.

The door opened, sounding a small series of beeps but no alarms. The woman in the doorway had long, straight black hair, pulled back into a long ponytail, and kind, dark eyes. She looked around at the six men then smiled. “Bucky, you called?”

Sighing, Bucky pulled away from Steve and turned, frowning softly. “Why can’t you be running half an hour late like normal doctors?” Shaking his head at her chuckle, Bucky gestured with his hand. “Guys, Doctor Helen Cho, my doctor. This is Jack Barnes, my older brother, and his husband David. TJ Storm, my little brother, and his husband, Johnny. And this is Steve, my boyfriend.”

At the last claim, Helen lifted her eyebrows in surprise but smiled wider. She held out her hand to each man, shaking and greeting, ending with Steve. “How wonderful to meet all of you.”

Steve shook her hand and gave her his bright smile, “it’s a pleasure to meet you, ma’am. Bucky’s only said good things about you.”

“Well, if he said bad things, I wouldn’t be surprised. Most people have complaints about people who invade their privacy.” Helen sank onto the floor without invitation, not bothering with the furniture, as everyone else seemed to be ignoring it, too. “Bucky mentioned a family intervention for each other?” she prompted.

“Yes, ma’am,” TJ nodded, looking at the kind seeming doctor, “turns out there has been a lot of miscommunication in our family since Bucky and I graduated high school.”

Nodding, Cho smiled at TJ specifically. “When we grow up, we sometimes make decisions that take us far from home and family.”

“I suppose we do,” TJ nodded, leaning back into Johnny’s chest.

Johnny volunteered, “Each of the brothers got to say something that bothered him about each of the others, and then said something that made him happy or proud?”

“Was it difficult, choosing one thing and actually saying it?” Cho asked. She was still looking at TJ.

Worrying at his bottom lip, squirming a bit under the therapist’s continued gaze, TJ muttered, “uh . . . yes? It’s never easy telling someone you love what makes you angry about them.”

“Yes, that’s what I was thinking. Sometimes it’s hard to say what’s pleasant, too, but many people are uncomfortable saying anything negative.” Cho turned to look at Jack, who sighed.

“Doctor, we were hoping to talk with you about Bucky’s treatment, his medicines, and such. We’ve seen how - - detrimental one of his medicines seems, making him pretty loopy and . . .”

“Almost like he’s drunk,” TJ piped up, unable to keep his own concern for his twin out of his voice.

Turning to her patient, Helen asked reasonably, “Bucky, have you been drinking alcohol?”

Bucky sighed and looked away. “Yeah, some . . . not much, not excessive.”

“Can you look at me when you answer, please, Bucky?” Helen still sounded friendly and calm, conversational.

Sliding his eyes towards his doctor, Bucky frowned. “Yeah, I drank some. I was in Vegas at a party. ‘Course I drank!”

“I think it was my fault,” TJ stated softly, pale eyes flashing with guilt.

Looking at TJ, Helen smiled softly. “What do you think is your fault, TJ?”

“I - - I . . .” TJ looked at Bucky and then back to Helen, “we fought . . . then he started drinking a lot. Tony also said something about him going on a binge in December . . . when I had . . . a rough time.”

Helen nodded, “did you put the drinks in Bucky’s hand?” Her tone was gentle and friendly still.

“Well . . . no,” TJ shook his head, “but - -”

“Did you tell him to drink?” Helen continued.

“No . . . but, I stressed him out . . . made him feel like he _had_ to drink,” TJ answered, meeting the doctor’s gaze.

Nodding, Helen looked at Bucky. “Bucky? Did we go over coping techniques for stress?”

“Yes,” Bucky sighed, glaring at his doctor.

“Did you have other options when TJ upset you?” she asked.

Rolling his eyes, Bucky said, “of course I did. But I felt like drinking, so I did.”

Helen looked back at TJ. “Do you think Bucky’s choice to drink was your fault?”

“Uh . . . yes?” TJ stated, looking at the doctor with a small frown, “he wouldn’t have made the choice if I’d just listened and believed him . . . instead of arguing.”

“How do you know he wouldn’t have drank anyway?” Helen asked. “Was it because he was upset he forgot his options and drank, or did he use the argument as an excuse for throwing away his other options so he could drink?”

TJ’s eyes flickered to look at Bucky again, shifting uncomfortably on the floor.

Bucky sighed, “I’d have drank anyway, Teej. I wanted to drink.”

“But . . . I . . .” TJ opened and closed his mouth, trying to come up with a way to deflect the blame from Bucky . . . it hadn’t been Bucky’s fault; his twin had been anxious, scared, and needed something to take the edge off. “I . . . I _pushed_ you to drink.”

“TJ,” Helen asked softly, “why do you wish to take the blame for Bucky drinking?”

Looking back at Helen, TJ frowned and shrugged, wrapping his arms around himself. “Because it’s my fault?”

“And if it was Bucky’s fault, what do you think would happen to him?” Helen asked.

“I don’t know?” TJ frowned deeper, tapping his fingers against his arms.

“TJ, do you think Bucky’s in trouble for choosing to drink at the party?” the doctor asked.

“Trouble?” TJ shook his head, “no? But . . . he’ll feel guilty if it’s his fault.” The youngest Barnes sibling looked very uncomfortable, his eyes continuously flickering over to look at his twin.

Nodding, Helen looked at Bucky. “You say it’s your fault, Bucky. Do you feel guilty?”

“It was my fault, because I wanted to drink. I know I’m on meds, but I didn’t care. And no, I don’t feel guilty. I’m a grown up. I can drink if I choose to.” Bucky crossed his arms, defiantly.

TJ looked down at his lap, still hugging himself.

Dr. Cho turned to TJ. “TJ, thank you for trying to help and protect your brother. It takes a kind heart to try to protect someone, even from himself. Bucky’s not in trouble for drinking, TJ. I wanted to know if he had been, so I can determine if it mixed badly with his medicines. It’s a routine question, actually.” She lay a hand on TJ’s wrist. “You’re certainly a good brother, looking out for him. Now, do you think you can tell me if you think, from Bucky’s responses, whether Bucky was responsible for his own choice to drink?”

“I guess?” TJ stated softly, not meeting the woman’s eyes.

“Can you tell me how it makes you feel, to admit that Bucky might do something wrong or harmful of his own accord?” Helen asked, ever gentle.

TJ chewed his bottom lip, not looking at anyone, keeping his eyes focused solely on his lap. He shook his head and said, “he . . . he doesn’t mean to? Even if he chose to drink . . . he - - he . . .” TJ struggled to form another excuse for Bucky; he had always covered for his twin and it was a very hard habit to break.

“TJ, can you take two deep breaths, letting them out slowly, for me?” Helen kept her hand on TJ’s wrist, lightly, a warm, friendly gesture, not minding the tapping.

The young man did as instructed, the breaths coming out a bit shaky.

“LIsten carefully to me. I did not ask what you thought of Bucky’s guilt. I asked how you feel when Bucky is guilty.” Dr. Cho smiled encouragingly.

“I . . . I don’t know? Bad . . . I’m not a good brother,” TJ whimpered softly, the tapping becoming more erratic.

“Ah, so, let me see if I get this right. If Bucky does something bad, you feel like you let him down? That _you_ did something wrong?” Helen asked.

“He never means to,” TJ repeated softly, “sometimes he just gets confused.”

“I understand that,” Helen nodded. “So, you feel like you did something wrong because Bucky did something wrong?”

“I need to look out for him . . . that’s what I was told to do. I gotta make sure he’s doing good,” TJ insisted, his eyes still downcast.

Nodding, Helen petting TJ’s wrist. “Breathe, TJ, slowly. In and out. You’re doing so good. Thank you for answering me. Those are some very interesting answers. I think I understand Bucky a bit better now.”

Swallowing, TJ nodded; he didn’t say anything else, the erratic tapping turning into a more rhythmic pattern. 

Helen smiled around at the group. Turning back to Bucky, Helen said, “Bucky, when you chose to drink, did you think about how it might mix with your medication?”

Bucky sighed. “Yeah, I was frustrated with always being careful and taking my medications and Tony telling me what to do. I didn’t wanna be at the party at all, but you made me go.”

Helen lifted and eyebrow and Bucky sighed, shoulders sagging. He corrected himself, “but we agreed I should try to get out of the apartment so going to the party would be a good idea. And so, I was angry and frustrated and decided to piss off Tony by ignoring his orders. I drank. I don’t remember how much, but I woke up without any real memory so I guess it was a lot.”

Turning to check on TJ, Helen smiled. “Sounds like Bucky was champing at the bit, doesn’t it, TJ?”

TJ shrugged one shoulder, “wouldn’t anyone be?”

Nodding, Helen agreed, “I think I would be,” she chuckled.

Finally lifting his eyes, TJ looked at both Helen and Bucky; when he met his brother’s eyes, the smaller man still looked guilty, miserable for letting Bucky down.

Johnny hugged TJ from behind and kissed the back of his neck. “Sounds like Bucky was a timebomb waiting to rebel, Teej.”

“I should’ve been here for him,” TJ whimpered softly, “I let him get so bad. If I hadn’t been so selfish . . . I . . . I could’ve - -”

“Enough,” Johnny ordered. “You didn’t _let_ Bucky get sick, TJ. You were both kids and you had a life with problems you were dealing with. I think your parents kept making you do their job of taking care of your twin.” Johnny kept hugging TJ.

“It . . . it wasn’t a job,” TJ said softly, chewing at his bottom lip, “I . . . I liked taking care of him. I . . . but . . . I left him to go to Juilliard . . .”

“Bucky left before you did,” Jack said firmly, reaching out to touch TJ’s knee. “But, Teej, we’re not trying to place blame or anything. Now, it’s over and done. Now, instead of blaming, why don’t we work on helping him get better, yeah?”

Looking back down at his lap, though Jack saw something unspoken flash in his brother’s eyes, TJ shrugged and nodded.

Jack leaned forward. “You love Bucky very deeply, and it’s good you do. Not many were willing to look out for him. But now, Teej, it’s time to let the rest of us help, okay?”

TJ shook his head, not saying anything, though the tapping once again fell out of rhythm.

Helen lifted her hand. “Well, I think TJ’s done very well. He’s worked hard to protect and help Bucky. Maybe he doesn’t know _how_ we can help. Why don’t we talk about how we can all help Bucky. You were worried enough to want to meet me, right? So, why don’t you ask me about his treatments, medication, and other stuff.”

“So,” Steve started off, giving TJ a quick, worried glance though the younger man didn’t see it, “the dose that Tony had us give Bucky . . . the reaction was because he drank? Or does the anti-anxiety medicine usually have such a drastic affect?”

“Anything I prescribed for Bucky does not have the effects of making him seem drunk. The normal anti-anxiety medicine helps him relax a little, but mostly just takes the edge off so he can get to a calmer mental state. Here,” she pulled out her tablet and began typing, turning it so Steve could see the list of medicines Bucky was supposed to be on. All were standard medicines for the field.

“But,” Steve frowned softly, “Bucky,” he looked at his boyfriend, “you hadn’t been drinking in the morning, right? Before the flight? So, drinking shouldn’t have played a factor in the relaxants we gave you before flying out.” He looked back at Helen, “did you prescribe him something that comes in a shot? One that Tony usually administers?”

“Tony isn’t qualified to administer any of Bucky’s mental health medications, only ones for his arm,” she answered immediately.

“Well, you need to talk with Tony, then; he’s been giving your patient a drug that comes in a shot form? It may be counteracting the medicine you prescribed. It isn’t surprising that both Jack and TJ might think Bucky’s drunk after he’d been given a dose.”

Eyes widening, Helen said, “I never heard anyone considered Bucky was drunk . . .” she looked over her patient. “Nothing I prescribed should have that effect.”

“Bucky,” Steve looked back at his lover, eyes gentle and kind, “does Tony give you an experimental drug?”

“Yeah,” Bucky shrugged his only shoulder. “Sometimes my arm pain is so bad, I need something to calm it. So, he’s been working on giving me things to make the pain and stuff go away. He wanted to try something for the panic attacks for flying, so I said yes?”

TJ shook his head, anger flashing in his pale eyes, “he can’t just give you experimental shit! Do you realize how _dangerous_ that is?” The young man shot up from the floor, “where is he? That shit is _not_ okay! He’s not a doctor or anything!” TJ started heading for the door, determination in his stride.

“He is a doctor,” Bucky said. “He’s got three different degrees, and one’s in general medicine.”

“Doesn’t matter!” TJ threw his hands in the air, “he should at least be consulting with your _actual_ doctor!” The brunet headed towards the elevator, intent on finding Tony so he could give him a piece of his mind.

Bucky blinked and looked at Helen who looked troubled. She stood and followed TJ, using her keycard to open the elevator. “Would he be in his penthouse or his lab, Bucky?”

Bucky shook his head and settled back against Steve. “Not telling.”

“I’ll look both places!” TJ whirled around, looking at his twin, “what he did is one hundred percent _not_ okay, Bucky! He can’t just use you as a guinea pig! Jack! Tell him! That’s not okay! Tony coulda killed him!”

“It’s illegal to do human experimentation unless it’s government sanctioned, “Jack said. “However, TJ, Tony has government sanctions for certain drug therapies. If Bucky signed into one of those programs, even if he didn’t tell anyone, we can’t do anything.” The eldest Barnes stood.

TJ shook his head, stepping into the elevator when it opened, “doesn’t make it any less _wrong_. Bucky, where is he?” TJ asked again.

“Probably not even in the country. He was scheduled to go overseas for some business this week.” Bucky didn’t sit up.

Letting out a low, angry growl, TJ looked at Dr. Cho, “you have to tell Tony that it’s not okay! That medicine is dangerous! Bucky can’t take care of himself when he’s on it! He can barely walk on his own!”

“I plan to address this as soon as possible, TJ,” Helen nodded, her voice firm. “Bucky, can you give me any paperwork you and Tony may have arranged or signed? And if you . . .”

Bucky got up, basically cutting of Cho’s words as he walked out of the room towards his master bedroom. He went into the room and shut the door.

Steve sighed and got up, following Bucky until he reached the closed door. Knocking softly, he called, “Buck? Can I come in?”

“Sure, Stevie,” Bucky sounded perfectly normal.

Walking inside the room, letting the door shut softly behind him, Steve watched as Bucky sifted through what he could only assume was the brunet’s safe. “Buck . . . you gotta realize that your brother has a reason to be upset with Tony.”

Nodding, Bucky said, “Yup.” He kept sorting through the papers.

“Why didn’t you tell Dr. Cho about the medicine Tony was giving you?” Steve asked.

“I did. I was with both of them when he explained it all to her. She even signed the papers. Once I find them, I’ll prove it,” Bucky answered, still looking.

“Bucky,” Steve walked toward the brunet, kneeling down next to him. “She looked as if she had no clue what you were talking about.”

“No, I remember clearly,” Bucky shook his head. “It was right before my birthday three years ago.”

“Okay,” Steve nodded, not arguing for the moment, “want help looking?”

“Sure,” Bucky handed a stack of papers to Steve. They consisted of a lot of loose leaf paper, hand written neatly at first then in childish scrawl, slowly improving. It looked like the mixed up pages of a journal, nothing legal or professional. Bucky continued going through other stacks of paper.

“These are all journal entries,” Steve said, sifting through each and every page, glancing over them but trying not to invade Bucky’s privacy. Nothing about the entries stood out as anything legal, except that Steve could see his own name mentioned a lot. Though, Steve could clearly see that Bucky wrote about his fears and loneliness often, and the handwriting got worse when Steve could assume that Bucky lost his left, and prominent, hand and seemed to get better as Bucky learned to write right-handed.

Nodding, Bucky said, “I’m sure it’s with them. I keep everything important in here, and the papers would be important. Even I know _that_. I’m not dumb.”

“Here,” Steve put the stack back in a neat pile once he’d gone through them all, “we’ll switch, maybe I’m missing it.”

Nodding, Bucky sat back on his heels with a stack of journal pages on his lap, using his fingers to go through it quickly, but having some difficulty with the pages shifting and trying to slide off his lap. He allowed Steve access to the massive stacks of paper in the safe, which appeared to be all journal, not a scrap of anything else.

“Bucky,” Steve said softly, “there are no legal documents in the safe, baby. Just journal entries. You think maybe Tony has a copy of the document you and Dr. Cho signed?”

Sighing, Bucky looked at all the papers and nodded slowly. "Yeah, Tony keeps legal documents. He'd have a copy. I . . ." he shook his head. "I have no idea where I put my copies. I woulda thought they'd be in the safe, right? Unless . . ." Bucky frowned, looking at Steve, “do I have a second safe?”

“I don’t know, baby,” Steve said softly, brushing brunet locks from Bucky’s forehead, “but we won’t be able to get those documents until Tony gets back. Do you wanna go back out to Dr. Cho?”

“Not if TJ’s still mad about me drinking and letting Tony give me medicine,” Bucky shook his head.”

“For one, TJ was never mad at you for drinking, baby,” Steve assured his lover with a gentle kiss, “and two, whatever Tony’s been giving you is _very_ strong. Your twin is just worried that it’s hurting you, or not letting the medicines that Dr. Cho gives you do their job. TJ’s not mad at _you_ , baby.”

Nodding, Bucky sighed and headed for the door, but as he got closer, he hesitated and slowed. Finally, his arm wrapped around his stomach and he dragged his feet reluctantly. He shook his head at he got to the door and stopped, backing up a step. “Don’t feel good . . .”

Steve came up behind Bucky and ran his fingers down his lover’s spine, “it’s okay, Buck. You’ve been doing so good today. So good, my love.”

“When I drink or take Tony’s meds, all the fear goes away. All the worry. I can do _anything_ ,” Bucky whimpered.

“That’s not true,” Steve insisted, continuing to rub Bucky’s back, “you haven’t had a drink today and no one has given you any of Tony’s medicine and look at how well you’re doing? You talked with both your brother without any sort of breakdown. You’re doing good, Buck, real good.”

“I forgot my meds,” Bucky sighed, a small keen in his voice. “They’re in the kitchen. I . . . I think I wanna throw up.”

“You’re okay, baby,” Steve tried to reassure his lover, “you’re doing really, really good.”

“I’ve spent all morning with my family,” Bucky said, looking at Steve, hand still on his abdomen.

“You have, Bucky,” Steve gave his lover a gentle smile, “and look at all the things you guys have managed to discuss?”

Nodding, Bucky sighed, “we did, didn’t we?” He leaned into Steve.

**************

As soon as the elevator doors opened to the penthouse suite, Steve and Bucky could clearly hear TJ’s voice, sounding downright furious as he yelled, “. . . you had no right, Stark! And to not even tell Dr. Cho? You're supposed to be a genius or something! Do you realize how dangerous that was? What if your medicine reacted wrong with the medicine Dr. Cho was giving him?”

Tony turned and blinked in surprise. “Uh, Jarvis, a little warning before letting in angry guests?”

“Yes, sir. My apologies, sir. You have visitors which are emotionally distressed, sir,” a voice sounded in the air, a smooth, calm voice with a British accent.

“What game you playing at, Stark?” TJ growled, approaching the smaller man, “you want to get him addicted to your shit? Make him reliant on you? I don’t care if the President of the United States himself approved of your experimental drug, you had no right to endanger _my_ brother like that!”

Tony blinked and looked at Pepper far enough across the room to have possibly missed what TJ said . . . possibly. He looked back at Doctor Cho and TJ. “So, if you maybe drop your voice a bit, we can talk about this?”

 

Helen frowned. “I want all documentation concerning anything you’ve done to Bucky, including for his arm.”

Nodding readily enough, Tony called, “Pep, Doc wants the files on Bucky Bear!” He smiled and gestured to Pepper. “Go ahead, Helen. She’ll give you whatever you need.”

“If you’ll follow me, Dr. Cho,” Pepper insisted, gesturing down the long hall on her right.

Helen frowned but followed the other women to a private office, leaving the two men behind. Tony turned to TJ. “All better.”

“No,” TJ growled, stepping closer to Tony, though not touching the other man, “ _not_ all better, Tony. What the hell were you thinking? Giving Bucky experimental drugs? Not consulting his doctor before doing so? You could’ve killed him! Ever think of _that_?”

“Uh,” Tony lifted a hand, frowning further, “correction, I _did_ consult with Doctor Connors. He gave the meds to me _for_ Bucky. I’m a biomechanical engineer, not a surgeon.”

“Who the hell is Doctor Connors?” TJ seethed, anger flashing in his pale eyes, “why didn’t you tell Doctor Cho about the medicine you were administering to him? He’s not a fucking lab rat, Stark, he is a human being.”

“So, I have to house, clothe, feed, and medicate the guy, as well as make sure both of his doctors talk with him and the surgeon? Isn’t babysitting Bucky enough without making me babysit the doctors, too?” Tony shook his head and turned to a computer image floating in the air.

“No one _asked you_ to babysit Bucky,” TJ growled low, “Jack and I could’ve taken care of him if he’d let us. If Bucky is so much of a _bother_ to you, I’ll take him with me when I find an apartment.”

Eyes widening, Stark whirled around and shook his head, almost desperate looking. “No, Bucky’s not a bother. I like having him here. It’s the running around making sure the doctors do their jobs and talk to each other I got a problem with. Why aren’t you yelling at Dr. Cho for not keeping in contact with Dr. Conner or Dr. Octavius?”

“Because,” TJ said, narrowing his eyes in a cold glare, “ _you_ are the one that has been injecting him with that medication, Stark.”

“Well, that’s because Dr. Connor prescribed it to him and, as Bucky’s medical power of attorney, I’ve been following doctor's orders.” Stark glared finally, crossing his arms.

“Power of attorney? Since when have you’ve been Bucky’s power of attorney?” TJ didn’t lessen his glare, though he sounded a bit surprised.

“Since he tried to blow up me, the lab, himself, and three other trainees,” Stark sighed. “Right after he woke up from surgery, he gave me his power of attorney.”

“Wait,” TJ held up a hand, “ _tried_ to? The explosion was an accident.”

“Yeha,” Tony rolled his eyes. “That’s what I told the authorities. But Bucky’s ignorance of chemistry, which he lied about on his resume, got us into a pretty _explosive_ situation.”

“Just because he made a mistake doesn’t mean he _tried to_ cause the explosion,” TJ stated firmly, “people make mistakes. That makes it an accident, Stark.”

"That what you think, Buck?" Tony asked, glancing at the open elevator doors where Bucky leaned against Steve.

Bucky frowned. “What explosion? The one that tried to kill me? Or one of the ones you trigger about fifty times a week?”

TJ whirled around, he hadn’t even known that Bucky was in the room, “the explosion that took your arm, Bucky. It was an accident.”

“Of course it was. You think I tried to kill us all on purpose? I didn’t _mean_ to add the wrong chemicals together.” Bucky frowned, burrowing backwards into Steve further, as if for reassurance. Steve ran his hand up and down Bucky’s back, kissing his ear gently.

Looking back at Tony, TJ glared even harder than before, “it was an _accident_ , Stark. He didn’t _try_ to hurt anyone.”

“But he _did_ lie on his resume about his knowledge of chemistry, endangering everyone when he was allowed to work with the chemicals. That’s called reckless endangerment, TJ,” Tony answered, looking angrier.

“Didn’t you go to school with him?” TJ crossed his arms.

“And now I’m supposed to keep track of my schoolmate’s grades?” Tony threw his hands into the air. “Pepper! Jarvis? Get Pepper!”

“You went to school with him,” TJ repeated, “you’d know that he had troubles in chemistry class.”

“I would?” Tony looked at TJ, incredulously. “You know, you went to school with Barton. What were his grades in geometry?”

TJ glared but didn’t say anything for a moment, the tall brunet shook his head. “You should’ve told us that he was having troubles, Tony. You knew how bad he’d gotten and you let us think he was doing fine.”

“I have power of attorney for medical decisions, only, but Bucky has total control of what he tells his family. And he told me _not_ to . . .”

“You didn’t have to tell us details!” TJ threw his hands in the air, looking angry again, “all you had to do was call Jack or I, tell us to come down to check on him! You knew how bad he’d gotten since the accident. You should’ve let us know, you let him get worse and worse, Tony. Distance himself from his family and friends.”

Tony shrugged. “It’s not like I’m all that close to my family. I live here and _I’m_ fine.”

“You’re fine, huh?” TJ shook his head, “well, I’m glad _you’re_ fine, Tony. But, if you knew Bucky at all, you’d know that he needs his family.”

“Where’s Pepper?” Tony whined. “And Bucky’s right there. You can ask him yourself? Or is your family so close, you don’t _need_ words?”

“You’re an asshole, Stark,” TJ growled, “always have been.” The taller man turned and headed towards the elevator.

Nodding, Tony agreed, “of course. Jarvis? Where's Pepper?” he demanded, annoyance in his voice.

TJ looked at Bucky and Steve, “I’m going down. You wanna stay up here?”

Bucky shook his head. “Not sure why I even came up, really.” He sighed and turned, right into Steve, eyes opening wide. He looked up into Steve’s face, looking worried.

Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky, kissing the top of his head as TJ stepped into the elevator and hit Bucky’s floor. Once the elevator made it down, TJ strode into the apartment, still looking angry.

Steve kissed Bucky again, “it’s okay, Buck. You’re okay.”

“Yeah. I always feel okay in Tony’s penthouse, actually. Calmer, you know? Not judged?” He sighed and turned to walk from the elevator. “TJ’s mad at me, I think.”

“I think he’s mad at Tony,” Steve said softly, walking close behind his lover.

TJ headed for the living room, where he’d left Johnny, “you still wanna look at that apartment?”

Looking up, Johnny frowned. “You okay, love?” He reached out to stroke his husband’s cheek.

“I’m fine,” TJ said sharply, “I wanna go look at that apartment. You still want to right? Jack?” The youngest Barnes sibling looked at his older brother, “you and David still wanna come look?”

“What happened with Tony? Where’s Helen?” Jack asked, frowning worriedly.

“Tony’s an asshole, don’t know why I even tried talking with him. Cho’s getting papers from Pepper,” TJ supplied with a huff. He turned to head towards the room he shared with Johnny, “well, I’m gonna look at the apartment. Anyone who wants to come is free to join me. Gotta go out to DC, too, get our things.”

“Love?” Johnny followed TJ. “I called the manager while you were busy. He says he can show the apartment tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” TJ nodded, walking into the room and towards his bag which he had yet to unpack. “Well, I . . . I need to get out for a bit. Go for a walk or something . . . I don’t know. Something.”

“I’d love a walk. Show you around Manhattan a bit. I grew up here, you know,” Johnny smiled, offering his hand to TJ.

Sighing softly, TJ looked over at Johnny, running his fingers through his short curls. He took Johnny’s hand and said, “Bucky distanced himself from us . . . why? Why would he do that? Jack and I coulda helped him.”

“Maybe he felt like he was being helped too much, Sweetheart.” Johnny sighed and stroked again. “Maybe Bucky wanted to try to do it on his own, and when he got too overwhelmed, he didn’t know how to ask for help?”

“Oh?” TJ asked, sarcasm dripping from his tone, “and how was he being helped too much? He refused any help Jack and I offered. I spent my whole life covering for him . . . and all of a sudden . . . he doesn’t want my help anymore?”

“TJ, Sweetheart,” Johnny took both of TJ’s hands and kissed the fingers. “I don’t understand all of it, so I’m not sure why Bucky pulled away. Maybe he did something he’s ashamed of and that’s why? Maybe he’d just confused and thinks he’s been keeping in contact?”

“I’ve seen him nearly beat a kid to death and I never judged him. I’ve never given him a reason that he thinks he should be ashamed around me. I _helped him_ when he’d black out . . . get vivid delusions and wake up screaming every night as a kid! I’ve always helped him! I didn’t tell anyone, not even Jack!” TJ looked a cross between angry and hurt, “and he decides _he_ wants to pull away? That’s bullshit.”

“He nearly beat someone to death, TJ?” Johnny asked softly. “Do you think he forgot you knew about that? Maybe he’s trying to hide _that_ from you?”

TJ’s eyes widened and he looked stunned, “you can’t tell anyone! Johnny, I mean it, you can’t say a word! I don’t think he forgot that I know . . . I was there . . . I was the reason he felt he needed to.”

Dropping TJ’s hands and cupping his face, Johnny traced his lips gently over TJ’s. “I’m not telling anyone, but maybe you need to ask Bucky directly why he felt he couldn’t contact you? That’s the only sure way to know what happened.”

Sighing softly, TJ nodded and said, “yeah, I guess you’re right.” Pulling away from Johnny, TJ walked out of the room and towards the main living area. Spotting Bucky, the younger man asked, “Bucky? Do you mind if I talk to you? Alone, please?”

Bucky stepped away from Steve, hugging himself. “You _want_ to talk to me?” He sounded surprised, as if he expected TJ to reject him.

“Yes, I want to talk to you, please,” TJ nodded, “wherever you’re most comfortable, Buck, but I’d prefer it just be you and me?”

“Okay, let’s go to the balcony, or is that too tempting?” Bucky looked worried.

“Tempting? I’m not about to jump off the balcony, Buck,” TJ frowned softly, heading towards the large balcony, opening the glass door and stepping out into early Spring air.

“But I might,” Bucky groaned and walked after his twin.

Shutting the door after his twin, TJ sighed and stepped over to the railing, looking out at the city view, “it’s just you and me, now, Buck.”

Bucky stayed back near the double doors. “You’re mad at me . . .” he asked.

“I’m not, I promise I’m not,” TJ insisted, looking back at his brother, leaning back against the sturdy railing, “but, I need you to be honest with me, Buck, why did you distance yourself from Jack and I? You were in so much pain . . . but you insisted that Jack and I stay away . . . why?”

“Because I’m afraid I’ll lose my temper and maybe hurt you guys?” Bucky whispered, backing against the door further. “I panic most of the time, but sometimes . . . I get angry and black out. It’s one of the reasons Tony gives me the medicine.”

“You black out,” TJ nodded, worrying at his bottom lip, pale eyes flickering to look at his brother, “Buck . . . you . . . you know that I know about Dem, right? You remember what happened?”

“The stupid kid who thought you were hitting on his girlfriend and decided to hit you instead? Yeah, I remember.” Bucky’s voice was laced with bitterness mixed in with fear.

Nodding again, TJ asked, “he was wailing on me and you pulled him off, Buck. You remember that I saw all that right? That I pulled you off him? Even when you were _that_ angry, Bucky, you didn’t hit me. You’d never hurt someone you cared about Bucky. Never.”

“Of course you saw it. You were the one being hit,” Bucky frowned. “How can I forget how I got so angry and had to clean you up. There was so much blood!” Bucky shook his head, eyes unfocusing.

TJ stepped closer and reached out to put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, “stay with me, Buck. Listen to my voice, okay?”

“Listen to you . . .” he said softly. “Okay, I’m listening, but . . . I get angry, Teej. Don’t wanna hurt you . . .” He shook his head. His voice got smaller. “Don’t wanna hurt Steve . . . I need the meds from Tony to help that.”

“You’d never hurt us, Buck. You’ve blacked out since you were a kid, Bucky, and you didn’t have the meds then, did you? Not the ones that Tony gives you.” TJ put a finger under Bucky’s chin, making his twin look at him, “you don’t need them, Buck. We’ll tell Doctor Cho about them and she can decide what medicine you need for them . . . she’s your therapist, Bucky. She’s the one that should be prescribing you medicine.” 

“Doctor Connors prescribed the calming meds,” Bucky whispered, meeting his brother’s pale eyes with his identical ones.

“But, Doctor Connors isn’t your therapist, Bucky, he shouldn’t be giving you medicine for your mental health,” TJ stated, not tearing his eyes away.

“He’s my surgeon,” Bucky sighed. “And he gives me meds so I don’t hurt myself or anyone else. That way my body can heal.”

“Well,” TJ sighed softly, “now, Doctor Cho knows that he’s been giving you something. So, she’s gonna talk with Doctor Connors and find out why he never told her what he’d been giving you. Hey,” TJ smiled softly, brushing Bucky’s long hair from his eyes, “wanna come up with Jack, David and I to pack up our things in a few days? I can even rent a truck so that way we don’t gotta fly. It’s only a four hour drive.”

“I’d love to,” Bucky smiled softly. “Are we leaving Steve and Johnny here? I thought Johnny had something he had to do at the airfield?”

TJ nodded, “yeah, he’s busy for the next week or so. He’ll come with me to check out the apartment tomorrow, I figure we can leave after that? If Steve isn’t busy, he’s welcome to join us. If he is . . . well, it can be a family trip? Should be fun, right?”

“You don’t mind if I ask him to come, too?” Bucky broke out into the most beautiful smile, eyes lighting in happiness. He hugged TJ close and whispered, “thank you so much! I guess it’s odd, but he calms me? I mean, I start to feel panic and he touches me or says something and I feel calmer. I don’t get less upset, like annoyed, but he . . . grounds me.”

Smiling at Bucky, TJ said, “I’m happy you two finally got together. Been a long time in the making.”


	7. Family Healing amid Chaos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNINGS: Nightmares, Confusion, Angst, Anxiety, Self harm**

Hopping out of the rented truck, TJ cracked his spine and flashed Bucky a smile as his twin got out of the passenger side. Earlier that morning, they’d looked into the apartment back in New York, and both TJ and Johnny had really liked the space, and it was still pretty close to Stark Tower, so TJ was close to family. Since he and Johnny made so much, it was pretty much guaranteed that they’d be approved to rent the apartment. So, after kissing his husband goodbye before Johnny headed off to the airfield, TJ, Jack, David and Bucky had driven down to DC to pack up their old apartment. Steve had been busy as well; he’d be starting his new job at the security firm Natasha and Clint owned that coming Monday, so couldn’t come, making it truly the brothers and David.

Looking up at the apartment complex, TJ said, “well, it’s no tower, but it’s home . . . or well, was home.”

“It’s actually pretty nice,” Bucky said, studying the building.

Jack nodded. “I think we’ve outgrown it, guys.” He smiled at them and unlocked the door, stepping out of the way to allow the others to start bringing boxes and other supplies in.

When they made it to the apartment door, TJ froze at the sight of a bouquet of lavender roses, a little wilted. Tilting his head, TJ crouched down and picked up the vase, it wasn’t a cheap bouquet either, someone had spent a lot of money on the professionally done ensemble. Looking at Jack and then back at the flowers, TJ plucked a small card from the vase and read the neat scrawl, _‘for TJ’_. Flipping it around, TJ frowned when no name was present for who’d sent the vase. Looking back at Jack, TJ said, “there’s no name for who sent it? Think it coulda been Johnny or something?”

Jack shrugged, “he did mention sending you flowers at some point.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” TJ nodded, shifting the vase so he held it one-handed; he unlocked the apartment door, pushing it open with his hip. “Lavender’s an odd color? Not sure I’ve ever seen lavender roses before. They’re pretty.” He walked over to the kitchen counter to set the vase on the marble surface. “Shame they wilted a bit before we got here.”

Jack nodded. “Well, at least he tried. He should have timed it better. Those must have been there for a couple of days, at least.”

“Huh,” TJ frowned softly, “couple of days?” He looked back at the bouquet, reaching out to touch one of the dried out petals gently, “a couple of days ago . . . we’d _just_ arrived in Vegas. Think Johnny was planning on _wooing_ me before we got married unexpectedly?”

“Very possible,” Jack smiled softly. “He did say he’s loved you forever, Teej.”

Bucky snorted and walked further into the apartment.

David, carrying some flat boxes, walked into the apartment, setting the cardboard down by one of the couches. “Well, at least you know that he was planning on trying for a second chance with you.”

“Yeah,” TJ drawled softly, tearing his eyes away from the lavender roses, “that’s good. So, Buck,” he turned to fully look at his twin, “whatcha think? It’s kinda small,” TJ gestured to the piano crammed in the corner of the living room, “especially with the piano taking up so much room.”

“Yeah, how are we moving it? Did you and Johnny decide how to get it in that other place in New York?” Bucky walked towards the piano. He had come without the prosthetic arm on Dr. Cho’s advice, still giving himself a chance to get his neural responses unmixed.

Walking over, TJ smiled softly at the instrument, his fingers running over the keys, though he didn’t press down to produce noise. He’d spent countless hours at the piano, working through new songs, practicing for one show after another. “Yeah, we found a company that specializes in moving pianos and whatnot. They’ll probably have to take the legs off and then put them back on once inside the apartment in New York. We hope that they’ll be able to use the service elevator . . . if that won’t work, they’re gonna have to completely take it apart and put it back together again inside the apartment . . . we’re hoping not to have to do that.”

Nodding, Bucky touched the keys lightly, not enough to produce sound, either. Having grown up with TJ, he knew his way around a piano. “Haven’t played in years,” he said, softly.

“You can always pick up on lessons once we get back to New York,” TJ smiled, bumping Bucky’s right shoulder softly. “You were pretty good in high school, Buck.”

“But kind of lacking some of the basic . . . hardware?” Bucky asked back, smiling in return.

“You have the prosthetic,” TJ pointed out, “might be a good hobby to pick up? Help you calm down if you get anxious? But, what works for me, might not work for you.”

“You think I could play again with a metal hand?” Bucky quirked an eyebrow and smiled wider.

“I don’t see why not,” TJ grinned brightly, “when we get back to New York, I’ll teach ya again, Buck. See what you’ve retained. But, right now,” TJ looked over as Jack and David brought in another round of boxes and the needed supplies to move, “we should probably help them out.” TJ gave a wink to his twin and then headed towards the door.

“I love you, Teej,” Bucky said so softly it could have been imagined.

“And I love you,” TJ called over his shoulder.

Flushing in happiness at his twin’s response, Bucky nodded. He followed his twin and set himself to putting things in boxes as directed, since wrapping delicates one handed or taping boxes would be difficult. Bucky got to do the grunt work, instead.

****

As evening approached, TJ groaned and said, “okay, I think we should call it for the night.” The lean brunet looked around the living room; most of the main room had been packed and all the non-necessities from the kitchen were packed as well. Tomorrow they’d get to the bedrooms and bathrooms. “Who wants pizza? Or Chinese? I definitely don’t feel like cooking.” TJ walked over to the fridge and pulled off a few take-out menus that were stuck to the surface by magnets. “Buck? Whatcha feelin’ like? Got pizza, Chinese, or Thai? Or if you feel like something else, I can look it up on my phone and see if we can find a place that delivers, I can also pick it up if they don’t deliver.” TJ didn’t want to make his brother go out and eat; he wanted to keep Bucky as calm as possible.

“I want take out spaghetti and big fat meatballs with lots of sauce and dripping in cheese,” Bucky announced. Jack groaned but nodded his agreement to get what Bucky wanted.

“Just order the family meal from that Italian restaurant,” David called out to TJ, flopping down on the couch next to Jack and wrapping his arm around Jack’s shoulders.

“Got it,” TJ laughed and moved to the phone, dialing the number.

“But get extra garlic bread,” Jack advised. “You know Bucky’ll love it.”

Nodding, TJ ordered the requested meal, making sure to get extra garlic bread and cheese on the spaghetti. After hanging up, TJ announced, “it’ll be here in about forty-five minutes to an hour.” TJ laid down on the couch, hanging his body over Jack and David’s laps, his head in his older brother’s lap, “I’m exhausted. Who knew moving was so _hard_?” He groaned in an overdramatic fashion, bringing his arm over his eyes.

Jack laughed and started patting his brother’s flat belly, “ah, is didum’s worn out?” he teased. Bucky snickered.

“Yes,” TJ groaned again, not minding the patting, “can’t wait to be done with moving. And we still have a few days of it left! I’m not built for hard labor!”

“Could hire professional movers,” Jack reminded TJ, grinning. He looked over at David. “Whatcha think? Baby brother’s almost ready to get the movers in here?”

Laughing, David patted TJ’s knee gently, “well, that’s definitely an option.” Looking over at Bucky, David asked, “how’re you doin’, Bucky? Think we can torture your twin some more? Or wanna hire the movers?”

“It’s your stuff, not mine. If it was mine, I’d move it myself. I don’t want anyone pawing through my stuff.” Bucky shook his head adamantly.

“Why must you make so much _sense_?” TJ whined playfully, “I guess I can suffer a few more days of moving.”

“Well, I make sense because I’m older by eight and a half minutes.” Bucky flopped onto the floor and idly pulled a large photo album out of the bookshelf. He opened it and frowned softly, looking at the pictures one by one.

Peeking over at Bucky, TJ rolled gracefully off of Jack and David’s laps and onto the floor with Bucky. He looked at the pictures of when they were little, doing things as a family with their parents. Pointing at a picture of them at the zoo, TJ snorted, “remember, you wanted to see the tigers _so bad_ but that exhibit had been closed for renovations. You were so bummed, that Mom bought you that stuffed tiger.”

“And the elephant was so big, I thought it would break the enclosure and Dad would have to fight it,” Bucky said softly.

“He woulda, too,” TJ laughed, flipping to the next page of one of their trips to the Observatory, “you loved going here! I coulda sworn you were gonna be an astronaut or somethin’. You loved space so much.”

“Yeah,” Bucky nodded. “I wanted to, but Dad told me I wasn’t allowed to leave the planet.” Bucky shook his head, “I guess I just never kept a dream long enough to make things work out.”

“Well, it’s okay to be a dreamer, you’ve done a lot, Buck, graduated from MIT,” TJ looked at the next page, the entire family at Jack’s high school graduation. The summer before their parents would leave them unexpectedly in Jack’s care. “Oh! Jackie, look, graduation!” It had been a long time since TJ opened one of the photo albums.

“Yeah?” Jack smiled, but didn’t get up. “Which one? We’ve had a few in this family, Teej.”

“Your high school graduation,” TJ answered, still looking at the photos, “I remember Dad was super proud of you. Made us get there like . . . what, four, five hours early? Insisted we had to get a good spot so we’d be able to see.”

“Yeah,” Jack sighed. “And I was the first student there, even before the teachers. I had to sit outside and wait for an hour before they unlocked the gym so I could go inside and form up.” He smiled lazily, “you shoulda see it, David. I was dripping sweat and the only one in a jacket and tie under my robes, because my dad insisted.”

David rubbed Jack’s shoulder with his thumb, giving his husband a soft smile. He knew that George and Winifred Barnes were a very tough subject for Jack to talk about . . . David had heard very little of them, actually. This had been the most stories that David had heard since he’d met Jack back in college. “Oh? Musta been miserable under that jacket, especially in a gym packed full of people.”

“It was horrible. Everyone else was in shorts or summer dresses, but my family? Business wear. I was so damned annoyed I messed up my valedictory address.”

“Yeah,” TJ agreed with a nod, “we were _so_ hot! But, Jackie still did good on his speech, even with the minor slip up. I doubt anyone but us, since we’d heard him rehearse it so much, knew he’d messed up at all. Jackie was supposed to go to Harvard for his degree . . . but, ya know . . .” TJ sighed and flipped to the next page. The next photos were the last trip they’d taken as a family down to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. “That trip was fun . . .” TJ said, trying to keep the conversation light.

“And Bucky caught that stupid starfish, remember? Wanted to keep it in an aquarium but Mom was convinced it was a sea spider, because she was so afraid of spiders.” Jack sighed, dropping the rest of that thought.

“Yeah,” TJ chuckled, though the expression was a bit forced, “started screamin’ and cryin’. We had to go back to the hotel early that day so she could rest.”

“She wouldn’t let me keep any of the critters I caught, though, so I can’t say I was surprised,” Bucky sighed and flipped the page to the empty back one. Closing the book he slipped it into the first of the living room boxes.

“Oh!” TJ reached into the bookshelf and pulled out another album. He looked at Bucky and thought better of opening it; instead he simply put the album in the box with the other one. The album was full of pictures from the last few years, trips Jack, David and him had gone on. Many of the trips were overseas, from TJ’s concerts, the few that Jack and David had been able to accompany him on.

“Oh?” Bucky frowned. “Not for me to see? Private boyfriends or something?”

“Um . . .” TJ pulled it out and handed it to Bucky, “you can look at it, if you want. Nothing all that special.”

Bucky shook his head and pushed the book away. He stood up and strode back into the kitchen. “Don’t wanna see it if it was so private you put it right in the box.” He got out a glass and turned on the tap. He began filling the glass.

“But . . . it’s not private,” TJ stated, getting to his feet, album in hand. “I . . . I just didn’t want you feeling . . . left out or something.” He handed the album back to Bucky, “but if you want to look at it . . . you can.”

Bucky frowned and backed off, eyes narrowed. “Not right now . . . Maybe later.”

“Okay,” TJ nodded and went into the living room to put the album back in the box. He frowned and looked like he was about to say something when there was a knock at the door. “Oh!” TJ said with a little _too_ much enthusiasm, “food’s here!” The young man walked over to the door and opened it, pulling out his wallet to pay for the meal, giving the delivery man a decent tip. Kicking the door shut, TJ headed over to the counter to pull out the delicious smelling food. He went into the kitchen, moving around Bucky to pull out some plates and forks. “Jack, David, food!”

Jack glanced at David, eyes worried. Softly, he said, “Bucky’s so . . . volatile.”

Sighing, David nodded, pushing off the couch and helping his husband to his feet. “Not good for TJ . . . who’s, for the most part, a people pleaser,” he kept his tone low, only for Jack’s ear.

“Here, Buck,” TJ said, dishing up a plate of spaghetti with meatballs and two good sized pieces of garlic bread. “Garlic bread’s to die for, seriously, better than Grandma’s recipe, and that’s saying something.” TJ handed the plate, loaded with a lot of food, to his twin.

Bucky looked at the plate a moment then took it. He put it on the counter and sat down on a stool. “TJ, I’m being a pain in the ass, aren’t I?”

“No!” TJ insisted immediately, “no, not at all! It was my fault, shouldn’t have brought out and then put it away.”

“Could you stop blaming yourself for something that wasn’t a problem? I was only asking, not trying to pin blame, goofball.” Bucky shook his head and smiled softly. “Always the hero, taking on the pains of the world.”

“Don’t know about that,” TJ murmured, putting some more of the food on a plate and handing it off to Jack and then doing the same for David. When plating himself, he gave himself a lot less food than anyone else. 

Bucky picked up a meatball with his still clean fork then plopped it on TJ’s plate. He began eating his own dinner.

TJ looked at the meatball for a few moments before eating his meal without a word.

David looked at Jack with a soft frown; they’d discovered that pushing TJ to eat more usually just ended up with the younger man throwing up.

Jack sighed, “you know, Teej, if you want Bucky to eat his own dinner, just let him know.”

“It’s fine,” TJ muttered, eating slowly.

“Teej, Bucky’s not familiar with your appetite. If it’s too much, I’ll eat it,” Jack offered.

Looking up at Jack, pale eyes grateful for the offer, TJ nodded, “okay, thank you, Jack.” As children, they wouldn’t be allowed to leave the dinner table until everything on their plate was gone. So, now, TJ would force himself to eat what was on his plate, even if that made him get sick.

Bucky frowned. “I can take it back if you want? I didn’t think. Thought you were being nice and just leaving stuff you really wanted.”

“It’s okay, Bucky, really, it’s fine,” TJ nodded, giving his brother a small smile. “If I don’t eat it, Jackie will.”

“Why can’t I eat it? I wanted the extra meatballs,” Bucky pouted, but his eyes danced, teasing TJ.

Smiling softly, relaxing a bit, TJ said, “guess ya gonna hafta fight Jackie for it.”

“I’ll win, Jack’s a puss,” Bucky laughed.

When it came time for the men to go to bed, TJ hovered in the kitchen, looking a bit anxious. He looked at Bucky and said, “you can take my room, Buck. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“Why can’t we share? You afraid I’ll deck ya with my strong left?” Bucky’s voice tried for teasing but sounded a bit worried.

“Um . . .” TJ looked at Jack, eyes begging for his older brother to help him. “Just . . . I might keep you up?” He hadn’t told Bucky about his horrible nightmares, nightmares that hadn’t let him get a good night’s sleep in three months.

Bucky sighed, “no surprise there. You had a screaming nightmare last night, I was told, even if I didn’t hear it?”

TJ nodded, running his fingers through his hair, “I don’t wanna wake you, Buck. It’ll make me feel better if you take my room. The couch is comfy, I promise.”

“So, that’s a no on the pajama party?” Bucky asked softly.

“Bucky,” TJ worried at his bottom lip until the flesh was red, “it’s not that I don’t want to share a bed . . . it’s just,” he looked at Jack again before his eyes flickered back to Bucky, “these nightmares happen every night. I’ll wake you up and I don’t wanna scare you.”

“Scare me with a nightmare?” Bucky frowned.

Jack finally stepped in. “Bucky, you can have TJ’s room in the bed. We don’t want TJ crying, do we?” he smiled as if teasing the pair.

Bucky looked at Jack then back to his twin. “You used to get nightmares when we were kids and it never scared me.”

“Not like this, Bucky,” TJ swallowed thickly, rubbing the back of his neck. “These are worse than the ones I had as a kid.”

“Okay, I’ll take the couch since it’s so comfy,” Bucky glared defiantly at TJ.

“No, Bucky, please,” TJ practically whimpered, “you’re . . . a guest? Please, just take my room?”

“Oh,” Bucky nodded and turned. “Fine, then, which is the guest room?” He headed down the short hallway. His voice sounded neutral.

“We . . . there . . . there’s no guest room,” TJ called after his brother.

“Oh,” Bucky stopped and turned again, heading for the front door. “Then I’ll get a hotel room.” He actually made it out the door, Jack just looking shocked by the turn of events.

David huffed and hurried after Bucky, catching up with him in the hallway, “Bucky. C’mon, he wasn’t trying to insult you and you know that. He’s trying to be nice.”

Bucky blinked and looked at David, as if he didn’t speak the same language. Slowly, he said, “insult me? Why would someone want to insult me?”

Looking confused, David gestured to the still opened apartment door, “TJ was offering for you to take his room for the night.”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t want to share,” Bucky stopped walking.

“Because he wakes up every single night screaming at the top of his lungs. Takes Jack and I an hour to calm him down,” David stated.

“Yeah, that’s what everyone said.” Bucky frowned. “So, I solved the problem. No guest room, and TJ needing his own room, I’ll go to a hotel. He refused to let me have the couch.”

“Bucky, c’mon,” David shook his head, “you realize if you go to a hotel that you’re gonna hurt your brothers? TJ was trying to be nice, he wasn’t kicking you out. Just come back inside, please?”

Drawing in a breath, Bucky explained with exaggerated patience. “I am forbidden the couch and there is no guest room. TJ refuses to share his room, so where the hell do I sleep? The kitchen?”

“TJ wants you to sleep in his bed,” David explained, just as slowly.

“And I don’t want to sleep in someone else’s bed,” Bucky shook his head.

“And a hotel is any different?” David asked.

Bucky paused then went pale and looked towards the elevator. He ran a lightly shaking hand over his face and through his hair, down the back of his neck. “I . . . uh . . . never thought of it like that.” He let out a violent shudder.

“Please,” David took another step towards Bucky, offering his hand, “just come back inside? TJ’s bed is better than a hotel’s anyways. Plus, you’ll make him happy?”

Softly, voice shaky, Bucky said, “I don’t wanna sleep in someone else’s bed. I . . . I hate sleeping in someone else’s bed . . .”

David fought the frustration he felt building up, “okay. And the couch is gonna be better for you?”

“I . . . I think this was a bad idea . . .” Bucky looked back down the hall towards the elevator and then back towards the apartment. He began sidling sideways, back to the wall, towards the apartment, looking repeatedly towards the elevator.

David let Bucky do whatever he needed to do to get back into the apartment. He really wished Steve had been able to make the trip. “You can do it, Bucky, I know you can,” David said, trying to keep his voice gentle.

Glancing at David, Bucky’s eyes huge in his face, the brunet let out a soft whimper. He slipped into the apartment and crouched behind the door, in a small ball, taking deep breaths and muttering something to himself. He pulled something out of his pocket and began fiddling with it.

Walking into the apartment, behind Bucky, David gave his husband a concerned glance.

Jack, arms comfortingly around TJ, looked towards Bucky behind the door then back to David. “So . . . uh . . .” he cleared his throat and tried for a normal tone, “no decision on sleeping arrangements yet?”

“If . . . if it’ll make you feel better . . . I’ll sleep in the room with you, Bucky,” TJ called out to his twin, watching him worriedly.

Bucky cringed at TJ’s call and put the device to his ear. After a moment, he whispered into the phone, “Stevie?”

“Bucky?” Steve’s voice came through the phone, “what’s wrong, baby?”

“I can’t go to a hotel. Those beds let strangers sleep in them,” Bucky whimpered.

“Why would you need to go to a hotel, baby? Aren’t you staying at your brothers’ apartment?” Steve asked.

“TJ gets nightmares so wants to sleep by himself. And I’m not allowed to use the couch and there’s no guest room,” Bucky explained.

“Did TJ offer his room?” Steve questioned gently.

“He said I should sleep in his bed, but I _can’t_ , Stevie. It’s _his_ bed.” Bucky tried to explain though he found his words not coming out properly.

“But, if he’s giving you permission, doesn’t that make it your’s for however long he gives you permission to use it?” Steve kept his voice gentle, loving.

Jack suddenly stood up, “what if we give you fresh sheets and pillowcases? Ones that haven’t been slept on since they were cleaned? That means no one else touched them. You can change the bed?” Jack looked around the room then back at Bucky.

Bucky looked up, eyes thoughtful. Slowly he nodded. “Okay, I can do _that_.”

“Good boy, baby,” Steve crooned, having heard Jack’s solution. “Wanna stay on the phone with me while they change the sheets?”

“No, I only have one hand and I’ll need it to change the sheets.” Bucky hung up and pocketed the phone without really thinking about how that might come across. He followed a relieved looking Jack to the linen closet, where he received the linens, and then to the bedroom. Bucky nodded and began changing the sheets carefully, with difficulty.

“Do you need help, Bucky?” David asked from the doorway.

“No, I can do it, then it’s my bed until it’s changed again.” He continued to struggle using his knees, as well, to help hold down sheets as he tucked or stretched it. Finally, he stepped back looking triumphant. “Didn’t know how reliant I was on the arm until now.”

David nodded, giving Bucky a smile, “very impressive, Bucky. Do you need anything else before bed?”

“Yeah, I need a TJ hug if he’s not mad at me?” Bucky asked hopefully, looking a bit embarrassed. He knew what kind of problems he caused when he made his quirky demands.

TJ’s head peeked into the room, having been right out in the hallway, listening. “Not mad, Buck,” TJ insisted, walking into the room.

Bucky turned to his twin and put his hand on his hip, frowning though his eyes danced. “You _do_ realize it’s easier to make up a couch one-armed?”

Rubbing the back of his neck, TJ offered a small smile, “yeah, sorry about that. You know how I like to make things difficult for you.”

With a snort, Bucky tucked TJ into a hug and whispered in his ear, “I was hoping to share the room for safety reasons. You sure you’re okay out there?”

Biting his lip, TJ said softly, “I’ll wake you up, Buck. I’m fine in the living room, I promise.”

“But the whole idea of sleeping in the same place _is_ to wake the other one up, that way you can both get to safety or fight back. TJ, do I have to teach you basic survival now?” Bucky kept his voice low.

“I . . . I guess I can sleep in here?” TJ stated on a breath; he didn’t want to argue with Bucky anymore.

Bucky suddenly froze, as if remembering something. He began to shake his head. “Wait . . . that means you’ll be in the bed? Uh . . . I can't do that.”

Jack hadn’t exactly heard everything the pair had said but had thought they looked like there had been a breakthrough. At Bucky’s sudden look of worry, Jack felt frustrated. “Oh, for God’s sake, Bucky. What’s wrong now?”

Jack’s reaction sent Bucky jumping and shaking his head, looking around the room. “Nothing.” He hurried down the hall to TJ’s room and slipped inside, the door shutting loudly behind him, but not slammed.

Shooting a worried look at his husband and younger brother, Jack softly asked, “what the hell happened? I thought we were making a breakthrough?”

“He didn’t want me sleeping in the bed with him?” TJ frowned softly, “it’s fine, Jack. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“So, we convinced him to sleep in the bedroom and not try to find a hotel?” Jack murmured, studying TJ, “and you won’t have to worry about waking him up. It’s the outcome we wanted, right?” Jack looked worried, though, because they’d gotten the desired result but it felt wrong somehow.

“Right,” TJ nodded, giving his brother a smile. The young man grabbed another blanket from the hallway closet and made his way back to the couch. “Should try and get some sleep, Jackie. Got another long day tomorrow.”

“Teej?” Jack softly spoke, eyeing the closed bedroom door, “mind if we pack up the rest of the photos tonight? You know, avoid any other mistaken assumptions?”

Sighing softly, TJ nodded, “I can get them packed, Jack, you and David get some sleep.” He set the blanket on the couch and walked over to the bookshelf to begin packing the rest of the albums.”

Nodding, Jack looked at David. “Help me pack the pictures from the walls and stuff? We’ll have to do TJ’s room in the morning, but for now, we can prevent Bucky mistaking why we’re putting them away.”

David nodded and followed Jack into the hallway, beginning to pull the photos off the wall. Looking at Jack, David kept his voice low, “they keep making each other worse.”

“But then turn around and work it out usually. What happened to my family?” Jack sighed, wrapping each frame carefully before boxing it. “David? Can I tell you something I don’t want the twins to know?” He kept his voice low, hoping TJ was too busy to hear them.

“Of course, you can tell me anything, Jackie, you know that,” David offered his lover a reassuring smile.

Nodding, Jack stepped closer. “I had to go to court to get custody of the twins in school. Dad didn’t voluntarily leave them to me and follow Mom to Europe.” He turned miserable pale blue eyes on his husband. “She was committed to an asylum.”

“Wait . . .” David looked into the main room, making sure TJ was still busy, “why?”

Jack looked David directly in the eyes and said, softly, “she smothered Dad in their bed. I found them and called the police, but asked the cops to be real quiet since TJ and Bucky . . . didn’t need to know. They were at a sleepover, but I didn’t want the neighbors talking, you know?” He ran a hand over his face. “I told them they ditched us.”

“They . . . don’t even know their father is dead?” David’s eyes widened and he shook his head, “Jack . . .” the blond sighed, “your mother . . . she was mentally ill?”

“Yeah,” Jack nodded with a sigh. “She had schizophrenic delusions. She got worse and worse but Dad would try to gloss over it. The twins were at a birthday sleepover for their own thirteenth birthday. I managed to get custody by the time they turned fourteen.”

“And you’re worried that Bucky . . .” David looked at the closed bedroom door, keeping his voice quiet, “he may be predisposed? Showing symptoms?”

“Oh, he’s not just predisposed,” Jack shook his head and sagged against the wall. “He’s showing all the signs, David, including the paranoid delusions. Has since he hit puberty. He was delusional as a kid, Mom said he was always making things up and lying, but after I got custody? I realized he might be just like her.”

“Do you think Bucky’s dangerous, Jack?” David asked, stepping closer to his husband.

“I don’t know, David. He’s never been exactly violent. I mean, I’ve never noticed anything.” Jack pulled David’s hand over and caressed it against his own cheek. “But . . . I didn’t know Mom was violent until that morning, either.”

“Maybe TJ would know? You said they were hardly ever apart growing up?” David asked.

“Yeah,” Jack looked to David. “You think he might have hurt TJ and Teej covered it up?”

“I don’t know, Jack,” David said softly, caressing his husband’s cheek, “but, I think you need to ask him.”

Pulling David closer, into a full body hug, Jack whispered, “I don’t want to lock up Bucky, too, Davie. My family’s falling apart and I can’t do anything but push it to happen? How’s that right?”

“No one is saying anything about locking Bucky up, Jack. Take it one step at a time,” David kissed Jack’s temple, “we won’t know how to help Bucky until we know the full truth.”

“And if TJ decides it’s one of those times he has to _protect_ Bucky instead of telling the truth? I’m sure you’ve noticed that TJ lies to cover for people. I don’t think he even knows he’s doing it.” Jack ran his fingers lightly down David’s sides to his hips and back up, over and over, whisper soft.

Sighing softly, David shook his head, “I don’t know, Jack. I’m sorry.”

Nodding, Jack finally dropped a kiss on his husband’s lips and pulled away, reaching for another photograph of the entire family, the only formal portrait ever done. “Oh, David? Happy first anniversary. Sorry it wasn’t so . . . smooth?”

Smiling softly, David kissed Jack’s lips, “happy first anniversary, baby.”

Jack smiled, glancing over at David. He finished packing up the pictures in their bedroom and moved to the single portraits of each brother lining the hall, extra careful with those since they were hand-painted. For the portraits, he wrapped the canvasses in special cloth before packing them carefully in a longer, flatter box. “Wish I had the original packing crate we moved these down in,” Jack sighed. “Don’t know what Teej did with it.”

“Probably threw them away,” David stated, softly, “he moved into this apartment five years ago.”

Looking thoughtful, Jack walked over to the living room. “Teej? Do you still have the packing crate for the hall portraits?”

Looking over, the bookshelf behind him completely packed now, TJ said, “uh . . . it might be in the hall closet? Or my closet?” Wiping his hands on his jeans, TJ walked into the hall and opened the closet, looking into the space, “not in here. Can it wait until morning? Don’t wanna bug Bucky.”

Jack looked thoughtful and softly asked, “TJ . . . has Bucky ever . . . hurt someone? I mean, even if he had a really good reason?” Jack tried to field the inevitable excuses by providing one so he’d look like he was also protecting Bucky. Handling TJ was delicate work sometimes, as delicate as handling Bucky.

TJ’s back stiffened immediately, he turned on his heel and headed back into the living room, “of course not. Bucky would never hurt anyone, you know that.”

Looking thoughtful. Jack followed, “oh, okay. It’s just, I was thinking if someone hurt David, I’d be willing to smash a head or two. I just wondered if you or Bucky might’ve ever felt that way? But, maybe I have anger issues? I thought maybe I was normal . . .” he trailed off softly.

TJ swallowed thickly, hands clenching and unclenching by his sides. “It . . . it was only once,” the younger man breathed out.

“Yeah?” Jack looked relieved, deliberately playing the conversation lighter and more family-oriented than others might. “He must’ve really been afraid for you, huh?” Jack prayed it wasn’t TJ Bucky had threatened.

Rubbing the back of his neck, TJ looked away from Jack, eyes landing on the bouquet and then back to his brother, “he . . . he was saving me, Jack. Really, it wasn’t his fault, and I’m not just saying that this time.”

Jack, while TJ spoke, instantly walked over and hugged his brother, whispered, “I’m glad he protected you,” encouraging TJ to say more.

“Dem . . .” TJ’s arms wrapped around his brother.

“Asshat?” Jack asked automatically, though he’d barely known the guy that had been pursuing TJ so relentlessly awhile ago.

“Yeah, well,” TJ sighed softly, “back in high school . . . he was . . . he thought I’d hit on his girlfriend . . . which is ridiculous, everyone knew I was gay.” Continuing before Jack could say anything, TJ spoke softly, “he . . . he cornered me after school. Started hitting me . . . Bucky found us and pulled him off.”

“So,” Jack sounded a bit relieved, “he really _did_ have a reason to hit this guy?” Jack hugged TJ hard, “thank God,” he whispered.

TJ nodded, hugging tighter in return, “Dem left me alone after that, well until a few years ago, that is. Guess he was embarrassed that a guy so much smaller than him beat his ass.”

Jack smiled towards David then led TJ to the couch, sitting down and pulling TJ to sit beside him. Holding TJ’s hands, Jack carefully said, “I was worried maybe you were hiding a violent streak of Bucky’s and were afraid to stay in the same room?”

“What? No,” TJ’s eyes widened.

“Softly, TJ,” Jack shook his head. “Back when we were teens, I did some research on delusions, and sometimes the underlying cause isn’t just fear and nightmares. Sometimes, it can need a bit more help . . . not a hospital or heavy drugs, but maybe counseling, you know? I thought maybe Bucky could benefit. Then I realized Cho was helping him with that, but maybe he was a bit more . . . upset than we thought? And that’s why his other doctor freaked out and gave him those damn suppressants? Not being a psych doctor, he wouldn’t know that Cho could try to help without sedating him so bad.” Jack tried his best not to suggest Bucky needed anything as serious as hospitalization, wasn’t overtly dangerous. He felt he could see where TJ often was coming from when _he_ covered for others, but Jack didn’t want TJ to feel like he couldn’t trust his older brother in this.

“Well, hopefully with Cho knowing, Bucky will be prescribed the right stuff,” TJ smiled softly.

Nodding, Jack smiled and hugged TJ. Softly, while still holding his sensitive, artistic brother, Jack asked, “did you know Mom used to have delusions, too?”

“Kinda assumed when she freaked out all the time, yelling at me and Bucky for things we didn’t do,” TJ stated, not sounding the least bit surprised.

Relief crossed Jack’s features and he smiled wider at TJ. “So, you see why I really wanna help Bucky get past these? Get the right meds so he can tell reality, remember what happened from what he wished happened?”

“I want that too, Jack, I just don’t want him locked up or anything. Bucky isn’t violent, just confused,” TJ pulled back so he could look at his older brother, “I love you, Jackie.”

“I love you and Bucky so much, TJ,” Jack assured his brother. “And I’ve always wanted what was best for you guys, even before I got custody.”

Smiling softly, TJ nodded, “I know. I’m happy that things are finally looking up. You got a job. Bucky’s back in our lives, and we’re gonna help him get better. We’re all together again.”

Nodding, Jack continued to hug TJ. Taking a deep breath, he dropped his voice lower and asked, “TJ? You ever heard of someone using a big lie to protect someone else? I mean, say a girl came home from school and she had a really big final the next day, but her dog was hit by a car and her Mom knows that if the girl flunks that test, she won’t be able to get into the next grade? So, the mom says the dog’s just missing and should be home the next day?” Jack lifted TJ’s face with one hand. “Do you think that’s wrong?”

“As long as the Mom tells her the truth after the test, tells her that the dog is dead, not letting the girl hope that her dog will come home someday, sure, I think that’s okay,” TJ gave his older brother a small smile, eyes a little confused.

Nodding, Jack glanced to David, as if asking his opinion about the direction he was taking. David met his husband’s eyes and gave Jack a nod, letting him know that he should continue. Taking a deep breath, Jack asked, “what if the lie is a bit deeper than a poor dead dog and the liar felt that if he told, the other person might not be able to function right? Might take it so hard, he shuts down? So, the liar kept the lie going . . . for years?”

“Jack,” TJ looked at his older brother, “I know. Mom smothered Dad when Bucky and I were at that sleepover.”

Gasping, hugging his brother in reaction, Jack whispered, “you do? How? I wanted to protect you guys, was afraid Bucky might get so much worse . . .”

“I know,” TJ nodded, hugging Jack, “I never told Bucky, but, I went to the police station after school . . . about a month after you told us that they’d ditched. I . . . I thought something was off with that story. They told me what happened, that you had Mom admitted.”

Jack buried his face in TJ’s shoulder with a soft sob of protest. “I don’t wanna lock up Bucky, I swear! I never wanted to lock up Mom. But . . . but if she could do that to dad while he slept? I was terrified she’d hurt you guys. I’m so sorry . . .”

Pulling back, TJ lifted Jack’s face and gave his brother a soft, sad smile, “I know you don’t wanna admit Bucky . . . and you only admitted Mom because she’d hurt Dad. You don’t have anything to be sorry about, it’s okay, Jack.”

Nodding, still looking miserable, tears in his pale eyes, Jack asked, “so you see why I need to know if Bucky’s needing more help? If Cho knows about the defense, she can help field anything worse?”

“Yeah,” TJ sighed softly, licking his lips, “I’m sorry I never said anything . . . I should’ve told you.”

Jack offered a shaky smile, “TJ? Can we make a deal, right now? From now on, since we both wanna help Bucky, we talk about how we can? I want to ask Cho if one of us should try to get guardianship, but if one of us does, I want the other to be in on all decisions, okay?”

“Yeah,” TJ nodded his agreement, “from now on, both of us are gonna be honest with one another.”

“And, TJ, anything in the past? Well, we made those calls because we thought we had to. Over and done, part of a history we need to know, but all blame, even imagined? Gone. Now we start to really help each other.” Jack stroked TJ’s cheek.

“Okay, help each other,” TJ nodded, giving Jack another smile, “we really should try to get some sleep, Jack. We have a full day of moving tomorrow.”

“One last thing, Teej?” Jack asked.

“Yeah?” TJ looked at Jack.

Jack looked to David then back to TJ. “If ever, and I mean _ever_ you feel threatened, even a little bit, by _anyone_ : me, Bucky, David, Steve, Johnny . . . _anyone_ , you’ll tell me? If it’s me that scares you, go to Cho? I want you to feel perfectly safe and us to be able to address why someone felt he or she needed to scare you?”

“Of course I’d tell you, Jackie,” TJ assured his brother with a small smile.

Nodding, Jack hugged TJ again. “You call me if you need anything. I’ll leave my door open.” Jack stood and kissed TJ’s forehead. “Get some sleep yourself. Don’t go composing all night just because you’re saying goodbye to the apartment or something.” He smiled softly.

“I won’t, I’m pretty beat,” TJ stated, yawning to prove his point, “night Jack, David.”

“Night, Teej.” Jack smiled and walked over to TJ’s bedroom door, cracking it enough to quietly look inside. He shut the door again, pleased it hadn’t been locked. Turning to TJ, he gave the younger man a thumbs up of reassurance that Bucky was fine and sleeping. Jack then headed into his own room, giving David a relieved smile. Softly, he whispered, “I’m getting my family back, baby.”

David walked over and kissed his husband, “I know you are, love. I’ll be with you, every step of the way.”

Jack quickly prepared for bed, feeling and even looking like he felt lighter, less burdened. It was the first time David had seen his husband that relaxed and happy.

A few hours later a loud, blood-chilling scream made David and Jack sit straight up in bed. Looking over at Jack, already getting out of the bed, David said, “sounds like a bad one.”

Nodding, Jack leapt from the bed, his sleep shorts rucked up his muscular thighs but protecting any modesty; he’d long gotten used to the idea of never sleeping in the nude while living with TJ. Running out to the living room, Jack slid to his knees and touched TJ, saying loudly, “TJ? I’m home! Come on out!” As always, Jack worried he’d never be able to move out, despite the new job; TJ seemed so terrorized, and Jack feared leaving him alone.

Sitting up, almost knocking into Jack, TJ gasped and started furiously wiping at his skin, “get it off! Get it off!”

“What?” Jack glanced over to David then back to TJ, surprised that even Bucky hadn’t come running with how loud the man was being. “What’s on you, Teej?”

“Blood! Get it off! Please!” TJ rubbed harder, making the skin red and irritated.

Nodding, as if this were a normal nightmare, instead of a new manifestation, Jack scooped his brother up and headed for the bathroom. “TJ, can you tell me who’s in the room with you?” Jack wanted to make sure TJ was awake, not sleeping, before shoving him in a shower to ease his lingering dream.

“Jack . . . Jackie’s here,” TJ whimpered, continuing his scrubbing, tearing some of the skin on his arm.

“Anyone else?” Jack asked, carrying TJ right into the bathroom, thankful the light was on so he didn’t stumble and hurt his brother.

David had walked ahead of them, sliding past Jack, so he could start the shower, eyes wide. He’d never seen TJ this bad.

“David?” TJ said. 

“Good boy,” Jack responded immediately and stepped into the shower with TJ still cradled in his arms. He let the water run over them. “David? Soapy washcloth?” he requested, so TJ could hear they would clean him, if he still wanted it. Jack tried to set his brother on his feet.

David nodded, soaping up a cloth and stepping into the large shower with Jack and TJ.

TJ let Jack set him down, though he still leaned on Jack. He clutched desperately at his older brother, “get it off . . . please? Jackie . . . I’m covered in it. Please . . .”

Nodding, Jack began stripping TJ, letting David start on washing TJ’s arms then chest and back as the older brother exposed the younger. With the man’s wet clothes tossed to the bathroom floor, still dressed in his own soaked clothes, Jack poured shampoo into his hands and began massaging it into TJ’s hair. “David’s got the cloth, baby, we’ll get it off.”

David worked quickly, washing the younger man’s skin, eyeing the raw forearms. David’s eyes flickered over to Jack, his own blue eyes worried.

Jack followed David’s look and simply nodded in acknowledgement. “TJ? Gotta step under the water to rinse, okay? Hold your breath.” Jack waited until TJ took the required breath and walked him backwards into the stream of pulsing water, letting it rinse the soap, and hopefully the nightmare, away.

As he was pushed under the spray, TJ’s whole body seemed to relax; he watched the water by his feet, as if watching the blood he saw washing away down the drain. “Better . . . it’s gone,” TJ murmured, swaying slightly, though David immediately reached out to steady him.

Nodding, Jack asked, firmly but kindly, "TJ? You awake now?”

“I . . . I’m awake,” TJ nodded, shuddering; he lifted fear-filled eyes to look at his older brother.

“Do you know why you’re wet in the shower with us?” Jack asked, offering a gentle smile as he turned the water off and reached for a towel.

“Nightmare?” TJ guessed, “I . . . this one was really bad, Jack. I’m sorry.”

Nodding, Jack wrapped the towel around his brother and reached for another to hand to David. He stripped himself, keeping an eye on TJ. “TJ, you don’t have to be sorry for having a nightmare, remember? I’m never mad about you and your nightmares. I love you, warts and all.” Jack flashed his brother a smile, grabbing another towel. “Get dried so we can get outta the bathroom.”

Shivering, as if cold, TJ nodded and began to dry off his skin, David doing the same behind him. The older man stepped out of the shower once he was sure TJ wouldn’t fall. “It . . . it was Bucky, Jack. I . . . I’ve never . . .” TJ shuddered again, swallowing thickly.

“Go on, Teej, it’s okay,” Jack offered the smile again, reassuring his brother. “Bucky . . .” Jack wrapped his towel around his waist, stepping out, and reached back in for TJ, glad the shower was large enough to hold three people, even if a bit cramped. TJ’d found a lovely apartment in DC; it was a shame to leave it.

TJ shook his head, letting Jack help him out of the shower, “he . . . he . . . there was so much blood, Jack. He’d never hurt anyone . . .”

Nodding, Jack grabbed a fourth towel and began to dry TJ’s hair, vigorously at first then just draping the towel over TJ’s head, leaving his face free. “In the dream, TJ, how did you get bloody? In the _dream_ . . .” Jack was careful to stress that he wanted to discuss the dream and not that he was thinking TJ was afraid of Bucky.

“I . . . I was watching . . . I couldn’t move,” TJ whimpered softly, “I couldn’t see who Bucky was hurting . . . but then there was blood . . .”

“So, in the dream Bucky was hurting someone, but not you?” Jack asked. “In the dream, did Bucky use his fists? A knife? A bat? How did he hurt this person?” Jack began to lead TJ down the hall to the large bedroom the spouses shared, walking backwards as he guided TJ by both hands. David followed behind TJ, bandaging supplies in his hands.

“He . . . he just kept hitting them,” TJ muttered, looking at his older brother.

As Jack got TJ into the bedroom, he asked, casually, “and was Dem still fighting back?” He suspected that TJ’s nightmare stemmed from the discussion of that fight TJ had hidden all those years.

TJ whimpered softly and shook his head, “no . . . I - - I think he was dead, Jackie.”

“And did he die in real life, TJ baby? DId Bucky accidentally kill him when he was protecting you?” Jack sat TJ on the bedspread and gently began drying his hair again, leaving his face uncovered so he could answer.

“No, remember, Dem . . . he kept asking me on dates a few years ago,” TJ answered softly, wincing softly as David began to clean the wounds on his forearms.

Smiling, nodding, Jack said, “good, Teej. You’re really awake then. You see? A horrible dream, but nothing more, brought on by my questions earlier tonight.” Jack pulled the towel away from his brother’s messed up, slightly damp hair. “Still feels pretty horrifying, doesn’t it?”

Nodding, TJ said softly, “I . . . I could feel it on my skin, Jackie. I could feel it, it was there.”

“When Bucky protected you, did he get Dem’s blood all over you or was it a mix of your own and Dem’s and maybe Bucky’s?” Jack sat down next to TJ, letting David finish tending the open scratches on TJ’s forearms.

“I was covered in it,” TJ admitted, swallowing thickly, “Bucky helped me into the shower when we got home.”

“TJ, do you remember who’s blood?” Jack lifted his brother’s chin gently, meeting his eyes with a soft, encouraging smile.

“Mine,” TJ answered, not tearing his eyes from his brother’s, “Dem . . . he just kept hitting me. I - - I didn’t hit on his girlfriend, Jackie. I didn’t.”

Snorting, Jack said, “of course you didn’t. And since the asshole was hitting on you later, he probably beat you up in school because he was afraid of his own sexuality. TJ, when did this fight happen? Who helped you hide the injuries?” Jack stroked TJ’s cheek, never losing the understanding, encouraging demeanor.

“I was fourteen,” TJ said, his hands shaking. “Bucky . . . we used some of Mom’s make-up. I was sore for a few weeks but we were able to hide most of the injuries.

“You put makeup over open wounds?” Jack hugged TJ. “My poor baby brother. That must’ve hurt like hell!”

David finished wrapping TJ’s forearms and stepped back with a small nod, a worried frown on his face.

“Didn’t feel . . . good,” TJ admitted, letting Jack hug him. “Dem didn’t say anything after . . . and we didn’t want Bucky getting in trouble . . . so, we didn’t tell anyone.”

Nodding, Jack kissed TJ’s forehead again. “Well, glad that’s over with, huh?” He stroked a hand down his brother’s arm. “Why don’t we all get dressed in sweats and jump in this big bed? Get some sleep?”

Shuddering again, TJ nodded, “yeah, okay. Got a big day tomorrow.”

David had already grabbed clothes for them all and handed two pairs of sweats to Jack and TJ.

“And if you can’t sleep, Teej, it’s okay. Just stay with us and cuddle until dawn?” Jack began to dress.

TJ pulled on the sweats with a nod, “okay, thanks, Jack, David.” He crawled over to the head of the bed and shifted under the covers, just sitting there.

Jack smiled, glanced at David, then jumped into the bed and began ticking TJ, fingers gentle but on his sensitive sides. “Nightmares are scared of laughter!” he repeated something his father used to say to them as children.

Giggling softly, TJ tried to roll away from Jack, but David trapped him on the other side with a smile, though the blond left plenty of room for TJ to leave, not wanting to spook TJ after such a bad nightmare.

After TJ began to gasp, Jack stopped, nodding to David to back off as well. “TIme for a drink and a lie down, TJ?” Jack offered, grinning.

“Yeah,” TJ nodded, catching his breath, “thank you, Jack, David, I mean it.

Jack nodded, still grinning, mentally promising he’d talk with TJ about informing Johnny how to help with the nightmares. But for the moment, he refused to push his brother further after such trauma. Jack went to the bathroom and got some cold tap water in a tumbler for his brother. He brought it back and handed it over. “Now to drown the insides as well as we drowned the outsides,” he chuckled.

Nodding, TJ took the glass and sipped at the cool water. After drinking about half the water, the smaller man set the glass on the nightstand and laid down. David slipped in on the other side, knowing that TJ would cuddle close to Jack once the man laid down as well.

Finally, Jack flipped off the light, the bathroom light still on behind the slightly ajar door. Jack lay down and pulled his brother close, stroking his hair. “Okay, everyone breathe deep, calm . . . in and out,” he instructed in a soft, almost monotone voice.

After a few moments of Jack’s gentle stroking and deep breathing, TJ’s eyes fluttered closed and his body relaxed as he fell asleep.

Jack glanced over to David, letting his voice trail off. With a sigh, he let his own eyes closed, though he worried for more than half an hour before finally giving in to sleep himself.


	8. Truths and Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNINGS: Anxiety, Confessions, Anger and Guilt, Fear, Violence, Harmful Assumptions, Manipulation, Referenced Suicide Attempt, Referenced Terrorist Activity, Medical Manipulation, Medical experimentation, Reference Drug Use, Stalking Behavior**

TJ stared into his coffee, eyes tired, as he thought of the nightmare he’d had the night before. He’d kept waking up, throughout the night, and he wanted nothing more than an uninterrupted night of sleep. He felt so _tired_.

Bucky yawned as he strode into the room from TJ’s bedroom, looking just as exhausted, circles under his eyes. He headed right for the coffee. “I forgot my night meds, dammit. Left ‘em in New York. Have trouble sleeping good without ‘em. I thought I heard your neighbors screaming bloody murder!”

“Yeah,” TJ murmured, walking over to the coffee maker to pour Bucky a cup. He put some vanilla creamer in before handing it off to his twin.

Looking at the cup then his twin, Bucky smiled tiredly. “Thanks, TJ. You ever have trouble sleeping? I mean, I guess I should be grateful she didn’t start up later, but really? Ten at night?” Bucky shook his head, growling softly as he sipped his coffee. Tasting the vanilla mixture, Bucky beamed happily. “This is great!”

“Yeah, I like the vanilla creamer, too,” TJ nodded, relieved that it hadn’t been him that’d Bucky’d heard last night screaming. TJ had woken up around one in the morning, hopefully long after Bucky had fallen asleep. “Sorry the neighbors kept you up. They argue a lot . . .”

“I’d say so,” Bucky sighed. “Sounded like a damn cat in heat.” He glanced over with a smile which faded as he eyed the bandages on TJ’s arms. “You didn’t try to handle the neighbor’s cat, right?” Bucky asked in worry, not sure if the neighbor even had a cat. He knew it had been TJ he’d heard last night, but had remembered too late to stop himself that TJ had been worried about waking him. Thus, Bucky had switched the time and gender of the screams, but the bandages made Bucky worried he’d _ignored_ TJ getting hurt.

“No, not a cat,” TJ sighed, looking down at his bandaged arms with a soft frown. “Accidentally . . . cut myself?”

“On _both_ arms?” Bucky frowned and walked over, taking TJ’s right hand and lifting his arm to peek at the bandages. “How? Break a window running full tilt? Juggle knives for fun and profit?”

“More like . . . scratched myself?” TJ breathed out, voice soft. “I’m fine though, really, David patched me up.”

“Okay,” Bucky frowned. “If you say so, Teej. But . . .” he lifted his eyes, “if that big bad invisible cat comes back? Let me know, okay? I want to help you and I keep feeling like you don’t want me near you . . . like you’re afraid of me.” Bucky dropped TJ’s hand and began sipping his coffee, moving to lean on the counter.

“I’m not afraid of you!” TJ insisted, eyes wide as he looked at Bucky, “I promise! Never been afraid of you!” The smaller man couldn’t help but think of his horrible nightmare from the night before. Watching as Bucky brutally beat another man to death . . . all the blood . . . Bucky’s lifeless eyes as he hit the man over and over again.

“Mom was,” Bucky commented into his coffee, not looking up. “Kept saying I was a demon or something. Said she just _knew_ I’d wind up in jail, probably for killing Dad or something.”

TJ flinched involuntarily; he grabbed for his coffee and took a small sip of the sweetened drink. “Well, I’m not Mom, Buck,” TJ murmured softly.

“Nope, you’re more like Dad was, all sweet and protective and gentle. Mom was a nutcase.” Bucky moved to the fridge and began looking at TJ’s selections of foods inside.

“You have no idea,” TJ said to himself, keeping his voice low so Bucky couldn’t hear.

Snorting, Bucky reacted as if he heard anyway, even if it wasn’t audibly. Straightening, Bucky turned with a few oranges and carried them over to the breakfast bar. Sitting down, Bucky proceeded to peel all five oranges as he spoke, “well, can’t get much worse than attacking your husband, can you? Know what I dreamed? I dreamed she sent us away for our birthday just so she could kill Dad and Jack.”

“Oh?” TJ said softly, chewing at his bottom lip. “Well, she was always . . . a bit violent, ya know? Not surprised you dreamed something like that.”

Bucky sighed and looked up, pile of peels neatly stacked to one side on the bar, five peeled oranges sitting in front of him. “She pushed me down the stairs, I think. Right? That’s how I got the scar on my right temple?”

TJ nodded, sitting down at the counter with a sigh, “yeah, that happened, Buck. She told Dad and Jack you fell. I - - I was too scared to argue what really happened.”

Eyeing TJ with a soft frown, Bucky asked, “so, she’s the one who started that then?”

“Yeah,” TJ nodded, hugging himself, “she was mumbling to herself and you were walking up the stairs when she was walking down. She . . . she just shoved you.”

“I mean,” Bucky said, “she was the one who started you feeling like you were guilty for everything and had to apologize all the time.”

“It . . . it usually is my fault, Buck,” TJ said softly, looking at the lavender roses still on the counter.

“Okay, I’ll concede that sometimes it’s your fault, but there’re times it’s my fault, and you won’t ever let me take my own blame. You know, if it wasn’t for Dr. Cho helping me understand that, I might be a sociopath blaming everyone else for anything I did.” Bucky suddenly reached over with his right hand and squeezed TJ’s hand, grinning, “but boy it was good to know you always have my back, Teej.”

TJ gave his brother a soft smile, “I’ll always have your back, Buck.”

Nodding, Bucky took his hand back then offered an orange. “Hungry yet? Or am I pushing food on you again? I know Jack freaked last night when I gave you food, but he always just freaks and doesn’t explain why I can't do what I used to when we were teens.”

“I . . . I don’t have a big appetite, Buck, and . . . and if it’s on my plate it _has_ to be eaten. You know that. Or else . . . you know,” TJ chewed the inside of his lip.

“Oh, I didn’t know you got less hungry as you got older. No one told me. I got hungrier for the most part. I thought you were trying to be nice and not _hog_ all the good food.” Bucky still held out the orange, “but if I give you something, Teej, I won’t be insulted if you ask me to take it back. Just tell me you’re not hungry, okay? Want an orange?”

Hesitating for a moment, TJ slowly nodded and grabbed the orange, “thanks, Bucky.” TJ carefully pulled a slice away and put it in his mouth, chewing it.

Grinning, Bucky began to eat his own, waiting for TJ to realize that Bucky had managed to neatly peel all five oranges one handed. He was quite proud of the skills he’d acquired those times his prosthetic wasn’t on.

“You know,” TJ said softly, eating another slice, “I’ll have to look into it, but I might be able to teach you how to play piano one-handed.”

“Can’t reach all the notes with only one hand,” Bucky promptly responded but smiled at his twin, “however, after sleeping on it, and stopping freaking out at the idea of sleeping in a strange place unprotected, I think I’d love to learn to play again . . . and use my prosthetic to hit the low register.”

“Well,” TJ smiled softly, “I’d like to teach you. Might be a few weeks before the piano gets installed in Johnny and I’s apartment, but we can use Tony’s or something?”

“Are you beginning to love Johnny, or were you really in love with him all these years you thought he was being a shit?” Bucky asked, eating a slice of orange.

TJ shrugged softly, “I don’t know. Love . . . love is a weird thing, isn’t it? What you’ll do for the one’s you love? Don’t know if I’m in love with Johnny, I like him, and I’m willing to try and make this marriage work . . . but . . . love . . .” TJ sighed, running his hand through his hand.

“Is he good in bed?” Bucky asked, smirking. “Steve is. God, I wanted Steve forever, and I’m so damn glad I’ve got him. I feel like _that’s_ a dream I’ll wake up from.”

“I’m glad you got him, too, Bucky,” TJ smiled and then finished off his orange, “c’mon, let’s finish packing so we can get back to our men, yeah?”

“What if . . . what if Jack doesn't like working for Tony? He already hates him for giving me the shots.” Bucky sighed. “I mean, will you all move back down here and leave me alone again?”

“We won’t leave you, Buck,” TJ reached over to squeeze Bucky’s shoulder, “promise.”

“I’m not saying you guys left me on purpose, okay, Teej?” Bucky looked suddenly worried. “I know I took off first, but . . . I had shit I was trying to deal with. I . . . found out a few things and I couldn’t handle it, you know? So, I thought a change of scene might help.”

TJ nodded, heading back into the kitchen to wash out his mug, “I understand, Buck. Jack and I aren’t gonna leave you again, okay? No matter what.”

“Even if I’m having a breakdown and might need to be locked up like Mom?” Bucky asked from the breakfast bar.

Freezing for a moment, TJ sighed and chewed his bottom lip, “not gonna get locked up, Buck.”

“Dr. Cho talked about it early on when I first started seeing her, that it was a possibility,” Bucky sighed, putting the three remaining oranges on a plate and tossing out the peels. He carried the plate with him to the living room then went back for his coffee, refilling it.

“You’re _not_ gonna get locked up, okay?” TJ insisted, a bit more forcibly this time. “You’re not a danger to anyone. Now that Dr. Cho knows everything, you’re gonna get better.”

“She doesn’t know _everything_ ,” Bucky said, meeting TJ’s eyes as he carried his coffee into the living room and set it next to his oranges. He began pulling books off the bookshelf, ignoring or not remembering the row of photo albums now gone. “TJ, I . . . I need to tell you something?”

“Okay?” TJ said, stepping up to his brother.

Drawing a deep breath, Bucky looked at his twin. “I went to MIT when we graduated at sixteen, but when I was eighteen, I flunked out.”

“Flunked out?” TJ frowned softly, “what do you mean, flunked out? Yeah, you said you had trouble with chemistry . . .”

“Not just chemistry, everything. I couldn’t concentrate without you next to me all the time, so I had trouble taking tests or studying. I finally just dropped college. But, I was worried about going home a failure so, I joined the Army, looking for Steve really. I never did get assigned near him. Instead,” Bucky drew a breath, “I was put on the front lines? I . . . I got caught by an IED and shipped home. Tony was my point of contact, left over from school because I was so ashamed of failing, and he’s kept my . . . well, he never told. It’s why I couldn't get home too much, but I was able to get to your concerts by flying out all the time, hoarded my leave to do that.”

TJ staggered back, eyes wide and the smaller man looked physically pained. “You joined the Army . . .”

“And . . . you hate me. I probably shouldn’t have said anything, but Dr. Cho keeps wanting me to tell you guys.” Bucky played with the cover of the book he held.

“You joined the Army . . . you never said anything. We thought you were in Massachusetts . . . how - - how could you not tell us? You could’ve died, Bucky!” TJ’s voice had taken on a panicked edge.

Bucky looked at TJ and his eyes widened, reacting to the panic in his twin. He glanced around, towards the door and then the windows, and then back at his brother. “Uh . . . maybe I _think_ I joined the military? Another of my delusions?”

TJ shook his head, running a shaky hand through his hair, “I _knew_ something was wrong! I knew you weren’t telling us everything! You don’t trust us at all, do you?”

“Don’t trust you?” Bucky looked surprised and confused. “Why wouldn’t I trust you? TJ, didn’t I tell you it was from shame I never said anything? Or didn’t I make that clear? I was embarrassed that I couldn’t handle school without you. And . . . I was stupid and signed on to the military. But you can’t just drop that like you can college,” Bucky shook his head, running his hand through his hair, book clattering to the table.

“So you joined the military?” TJ shook his head again, swallowing thickly, “what would’ve happened . . . we . . . we had no idea . . .” The lean brunet staggered back a few more steps, calves hitting the coffee table so he stumbled a few more to catch himself. “You never said anything . . . we . . . we tell each other everything, Bucky. Everything.”

Bucky let his head hang down, trembling beginning. He just nodded and began to whisper, “I’m sorry?” over and over, softly, hand clenched on his coffee mug.

Sighing, TJ shook his head, “it’s fine, Buck. I’m sorry . . . I’m sorry I got upset. Let’s just finish packing so we can get home.”

“Home,” Bucky whispered, latching onto the safety of that word. “Okay.” He put his coffee mug down and picked up the books, a couple at a time, again. Bucky didn’t look up from his task at TJ, nor did he raise his head or eyes when Jack came out of the bedroom. He just worked steadily, quietly.

**************

Three more days passed before TJ pulled the moving truck in front of Stark Tower. Johnny and TJ had been approved to move into their apartment, but they’d have to get Jack and David’s things out of the truck before they could move on to unloading TJ’s things. Things between the twins had been quiet and tense since Bucky’s admission, though TJ had pulled Jack aside to explain the news.

“Well,” TJ sighed, putting the truck in park, “home,” the brunet said the word with an almost bitter tone.

Bucky nodded and unbuckled, having spoken only when absolutely necessary during the remainder of moving his brothers. He slipped from the truck and used his keycard to open the service dock elevator, not even looking as Jack pulled up in his and David’s car. Bucky headed for the back of the moving truck and tried to get the door open, though he couldn’t manage.

“I got it, Buck,” TJ stated, unlocking the back and opening the truck. They’d placed it so all of Jack and David’s things were towards the front and TJ’s were in the back. Sighing at the sight of all the boxes, TJ murmured, “this is gonna take forever.”

Bucky climbed up and tried to grab for the first box, but Tony’s voice stopped him. “Whoa, Bucky Bear. I got some heavy lifters to help you guys out. Come on back outta there.” Looking over, Bucky dropped down from the back of the truck and stepped away, allowing Tony and his friends, or staff members, in.

TJ turned a glare on Tony, the anger he felt for the other man only increasing now that he knew that Tony had kept Bucky going into the military from him and Jack. Tony had lied to them, saying that Bucky had been in an accident at Stark Tower, had allowed them to think that Bucky was safe in New York all those years.

Tony just threw a wide grin at TJ, oblivious to the other man’s knowledge and therefore venom. He began directing the workers, checking with the twins or Jack and David for which boxes were definitely being unloaded at the tower. About two hours into the move, Tony turned to TJ and walked over. “So, I can send them on with you to move your stuff into your new place, TJ.”

“I can move my own things, Stark, I don’t need any of your help,” TJ snarled.

“Ouch,” Tony commented without sounding upset. “So, must’ve heard some nasty rumors while you’ve been in the capitol. Spill, which of my old enemies came forward and what’d she say?”

“Rumors?” TJ stepped towards Tony, getting into the man’s space, “oh, I heard more than rumors, Tony. I heard all about how you lied to Jack and me about how Bucky was home in New York, safe. How you lied to us, saying that he got hurt in an accident while working for you. You’re a lying piece of shit, Tony.”

“Ah,” Tony looked from TJ to Jack, who frowned, standing close by, then back to TJ. “So, what else you hear?” He definitely looked like his mind raced.

“How could you not tell us?” TJ growled, eyes flashing in anger, “how could you not tell us that Bucky joined the fucking military? You’re a selfish prick, Tony.”

Tony nodded, “been called that a lot, actually. But, hey, I wasn’t about to challenge Bucky Bear on what he wanted to tell you. He never said why he didn’t want you to know, just that he didn’t. So, I went with whatever he wanted.” Tony shrugged, apparently not regretting his deceptions.

Grabbing Tony’s shirt and bringing him close, TJ said, “you’ve done nothing but enable him, Tony!”

“Me?” Tony frowned, pulling TJ’s hands from his expensive shirt and pushing TJ back. “Me enable him? Who was the asshole who covered for Bucky all his life so he learned he didn’t have to be responsible or answer for himself? Who was the selfish prick who tried to get his twin’s attention back by a damn suicide attempt when Bucky was finally getting better?” Tony glared at TJ, “who the fuck decided you were in charge of _his_ life and who he could love?”

TJ’s fist flew out fast, connecting with Tony’s face before even TJ knew what was happening. “You fucking asshole!” TJ shouted, anger and hurt in his eyes. David launched forward to pull TJ back before the young man could land another blow.

Jack stepped forward, but Tony just leveled a glare on TJ. “Sure, I’m always the asshole, but who was the one who ultimately chased Bucky away so he hid in a fucking war? I’m the one who was there through those damn terrifying nights, waited for him not to come home every day and every mission. I was the one who picked up the pieces when he was blown to hell and back! And then he hears his brother, who hasn’t done a damn thing for him except make him an irresponsible selfish child, needs his help and who the hell gets dropped like a piece of trash!” Tony pushed past the family of men and stormed into the building.

Fighting out of David’s grip, TJ turned on his heel, storming out of the loading bay, towards the main street, ignoring the moving truck that still held his things.

A sleek red mustang pulled up in front of the loading dock, just level with TJ, and Johnny called out, “Sweetheart? Hello, back so soon?” He sounded happy.

TJ looked at his husband; his body was shaking with his anger, the knuckles of his left hand red and swelling from punching Tony. “I gotta go. Get me outta here, Johnny.”

“Hop in, love,” Johnny agreed readily, figuring the others would look out for moving the stuff in the truck. “Wanted to show you something, that okay?” Johnny leaned over to unlock and open the passenger door.

Sliding into the passenger seat, TJ nodded, hands trembling in his lap. “Okay,” he agreed.

Johnny looked to TJ and softly instructed, “belt, love?” He waited to put the car in gear.

Numbly, TJ buckled in and said, “‘kay, ready.”

Smiling, Johnny pulled the car onto the road and drove off at a reasonable speed. He nodded to the mirror, though his husband sat next to him not behind. “So, bad time trying to move? Someone do something majorly asinine?”

“Just fucking Tony. I hate that fucking guy,” TJ grumbled, cradling his injured hand against his chest, “always been a selfish, entitled prick. Even in high school.”

Glancing over, Johnny frowned softly. “Hurt yourself, love?” He looked back at the road but had noticed the bandages and the swelling hand.

“Punched Tony, musta done it wrong or something,” TJ murmured, bringing his hand up and trying to flex it, wincing in pain as the hand throbbed.

“I’ll say,” Johnny commented. “So, Tony really deserved it, but what’d he do? Something concerning hurting Bucky?” Johnny pulled onto the drive right by the east river, keeping the windows closed so he could talk to TJ.

“Tony didn’t tell us that Bucky had been in the military from the time he was eighteen until he was injured three years ago. I confronted him and he says my suicide attempt was just a way to get Bucky’s attention . . . that I haven’t done anything for Bucky but make him an irresponsible child,” TJ explained, staring out the window, his voice slipping into a neutral tone despite the pain in his eyes.

Nodding, Johnny sighed, “sounds like Tony’s still hurt by the breakup. But that was callous, even for him, blaming you for faking your suicidal feelings.”

“What everyone thinks,” TJ murmured, not looking at Johnny, “why could I possibly want to off myself? I have everything.”

“Because you were used and thrown away by someone you loved? That’s enough reason for anyone to feel worthless and useless and like he’s in the way of everyone else. So, Tony’s an ass and don’t listen to him. I know you weren’t faking it.” Johnny pulled onto another road, this time leading towards New Jersey by the bridge. “Just because you have a job and some money doesn’t mean you have everything, love.”

“Tony doesn’t understand, they don’t understand,” TJ sighed, laying his head on the window, still cradling the injured hand, “what . . . what we had to go through growing up . . . I _tried_ to stay in contact with Bucky, I tried so _hard_.”

“And when he didn’t respond, whether for hiding out or from fear or whatever, you felt thrown away, like with Sean. TJ, I love you, you know that, Sweetheart? You mean a lot to me, and I don’t want to . . .”

“Please, don’t say that,” TJ begged softly, “don’t say that.”

Johnny pulled the car onto the shoulder, flipping on his flashers so other drivers wouldn’t hit them. He unbuckled and turned to TJ, touching his hand, the non-injured one. “Sweetheart? What happened? What’s Tony and Bucky done to hurt you so bad and bring this all up again?”

“Anyone who’s ever told me they loved me has left, Johnny, except Jack. No one means it. I’m good to have around for a little bit, but everyone gets sick of me after awhile. Even Bucky left. I’ve supported him through _everything_ growing up, took some of Mom’s beatings when he couldn’t handle it . . . and he just throws me away? Because he finds Tony? Or Steve? Where’s Steve been? In fucking England, that’s where Steve’s been. And fucking Tony? That guy doesn’t have a caring bone in his fucking body. And Bucky throws me away?” TJ clenched his hands, despite the pain in his left.

Johnny unhooked TJ’s belt and carefully maneuvered TJ into his arms, holding him as best he could in the car. “TJ, Sweetheart, I wish people saw you for how special and sweet you are. You’re such a wonderful man, so supportive and loving.” He kissed TJ’s temple. “Bucky left because he was leaving you? Or was there maybe another reason? Maybe he thought he’d hurt you? Maybe he was afraid of something else? Did Bucky _tell_ you he left _you_ specifically?” Johnny held his husband, trying to comfort him.

“Does it matter?” TJ whispered brokenly, “he still left? He was embarrassed because he dropped out of college . . . he shoulda known that I would’ve never judged him.”

TJ’s phone buzzed, interrupting him and drawing Johnny’s frown.

Sighing, TJ dug out his phone from his pocket and looked at who was trying to get a hold of him. Seeing Jack’s name, TJ answered the call, “Jack? Everything okay?” His voice was shaky, but not as angry as in the loading bay.

“Checking on you, Teej, and offering you some info. You in a spot where you can get shocking news and not get hurt? I could wait until we’re face to face, if you’d rather?” Jack sounded extremely worried.

“Side of a road in a parked car,” TJ murmured, looking at Johnny, “what’s going on?”

“I finally got word back from the college and military about Bucky. He wasn’t kicked out for the explosion that took his arm, though they considered it. He was section eight, psych discharge.” Jack sighed on his end of the phone. “And he was in the military because it was either that or prison.”

“Prison?” TJ sat up straighter, though due to his position in Johnny’s lap, it was a bit awkward, “what the hell did he do?”

“According to MIT? He deliberately used the chemistry lab to make a bomb and set it off, with the help of several other students. Tony Stark is listed as having gotten him a lawyer and the military versus prison deal instead of Bucky going straight to prison. His sentence, Teej, was forty-five years plus.” Jack sounded like he turned from traffic, shielding the phone and the conversation. “But he was highly recommended for a psych eval the lawyer refused to get him.”

“How the hell did we not know this? I’m pretty sure we would’ve heard of a bomb at MIT, Jack,” TJ felt like his head was pounding against his skull.

“Tony paid to keep it out of the public eye, actually.” Jack sighed. “TJ, apparently, until three months ago, Tony and Bucky were lovers. Pepper told me just before I called you.”

“Got that by what he said,” TJ grumbled, “Bucky’s got worse choice in lovers than me.”

“I mean, it started in college. Tony went with Bucky overseas and everything. Pepper thinks Tony was hoping for a proposal but finally gave up when Bucky dropped him after hearing you weren’t well.” Jack’s voice got softer, “David? Right here, babe!” His voice strengthened again, “I’m not sure why Bucky made the bomb, or if he was blamed for someone else’s dirty work. Bucky refused to talk to the lawyer and at court, so everything was from witnesses, other people involved, and Tony.”

“Bucky’s shit at chemistry, Jack! He couldn’t have made a bomb,” TJ lifted his hand, his left, to rub at his temple, hissing in pain as he used the injured limb.

“I know. David and I think Bucky was covering for someone else,” Jack informed his brother. “Can you get back to your new place? We need to talk and figure this out. We might be able to get Bucky a new trial or something, get his name cleared and the real bomber caught. Who knows if the shit’s gonna try it again, or even has done it since?”

“Johnny was gonna show me something,” TJ murmured, sighing as he looked at his husband. “But . . . I guess we can meet you there?”

Johnny nodded at TJ’s words, not even questioning what TJ was talking about. He eased his husband to the other seat, kissing his temple. “Just tell me where, love,” he said, fastening TJ’s belt then his own.

“Home, Johnny, Jack and David are meeting us there,” TJ informed. TJ grumbled as his hand throbbed, “at least tell me there’s gonna be a bruise on that asshole’s face, Jack.”

“TJ, you broke his nose,” Jack said softly. “Pepper’s calming him so he doesn’t press assault charges.”

“Let him fucking press charges!” TJ growled.

“No, TJ, never. I don’t want to lose you or Bucky to the horrors of jail! I’ve visited a place during my university studies and it’s no place for humans.” Jack sounded adamant. “I’d rather let Pepper persuade Tony he looks rakish with the bruising and black eyes and all.”

“He’s a fucking asshole, that’s what he is,” TJ shook his head, looking down at his own bruising hand, “I think I may have broken something . . . gonna be hard to play . . .”

“We’ll get it checked out. Could just be a sprain, Teej,” Jack said. “Get here safe, okay? I’ll call Dr. Cho and Steve.”

“Okay,” TJ nodded, “see you soon,” he hung up and sighed heavily, letting the phone drop to his lap.

Johnny turned into the heavier traffic near Tony’s tower, passing right by the large building. “I didn’t catch much except that Tony’s an asshole and something about jail? You want me gone or in the house for your talk with Jack?”

“We think Bucky was set up when he was at MIT. They said he made and then blew up a bomb or something. That doesn’t make sense - - the one subject Bucky’s always struggled with was fucking chemistry, kinda important when making a bomb. They gave him the choice of prison or the military. Guess he chose military,” TJ sighed again, shaking his head, “this whole thing is fucked up.”

“And Bucky can’t remember this?” Johnny asked gently, pulling into their brand new assigned parking spot in the underground garage for their apartment.

“Guess Bucky refused to talk to the lawyers or in court, he’s covering for someone,” TJ shook his head, carefully unbuckling himself.

“An old lover?” Johnny asked, sliding from his car and offering his left hand so TJ could take it with his right.

TJ took Johnny’s hand, cradling his left close to his chest, and slid out of the car. “I have no idea. Bucky and I never talked much, obviously, didn’t even know my own twin had been arrested and tried for bombing a fucking university.”

“Maybe Bucky wasn’t being loyal but being threatened?” Johnny asked, keying them into their elevator. He hit the thirty-fourth floor button and turned to TJ. “Maybe his family was being threatened if he said anything? Bucky strikes me as fiercely protective of you more than anyone else, even Jack.”

“Maybe,” TJ sighed and nodded, leaning into Johnny, “that’s why we’re gonna talk with Jack and David, see what they’re thinking.”

Johnny dropped a kiss on TJ’s temple again. “So, before we get to the others, is this part of why you don’t want me saying _I love you_ anymore?”

“I told you, Johnny, everyone who’s told me they love me, has left me,” TJ sighed and his unjuried hand clutched at Johnny’s shirt, “but . . . you’re not gonna leave me, are you?”

“No plans to ever leave you, Sweetheart. Remember? If you wanna get rid of me, gotta take me to court for a divorce. I’m not the one who’s gonna walk out the door.” Johnny smiled and kissed TJ softly. “So, if we find out Bucky dropped you to protect you, will you still be mad at him?”

“No . . . probably not?” TJ said softly, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against Johnny’s chest, “Tony wanted to press assault charges . . . Pepper’s talking him down.”

“Oh, Tony’s not admitting _he’s_ the asshole here?” Johnny nodded and the elevator door opened, ending that line of conversation. Johnny walked TJ to their apartment door, where Jack leaned against the wall waiting with David.

Jack straightened and studied TJ, worry very evident. “You okay, Teej? Need a hospital and some x-rays?”

TJ lifted his bruised and swollen hand, though not so swollen to suggest a break, and said, “I think I’m okay. I’ll get some ice on it.”

Johnny opened the door and let them all in. He immediately headed for the refrigerator that he’d had installed the day before, since the old one had been removed by the previous tenant, as had all the appliances. Johnny started making an ice pack for TJ, using a grocery bag and a towel. “We don’t have much, but there’s water and milk and O.J.”

TJ looked at Jack and asked, “any word from Pepper? She manage to talk Tony down?”

Nodding, Jack looked relieved, “she called and said Tony promised not to press charges then locked himself in his lab to tinker around.” Jack moved to sit at the breakfast bar, thankful Johnny had placed some furniture in the relatively bare apartment.

Letting out a sigh, TJ nodded, “and Bucky? Is he okay?”

Jack nodded, signaling David to come sit, too. “Yeah, he’s actually in his own apartment getting a long bath and relaxing. He was pretty shaken up by the last few days. TJ, we need to piece together all the information we’ve gathered.”

 

David sat next to his husband, taking Jack’s hand and giving the fingers a gentle kiss.

TJ ran his right hand through his hair, “yeah, but we don’t know a whole lot. Turns out the last eight years of Bucky’s life have been completely different than we thought?”

Jack pulled out his phone and began swiping through it. “Yeah, I was able to piece together some of it, but only because I had original custody of him until he was eighteen. Therefore, MIT and the Military had to give me his info, even at this late date. I found out that Bucky was doing great at MIT until the whole bomb incident. His record says he and four others were using one of the chemistry labs after hours when Bucky exploded a homemade bomb. No one was hurt but the entire lab was destroyed. Tony managed to get involved and, through some large donations to repair and enhance the place, get the entire incident kept quiet. Then, when Bucky went to court to face charges, the other kids were cleared, Bucky was the only one charged. Tony again got things fixed so Bucky was given the option to serve the military instead. Bucky chose military.” Jack looked up at a knock on the front door.

Johnny walked over and opened the door, smiling at Steve and Dr. Cho, who’d arrived at the same time but in different vehicles. “Come on in, we’re doing a Bucky intervention.”

“Without Bucky,” TJ piped up, putting the ice pack that Johnny had made on his sore hand.

Jack nodded, “ _before_ involving Bucky, we’re trying to get our facts straight.” He then proceeded to repeat his findings to the other two, pausing after the announcement of Bucky joining the Army to look at Steve and Dr. Cho.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Steve shook his head, frowning softly, “even in high school Bucky struggled with chemistry. He’d never be able to make a bomb by himself.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jack sighed. “I couldn’t get the school to release the names of the other four kids, though. Bucky may be our only hope of getting that info since Tony’s probably not going to play nice after TJ gave him a nose job for being an ass.”

Steve’s eyebrows shot up and he looked at TJ, “you broke Tony’s nose?”

TJ shrugged and said, “asshole deserved it.”

Johnny snorted, grinning, offering water, juice, or milk to the whole gang again. “Oh, TJ, remember Tony’s snarky line about what Barton’s grades were in geometry? I called and asked him directly. He said he aced it, got the top grade, then asked why. I told him Tony wanted to know. He snorted, literally snorted into the phone, and said Tony should remember since Clint tutored Tony in it.”

“Huh,” TJ shook his head, fixing the ice pack on his hand, “go figure. Guy ain’t all that smart as he plays out to be.”

“Oh, he’s a genius when it comes to engines and chemicals and stuff, but simple stuff like physics or spacial geometry, not so much,” Johnny chuckled.

TJ felt a buzzing in his pocket again; frowning softly, he pulled out his phone. It was a text message from his manager saying _‘head’s up, kid, working on the leak’_ and then a link to a webpage. Frowning worse, TJ opened the link and gasped, eyes going wide, “oh . . .” he let the phone drop to the counter.

Johnny frowned, “Teej?” He reached for TJ’s good hand, but ignored the phone, inadvertently displaying that he respected his husabnd’s privacy. “What happened?”

“Story . . . suicide . . .” TJ whimpered softly, clutching Johnny’s hand.

David reached for the phone and read the webpage that was still opened on the device. He showed it to Jack, letting the man read the article that reported about TJ’s suicide attempt in December. Though the article stated that through an _inside source_ that TJ had done it in an attempt to gather more attention from his fans.

Jack peeked over David’s shoulder and grabbed the phone, instantly texting the manager back. Identifying himself as TJ’s older brother, so the manager knew he was a legitimate _inside source_ , Jack texted that the suicide attempt was directly related to a private break up with a lover and had nothing to do with TJ’s wonderful fans, that He hoped his fans understood that TJ wished to handle this in private and that he planned to stay on schedule for the last concert and the coming season in a few more months. Jack glanced at TJ. “Teej?”

“Who told them, Jack?” TJ whimpered softly.

“Who do you think? Asshat with a nose job,” Jack growled, not doubting in the least the inconvenience of the coincidence.

Steve shook his head, heading for the door, “Bucky’s still at Stark’s. Obviously that guy has some issues . . . I’m gonna go keep an eye on him.”

“Steve?” Jack called out. “Can you see if you can get Bucky out of there? I’m worried about Tony’s anger coming out against Bucky. You didn’t get to hear the entire research I was able to uncover.” Pausing, Jack added, “Tony followed Bucky everywhere overseas because he had power of attorney as Bucky’s significant other.”

Jaw ticking, Steve nodded, ignoring the sadness he felt, remembering that Bucky had told him that he’d been his first male lover. “I’ll see what I can do. Hopefully, if I can’t get Bucky out right away, I’ll stay with him as long as it take to get him out.”

“Thanks,” Jack said. “And be careful. I have no idea what other hold Tony has on him, but I’m not forgetting Tony was the one with the meds when all’s said and done.”

Nodding, Steve left the apartment, letting the door shut softly behind him.

Helen Cho softly said, as the door closed behind Steve, “I’ve been reaching out to Bucky’s other doctors. One never assigned him medicines, but Dr. Connors did. He was assigned pain medicine for his arm, muscle relaxants, and sleep aids. All of which should not have the effect of making Bucky seem drunk or disoriented. I’ve checked the meds I was told Bucky’s been prescribed. None should require injection, either.”

“So,” David said, looking angry, “Tony’s been drugging Bucky? Can any of his experimental drugs have that side effect?”

“They can if he messes with the chemicals added,” Johnny growled softly, shaking his head.

Dr. Cho nodded her agreement. “I can’t prove it unless I can get ahold of the actual drugs being administered, but from the blood test I did, Bucky’s got a powerful hallucinogenic in his system and traces of drugs often used for suggestive therapy. It’s experimental, and basically not accepted by mainstream medicine, but there _is_ an experimental procedure used to drug and make suggestions to a patient, hoping to control unwanted behavior, such as smoking or kleptomania.”

“Someone’s making Bucky have his delusions?” TJ’s voice was soft, shaky.

Turning to TJ, Helen said, “from what I can tell, Bucky has been drugged into delusional thinking and behavior to the point of being unable to identify dreams or nightmares from reality, and even strong thoughts from reality or dreams. From what we’ve discussed, with the right medication and therapy, he could be leading a perfectly safe, normal life . . . except for the experimental drugs pushing him over the edge. I have suspicions but no proof.”

Jack growled out, “Stark? Has Stark been experimenting on my little brother, drugging him and pushing him towards madness?”

“We gotta get him away from Tony,” TJ swallowed, trying to contain his own fears and anxiety. Bucky needed him.

“And,” Helen nodded, though she didn’t verbally confirm their suspicions, “manipulating Bucky into believing he is hurting his family every time he comes close to them. I’m breaking patient confidentiality in the interest of saving him, guys. Bucky has told me he thinks he’ll get angry and lose control and kill someone. He gets these nightmares and reminders he has to be careful. It’s the reason he hides out in the tower and avoids public, especially you guys. I convinced him he could trust himself at your party in Vegas, but he came back early and seems worse than before leaving.”

TJ sighed and said, “well, first step is getting him away from Tony. Hopefully, Steve can convince him to leave.”

Dr. Cho nodded. “I was very unhappy when I found out afterwards that Tony had gone to Vegas with him. Bucky was supposed to leave Tony behind and try this on his own, so to speak. The entire idea was to get him away from his ex-boyfriend’s hold.”

“Yeah, one of the first things from Tony’s mouth was that it was my fault Bucky drank. That I pushed him to drink . . . and he kept, not so subtly, telling Bucky or us that he was an alcoholic,” TJ frowned softly.

Johnny sighed and stroked TJ’s hair then checked his ice. He went to get a new ice pack and replaced the current one. “When did they break up? Christmas, right? And Tony blames TJ for the breakup?”

“Said I just attempted suicide to get Bucky’s attention, that Bucky just dropped him and came to see me,” TJ reported with another sigh.

Helen shook her head, “Bucky’d been wavering on staying with Tony for some months, actually. He finally broke up with Tony about Christmas, it’s true, but it was actually a week before he heard of your trauma.” She stood and walked to the kitchen to refill drinks and come back. “I think Tony feels the world revolves around him, so of course who would possibly want to leave him unless forced.”

“So, he’s crazy,” TJ muttered with a frown.

“Not crazy in the clinical sense, but certainly narcissistic and manipulative and selfish,” Cho informed them. “He can be pushed over the edge easily, but, like all narcissists, anything that happens is someone else’s fault. He can’t possibly be the problem, because he’s so wonderful. Not the most pleasant of personalities to deal with.”

Sighing softly, TJ nodded, “well, we can’t do much more until you get some evidence and we get Bucky out of the tower.”

“Exactly,” Helen sighed. “Am I the only one who thinks the identity of the original bomber isn’t so mysterious?” She seemed to change to a previous topic.

“You think it’s Tony,” David stated.

Helen nodded. “Chemicals are one of his specialities, and why else would he defend and try to hide who did it, putting the blame on Bucky?”

“That’s just it,” Johnny shook his head. “He put the blame on Bucky. Why would he pick Bucky and not one of the other students? I think Tony might not know who did it, either. We need to find out who the other students are so we can piece it together for sure.” Johnny looked at TJ, “I might not like or respect Tony, but I refuse to judge him without the evidence.”

Sighing, TJ nodded, “yeah, okay, so, we need to get evidence? Get Bucky out of the tower?” The young man sighed, again, looking exhausted.

“That’s already being worked on,” Johnny reassured TJ. “If anyone can get Bucky away from Tony, it’ll be Steve, right? So, we work on evidence. Helen, you keep working the medical angle. Maybe you can even convince Bucky to pass off . . . wait! Does Steve still have those drugs Tony handed him for Bucky? Helen can test them!”

“We’d have to call Steve,” David said.

“Okay, I’ll talk to Steve about that, while we need someone to work on getting the student names. Did Bucky mention any friends or study partners from MIT?” Johnny asked as he pulled out his own phone.

“Remember, he said he couldn’t make friends in college,” TJ reminded his lover.

Nodding, Johnny sighed. “Did he say _why_?”

“Cause I wasn’t with him?” TJ said, “remember, it was while we were having the family intervention? Said he hated me because I didn’t follow him to MIT.”

“Right . . . he _was_ used to you protecting him,” Johnny sighed. “Is it possible that, without realizing it, Bucky was trying to tell you more than we realized during the intervention?”

“How am I supposed to know?” TJ shook his head, running his uninjured hand down his face. 

“Sweetheart, I’m just talking out loud. I don’t expect anyone to know the answers, just spitballing here.” He lifted TJ’s right hand and kissed the fingers. “Need some tylenol or something?”

“Need some sleep,” TJ murmured, shaking his head, “haven’t been sleeping well these last few nights. Can’t even think straight.”

Nodding, Johnny stood and tugged TJ up by his one hand. Looking to the others, he softly said, “look, I’m gonna cuddle TJ for a few hours while he naps. Let us know as soon as you get information?”

David nodded, “sure thing.”

Jack agreed, watching his brother with worry, but not mistrusting Johnny. In the last few days, Jack had surprisingly come to appreciate Johnny Storm’s attention to TJ. “Get some rest, Teej. We’ll tell you when we hear.”

TJ nodded and offered his older brother a tired smile, “thanks, Jack. There’s a guest room if you two don’t wanna go back to the tower tonight.”

“Thanks, Teej,” Jack smiled back, reaching out for David’s hand.

Johnny led TJ down the hall to their master bedroom, thankfully containing a small bed until they could move TJ’s bed into the room.


	9. Unraveling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNINGS: Delusions, Paranoia, Post Traumatic Behavior, Stalker Behavior, Anxiety, Self-Doubt, Pregnancy Kink**

Bucky sat outside the tower on a small, decorative bench, throwing chunks of bread at the squirrels and birds. He felt like his life was tearing apart. Tony had been right about telling his family the truth about the military. He should have trusted Tony knew better than him and kept his mouth shut. Fortunately he’d managed to stick with at least some of the story and not give away about his crimes. That would have ended his relationship with his family immediately. Bucky sighed, dreading going back into the tower, but knowing he’d have to - - he needed his meds, for one.

“Hey, Buck,” Steve called out, walking up to his lover and then sitting on the bench next to him, “it’s a really nice day out, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said, sighing. “Guess so. Sunshine and squirrels.” He unconsciously leaned closer to Steve.

“You okay?” Steve asked softly, “I heard your afternoon was quite eventful.”

“Did . . . did TJ say _why_?” Bucky asked, dreading that Steve, too, would be mad about Bucky’s choices.

“Said he broke Tony’s nose because he deserved it,” Steve answered, wrapping arm around Bucky’s shoulders.

“Tony deserves it a lot,” Bucky nodded, but he didn’t feel like really defending the other man. Instead, Bucky felt resentment for Tony’s intervention. It’s been useful and a relief to not have to worry about things, to let Tony, his boyfriend, handle everything, but now . . . now Bucky wasn’t so sure it had been the right decision to allow Tony so much control.

“Also said something about you going into the military?” Steve spoke softly, gently to his lover.

Wincing, Bucky nodded. “Yeah, flunked outta school and joined the military to try to find you,” Bucky repeated, feeling his stomach churn at the half-truths. “Never did find you and got myself blown up, so I’m back now, causing more trouble for everyone.”

Letting Bucky get away with the small lie, Steve gave Bucky a gentle squeeze. “I don’t think you’re causing trouble. I don’t think Jack or TJ think you’re causing trouble, and I just got back from talking with them.”

“They told you this already, didn’t they?” Bucky sighed, looking at Steve. “You came to . . . what? Get upset, like TJ, that I threw you away? Wouldn’t blame you, even if I never meant to throw anyone away.”

“Nah,” Steve said, his voice and manner very casual, “I came to ask if you wanna stay at my place tonight. I’ve missed you these last few days, the phone calls weren’t enough, I need serious Bucky cuddles.”

“You sure you wanna be near a liar and dangerous psychopath?” Bucky sighed, leaning further into Steve.

“I don’t remember calling you that?” Steve looked at his boyfriend, “I never thought you were a liar or dangerous psychopath.”

Bucky looked at Steve’s eyes, and drew his bottom lip between his teeth, chewing. After a moment, he softly said, “you’ll let me stay with you? I . . . I don’t have to face Tony while he’s so mad?”

“Of course, we can watch some movies, order some take-out,” Steve grinned, kissing Bucky’s forehead.

“And relax . . .” Bucky sighed, sounding happier at the prospect. Standing, the brunet tossed the rest of the bread out to the animals and wiped off his hands. “Just need some clothes and stuff . . . that’s gonna be a blast, going in to get my stuff.” Bucky’s voice came out bitter and sarcastic.

“You can wear my clothes? I also have some spare toiletries, unopened, brand spanking new,” Steve beamed.

“That’d be great,” Bucky sighed happily. “Only have to get my meds,” he seemed a bit happier even if that meant going into the tower still.

“Just the one’s that Dr. Cho and Dr. Connors prescribed you, right? We’re still waiting for the approval on the other one,” Steve stood up with Bucky.

Blinking, Bucky looked at Steve and frowned softly, looking worried. “That’s the only meds I _ever_ take, Steve. Why? Is someone saying I’m abusing prescription drugs now, too?”

“No,” Steve insisted, “but the one that Tony administers, we’re holding off on. Dr. Cho doesn’t want you taking it until she can review it better. Make sure it’s okay.”

“But it was prescribed by Doctor Connors!” Bucky protested, surprised. “It calms me down when I get panicky so I don’t get violent.”

“Right, but, Dr. Cho thinks there may be some unwanted side effects, and she wants you to lay off them for a few days,” Steve tried to explain.

“Steve,” Bucky said carefully. “Didn’t you just say I should take Dr. Cho’s medicines and Dr. Connors’?” Bucky met Steve’s eyes, looking puzzled and a bit wary.

“I did, and I also said that Dr. Cho wants to take a break from the injectable medication. You can still take your painkillers and muscle relaxants from Dr. Connors. You can call Dr. Cho up if you want,” Steve didn’t sound like he was hiding anything from Bucky or trying to be deceptive.

“Steve,” Bucky tried again, still soft and worried, “if Dr. Cho is letting me take Dr. Connors’ meds, then saying I can't take Dr. Connors’ meds, she’s being contradictory and confusing. And if I can take the other meds, but not the injectables, that’s being weird, since all of Dr. Connors’ meds are injections. Tony gives me those three.”

“Okay, well,” Steve ran his fingers through his hair, “how about this? You get all the medication you take, we go to my place, and you give Dr. Cho a call and ask her. I was just with her at your brother’s place, but I can understand if you wanna ask her. I may not be explaining it right, she’s the doctor, not me.”

Nodding, smiling and looking less confused, less worried, Bucky said, “okay. I’ll get my medicine from Tony and come right back out.”

“I’ll come with you,” Steve insisted, stepping out with Bucky.

Bucky led Steve into the building and up the private elevator to his floor. Upon arrival, Bucky led Steve inside, acting as if he expected someone to jump out at any moment. Retrieving a leather bag, about the size of a gym bag, he turning to Steve. Bucky offered a smile. “Got my overnight kit and all my meds in here.”

“Awesome,” Steve smiled, “ready to head out? Need anything else?”

Bucky paused and studied Steve a long moment. Then, shaking his head without explaining, he led his boyfriend from the room, back into the elevator.

Steve followed diligently; he looked around the elevator and then at Bucky, “so, you hungry, Buck? We can grab something on the way to my place?”

Bucky looked at Steve and shook his head, not making a sound. He studied Steve again, all the while the elevator moved downwards. Finally, as it stopped, he whispered, “in the car.” The door opened and Bucky bolted out without checking around, through the underground entrance, into the garage. He led Steve out of the garage and around to Steve’s parking spot, taking ten minutes or more to get to the car when it would have been quicker through the front door.

Not questioning Bucky making them go the long way, Steve unlocked his car and opened the passenger door for his boyfriend, letting the brunet slip into the car. Shutting the door after Bucky had gotten inside, Steve moved over to the other side of the car and got into the driver’s seat. After Bucky had buckled up, Steve pulled away from the tower and then glanced back at Bucky, noting that the other man hadn’t grabbed his prosthetic limb. “How’re you doing, Buck?” Steve asked, turning his eyes back to the road.

“I think Tony eavesdrops on me sometimes,” Bucky said, in a normal tone. “And I feel better. It’s not all the time, Steve, but sometimes I walk into the apartment and feel like someone’s there. I’ve looked in the past and no one ever is, so I’ve stopped looking., If it happens now, I usually go to the common floor instead.”

“How long has Tony been . . . controlling, Buck? He hardly hung out with us in high school, always thought he believed he was too smart for anyone else . . . but he seems to have latched onto you,” Steve glanced quickly at Bucky before looking back at the road.

Sighing, Bucky said, “yeah, well, we were in college together, MIT. He was my tutor for chemistry, actually.”

“Was he?” Steve nodded, keeping his voice conversational, “and you two . . . got together for a time? Johnny said something about that?”

“Yeah, Tony found out I’d never slept with a man before but was interested in men, not women. So he wanted to be my boyfriend,” Bucky shook his head. “Then he happily told people we were together, treated me real well. But I think he wanted me for a cover, not for an actual boyfriend he loved.” Bucky looked at Steve. “And when I told him about TJ in the hospital Tony got mad because he’d had something big planned, just refused to tell me what. So, I dumped him.”

“And Tony blames TJ for the breakup,” Steve nodded, keeping his eyes on the traffic in front of them, “since you left to go see TJ in the hospital. I bet Tony wasn’t too happy when you came home early? Or was he?”

“Tony was delighted I came back,” Bucky huffed, “until I told him I meant it. I wouldn’t be his boyfriend anymore. We wanted two different things. I agreed to stay, and he’s still got medical power of attorney, but there’s no way I want to go to his big fancy parties to be stared at then come home just to get a fucking peck on the cheek and sent to bed like a five year old. I want more from a relationship than to be a platonic date.” Bucky shook his head, looking out the window.

“I can understand why that’d be frustrating,” Steve nodded, turning down a residential street, “ever consider changing your power of attorney, Buck?”

“Never really thought of it. He’s been that since we started dating. You know,” Bucky was still on the other subject, frustrated and finally speaking out, “when he said he’d never slept with a man either, I thought we’d explore together. But Tony doesn’t like to touch. At all. I’m surprised he kissed my cheek after parties. The guy’s got some kind of phobia or something.” Bucky sighed and began tracing his right forefinger over the leather interior near the window. “Think he bugged my arm to watch me? I think he did. The last couple times I put it on, I got sick and scared. I think he’s . . . gone weird since TJ got sick.”

“I remember that from high school, Sam and Johnny would tease him all the time, threatening to touch him but never actually doing it.” Steve looked over at Bucky and sighed softly, “it’s a possibility, Bucky. Tony may be wanting to keep track of you, he’s seemed to gone a bit possessive. And he’s gotten weird since TJ’s gotten sick because after that, you started reaching out to your brothers again. Tony wasn’t the only person you were talking to anymore, and I don’t think he liked it.”

Bucky dropped his hand into his lap and nodded, staring at the glove compartment. He slowly said, “I wonder what special thing he had planned for us for Christmas.”

“Johnny said something about an engagement?” Steve tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, “but that’s all speculation.”

“An engagement?” Bucky looked up, eyes widening. “Wait, you think Tony was going to propose to me?”

“Wouldn’t be surprised,” Steve answered honestly, “from what you’ve told me . . . Tony wants control over you . . . being married would surely give him that.”

“But Tony didn’t want a physical relationship. How he even thought I didn’t either, just because I was a virgin, I don’t know, but to be married and never intimate?” Bucky’s voice was pitched a bit higher, sounding worried.

“Bucky, it’s okay, deep breaths, okay?” Steve ordered gently, surprised at the news that Bucky had been a virgin. Steve had taken that from him while they’d been drunk . . . Steve promised to himself that he’d make their next time very special.

Blinking in surprise that Steve had sensed his rising distress, Bucky began to breath slowly, deeply, as Steve instructed. He began to count in his head with each breath, as Dr. Cho had recently told him might help. It did. He was so busy counting on the intakes and giving letters to the out breaths that anything troubling him seemed too much work to try to ponder. After about fifteen deep breaths, Bucky leaned back into the seat and sighed. “Thanks, Steve.”

“No problem,” Steve grinned, pulling in front of a small brownstone, “well, we’re home.” He parked the car and smiled at his lover, “ready to go inside, Buck?”

“Am I ever,” Bucky nodded, reaching awkwardly over himself to try to unhook the belt.

Wordlessly, Steve reached over and released Bucky’s seatbelt, not at all making a big deal of it. He slipped out of the car and moved to open the brunet’s door for him.

Bucky looked down at the unclasped belt and slowly drew it over so it shunted into its holding. Slowly, he stepped out of the car and paused, right in front of Steve, frowning softly. “Steve? You . . .you know I can do things with one hand, right?” he asked slowly, as if puzzled.

“Yup,” Steve nodded, “but I like opening doors for people, Momma taught me so. Ready to go inside?” The blond offered his hand to his lover, giving the brunet a smile.

Bucky ducked back into the car and came out with the bag of meds. He looked at Steve’s hand then offered the bag. “Okay . . . but you’ll tell me if I annoy you because I’m slow or clumsy without two hands?”

Steve took the bag and slung it over one shoulder and then took Bucky’s hand to lead him towards the door. “Shoulda seen me after I got the serum,” Steve snorted, putting his key into the lock, “couldn’t even walk in a straight line.”

“Bet that sucked. You’re always so independant, always were.” Bucky sounded thoughtful. “Who made your serum drugs, Steve?”

Stepping into his home, pulling Bucky with him, Steve said softly, “not really supposed to say, but,” he looked around and then back to the brunet.

“It wasn’t Tony’s company, right?” Bucky pressed, voice worried.

“Of course not,” Steve snorted, shutting the door and flipping the lock in place. He led Bucky into the living room, setting Bucky’s bag on the couch to be carried upstairs later. “A brilliant doctor, Dr. Abraham Erskine, created the serum. He . . . he . . .” Steve sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Was he your lover?” Bucky asked, interested but not hurt that Steve might’ve found someone else while overseas.

That brought out a laugh from the blond, “nah, he was a bit too old for me. In his sixties, I think. He . . . he saw something in me, though, pushed the others to accept me into the program. He was assassinated right after my procedure.”

“But not a dirty old man?” Bucky tilted his head, turning fully to Steve. Then Steve’s words sank in and Bucky paled, “God, I sound like a total asshole! Sorry, Stevie!”

“It’s okay,” Steve smiled at Bucky, bringing the brunet’s hand to his lips to kiss it. “I think he woulda liked you, Buck. He was a good man.” The blond looked around his small but warm home, “so, whatcha want to do, Buck? Watch some movies? Sit and chat?”

“Yeah,” Bucky agreed, picking up the bag and tossing it, unheeded, to the floor. He didn’t seem to care if anything inside broke. Sinking onto the couch, Bucky looked at Steve. “I can do the chat thing.”

Laughing, Steve nodded and sat down next to his lover, “good, ‘cause I like talking with you.”

“So, whatcha wanna grill me about?” Bucky asked.

“Hmm . . .” Steve tapped his lips, looking as if in deep thought, “what do I want to grill Bucky about?” Looking over at the brunet, Steve grinned and kissed his lover’s lips, “don’t know if I feel up to grilling. The day’s been a bit heavy so far. Though, if you want to ask me anything, you can.”

Nodding, Bucky sighed and studied his own hand for a moment, watching it resting on his thigh. Finally, he said, “had a rough time in DC.”

“Who did?” Steve asked, turning so he faced Bucky.

“All of us, I guess. TJ had bloody nightmares, but I told him I thought I heard the neighbors screaming because he was so damned worried he’d wake me up. But I wasn’t really asleep much because I hate sleeping in strange places alone. I kept feeling like someone was going to leap in the window or something.” Bucky looked at Steve. “We got in a real big fight because TJ was freaking out about not wanting to freak me out. And he thought I threw him away.”

“Threw him away? Where’d he get that idea from? Did he tell you that?” Steve asked, looking at his lover.

“Yeah, when he found out I left college for the military, he said he felt like I threw him away.” Bucky sighed.

“Really?” Steve frowned softly, “doesn’t seem like something he’d say to you.”

“Maybe he didn’t say it out loud? Sometimes I think what he thinks,” Bucky frowned. “Like when we were kids, only less often now. Or . . . maybe I made it up? I’m delusional . . . at least, that’s what I’m told. I wouldn’t know. I ‘m not sure anymore what’s real and what’s not.”

“Well, hopefully Dr. Cho is gonna be able to help you sort things out,” Steve offered Bucky a smile, “and it’s very possible TJ did say that . . . he seems to have developed a bit of a temper since high school.”

“That’s probably my fault, since I wasn’t around to always protect. TJ’s obsessed with protecting me.” Bucky looked at Steve and reached out, hesitating a bit before settling his hand on Steve’s. “I don’t mind, really, but he even wants to take on my punishments. Makes me feel worse.”

“You tell him that?” Steve asked softly, meeting Bucky’s eyes.

“I try, but the words tangle. I don’t think I say it right.” Bucky slipped his hand off Steve’s and stood, beginning to pace.

Steve stood with Bucky, he walked over and put his hands on his lover’s shoulders, “Buck, things happened at home, didn’t they? Back in high school, with your parents?”

Paling slightly, Bucky tried a bit of deflection, “I swear, they always kept their clothes on.”

Nodding, Steve kissed Bucky’s forehead, “whenever you’re ready to talk about it, Buck. I’ll be here, okay? I’m not gonna push you,” Steve squeezed Bucky’s shoulders and then pulled away, heading towards the kitchen to get some drinks.

Eyes widening, not wanting Steve to abandon him, Bucky blurted out, “Mom hated me!”

Stopping, Steve turned around, looking at Bucky, “she did? Why do you say that, baby?”

“Because she wanted me dead,” Bucky dropped his voice, beginning to tremble. “And . . . and she’d hit me? She’d yell and hit me?”

“Buck,” Steve said gently but with a firm tone.

“I’m serious,” Bucky shook his head, thinking Steve didn’t believe him. “She used to hit TJ, too. And . . . and she killed Dad.”

“Stop, Bucky,” Steve said again.

Shutting his mouth, Bucky shook his head, eyes wide. He turned and sprinted down a hall, not knowing where he was going, hand going over his mouth.

Going after Bucky, Steve said, “Buck, I believe you, that wasn’t it. You were getting lost in your head, baby.”

When he caught up with Bucky, the brunet hadn’t reached a bathroom in time. He fell to his knees on the floor about half down the hall and threw up, hand braced on the floor and entire body shaking.

Kneeling next to Bucky, Steve ran his hand up and down Bucky’s back, “it’s okay, baby. You’re okay.”

After a long time, Bucky leaned sideways against the wall, body shaking from weakness as well as stress. He whimpered. “Sorry . . . I’m . . . I’m gonna . . . clean . . .”

“Don’t worry about it,” Steve assured his lover.

“I know where she is,” Bucky whispered. “I . . .” he shuddered, “she wrote to me when I got into MIT. I never even told Tony, Stevie. No one knows but you and me and Mom.” Bucky shook his head and looked queasy.

“Knows about what, love? That she wrote you when you went to MIT?” Steve frowned softly, having a hard time keeping up.

“Yeah. The envelope was marked from a psych hospital,” Bucky lifted miserable pale blue eyes.

“What’d she say?” Steve asked, knowing Bucky must want to talk about it if he brought it up.

“She said that when she got out, she’d find me and kill me, like she did Dad. She said it was easy with a pillow because no one heard her, even Jack in the next room.” Bucky sobbed a bit and covered his mouth again. “I think Jack didn’t know she hated me.”

“You should tell him, Bucky,” Steve said softly, “and if she’s threatening you, we need to go to the cops. Make sure she can’t write you again.”

“I was sixteen when I got that letter, Steve. I never heard from her again. But I did check the place out. It’s for the criminally insane.” Bucky still sagged against the wall in front of the puddle of sick.

“That’s where she’d be if she killed your father due to mental illness,” Steve nodded.

Narrowing his eyes, Bucky asked softly, “you knew, didn’t you? You already knew. It’s why you’re so calm, not shocked at all that my Mom killed my Dad and wanted to kill me.”

Furrowing his brows, Steve shook his head, “I had no idea, Buck. But, it takes a lot to get me frazzled . . . and I always suspected that she may not be well.”

Slowly, paling even more, Bucky whispered, “you’re here for me, aren’t you?” He didn’t sound hopeful, more like worried.

“I’m your boyfriend, Buck, I’d never hurt you,” Steve assured his lover.

“The Army . . . they’re looking for me again? They didn’t get enough blood when I blew half my body away, they had to send my best friend to bring me in?” Bucky’s eyes had unfocused and he sounded more and more terrified.

“I’m not in the military anymore, Buck, I didn’t re-enlist. I work for Clint and Nat now, remember?” Steve didn’t touch Bucky yet, waiting for the man to calm down before touching him.

Slowly, Bucky shook his head and whispered, “Tony warned me that they’d send someone, someone I trust. I always thought it’d be my old commander . . .”

“The government has no reason to go after you Bucky, none at all. They got other things to be worrying about,” Steve tried to reassure his lover, “way more important targets.”

"More important targets," Bucky repeated then slowly nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense. Not like I knew anything special, right? Not even a very high rank, just a Sergeant." The tremor in his voice and body began to ease, though he looked easily spooked still.

“Exactly,” Steve nodded.

“Sorry, Stevie . . . for questioning you?” Bucky looked at Steve. “I . . . I’m not used to getting this lucky: handsome and nice wrapped into familiar and safe.”

“That’s okay,” Steve nodded again, giving Bucky a small smile, “I love you, Buck.”

Smiling softly at the sweet comment, Bucky met Steve’s eyes. “I love you, Stevie. Always have.” He looked down at the floor. “Gotta clean this up . . .” Bucky started pushing up off the floor.

Waving dismissively, Steve scooped up the rug that Bucky had thrown up on, “you have great aim, Buck. Only on the rug,” Steve shot a grin to his lover.

“Yeah, like a puppy that way, only the prized Aubusson carpet,” Bucky tried to joke, offering Steve a worried smile, gratitude in his eyes.

After taking care of the rug and putting it in the washing machine, Steve looked back at Bucky, “thirsty at all? Want some Sprite? Or tea?”

“Yeah, think that might help my stomach settle a bit.” Bucky pushed up to standing, leaning heavily on the wall. “Feel like a steamroller ran through my mouth twice.”

Nodding, Steve helped Bucky to the kitchen and then settled him on the stool. He grabbed a can of the soda from the fridge and handed it over to Bucky.

Eyeing the label, Bucky lifted his eyes. “Comes complete with ginger ale and everything? My God, you’re a fucking prince! How’d I get so lucky?” He offered a smile and began drinking some soda, slowly.

Snorting, Steve nodded, “comes with having an eight year old. Gotta be prepared for anything. Habits are hard to break, ya know?”

“Yeah,” Bucky sighed and sipped again. Finally, he met Steve’s eyes. “It’s okay if you don’t want me to meet her until I’m saner. I know I’m a mess. Sometimes I know it better than others, even.”

“Well, she’s not coming out until July, Buck, we got a few months before we hafta start worrying about that, okay?” Steve poured himself a glass of juice and moved to lean against the counter across from Bucky. “But, I want you to meet her, Bucky. But, we’ll take everything one day at a time.”

Nodding, Bucky straightened, feeling more in control, including of his heaving stomach. “You really meant it, what you said?”

“That I love you? Of course I meant it,” Steve nodded, giving Bucky a grin.

Chuckling, Bucky shook his head, “no, about believing me about Mom.”

“Why would you lie about that? I’m sorry you were abused as a child, Buck, that no one saw what she was doing to you,” Steve sighed softly, running his fingers through short hair.

Bucky sipped his soda again and softly said, “TJ would lie all the time to try to take my beatings for me.”

“Did he? Take your beatings, I mean,” Steve asked, meeting Bucky’s eyes.

“As often as he could convince Mom that he did whatever she accused me of doing,” Bucky nodded. “He always felt like he needed to protect me, Stevie, and I’m not sure why he felt that way. I was just as sturdy, if not more, and I could take a beating just as good. Why’d he sacrifice himself over and over like some goddamned martyr?”

“He loves you? And, that’s how he felt he could show his love?” Steve offered with a soft frown.

“Made me feel more guilty, like I was forcing him to be hurt,” Bucky whimpered slightly.

“Well, we do weird things for the one’s we love, Bucky, and it doesn’t always make sense,” Steve said.

“We do?” Bucky blinked and slowly stood. He asked, “what kinda weird?” as he slowly approached Steve, like a stalking feline.

“Uh . . . all sorts of weird things?” Steve said, watching Bucky.

“So, if I do something weird, you’ll tell me if it’s not love but something really twisted, right?” Bucky leaned into Steve, breath caressing the blond’s neck before Bucky pulled back, making a face. “Ugh, need toothbrush,” he complained and turned back towards the hallway. “Where’s the bathroom?”

“Upstairs,” Steve called, “well, the bathroom with all the extra toiletries in it.”

“You own an entire house and there’s no downstairs bathroom?” Bucky laughed. “What are you? Old fashioned?”

“No, there’s one downstairs,” Steve laughed and then repeated, “just the one with all the extra toiletries is upstairs.”

“So, using your toothbrush too weird then” Bucky continued to chuckle as he began to climb the stairs. As he did, he slowed more and more before stopping about three-quarters of the way up. Very softly, as if afraid to be overheard, Bucky asked, “Steve? You live . . . alone maybe?”

“Just me,” Steve confirmed, walking up the stairs.

“Oh . . . okay . . . so,” swallowing, Bucky remained on that step, eyes shifting to try to take in the entire second floor, “no one would . . . be waiting up here or hiding, maybe?”

“Nope,” Steve answered readily, “nobody up here. Well, aside from me now,” the blond looked down at Bucky.

“Can . . .” Bucky flushed lightly, “can you check?”

“Of course,” Steve agreed and then disappeared.

Feeling relief that Steve’s didn’t call out in a patronizing way, demonstrating the emptiness of the place, but took his worries seriously enough to really check, Bucky made it to the top of the steps, watching Steve as he moved around, looking in rooms and closets. Finally, when Steve turned back to him, Bucky launched himself at his lover, “thank you, Stevie!”

“Anytime, love,” Steve hugged his lover, kissing his temple.

“You really don’t think I’m too . . . afraid? Like a coward because I get . . . nervous in a place I haven’t been?” Bucky lifted his face for another kiss.

Kissing Bucky again, Steve smiled, “not at all, love. Plenty of people get nervous in new places.”

Sighing, Bucky lay his cheek on Steve’s shoulder, “bet you’re never afraid.”

“Not a huge fan of open water,” Steve said softly, in Bucky’s ear; the brunet could hear the real fear in his words.

Nodding, Bucky said, “I’m not afraid of that. I can help you there, Stevie, if it ever happens.” He smiled gently at Steve, pride in his eyes that he had something to offer, no matter how obscure it seemed while safe in Steve’s house.

“I’d like that,” Steve nodded, kissing Bucky’s temple again.

“Hey, Steve?” Bucky asked, continuing in his soft manner, the voice he used when trying to communicate things that worried him.

“Yeah, Buck?” Steve looked at his lover.

“I love you and you love me . . . so, you’ll let me know when’s the next time you feel like sex?” Bucky met his eyes, so long used to rare touches from his boyfriend he hadn’t even realized he’d been trained not to expect much physical contact, despite how open he was for such.

“Yes, but I expect the same from you, too, Bucky. It’s a two-way street,” Steve caressed Bucky’s cheek, “you’ll have to let me know when you’re in the mood. I love making love to you.”

Nodding, Bucky said, “not right now? I’m getting hungry . . . do you still make scrambled eggs on toast?” He referred to a _‘specialty’_ of Steve’s from when they were ten.

“I make the _best_ scrambled eggs in the whole world,” Steve laughed, kissing Bucky’s forehead, “at least according to Sharon.”

“And toast?” Bucky prompted, smiling wider, relaxing even more noticeably. He had no problem with Steve’s daughter, at least not yet. He hoped he’d be as open and calm when he finally met the kid.

“You can be the judge of that,” Steve grinned and took Bucky’s hand.

“Toothbrush first,” Bucky ordered firmly.

Letting go of Bucky’s hand, Steve nodded, “third door on the right. First drawer on the left. All the unopened toiletries are your’s to use.”

Bucky nodded and headed into the bathroom to clean himself up, thankful that Steve really was as understanding as he’d always been . . . as kind as Sarah Rogers had always been. Bucky had always adored Steve’s mother; he’d just never told anyone why. Compared to his own mother? Sarah had been a freakin’ angel!

**************

Johnny sighed and twisted the knob to the door of his new apartment. He stepped inside, glad to be home again. The latest testing was being held up in continual back and forth design changes, frustrating the test pilot thoroughly. He wanted to fly, not hash out minor design preferences that had nothing to do with performance.

Blinking at the darkened rooms, despite it being mid-afternoon, Johnny wondered if TJ was feeling sick. He shut and locked the door, dumping his keys, wallet, and phone in the bowl by the front door. Stepping out of his shoes and into slippers, Johnny walked towards the living room, “Teej? Sweetheart?” he called softly.

TJ wasn’t in the living room, though there were music sheets scattered all over the floor, like someone had swiped the pages off the coffee table.

Worried, knowing TJ took very special care of his music, Johnny knelt down and began picking up the sheets, putting them in a stack he knew was going to prove out of order. Setting the pages down on the table, checking to make sure no fan was blowing to cause the disarray, Johnny moved down the hall towards the bedroom. “Teej? Love?” He opened the bedroom door and glanced in while passing then froze and moved back to the door. “TJ?”

The room was completely dark, the blinds pulled to block out any light, and there on the bed, TJ laid on his side, facing away from the door. “Go away,” TJ grumbled, not turning to look at his husband.

“Not well?” Johnny asked, stepping in despite the order. “Want a cool cloth?”

“I want you to go away,” TJ said, tone dripping with disdain.

Frowning, confused by his husband’s reaction when TJ had been so sweet that morning, Johnny walked over and sank onto the bed, behind TJ. He reached out and touched his husband’s shoulder. “Sweetheart?”

TJ pulled his shoulder from Johnny’s grip, “are you deaf?”

“No, I’m worried, though. What’s wrong, love?” Johnny asked gently, hand dropping to his side.

“You still being here after me asking you to leave,” TJ growled; Johnny could see the brunet’s hands were shaking slightly in the dim lighting.

“Sweetheart, are you sick? I’m worried about you. It’s dark in here at the middle of the day. Do you have a migraine?” Johnny reached out again.

TJ pushed Johnny’s hand away and rolled off the bed, “fine. If you won’t leave the room, I will.”

Johnny’s hand whipped out and he captured TJ’s wrist firmly, though not painfully. Voice turning just as firm, he said, “what’s wrong, TJ? Beside me being worried and trying to check on you. What’s wrong?”

“Ask fucking Alicia,” TJ wrenched his hand away and stormed from the room.

“Alicia who?” Johnny looked puzzled. He stood up and followed TJ. “What’re you talking about?”

“Like you don’t fucking know!” TJ threw his hands in the air; he whirled around, eyes red, showing that he’d been crying recently. “Stop fucking following me!”

“You’re not making much sense, TJ. What Alicia are you talking about and what’s she done to you?” Johnny crossed his arms, watching his husband, worried by the ravages of tears he noticed.

“Oh, she hasn’t done anything to me, but apparently she’s done plenty to you,” TJ growled and then made it to the guest room, slamming the door shut before Johnny could follow him in there.

Johnny got the door open before TJ could think to lock it. “Done stuff to me? Wait, are you talking about Alicia _Masters_?”

“Like I know the name of every whore you fucked,” TJ shouted.

Stunned, Johnny stiffened, eyes widening. “Whore? Alicia isn’t a whore, she’s a sculptor. And I only slept with her that one time, back in college. What’s this about? Did you stumble on my old address book or something? TJ, talk to me, Sweetheart.”

Pale eyes flashing, TJ looked around the room, noting that Johnny still stood in front of the only exit. “I wasn’t snooping! What do you take me for? I was minding my own fucking business!” TJ shouted again.

“I didn’t say you were snooping, love.” Johnny stepped a bit closer. “Tell me how you know Alicia and what happened between you to piss you off so much.”

“She fucking came here and asked if you were back in town! That she wanted to have some fun before you left!” TJ took a step back, away from Johnny.

Stunned, Johnny asked the first thing that came to mind, “how the hell did she get our address? I haven't seen her in years!”

“Forgetting who you give your address to?” TJ snarled.

It suddenly sunk in and Johnny’s mouth dropped open in shock. “You think I’m _cheating_ on you? My God, TJ, never! I gave our address to my family and work, that’s it! I haven't even gotten a chance to give it to my flying buddy, Ben, yet.”

“Then why’d she show up here expecting a nice morning lay, huh? She actually said I could join in, mighty nice of her, huh?” TJ’s voice was becoming angrier and more hostile with each passing moment.

“I have no idea. I have no idea how she even found me, let alone why she’d think I’d sleep with her after so many years . . . and when I’m married to the best damn guy in the world. Who the hell would pass on our address to some girl I met _once_?” Johnny shook his head, frowning, trying to puzzle things out. “Hell, who would have known I’d even spent a night with her? It’s not like I bragged names around or something.”

“Sure you don’t,” TJ’s hands shook more by his sides; he looked around the room again. “Then how does _everyone_ know you fuck around, Johnny? It’s not like some secret!”

“No, I never made a secret of dating someone, and I never flaunted names of those few I chose to sleep with. I may be addicted to sex, TJ, but I’ve always tried to be a gentleman about things.” Johnny frowned.

“ _Few_ ,” TJ snorted bitterly, “yeah, right.” The brunet moved towards the door, “let me out, Johnny.” 

“Yeah, few,” Johnny said, moving out of the way as ordered. “You might not believe me, but I spent more time with my own hand or some toys than with live lovers, TJ. I didn’t want anyone finding out what a _slut_ I am.” Johnny turned and headed for the kitchen, opening the fridge, angry that TJ would believe all those damn rumors from high school. It was like the little virgin the man made up sex rumors about to cover up the fact that they struck out and to punish her for holding out. Not that he was a virgin - - but he was far from campus bike.

TJ didn’t follow Johnny though a few minutes later loud crashes could be heard from the bedroom that Johnny had left him in.

Whirling around, Johnny left the fridge open and ran for the bedroom, worried TJ might hurt himself. He threw himself through the door, “Teej?”

The furniture in the room was completely tipped over, the few belongings they’d managed to put away in the guest room thrown all around; the mirror from the vanity was shattered though it didn’t appear that TJ had cut himself. The brunet was on his knees in the middle of the destruction, sobbing uncontrollably.

Sinking down next to TJ, Johnny slipped his arms around the other man, cuddling him close. Kissing TJ’s neck softly, Johnny whispered, “it’s okay, Sweetheart. We’ll figure this out. I promise, I’m not cheating on you, love. I never would. No need to. You’re all I ever . . .”

“Go away,” TJ wailed, pushing at Johnny’s strong chest.

No letting go, sensing TJ needed him but was pushing away in hurt and anger, Johnny continued to cuddle, but he did stop kissing, just in case. He didn’t want TJ to feel forced. “Sweetheart, even if you don’t believe me, I love you. I can’t help love you. You’re perfect, everything I always dreamed of in a perfect husband, love.”

The fight seemed to seep out of the brunet as he slumped against Johnny; still sobbing, TJ clutched at his husband’s shirt. “D - - don’t say it . . . don’t say it . . . please,” TJ’s breath hitched in his throat.

“TJ, I _do_ love you, and I will never leave you unless _you_ send me away.” Johnny lifted TJ’s face with one hand under his chin. “I want no one else, man or woman, just you, my beautiful, sensitive, gifted husband.” Johnny lightly brushed his lips over TJ’s.

TJ didn’t say anything for a long time, simply clutched desperately at Johnny’s shirt until the sobs faded into hiccups. “S - - sorry . . .I . . .”

Shaking his head, Johnny smiled, “TJ, love, it’s okay. This is such a new marriage and you never thought we’d be together before that, of course you’re going to have doubts. But, I promise, I’m not cheating on you. I’ve only slept with seven women and three men in all these years, and none of them twice. I know, I’ve been a miserable sex fiend.” Nuzzling TJ’s neck, Johnny whispered, “until now that is. All I wanna do is stay with you, in you, forever.”

“I - - I’m a . . . mess,” TJ gasped softly.

Nodding, smiling still, Johnny agreed, “yup, my beautiful mess.” He kissed the tip of TJ’s nose happily. “But I can make you messier . . .”

Sniffling, TJ pulled away so he could look at Johnny; he nodded, biting at his bottom lip. He noted his husband’s serious appearance, the interested gleam in Johnny’s eyes. Looking down at his rumpled, too-large sleep shirt and baggy sweats, TJ rubbed at his eyes, “not . . . not pretty, right now.”

"God, Teej," Johnny moaned softly, leaning in to nip lightly at his husband's neck, "you are so damn hot I wanna knock you up. Let's get naked and have sex."

“But . . . I’m all snotty and gross,” TJ said, though his body began to react to Johnny’s nips.

“Good, I always wanted to do you in the shower. Let’s go get naked and _wet_ and have sex, Sweetheart. I’m gonna get you so fat with child, you won’t even walk straight.” Johnny’s voice took on a needy groan as he nipped and licked at TJ’s neck and shoulder.

Mewling, TJ extended his neck, inviting his lover for more loving, “c - - can’t get pregnant, Johnny . . .”

“Oh yeah?” Johnny asked, breathless as his husband, “guess I’ll have to make love to you a lot to get past that barrier, huh? I won’t ever stop until you have my children . . . maybe half a dozen.”

Breath hitching, TJ let out a soft moan, “I - - I want that . . . fuck me . . . I . . . breed me . . . fuck . . .” TJ’s hips canted off the floor, cock pressing against the soft material of his sweats.

Johnny scooped up TJ into his strong arms and began nibbling towards the front of TJ’s throat. He carried his husband into the guest shower, leaving the doors open along the way, as if someone could see them if walking by, despite no one else having access to the apartment at the moment; Jack and David were out at their jobs. At the bathtub-shower combo, Johnny let TJ’s legs down carefully, continuing to suck and nip at the delectable skin of his husband’s throat.

“Think . . . think I’d be a good . . . mom, Johnny?” TJ clutched at Johnny’s back, cock fully aroused.

“You would be a hell of a mom, TJ. And I’m looking forward to watching you give birth,” he kissed TJ’s neck, “and breast feed,” he nipped hard then lapped, “and spread your legs for me again.” Johnny reached down and squeezed at TJ’s cock. “Let me show you how . . .”


	10. A Season Ends but Life Continues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNINGS: Reference severe child abuse and trauma, Assumptions without proof, Stalker behavior, Paranoia and Anxiety, Kink discussion**

After TJ had fallen deeper into sleep, Johnny reached over to pick up the phone. He felt alive, especially after four bouts of great sex with his husband, though he’d successfully distracted then exhausted TJ. Johnny knew he’d have to get up and clean up the bathroom . . . and the living room . . . and the guest room . . . but at the moment, lying in their bed with TJ wrapped around him, Johnny didn’t feel like erasing the signs of their spectacular loving. He instead called David’s phone. He knew Jack wasn’t allowed personal calls unless it was an emergency, but the vet clinic was a bit more lenient with David, and Johnny wanted to tell him about the latest problem to arise.

David answered the call after a few rings; the sounds of barking and the noise of a busy clinic could be heard. Luckily, David had gotten a job rather quickly in New York, one that paid a lot more than the small clinic back in DC. “Johnny? Everything okay?”

Not taking too much of David’s work time, Johnny jumped right to the point. “A girl I hooked up with once in college somehow tracked me down and confronted TJ, offering to let him join us for sex. I just spent the last hour or so convincing TJ I’m not cheating on him. We need to know how the hell, and why, she tracked me down and did that to him. My bet’s on Tony.”

“Tony?” David asked, moving into a quieter room; the sound of a door closing could be heard, “you think Tony sent an old flame of your’s to confront TJ?”

“David, I came home to find him a wreck, crying and angry enough to break glass . . . literally. It took all my honesty and love to convince him I’m not cheating. He’s sleeping it off now, but who else would have reason to want to hurt TJ like that? Tony hates him for stealing Bucky’s attention back, because Tony’s a selfish prick diva.”

“And not to mention the newly acquired nose job,” David sighed.

Johnny echoed the sigh, “yeah, that, too.”

“Was he sitting in a dark room, not wanting to talk to anyone when you got home?” David asked.

“Yeah, our bedroom in fact. Really mad when I tried to break through. Finally ran into your room to hide, but I wouldn’t let him. Kept worrying, privately, I might find him trying to jump or something. But he wasn’t suicidal that I could tell, just damned pissed and worried he wasn’t loved.” Johnny checked to make sure TJ wasn’t waking up or faking sleep.

“Look, Johnny,” David lowered his voice, “Jack doesn’t want to accept it, with all the problems with Bucky, but, I’ve been thinking that what’s going on with TJ is more than repercussions from a nasty breakup. I think he may be clinically depressed and what you just witnessed was one of his episodes. He gets them if he gets too stressed out.”

“Wait, Jack thinks this is leftovers from Sean? My God, David, this is classic clinical depression!” Johnny stroked TJ carefully on the shoulder and down the arm, keeping his voice quiet even as he emphasised his distress by tone.

“I know, but every time I bring it up to Jack, he either changes the subject or states that TJ’s getting better,” David explained.

“And if he stays depressed . . . how long’s it usually last?” Johnny thought about ways he might convince TJ to talk to Helen Cho some more without giving him the impression that Johnny thought he couldn’t take care of himself.

“Can be anywhere from a few hours . . . the longest one was nearly a week back in DC,” David answered.

“And he gets this what? At least once a month or more?” Johnny asked, noting the unusual pattern of the very short duration, but all cases were different and the regularity would unfortunately counteract the short time spans.

“With how stressed he’s been, yeah, about that,” David confirmed with a sigh, “what scares me the most, though, is when he starts acting like nothing bothers him. That . . . that’s what he was acting like before . . . ya know,” David stated, sounding a little worried.

“Got it,” Johnny answered, “lots of cuddles and show how much I love him, don’t hide it. Great advise,” Johnny didn’t know how long his husband would sleep, but he didn’t want to risk TJ thinking Johnny was questioning his sanity or self-care abilities. “Look, David, I gotta get a nap. Kind of . . . wore us out? See ya soon.”

“Yeah, I’m off in two hours, picking up Jack on my way home,” David answered.

“See ya both then,” Johnny said. “Bye.” He hung up his phone without waiting for a response and once again checked TJ’s responses. Satisfied the other man was still genuinely asleep, Johnny slipped his phone to the nightstand and stretched out, wrapping his arms securely around TJ. He nuzzled the man’s sweat-sheened neck and sighed in happiness, his cock aching from the extra good lovings he’d been able to give his husband. He loved it when he felt this fulfilled.

**************

Almost three hours passed before David finally unlocked the apartment door; Johnny and TJ had given them a key to use. The blond walked into the apartment and froze; he could literally smell the sex that Johnny had referred to in their earlier call.

Jack walked in, past David, and wrinkled his nose. “What the hell?” He strode to a window and threw it wide open. Turning, he noted the couch, with a throw blanket spread over it, messy with the aftermath of sex. “My God, really?”

“They’re newlyweds?” David offered Jack a small smile; he’d told Jack on the way over that TJ had suffered another episode and Johnny had . . . worn the younger man out.

Flushing at the memory of their own first two or three months, Jack nodded. “Yeah, but they have guests, you know?” He headed towards their guest bedroom so he could change, halting and staring in horror. “David . . . Johnny say it was this bad?”

Walking over, David looked wide eyed at the absolute destruction in the guest bedroom, “Uh . . . no, just said something about glass being broken. TJ . . . he really got angry, huh?”

"Yeah," Jack's voice softened in worry. "Think maybe Dr. Cho will talk to him? Help him get over Sean?"

“Jack,” David softened his voice, “this is more than Sean, and you know it.”

Hugging himself, Jack nodded, silent, unable to voice the agreement he was being forced to accept. Softly, he said, “still think she’ll help him? I don’t want him locked up as violent, Davey.”

“There’s no reason to lock him up,” David shook his head, walking into the room to begin righting the tipped over furniture, “so, he knocked down a few things. He’s never hurt anyone, aside from Tony, but anyone woulda punched that asshole after what he’d said.”

Jack went for the broom and dustbin so he could carefully clean up the glass, staying in the thick cloth suit so he could protect his knees when kneeling. “Think Bucky’s okay right now?” he asked, worried about his other brother suddenly. It almost seemed that both twins lost it at the same time, even when separate.

“Steve’s got him at his place,” David nodded, picking up some of their clothes that had been thrown from the drawers, “even took today off so they could hang out together.”

Looking up, Jack asked, “David? Am I normal? I hear the crazy people are the only ones who think they’re sane . . .”

“Jack,” David moved over to his husband, cupping his face, “you’re not crazy, okay? Protective of your little brothers, yes, but not crazy.”

“Both of them get this way, David. And so did Mom. I keep expecting to open my eyes and find out I’m just as . . . unstable, just as dangerous or paranoid or whatever.” Jack watched David’s face, worry in his pale blue eyes.

“You think Bucky or TJ are dangerous?” David asked, his voice barely a whisper, not tearing his eyes away from Jack’s.

“I think if pushed enough they can be, David,” Jack whispered.

David leaned forward and kissed Jack’s lips, “well, hopefully with Bucky away from Stark, we’ll be able to help him stabilize with the right medication. TJ, we need to gently push him towards counseling, his depression isn’t getting any better.”

Nodding, finally letting himself accept the inevitable, Jack said, “Okay, David, okay. TJ needs help. More than I can give him. Johnny can only use sex for so long, I think. I’ve never known TJ to be too wrapped up in sex, just music.”

“I don’t know,” David drawled with a soft chuckle, “they destroyed literally every surface in this apartment. Maybe . . . maybe that’s what TJ needed? Someone to get him out of his head?”

“I think if Johnny can keep giving TJ what he needs, we need to do some apartment hunting,” Jack sighed.

“Yeah, not living at Stark Tower,” David agreed, “hey, we should see if there’s another apartment in this building for rent? That way we’re still close but each couple has their privacy?”

Nodding, Jack sighed and disposed of the glass, careful not to spill. He rechecked the area then put away the broom and dustpan. “I’ll do dinner if you want to start checking on the listings?” He blinked around at the still disorganized room.

“Sure,” David nodded, putting away the last of the clothes though there were some various items thrown around. “Hopefully Johnny’ll wake up soon to clean up the couch,” the blond laughed softly, heading towards the living room.

Jack looked over at the couch and rolled his eyes at David's avoidance. He walked over, carefully folded the blanket so he didn’t have to touch the mess, and carried it to the laundry. Calling out, voice amused, Jack said, “all cleaned, you big baby.”

“My hero,” David cooed, flopping down on the couch with a laptop in his hands.

Huffing, Jack dropped a kiss on David’s curls then turned and began trying to find everything he wanted for dinner. “At least they left this room fairly clean,” he commented, though he still opened a window to allow a breeze to clear the heavy musk in the apartment.

“You check the counters?” David called back to his husband, “I remember how much you liked counters . . .”

“Hey!” Jack called, trying to cut of David, “none of that, washing machine hound! Doing laundry, my ass!”

“And you fell for it every time!” David laughed, amusement and love in his tone. “And I recall you liking them just as much as me, so, shut it!”

Chuckling, Jack began washing counters, just in case. He finished and started prepping the meat and vegetables, wondering just how long the other couple would remain sleeping, if he should include enough for them. Determining that he could always stir fry their share later, Jack prepped enough for all of them. “Any luck for this building, babe?”

“Actually,” David called back, “yeah, listing opened up just yesterday for an apartment just a few floors up. Already booked a viewing for tomorrow.”

“And the price range?” Jack asked, worried. He hadn’t yet been called into TOny’s office, but he wondered if the CEO could separate his argument with TJ from Jack’s employment record.

“We could afford it, even on just my salary if it came down to it, it’d be tight but we could definitely do it,” David answered.

Nodding, even though his husband was in the other room, Jack called, “good. That’ll work. Tony hasn’t said anything . . .”

“Fucking asshole,” David grumbled, pushing off the couch to make his way over to the kitchen. “Johnny thinks Tony sent that girl to upset TJ, like leaking the suicide story wasn’t enough.”

“You think Tony has that kind of intel on Johnny?” Jack paused, looking surprised. “Maybe she saw his marriage announcement in the society pages. His sister put the info in there, you know.”

“Just relaying what Johnny told me on the phone,” David shrugged, reaching over to grab a slice of carrot and begin munching at it. “But, I find it odd that both these things happen right after TJ breaks Tony’s nose?”

“Yeah,” Jack sighed and shook his head, beginning to stir fry his and David’s share of the vegetables and meat. He carefully kept the food at the edges of the wok, not letting it hit the central heat and burn. “Has Johnny called Cho?”

“Doubt it,” David stated, “he sounded pretty worn out on the phone, bet he’s been sleeping since he hung up.”

“So, we’ll need to make an appointment with Cho for TJ to discuss things, see if she thinks he’ll benefit from counseling? Maybe that’s the angle to take with him? Or you think another tact?” Jack looked to David, always valuing his husband’s wisdom.

“We just gotta take it slow with him,” David nodding, leaning against the counter, “if we push too hard, he’s gonna think he’s taking attention or whatever from Bucky. He won’t accept help if he thinks Bucky needs it more, ya know?”

“Well, that’s a step up from not accepting help at all,” Jack sighed. “David, has . . . has TJ ever said anything to you, about the family? More than I told you or the guys recently?”

“No? TJ doesn’t really talk about his time as a kid,” David answered, “why? You think some of his problems stem from his childhood?”

“I was older, not blind, David. I was the only kid that escaped being hit by Mom. Even if I tried, I wouldn’t get punished, so I stopped trying, not wanting them to take the brunt for me. I then started trying to stop the abuse, but I would be locked in my room for hours and unable to help them. Mom . . . Mom ruled that place with an iron belt strap, among other things.”

“She’s the reason for TJ’s eating problems, isn’t she?” David asked.

“Yeah, if he didn’t eat what was on his plate, he’d be force fed. If he threw up?” Jack left that nauseating idea hanging.

Shaking his head, David rubbed the back of his neck, “what else happened to those two?”

Looking sick, Jack slowly begin to fill David in on the details of childhood in the Barnes household. He didn’t linger over details, they were too horrible, and he tried not to get too graphic, but by the time he fell silent and they had been served and consumed their food then cleaned up, it became apparent that Winifred Barnes had been more than just a delusional schizophrenic: she had been downright psychotic. And most of the trauma Bucky and TJ suffered they must have locked away, only now slowly remembering and retraumatizing all over.

**************

TJ paced behind stage, his fingers moving rapidly through the songs he would play for the last concert of his spring season. Despite the story of his recent suicide attempt, the large theater in Philadelphia was completely full, a sold out showing. Luckily, everyone, even Bucky and Steve, had managed to make it to this concert.

Looking in the mirror, TJ fixed a curl that had fallen out of place, his mother’s voice ringing in his ears, _’perfection, Thomas. Not a hair out of place. No one will listen to a slob.’_ Releasing a deep breath, TJ shook out his hands, and looked in the mirror again. _Perfection, Thomas._

A knock on the door to the small dressing room caught TJ’s attention. He moved towards the door and pulled it open; a man in a delivery uniform stood there, another expensive bouquet of lavender roses in his hands. “A delivery for a Mr. Thomas . . . Storm?” The man asked.

“That’s me,” TJ nodded, taking the sweet smelling flowers, this time fresh, not at all wilted. Signing for the delivery, TJ thanked the man and turned back into the room to set the flowers on the counter on the vanity. Picking up the card, TJ read the same neat writing as before, _‘for TJ. Good luck tonight,’_ flipping the card over, the brunet frowned again when there was no name as the sender. Cursing himself for not asking the delivery man, TJ placed the card back in the little stand. It was probably just Johnny, wanting to surprise him, TJ had forgotten to ask his husband when he’d returned to New York.

Soon, it was time to perform, and TJ found himself lost in the music he played. He’d never gotten stage fright; once he started playing, it was as if everyone else in the room didn’t exist. All his worries and fears faded away with each beautiful note, transporting him to another world. When the concert ended, TJ gave his usual bow before making his way backstage to wait for the rest of his party in his dressing room.

Drinking from a bottle of water, TJ found himself looking at the lavender roses once more, thinking not for the first time, how odd a color they were.

The door opened without even a knock and Jack walked in, smiling widely. “My God, TJ, you play like an angel!” He walked over to hug his brother close.

“Thanks, Jackie,” TJ grinned, hugging his brother in return, making sure to hold the opened bottle of water so none of it would spill on Jack, “I was able to sneak in that new song after all. Was it okay?”

“It was lovely,” Jack assured TJ. “And I think David’s still crying.” He turned towards the open door to smile at his husband.

“Just a little,” David grinned, moving to give TJ a hug of his own, “you always look so happy up there!”

“Yeah,” TJ flushed, capping the water and placing the bottle by the bouquet, “playing soothes me. Always has. Johnny coming back here, or are we meeting in the foyer?”

“Johnny’s out in the foyer, waylaid by some of the investors in his newest project. Seems pretty annoyed, too,” Jack reported, stroking a rose. “Unusual color. Pretty. From Johnny?”

“I’m guessing, no name again, same color as the one’s from DC,” TJ reported, looking at the flowers.

“Well, who else would expect you to _know_ who they’re from, unless you have a mystery admirer,” Jack said. He smiled and hugged TJ again. “Bucky’s here,” he whispered. “For the first time, he actually sat near us for awhile before going back stage. I think he’s used to watching from back there.”

Nodding, TJ gave a small smile, “did he say if he’s coming to the restaurant with us? Or is he and Steve heading back to New York?” Bucky had been staying at Steve’s place for the last week and a half, and TJ had offered to put them up in a hotel in Philly for the night, like the others, but Bucky politely declined, saying he’d feel more comfortable sleeping at Steve’s.

“Yeah, he said he’d try,” Jack smiled. “Seems more relaxed this week, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah,” TJ smiled brighter, “he does. Steve and Dr. Cho’s new regiment are doing wonders for him.”

Nodding, Jack asked, casually, “TJ, ever think of going with Bucky, like Dr. Cho requested? I’ve been for my turn and it was pretty interesting.”

“It’s been a very busy week, Jack,” TJ laughed, heading over to the vanity to grab his wallet and phone, “maybe now that I’m not practicing for this concert I can find the time.” TJ left out the fact that he and Johnny had been having sex whenever they could, which had been taking up a lot of his free time.

“I know Bucky’ll appreciate it,” Jack said, smiling. He led TJ and David from the room and they were joined, almost stealthily, by Bucky not too far down the corridor.

Walking quickly to keep up, Bucky didn’t speak, just kept looking over his shoulder with a frown.

“Whatcha lookin’ at?” TJ asked softly, leaning closer to his twin, “someone bothering you, Bucky?”

“Not sure,” Bucky said softly. “I was in the john and some guy winked at me as I walked out. Asked if I was feeling as pretty as the music.” Bucky shook his head. “I told him to fuck off.”

“Huh,” TJ frowned softly, “that is weird. Sure it was nothing but meaningless flirting, you are a pretty guy,” TJ gave his twin a playful wink, bumping his shoulder.

“Feels odd to be in the arm again,” Bucky grumbled, looking down at his tuxedo, complete with white gloves to hide the metal of his prosthetic that he’d finally given into wearing again. He had gone through a few days thinking Tony had bugged the arm but, off the meds for a while, had finally allowed Steve to convince him to take it back. Tony had been stand-offish and bratty but had allowed it. “Not as pretty as you, TJ. I’m a bit beefier from all the workouts I've done.”

“Hey,” TJ teased, bumping again, “I work out _all_ the time! I have impressive stamina, thank you very much.”

“You do _now_ ,” Bucky teased, wicked gleam in his eyes. He didn’t feel as worried or anxious around his brothers after a week and a half with Steve. He also privately wished he could bring himself to ask Steve to repeat that night in Vegas.

“Hell yeah I do,” TJ winked, a sly smirk on his lips, “Johnny’s a fucking beast, let me tell you. We set a record last night.”

Chuckling, Bucky said, “I’m torn between _T.M.I._ and begging for all the juicy details.”

“I’ll stick with _T.M.I._ ,” Jack quipped from behind them.

Laughing, TJ nodded and looked over his shoulder, “sorry, Jackie. How’s the new apartment treating you and David?”

“Well,” David teased, “it stays cleaner longer, mysteriously.”

“I wonder why?” TJ mused out loud, though he smiled wickedly. Leaning closer to Bucky, TJ whispered, “there’s actually something . . . I wanted to talk to you about?”

Nodding, Bucky smiled at his twin. “Wanna talk in private or at the restaurant?”

“Private, I think Jack might pass out if he hears,” TJ kept his voice a low whisper. Looking back at Jack and David, “hey, Bucky and I will drive to the restaurant together. We need twin time, we haven’t got nearly enough. Tell Johnny and Steve, yeah?”

“Sure,” Jack laughed and waved them off, grinning at David. “But if you’re late, you get stuck with whatever I can manage to order for you.”

Linking his arm through Bucky’s right, TJ nodded to the terms, “yup. See you guys there!”

“But what if he orders giant flaming hog balls?” Bucky asked, eyes opened wide in mock innocence, referencing a 1990’s spy comedy.

Snorting, TJ guided Bucky out of the theater, managing to avoid the fans as he made his way to his car. TJ unlocked the vehicle and slipped behind the wheel, waiting for his brother to get into the car.

Bucky frowned and looked nervously at the car but forced himself into the vehicle. He immediately shut and locked the door, taking deep breaths and looking around with wide eyes, reassuring himself that no one lurked in the car to harm them.

“So,” TJ started off, not turning on the car just yet; he looked at Bucky and frowned softly, “hey, Buck? You alright?”

Nodding, Bucky said, “just have trouble in new places. Never been in your car before.” He continued drawing steadying breaths, counting and using letters for alternating breaths to distract himself. Finally, he eased back into the seat and fastened his belt. “Got it.” His voice sounded steadier.

TJ nodded, buckling himself in, “so . . . um . . . I wanna start being honest with each other? You know, so nothing comes up and shocks the other?”

Nodding, Bucky looked at TJ. “I like that idea, Teej. We used to share everything.”

“Yeah . . . and I . . . God, you’re probably gonna think I’m disgusting . . .” TJ put his head on the steering wheel, still holding off on starting the car.

“Why? You begun fucking dead bodies yet? I seem to recall that was where I draw the line, even told you so,” Bucky said, frowning in worry.

“No?” TJ peeked over at Bucky, chewing his bottom lip, “I . . . uh . . . you know what . . . kink is, right?”

“Yup, means someone likes something outside what most people think is normal, gets them sexually high, like shoes or being tied up.” Bucky seemed to relax completely suddenly at the sex topic. “But, like I said, necro-kink is out, TJ.”

“It’s not that,” TJ sat up straight again, tapping the wheel anxiously.

“Well, anything else is fair game. What’s the problem? Need help finding a supply store or instructionals?” Bucky smiled encouragingly at his twin.

“No,” TJ flushed bright red, “but . . . Johnny and I . . . well, he started something, I don’t think he meant for it to turn me on so much . . . but it did? And . . . well, we’ve been playing with it?”

“Sounds good. Didn’t turn him off to find out you share a kink, did it? I mean, it wasn’t like a fake kink for him and now he regrets starting you on it?” Bucky watched TJ, studying his reactions.

“I don’t think so?” TJ looked worried all of a sudden, “he seems like he enjoys it as much as I do?”

Nodding, Bucky said, “okay, so, you both found common ground in the bedroom, or as Jack hints, all over the apartment. So . . . you wanted to share your sex fantasies with me? TJ, babe, I love you with half my soul, but that’s weird even for us. You sure you want me to start telling you sex stories?”

“I guess it is weird, huh?” TJ sighed, turning the key to start the engine.

“Only if you’re trying to involve me in your sex kinks. However,” Bucky suddenly reached out and touched TJ’s hand, “if you’re looking for advice or help, I’m all here.”

“I don’t want to involve you in it . . . I just . . .” TJ sighed and ran his hand through his perfectly styled hair, “I need to tell someone? And, I really don’t think Jack wants to know?”

Bucky nodded, looking thoughtful. He slowly said, “I get off on fur.”

Looking over at his twin, TJ’s eyebrows rose, “fur? Like . . . animal fur? So . . . blankets and stuff?”

“Yeah, but not on an animal. More like in clothes form or blanket? Somehow my brain knows the difference between animal kink and not living fur? But, the first time I mastrbated I was hiding in the closet, trapped and hearing Mom and Dad . . . I was pretty much enveloped in Mom’s damn coat, and I loved it. I . . . I felt great. Never can get off just the same when there’s no fur involved.” Bucky flushed. “Haven’t told Steve yet. Don’t want him to get it wrong and think I want to dress like those furries and get into a puppy pile or anything.”

Flushing even brighter, TJ nodded, “well, if you explain it to him like you did me, I don’t think he’ll get that impression.” Taking a deep breath, TJ finally blurted, “I think I have a pregnancy kink.” TJ blushed deeper, eyes falling from Bucky’s face to look at his hands which gripped the wheel tightly.

“So you want to be pregnant?” Bucky asked, tone curious and interested. “That’d be . . . cool, I think. Being able to carry and nurture a baby for your husband. Or, is it Johnny you wanna get pregnant?”

“I mean . . . I know I can never actually get pregnant, but . . . I like it when Johnny says he’ll get me pregnant? That we’ll have a litter . . .” TJ swallowed thickly, looking down.

Straightening, Bucky grinned suddenly, “you into werewolf kink or Alpha-Omega kink, too, TJ?”

“Alpha-Omega? What’s that? I don’t think . . . I don’t think it’s werewolf . . .” TJ looked at Bucky, cheeks flushed.

“It’s where one part of the couple is the master and protector, but not in a slave kinda way, more like pack animals are. And the other is the breeder and basically the helpmate. It began with werewolf fans and grew from there.” Bucky took TJ’s hand and kissed the wrist, but it wasn’t sexual when he did it. “Omega males in literature can get pregnant and have kids.”

“Oh . . .” TJ bit at his bottom lip, “that . . . that actually sounds really nice? Like . . . like what I like?”

“Yeah, I love Omegaverse stories,” Bucky nodded, “hey, maybe you and Johnny can explore some of it together, even get new bedroom names and words for each other? Call him your Alpha, he call you his Omega, you know?” Sighing, Bucky shook his head, “sounds like you both like a pretty common kink.”

Breathing in relief, TJ began to pull out of the spot, heading towards the restaurant.

“Omegas are often depicted as being sexy and alluring, TJ, even to wearing lingerie or perfume or makeup. Kind of transgender in a way beyond human transgender, I think.” Bucky smiled, “but the original werewolf kink . . .you know, fur and knotted cocks and stuff? Ummm . . . think that’s more my fantasy.”

“Lingerie?” TJ glanced over at his brother, before returning to the road, “and yeah, fur’s not really my thing. I really like that Johnny keeps himself . . . shaved?”

Glancing at TJ, Bucky grinned, “Johnny manscapes?”

“He takes pride in grooming his body,” TJ replied, licking his lips, “hey, you think Johnny would like me in lingerie? Or is that too weird?”

Slowly, Bucky nodded, “you’d look super hot in lingerie, TJ. I think Johnny’ll pop right there. And there’s no shame in manscaping. I used to before I lost the arm and have trouble holding a razor with my right. Don’t wanna risk it, you know?”

“Maybe Steve’ll help?” TJ suggested, easing into the busy Philadelphia traffic.

“Ask Steve to shave me?” Bucky blinked then flushed bright red, as if a switch had been thrown. “Maroon,” he suddenly said. “You’d look hot in maroon.”

“Maroon?” TJ peered over at Bucky, chewing at his bottom lip, “you think?”

“Yeah, Steve always tells me my maroon henley makes my eyes pop,” Bucky responded, turning to look out the window.

“I like maroon,” TJ nodded, tapping the steering wheel as they hit a red light, “Johnny keeps saying things about soft pink, too.”

“Avoid lavender,” Bucky said. “Don’t like that color.”

“Lavender . . .” TJ frowned, “hey, if you were to send Steve flowers, would you put your name on the card?”

“Depends on my mood, I guess. Might sign it with a nickname or pet name, too, or something like _‘guess sexy’_.” Bucky turned a smile on TJ. “Gonna send Johny flowers then meet him wearing pink lingerie?”

“I got another one for those bouquets tonight before the show,” TJ looked at his twin and then back on the road.

Bucky shook his head. “The creepy ones in lavender? Johnny needs to choose a better color. I tried looking up the meaning of lavender roses and couldn’t find _anything_.”

“But, see, this is where it gets weird,” TJ said, shaking his head, “Johnny said he’d send me flowers that match the color that I blush. I know for a fact that’s not lavender.”

“Maybe he saw them and thought they were prettier than blush pink? Maybe he likes unusual and creepy?” Bucky asked.

“Maybe,” TJ agreed with a nod, “just seems a bit odd? And then not to say anything about it? Not a _‘hey, like my surprise?’_ Nothing? Isn’t that weird?”

“Think maybe they were meant for someone else?” Bucky asked.

“No,” TJ shook his head, “they were addressed to me, just no name for the sender.”

Bucky nodded and hazarded another guess. “Think maybe it was a stage hand or someone that’s part of the show . . . or your manager? Nick doesn’t like being considered mushy.

TJ snorted, “I don’t think Nick’s ever picked up a flower once in his life!” The brunet pulled into the restaurant’s parking lot, finding a spot after a minute of searching. “Could be a stage hand, I suppose.”

“Or Johnny’s just in a hurry and forgets to sign his name, and since you’re giving him regular sex, he thinks that’s part of your thank you?” Bucky offered a smile, eyes worried.

“Yeah, you’re probably right, I’m worrying over nothing. It’s probably just Johnny,” TJ nodded and turned off the engine. “Thanks for listening to me, Buck, and I’m gonna take your advice and get something - -”

“And get a toy that knots?” Bucky teased.

Snorting, TJ shook his head, “God, I love you, Bucky. I missed you so goddamned much.”

Bucky leaned over and hugged TJ then let himself from the car, smiling. “Love you more, brother dear,” he said. As they walked in and found their table, Bucky’s voice was just loud enough for his own party to hear, “oh, no, we’re late. Think they ordered us the flaming hog balls again?” He’d been so busy teasing TJ, he forgot to be nervous in the crowded restaurant.

Steve offered his lover a large smile, “heya, Buck, TJ, how was twin time?” He stood up to kiss Bucky’s lips.

“Depends,” Bucky said, smiling into the kiss and lifting his right hand to encircle the back of Steve’s neck.

“On what?” Steve asked.

Bucky answered, “well, depends on if you ordered the flaming hog balls. If you didn’t, then twin time was superb and long needed. If you did, though, twin time sucked and I’m gonna need steak and ice cream instead to cheer me up.”

“Well, lucky for you, they were fresh out of flaming hog balls. We actually didn’t get here much before - -”

Johnny interrupted Steve, “so we ordered balls on ice instead.”

Steve looked at Johnny. Bucky snickered.

“Well, damn,” TJ cursed, sitting down next to Johnny, “hey, heard ya got held up by some business guys? Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Johnny shook his head, “dumbasses thought they could stop me at a concert to discuss business? Idiots. By the time I got it into their heads that they were being cultural dickheads, you’d already pulled your twin off for special non-spouse bonding time, so I hitched a ride with Steve so we could order ice nuts for you guys.” Johnny leaned over and picked up TJ’s hand, kissing his fingers then palm and smiling into his eyes. “Mine,” he said, softly.

Flushing, remembering his talk with Bucky, TJ nodded, “yeah, we definitely gonna have a talk that I think you’ll thoroughly enjoy, Mr. Storm.”

“Is that so, Mr. Storm?” Johnny asked, kissing again.

“Yes,” TJ smiled into the kiss, “but I doubt Jack’ll want to hear it. So, how’d you like the concert, Johnny? Was it okay? Not too boring?”

“Magical,” Johnny sighed. “I felt . . . transported to so many lands, saw so many people.”

“That’s good,” TJ beamed, leaning his head on Johnny’s shoulder, “and now I get to be a lazy bum for two whole months!”

Chuckling, Johnny nodded. “Oh, I think I can up your exercise routine if you’d like,” he offered, sounding quite serious and straight-laced.

“Oh, yes,” TJ nodded, looking at his husband, “can’t have me falling outta shape. Gotta look perfect.”

For some reason the way TJ said _perfect_ brought a quirk to Johnny’s eye. He looked at his beautiful husband, puzzled. Softly, he stroked the man’s cheek and asked, “and when are you _not_ perfect, my love?”

“Oh, I can name plenty of times,” TJ stated, sounding casual, “I’ve let myself go a bit in the last few years. Been lazy. Gotta get out of that.”

Johnny nodded slowly, “well, I think you’re gorgeous this way, baby. Not a piece I would change.” Johnny settled his hands on TJ’s hips and pulled him closer for a kiss.

Humming softly against Johnny’s lips, TJ looked at his husband and then around the table, “so . . . did you guys actually order anything? It’s pretty packed in here.”

“Np, we actually only just got seated when you two showed up,” Johnny grinned. “So, want a menu?” Johnny removed his hand from TJ’s hip to offer the pasteboard menu.

“Yeah,” TJ took the menu and looked it over, worrying at his bottom lip as he read over the choices.

Steve kissed Bucky’s temple, keeping his hand on his lover’s thigh for comforting contact in the crowded space. “Whatcha gonna get, love?” Steve asked softly, looking at the menu laid in front of Bucky.

Bucky drew a deep breath and smiled, leaning into Steve slightly. “I want something chicken.”

“Well,” Steve drawled, glancing over the choices, “there are plenty of chicken meals. That one,” the blond pointed at a grilled chicken item, “sounds pretty good.”

“On greens, even better. Then I get my veggies, too. Always preferred raw veggies over cooked,” Bucky grinned. “I’ll take that one, Steve.”

“Good choice, love,” Steve nodded, kissing Bucky’s lips again.

The waitress came and the table ordered their meals, Bucky didn’t say a word to the young woman, so Steve ended up ordering for his boyfriend. The group made idle small talk as they waited for their meals to be served; it had been a long time since the Barnes siblings had enjoyed a meal out together.

As they waited, Bucky kept watching the room; thankfully Jack had thought to give Bucky the seat against the wall with a clear shot at the emergency exit. The middle Barnes sibling didn’t talk as much as when they were a more private group, but he seemed animated enough, smiling at Steve between skimming the room and asking about different menu choices everyone at the table would consider, even though they’d ordered. After a few minutes, it became apparent that Bucky was using the menu he’d squirrel away from the waitress as a conversation starter, a way to concentrate on something innocuous.

When the woman came back with their food, serving the plates in front of each member of the group, TJ paled when he looked down at his meal. The servings were quite large for a fancier restaurant.

Johnny bumped arms gently with TJ as he reached over for Bucky’s menu then handed it to the waitress. He let her leave before taking TJ’s plate and pointing to the veggies. “How much of that you really want, love?”

Looking between the plate and Johnny, TJ swallowed thickly, “I - - I can eat it, Johnny . . .”

“Maybe, but you also have other things on this plate and I didn’t order that much. I planned to scam off you. So, how much of each thing you really want so I can steal the rest?” Johnny gave TJ a wink and a smile, fork poised.

TJ shakily told Johnny how much of each item he was able to eat and when his husband placed the meal back in front of him, TJ let out a small sigh of relief. He’d be able to finish what had been left on the plate without forcing himself to get sick.

Johnny looked well satisfied and began eating the mixed meal that now heaped his plate. “Always hungry, that’s me,” he laughed.

David glanced over at Jack, smiling softly at the other man. Had something like that happened when they’d go out before, it would’ve ended with TJ having a small breakdown and them having to leave the restaurant.

Bucky watched Johnny take his first forkful then quickly, with a fork of his own, swiped the extra chicken Johnny had claimed. Bucky began nibbling his treasure, looking smug, as if he thought no one had seen his theft.

Steve, without a word, stole some of Johnny’s small mountain of cooked veggies. “Wanted to try these, sounded good, but didn’t come with my meal.”

TJ watched the three men that seemed to be fighting over the extra food that Johnny had taken from his plate. The brunet relaxed even more, happier knowing that Johnny wouldn’t be stuffing himself too full trying to eat the extra food.

Bucky finished TJ’s extra chicken then began on his own, looking well satisfied with the second helping he’d gotten for free. “Sometimes I feel sick when I have to eat in a group, so I try to order off the kids menu. It works, sometimes, but sometimes the waiters are really asshats about it.”

“They’ll let you do that?” TJ asked, looking at his twin with wide eyes; he’d never thought of ordering off the children’s menu that would have a lot smaller portions than the items off the adult menu.

Bucky smiled at TJ, as if he hadn’t just imparted a sly trick for TJ to eat out. “And usually the food is plain so I have an excuse for more ketchup.”

Jack nodded, cutting his steak. “I’ll bet if all the adults who didn’t want huge portions or such ordered off kid’s menus, the restaurant world would put in a mid-sized selection. America might start losing weight feeling they didn’t have to stuff down those extra calories just because they were on the plate.”

Humming his agreement, Steve began cutting into his own meal as well, “yeah, most people eat more just because they feel like they have to if that’s what served to them.”

“Yeah, it’s been psychologically proven that people tend to eat what they’re given rather than cut it in half and take some home, or refuse to let the waiters bring the biggest damn meal. Some restaurants let you order half-servings, but it hasn’t caught on so much. Ordering from the kid’s or senior’s menu is a great idea, Bucky.” Johnny smiled, stabbing into his real helping of meat to prevent anyone trying to take that as part of the extras he looted from TJ.

Releasing another breath, TJ seemed to relax the rest of the way, not feeling as bad hearing lots of people felt pressured to eat what was given to them. Though, TJ doubted most people had mothers that would _force_ them to eat what they didn’t finish as children, but it was nice hearing that he may not be so weird after all.

Bucky slowed down when it came to eating his own grilled chicken salad, but he didn’t drop off so much he seemed full. Instead, it seemed he felt no one was about to swipe _his_ food so he could relax and enjoy it. “And Dr. Cho says that at private dinner parties, when accepting the invitation, you should explain to the host or hostess that you are on dietary restrictions and would it be possible to get small servings so you can enjoy the great food but not break the diet. That’s been proven to be more acceptable. If it’s set portions because it’s catered, you can always ask to be given a half portion at the table and the other half not brought out, but put in a box to bring home later. Arrange it all before the actual event so it goes smoothly. Or if kids are allowed at the event, ask if you can be included as a kid meal intead of the adult meal.”

Johnny sighed, “I’ve gotta tell Sue. She’s always complaining that she aches from having to eat so much at a dinner party.”

Nodding, TJ slowly worked at his small meal, listening to everyone talk though not adding much of his own input. He understood what everyone was doing: they were trying to _give_ him advice on what he could do when eating out rather than just _hashing_ out ideas that they’ve seen. After a moment, TJ looked at Johnny and asked, “how is Sue and Reed, anyway? Don’t they have that big charity event coming up?”

Johnny nodded, smiling at TJ. “Yeah, to encourage more kids into science and math. The money goes for equipment for schools and scholarships and stuff. The ball is on May third, as always.”

“Are you gonna go?” TJ asked, taking a bite of his veggies. They’d steadily avoided the topic of Johnny’s sister for the last two weeks, knowing that Sue Richards did not approve of the Barnes family, holding a grudge against Jack for denying her invitation to prom.

“Supposed to, test pilots draw money for these things. Did you want to go with me or have something else planned?” Johnny smiled and took TJ’s hand, offering his husband an out without making it seem he was being excluded.

“Well . . . I mean, am I invited? I know she doesn’t like . . . us very much? I don’t wanna ruin her event,” TJ pushed some veggies around his plate, mixing them with the sauce for his chicken. 

“When she finally got done screaming at me and asked me which Barnes I’d married, I told her, ‘you know, the boy always playing the piano at the school events,’ and she relented. Apparently, she wasn’t so mad at _you_ as another Barnes.” Johnny squeezed TJ’s hand a bit.

“Well,” TJ sucked in his bottom lip and let it out, “I mean, as long as she won’t yell at me or you . . . I’d really like to go with you?”

”I’d love to have you, Sweetheart. And Sue won’t yell at either of us, I promise. She might yell at home, but never when she is a hostess.” Johnny winked, squeezed TJ’s hand again, then began eating once more, keeping his hand on TJ’s so having to use his left, awkwardly.

Nearly an hour passed before Steve looked at his watch and sighed softly; he patted Bucky’s leg under the table and leaned in closer, “we should get going, babe, we got a little drive ahead of us. Plus, Nat and Clint want me in somewhat early tomorrow.”

Nodding without question, almost as if he’d taken control of his life back from Tony only to freely hand it to Steve, Bucky rose to his feet, swiping one last strawberry from TJ’s small fruit cup dessert. “Bye, guys. Gotta go.”

Looking up, TJ nodded; giving Bucky a smile, he rose as well to hug his twin, “thanks for coming, Buck. Drive safe, alright?”

Hugging back, smiling happily, Bucky said, “I’ll ride safe and keep my hands from distracting my gorgeous hunk of a driver, if that’s what you mean?”

Laughing, TJ nodded and pulled back, “no distracting Steve, Buck. Wait until you get home.”

Steve handed Johnny money to pay for both his and Bucky’s meal and then moved over to hug TJ, thanking him for the invitation to see him perform. He said his goodbyes to everyone else and took Bucky’s hand, giving the fingers a kiss, “ready to go, love?”

“No!” Bucky laughed and threw himself at TJ, as if resisting being dragged away, “I need to stay and make TJ perform all night. I’m feeling very evil-queen mode!”

Laughing, TJ hugged his twin, “I can still book you and Steve a room if you want?”

Bucky pulled away, studying TJ’s face seriously, all humor gone. He softly whispered, “I can’t do a strange room today. Sometimes, but not today.” Bucky kissed TJ’s forehead and pulled back. Offering a smile, he waved, “I’ll see ya guys back in New York, losers. Thanks for the head start!”


	11. Obsession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNINGS: Theft, Invasion of Privacy, Stalker Behavior, Panic, Anxiety, Assumptions without Proof, Public Sex**

David looked over at Jack as the brunet walked into their apartment, “hey, baby, how was TJ?” The last few weeks since the concert had seemed to be going smoothly; Bucky was doing extremely well with Steve and the new medicine regimen given by Dr. Cho, and Johnny had reported just the day before that it’d been five days since TJ’s last nightmare. Things finally seemed to be looking up for the Barnes siblings.

Jack shook his head, frowning, eyes distressed. “I stole something from him, so I gotta get it back before he notices, but I wanted your opinion, Davey.” Jack sank to the couch and offered a small bundle of letters to his husband.

Pushing the laptop off his lap, David took the letters with a frown.

“I stumbled upon these when looking for something to clean up a spilled drink. It was in the linen closet in the guest bathroom.” Jack drew his bottom lip in between his teeth in the Barnes habit of distress.

Flipping through the letters, though only a few seemed to actually been opened, David frowned even worse, “there’s no returning address, Jack. Someone is putting letters in Johnny and TJ’s mailbox. The postal service wouldn’t send these without a returning address.”

“I know, but David, pull one of the open ones out. That first one fell out of the envelope as I picked it up thinking TJ misplaced them.” Jack watched his husband intently.

Pulling out the letter, feeling odd going through TJ’s private mail, David read through the neat writing, frowning more and more as he read on.

_‘Last night was amazing, babe, everything about it! I know you didn’t eat much, but every bite you took from my fingers made my spine tingle. I love when you can get away from that guy you were forced to marry. I look forward to the next time we can get alone and really be as one. I can’t wait until you can find the right lawyer and divorce that ass. I’ll take such good care of you. I love you, TJ, with all my being.’_

David shook his head, rereading the letter, “Jack, this doesn’t make any sense. TJ wouldn’t cheat on Johnny.”

“That’s what I thought, too, David. They’re all like that and . . .” Jack met David’s eyes with worry, “they aren’t signed but the handwriting’s the same as on the cards with those lavender roses TJ keeps getting.”

Finding another opened letter, David read through that one, finding the same adoration and declarations of love for TJ, and the same small references to dates they’d been on. Looking at his husband, David said, “you need to ask TJ about these, Jack. TJ has never been one to cheat on a lover. I don’t like these one bit. If they were really from a _real_ lover, TJ would’ve opened them all. Less than half are actually opened.”

Drawing a deep breath again, Jack whispered, “if not from a lover, David . . . the other thought is terrifying.”

“What else do you think it could be, Jack?” David asked, flipping through the envelopes again.

“The only fan that sends love declarations with made up facts to the celebrity?” Jack took the letters out of David’s hands.

“Look, Johnny’s out at work right now,” David said, standing up and offering his hand to Jack, “TJ may be hiding these from everyone because he doesn’t want to worry anyone. Obviously, he stopped reading them, so, I really doubt this is a lover on the side.”

Standing, Jack dropped his voice to one of utter misery, “I wish it _was_ a lover, an affair.”

Nodding, David kissed Jack’s forehead and pulled his husband out of the apartment, heading down the three floors to Johnny and TJ’s home. A bouquet of lavender roses in a vase sat out there, unheeded as yet by the occupants of the apartment; it was possible TJ didn’t even know they were there. Looking at the bouquet, David frowned and turned to Jack, “these weren’t here when you left, were they?”

“No,” Jack said and picked up the vase, the stack of envelopes in his other hand. “And I was here only five, ten minutes ago.”

David knocked on the door and it was only a few moments before TJ answered, pulling the door open with a bright smile, though the expression faded immediately when he saw the roses in Jack’s hand. “Uh . . . nice flowers? You . . . you get those delivered to your door?” TJ’s face had gone a bit pale.

“They were out here when I came back with David just now.” Jack met TJ’s eyes, his own troubled, regretful. “Inside, Teej, so the neighbors don’t get an earful of what I’ve done?”

TJ stepped back, holding the door open so that Jack and David could step inside. When his older brother stepped through, TJ shut and locked the door; turning, the younger man’s eyes widened at the sight of the envelopes in Jack’s other hand. “What are those, Jack?” TJ asked, frozen to the spot.

“Yeah, that’s why I came back. They were in the linen closet when I got the towel and when I picked them up to give them to you, the top letter fell out.” Jack offered them back. “I freaked out and went to David for advice, and he assured me that it’s not a lover who’s been sending them to you, though I wish to God it was.”

Snatching the letters back, TJ huffed and tossed them on the counter, ignoring the flowers in Jack’s other hand, “of course they aren’t from a lover! I’d never cheat on Johnny! Probably just from some over zealous fan or something.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought after I came to my senses, too,” Jack sighed, still looking miserable. “The handwriting matches the card on the flowers.”

“I know,” TJ sighed, running his fingers through his hair, “I’ve been getting them almost every day now. I stopped reading them after the fourth one. Look, don’t tell Johnny, okay? I - - I don’t want him to worry.”

Nodding, Jack walked over to the trash and tossed the flowers in, shutting the lid. He turned back to TJ. “I’m sorry I took your letters or even read any of them, but I was so damn worried about you. I always am. And, I guess now there really _aren’t_ secrets between us.”

“I know,” TJ slumped into one of the stools, “but, I didn’t want to bother you guys. They’re harmless letters, right? Someone with a vivid imagination or something. I’m sure . . . I’m sure they’ll give up.”

“Could be, could be more. Either way, this fan is obsessed and fantasizing. Have you told the police? Your manager?” Jack sank onto another stool.

“Why would I?” TJ asked, looking at Jack, “not like they are threatening or anything.”

“Well, that’s true of the two I read, but I didn’t read all of them,” Jack answered. “If it’s a crazy fan, those letters are bound to get nastier the more they’re ignored, or more obsessive the more they are answered. A no-win. Want me to open the latest and tell you if it needs to be addressed?”

Biting his lip, TJ nodded, pulling out an envelope, the only one that was colored, a lavender one. “This one was delivered yesterday . . .” TJ said softly, handing it over to Jack.

Nodding, Jack opened the letter and read it through. Out loud he says, “the fan asks if you like the flowers or if the color needs to be blood red. Also asked if you are looking forward to dinner since you didn’t refuse the invitation.”

“Dinner?” TJ frowned, a chill running down his spine at the mention of _blood_ red roses. “And how’d I refuse if they don’t give me an address to reply to?”

“It may actually be in one of the letters you didn’t open,” Jack sighed and took the stack back from TJ. He began opening each one.

TJ didn’t say anything, waiting for Jack to read through the letters and explain to him what they’d said.

Finally, Jack put the stack down on the breakfast bar and drew a shaking breath. “The fan invited you to dinner for tonight, but he sent the invite a week ago. Said you could tell him you didn’t want to if you took out an add in the paper the very next morning. He said _‘like in that romantic song about Pina Coladas’_.”

“Where am I supposed to meet him?” TJ asked, biting his lip nervously.

“The _Cat’s Playbox_ ,” Jack growled low, a notorious dinner and sex club.

“What . . . what if I meet with him? Tell him that . . . that I appreciate the letters but I’m married and not interested?” TJ asked, looking worried.

Nodding, Jack slowly said, “that might work. And you can honestly tell the cops you already sent him a rejections, a firm, clear rejection.”

TJ nodded and said, “what time?”

“So, get ready for your dinner date with your husband, TJ. I’ll take care of everything else,” Jack smiled suddenly, looking relieved, like he had things back under control again.

“Jack? What are . . . _you’re_ not meeting with him are you?” TJ asked, looking at his brother with wide eyes.

“Well, you can’t let down Johnny, can you? And, if it’s as easy and safe as you say, I should have no problems. I’ve done it before for some of your public appearances and even a photoshoot when you weren’t feeling well, remember? I can do it again.”

David shook his head, “no, Jack. We aren’t sending either of you. This guy could be dangerous.”

Lifting his eyebrows, Jack teased, “well, Bucky stands out with his frown and dark looks.”

“Jack, no,” David said again, a firm, final tone in his voice.

“So, you show up, David, with Steve on your arm. You’ve never been photographed in relation to the family, so the fan won’t recognize you. And Steve’s a trained combat officer if anything goes sideways.” Jack spread his hands, “and this guy gets nowhere near TJ unless we find out he’s harmless.”

“I still don’t like it,” David shook his head, “so many things could go wrong. Jack, you do look different from TJ. If this guy is obsessed, he’d know the difference, realize he’s getting played.”

“So, what, Davey? We let TJ go meet a guy at a seedy nightclub hoping it’s not a crazed stalker out to rape him?” Jack’s tone fell into a growl of frustrated worry.

“Steve can come with me,” TJ piped up, “like you said, he’s a trained combat officer. Steve can stay real close.”

Crossing his arms and leaning them on the breakfast bar, Jack shook his head. “We send the flowers back to the florist with a refusal, and a note that we want no more deliveries from said fan. Then we skip the date, so he doesn’t think we even opened the letter. Put a note on the door to _’the unsigned fan’_ saying _‘Not interested, thank you. Happily married.’_ or something?”

“That could work,” TJ nodded, happy that Jack wouldn’t be meeting with a potentially violent man.

Jack smiled, relieved. “And no mention of even where the date was, pretend not to have read it at all,” he nodded and stood, retrieving the vase of flowers. “I’ll write the notes, TJ, while you get ready for Johnny.”

Nodding, TJ hugged his brother before moving off to the master bedroom to get dressed.

Once his brother was out of earshot, Jack turned to David. “I don’t want this unknown piece of shit getting any of TJ’s handwriting. I don’t want him thinking TJ’s writing some kind of secret code to him. I smell a celebrity stalker.”

David nodded, agreeing with his husband, “yeah. The last one was threatening, even if it was a passive aggressive threat. We should tell Johnny, too, even if TJ asked us not to. Johnny needs to know what’s going on.”

“Johnny needs to know, but I’ll try to get TJ to agree. I’ve already broken his trust enough today.” Jack dropped a kiss on David’s head and got some plain loose-leaf paper, the kind any grade school kid might have for lessons. He refused to use TJ’s normal stationary. Sitting down, pulling out his own pen from his pocket, Jack began to write the refusal, the rejection, and the warning notes.

When TJ came back out, Jack called out, casually, “hey, Teej, want me to let Johnny know we found out who sent those roses? Some enamoured fanboy who’s been writing misguided love letters that we’re taking care of?” He deliberately kept his tone light, as if talking about a thirteen year old teeny bopper.

TJ, dressed in a pair of nice slacks and a white button-down, sleeves rolled perfectly to his elbows, asked, “You think Johnny really needs to be bothered? I mean . . . we’re handling it, right?”

“Right, we let him know we handled it, so he can relax but you don’t have to feel like you’re keeping a secret?” Jack nodded amiably, still carefully wording the note he worked on for the florist.

Frowning softly, TJ nodded slowly, “yeah, okay . . . I guess that makes sense. I mean . . . don’t want this getting blown outta proportions or anything.”

“Right,” Jack looked up, smiling softly, eyes calm and happy. “That’s why we assure Johnny we handled it, even tell him how we wrote to the guy so he knows there’s no chance of romance, right? Johnny’ll probably laugh and claim that he can’t blame the guy for falling in love with you, you’re so damned sexy.”

Snorting, TJ rolled his eyes, “yeah, _right_ ,” he drawled, looking down to smooth over his shirt; he frowned at a very small wrinkle in his shirt.

“Oh, c’mon,” Jack said lightly, “you know that’s exactly the kind of thing Johnny’d say.”

Still looking at the wrinkle, TJ frowned softly and tried to flatten it out, but it didn’t go away. “Damn . . . gotta change my shirt . . .” TJ murmured.

Jack looked to David then TJ. “David, can you help TJ, babe?” TJ’s tone worried Jack; it was the tone he got right before panicking, often triggered by some perceived fault no one else noticed.

David moved over to TJ and gave him a smile before unbuttoning TJ’s slacks so he could help the brunet re-tuck the shirt into his trousers. It was something David had done many times in DC. David had noticed that TJ would often get panicky over his clothes not being right or if he happened to have a _‘bad hair day.’_ Flattening out the younger man’s shirt, David beamed, the wrinkle gone, “there ya go, Teej. All ready for your date.”

Taking and releasing several deep breaths, TJ nodded and gave David a shaky smile, “thanks . . .” he looked over at Jack and flushed, embarrassed over his panic.

Jack got up and walked over, placing a kiss on TJ’s forehead without touching his clothes. “Beautiful, little brother.”

“Think so?” TJ breathed out, voice trembling slightly, “d - - do you think I should change? W - - wanna look good for Johnny.”

Jack smiled, patient with his brother’s foibles, “You look great in all your clothes, Teej. So, let’s concentrate on not being late? You’re already gorgeous for your Johnny.”

“Okay,” TJ swallowed thickly and nodded again, “Johnny said he was meeting me at the restaurant . . . he has that meeting.” The smaller brunet avoided looking at the decorative mirror that hung nearby; he’d learned not to look in mirrors when having a panic attack. Usually if he looked, he’d just feel worse about himself, pinpointing small things that were wrong.

“Let’s get going,” Jack nodded, grabbing his keys. He winked at TJ, “though I feel a bit casual compared to your perfection, Teej. I don’t know how you do it. You always manage to look better than me.” Jack led his small family to his car.

David wrapped his arm around Jack’s waist and kissed his temple, “love you, Jack,” he murmured, knowing that seeing either of his brothers having panic attacks worried him.

Jack smiled into the endearment and kiss. “I love you, too, David.” He met his husband’s eyes. “You know, I’ve been thinking you could ask TJ to let you practice on his piano sometimes. I know how much you miss playing.” They personally couldn’t afford to get David a piano to play and now, with TJ in his own apartment, David no longer had unlimited access to the instrument.

Smiling, David nodded, “that sounds like a good idea, hell, maybe TJ and I could work on a duet or something? Might be fun.”

“Whatcha think, TJ? Would you like to play _Chopsticks_ with David in the offseason?” Jack called out, teasing.

TJ grinned, taking a few longer strides to catch up with David and Jack, “you wanna play with me? Like a duet or something?” TJ looked thrilled.

David smiled wider and wrapped his other arm around TJ’s shoulders, “I’d be honored to learn something with you, TJ.”

Humming happily, TJ nodded and pulled out of David’s hug only when they made it to Jack’s car.

**************

“So,” TJ said, helping Johnny with his tie, even though he knew Johnny could tie the material himself, “how many people did we invite again? I told Bucky less than fifty . . . just wanna make sure, ya know? This is his first big event since the concert a few months ago.”

Chuckling, Johnny said, “definitely less than fifty, Sweetheart. Your family, mine, and the friends we had in Vegas with us . . . yes, even Tony. And Dr. Cho, to keep an eye on things a bit in case someone gets nervous. A few other friends from school and my friends from work.”

“You invited Tony?” TJ’s eyes snapped up to meet Johnny’s eyes, hands freezing while holding the fabric of Johnny’s silk tie, “I thought we decided _not_ to invite that asshole?”

Sighing, Johnny touched his forehead to TJ’s. “He’s under strict orders not to even go near Bucky, love, but he’s one of the biggest investors for both Reed and my work. I couldn’t cut him off completely.”

“But he leaked the suicide story . . . sent that girl to . . .” TJ sighed, letting the sentence trail off before nodding, reluctantly, going back to finishing the knot, “yeah, I guess that makes sense. Can’t lose an investor . . .”

“And Tony never stays at the parties long. I talked to Pepper and she’ll reign him in, TJ, I promise.” Johnny slipped a hand under his husband’s chin and lifted it, placing a kiss on his lips. “Love you, Sweetheart.”

“Like she’s done a good job of _that_ ,” TJ murmured and then sighed, smiling softly, “love you, too.”

Johnny sighed. “Actually, she says Tony didn’t do those other things, but I have her checking into it just in case he gave her the slip.”

“She’s covering for her _boss_ , Johnny,” TJ stated before taking a step back to look at his husband in his well-tailored suit. Giving the blond an approving nod, TJ moved over to their closet to grab his own jacket and put it on. “But, I’m done talking about this. Tonight’s for fun. C’mon, Birthday Boy, we’re gonna be late for your own party.”

“Oh, but maybe I’d rather spend my party with my husband?” Johnny teased, placing a kiss on TJ’s lips.

“Oh? But, then you wouldn’t get your surprise. Surprise comes after the party,” TJ purred, giving Johnny’s lip a gentle nip.

Pouting playfully, Johnny sighed. “Fine. I’ll go to my birthday party.” He kissed again, “but I better get you all to myself after.”

“ _All_ night, Johnny,” TJ promised, smiling into the kiss before taking Johnny’s hand. The brunet led his husband from the apartment and down into the lobby. They walked out of the building and into an awaiting vehicle to take them to the hotel where Johnny’s party was being held in a ballroom. Luckily, there wasn’t much traffic and they got there only a few minutes late.

“Ready?” TJ asked, looking at his husband with a smile. “Everyone should be here by now.”

Nodding, Johnny took TJ’s hand and led him into the venue, looking for all the world as if he thrived on this kind of event, which he often did. Johnny loved being the center of attention. Once inside, Johnny led his husband over to a couple greeting guests amiably. The man, a tall brunet with the beginnings of white at the temples, stood beside a shorter, but athletic, blond woman with bright eyes. Johnny grinned. “Sue, Reed, this is my husband, TJ. TJ, my sister, Sue, and her husband, Reed.”

Sue turned to Johnny and blinked for a moment then smiled up at him and offered her hand. “I’m glad to meet you again, TJ. Last we saw each other, you were still in high school. I understand you’re a concert pianist, it must be very stressful sometimes.” Her tone was warm and friendly.

Smiling, his long-learned social smile, TJ shook her hand and nodded, “yeah, it’s been a while hasn’t it? And yes, it can be a bit stressful, but I manage, Johnny’s been helping a lot. You work with Reed, right? At the Baxter Building, correct? Talk about a stressful job, working with science all day.”

Reed looked basically uncomfortable. “I . . . uh . . . prefer science? I understand it better than . . . people?” he ventured.

TJ looked at the older man and nodded, “well, that’s good. Gotta love what you do, right? Or you’d be miserable.”

“Yes,’ he agreed with a nod. “Do you enjoy your work, TJ?” Reed asked.

“I do for the most part,” TJ continued to smile in a friendly manner, though his mind instantly flashed to the letters he still received, though no longer everyday; the flowers seemed to have stopped as well. “I love playing the piano, that’s what matters. That’s my passion.”

Reed nodded and offered TJ a smile. “And you get to share that joy with the world. Not many people share my joy when I share my science.”

TJ looked at Johnny and then Sue and back to Reed, “yeah . . . well, science is super important. It’s a shame not as many people see that. You do a lot more to better the world than I’ll ever do by hitting a few keys on the piano.”

“I think music is soothing and can also drive passions and emotion, TJ. You have power under your fingertips.” Reed looked more relaxed as he spoke to TJ, beginning to allow himself to smile.

Sue looked absolutely delighted suddenly. “TJ, did you want to get drinks and mingle? Surely you don’t want to talk to my stuffy husband all night?”

“Uh . . .” TJ looked at Johnny, “whatcha want to do, Johnny?” The brunet looked over his shoulder, wondering if he could see what got Sue excited so quickly.

Johnny smiled softly and kissed TJ’s fingers. “Well, if you like talking with Reed, I don’t mind, love. Not many people do.”

TJ frowned and looked at Reed, “you’re not bad to talk to, I promise. You’re delightful.” He felt bad for the man, both Sue and Johnny saying that he wasn’t pleasant to talk to.

Reed looked at TJ and suddenly offered a smile. “I’m not sure if you enjoy what I say, TJ. But I’m not very . . . social.”

“Oh . . .” TJ looked at Johnny again. As he looked at his husband he spotted Bucky and Steve on the other side of the room. “Hey, I’m gonna go say hi to Bucky and Steve,” the brunet flashed a smile at Sue and Reed, “it was a pleasure talking to you guys.” He excused himself and made his way over to his twin and his boyfriend. “Buck!” TJ grinned and hugged his nicely dressed brother.

Bucky turned and smiled widely at TJ. “Hey, Teej. Thought you decided to spend his birthday in a more _private_ celebration.”

“That comes later,” TJ stated with a grin, “hey, Steve.”

“Hey, TJ,” Steve smiled brightly, wrapping his arm around Bucky’s waist and bringing him closer.

“So, how is everything going, Buck?” TJ asked, looking back at Bucky.

“As long as I stay by Steve, I’m feeling reasonably calm.” His voice sounded excited and happy, nothing like his panic in Vegas. There was a hint of anxiety underlying his tone and in his pale eyes, but he sidled closer to Steve every third or fourth breath and that seemed to steady him a bit.

“That’s great, Buck, I’m really happy you two could make it,” TJ nodded; he looked around, subconsciously checking to make sure Tony was nowhere near Bucky. Eyes falling back on his twin, TJ smiled, “you’re looking a lot better, Bucky, really.”

“I’ve been following my med schedule carefully, no taking extra doses. I think they weren’t doing me any favors,” Bucky smiled and looked past TJ only to softly frown. He turned to Steve and pushed in against his boyfriend’s side. “And I’ve begun studying guides on how to fix cars, you know simple mechanics, nothing fancy.”

Grinning even more, TJ said, “that’s awesome! You always liked to tinker with dad back in high school, just never had time in your schedule to take any of the auto-shop classes.”

“Mom never thought those were good enough for a guy with my brains,” Bucky sighed. “But I like cars.”

“Well, Mom was wrong about lots of things,” TJ assured his brother with another smile, “do what makes you happy, Bucky. Good things can only follow.”

“Like how you’re being followed?” Bucky said softly, though his eyes were beyond TJ and Johnny, who approached them. He seemed to be carefully watching the distance, siding against Steve again. “Steve? Touch me?” he pleaded softly, needing that touch Steve often calmed him with.

Moving his arm that was wrapped securely around Bucky’s waist, Steve began to rub Bucky’s back in that soothing pattern. He followed Bucky’s gaze and growled softly, “who invited _Tony_?”

“Uh . . .” TJ looked behind him and he saw Tony on the other side of the room, “he’s a big investor in Sue and Reed’s company . . . Johnny needed to invite him. But, Tony’s been ordered not to come anywhere near Bucky.”

“You think he’ll obey? Tony’s his own man,” Bucky whispered.

“If he doesn’t, I’ll give him another nose job,” TJ answered simply; he looked back at his twin and Bucky could see the promise was completely serious. “He won’t bother you, okay?”

Swallowing, Bucky said, very softly, “he always looked out for me. Even . . . protected me and took care of me.”

“No, he controlled you, there’s a difference,” TJ pointed out just as softly. “He isolated you from everyone and controlled everything you did. That’s abuse, Bucky.”

“He has a point,” Steve murmured into Bucky’s ear, continuing to run his fingers up and down Bucky’s back.

“But . . . I _let_ him . . .” Bucky looked worried.

“He took advantage of you, Bucky,” TJ said.

“But . . . he did it to help me. Keep me out of prison and then to keep me calm?” Bucky still struggled with years of manipulation, with the care and friendship he and Tony had shared.

“He used that against you, Buck, he made it feel like you owed him for him helping you out. That’s wrong,” Steve stated, kissing Bucky’s temple.

“But, Steve,” Bucky looked into his boyfriend’s eyes, “I _did_ owe him. And he took good care of me, anything I wanted . . . He never hit me or anything.”

“I know,” Steve nodded, kissing again, “I know you felt like you owed him. But, you shouldn’t have.”

Johnny reached over and touched Bucky’s arm, making the man jump and let out a small scream; fortunately no one else overheard or seemed to notice. “There, now you can relax a bit, Buck. You were winding up.”

Bucky flushed but nodded, sighing. “Why do I let him do that to me still?”

“Because you let him for years,” Steve offered his lover a smile, “that’s a tough cycle to break.”

“Even though I _know_ what he did, I still feel bad about leaving him.” Bucky sighed. “Dance with me, Steve? There’s a balcony over there . . .”

Steve nodded and led Bucky outside, giving his lover another kiss.

TJ sighed and managed to stop himself before running his fingers through his hair, “I get why you had to . . . but it sucks that you invited Tony,” he looked at his husband. TJ still felt the sting of Tony’s harsh words back at the Tower, that TJ’s suicide attempt was nothing more than a stunt to get Bucky’s attention.

Nodding, Johnny sighed. “Sue’s keeping him busy with Reed. In a moment, they’ll go to another area and we’ll be free of Tony for several hours. Reed can always distract him.” Johnny looked at his husband and leaned in close, “Sweetheart, you okay? Take a deep breath . . .”

“I’m fine,” TJ assured, though he took the ordered breath, “just . . . that asshole gets to me, ya know? Has since high school. We’ve never gotten along.”

“Yeah, he was a dick in school, and now he’s a certifiable asshole,” Johnny agreed. He snuck a kiss to TJ’s neck. “Dance with me?”

“Anything you want,” TJ grinned, “it’s _your_ birthday after all, Johnny.” He let Johnny lead him to the dance floor.

“What I want?” Johnny grinned. “What I want is to bend you over a table and make passionate love to you.” He kissed TJ as they positioned for a slow dance.

TJ mewled softly so only Johnny could hear the needy noise, “Johnny . . . can’t . . . can’t just say things like that,” the brunet could feel his body already reacting to the image Johnny put in his mind. He hoped no one would be able to see his growing erection, hopefully it’d be gone by the time he and Johnny were done dancing.

Johnny nodded, “but if it’s the truth, TJ? I warned you I’m addicted to sex. And it doesn’t bother me if it’s in public or not.”

TJ made a soft, strangled noise in the back of his throat; he leaned his forehead against Johnny’s shoulder, close enough now that Johnny could feel the brunet’s arousal. “Johnny . . .” TJ breathed.

“Wanna go to a private room, Sweetheart?” Johnny cooed in TJ’s ear, thrusting very slightly so his body pressed against TJ’s member.

“H - - had a surprise waiting for you at home . . .” TJ whimpered, his hand clutching at Johnny’s shirt. “Was . . . was gonna make it . . . special . . .” His need was evident in his tone; it was obvious the brunet was trying hard to control himself.

“Want me to back off and wait, love?’ Johnny asked, voice serious. He eased away from TJ’s body and took him by the hand. “Bathroom. You can cool down with some water and I can go relieve myself.”

Once in the bathroom, though, TJ wrapped his arms around Johnny’s neck, crashing his lips onto the blond’s. He pushed Johnny back against the door, preventing anyone else from coming in, and deepened the kiss, tongue slipping into his husband’s mouth.

“I thought,” Johnny gasped into the kiss, “we were,” he kissed back, cupping TJ’s face, “waiting, love?” The blond pushed TJ into the door.

“Pre-birthday gift,” TJ panted, eyes blown with lust, “can fuck me here _and_ at home. I’ll still make it special.”

“You _always_ make it special, Teej,” Johnny panted and began unbuttoning his husband’s shirt, fingers desperate. He thrust his pelvis again, his own erection painfully full.

Groaning, TJ shakily opened Johnny’s belt and unbuttoned Johnny’s slacks, pulling down the zipper. He slipped his hand into his husband’s boxer-briefs, letting his nimble fingers wrap around the large shaft. “Please tell me you brought lube or something . . .” TJ moaned, giving Johnny’s cock a few skilled pumps.

Groaning, Johnny dropped his face to TJ’s shoulder. “Sorry, Sweetheart. Didn’t bring anything like that. No purse tonight.”

TJ moved lust-dazed eyes around the room until they settled on a bottle of lotion on the sink counter, “lotion . . . Johnny . . .” TJ panted heavily.

“Ingredients?” Johnny asked.

“Don’t . . . know . . . don’t have . . . super sight,” TJ moaned, “on the counter . . .”

Laughing, Johnny reached over and snagged the lotion, showing TJ the ingredients. “Anything you’re allergic to?”

Shaking his head after looking over the ingredients, TJ said, “can you _please_ fuck me, now?”

Laughing, Johnny stripped his husband enough to turn him and lean TJ over the counter. He stroked at TJ’s passage, over his rosebud, with strong fingers. “You sure?”

“Oh my _God_ ,” TJ huffed, looking over his shoulder at his husband, his cheeks were flushed, “it’s never been this hard to get you inside me.”

Laughing, Johnny nipped at TJ’s neck. “Just that I can’t block the door while fucking you, so someone might come in,” Johnny opened the lotion and began pouring the liquid on TJ’s ass crack and his own cock and fingers. He circled one slick finger around TJ’s hole, pressing slightly.

Keening, TJ pushed back against his lover’s finger, “we just gotta . . . make this a quick . . . one, won’t we?”

“Oh, a quickie? Now you sound desperate,” Johnny chuckled and slid his finger inside his husband’s hot passage. He didn’t stop until he was bottomed out then he began stretching TJ.

“Your . . . fault . . .” TJ moaned, dropping his head onto the cool counter. He loved the feeling of Johnny stretching him, loving him.

“There’s my love,” Johnny cooed, quickly working his husband, glad TJ wasn’t even close to a virgin or this would take a lot longer. Sliding a careful second finger into the brunet, Johnny purposely stroked over TJ’s prostate at the same time reaching around to stroke his lover’s needy cock.

Gasping, TJ thrust into Johnny’s fist, a pleasurable jolt shooting up his spine. “Johnny . . . Johnny . . . God, feel so good.”

“Not as good as you feel, Sweetheart,” Johnny panted, stroking and twisting, scissoring. He kissed and nipped TJ’s neck, matching the rhythm on TJ’s cock with the one in his ass. “Third one, love?” he asked, breathless with desire.

“Yeah . . . just want you in me, Johnny,” TJ nodded, lifting his head so he could better brace himself on the counter. “Please, Johnny, want you to fuck me.”

Nodding, Johnny slipped his fingers out to replace them with three, still prepping his needy lover. “Don’t wanna hurt you, Teej,” he breathed, through his own cock leaked precum and he _ached_ to fill TJ’s tight ass.

“Won’t hurt,” TJ reassured his lover, “it’ll feel so good, Johnny . . . so, so good. Wanna feel you inside me, please,” the brunet thrust back against Johnny’s fingers.

Nodding, feeling how his lover had loosened with his attentions, Johnny pulled his fingers back out and lined up. “Ready, Sweetheart,” he moaned and slid in, taking it an inch at a time, until he bottomed out and settled to let TJ get accustomed. The door behind them opened then shut instantly. Johnny groaned, his cock pulsing in reaction.

Moaning low, TJ met Johnny’s eyes through the mirror and rolled his hips back, begging his lover to move. Either he hadn’t heard or hadn’t cared about the door opening. “Please, Johnny, please . . .”

Johnny began moving in his lover, stroking hard and deep, nipping at his neck. “TJ, wanna fill you till you’re dripping. Want everyone to see how good you’re fucked,” he moaned softly, nipping at the place just behind TJ’s ear.

“God, yes,” TJ panted, letting out another groan, “show everyone I’m your’s, Johnny. Show everyone how good you fuck me.” TJ’s cock twitched at the thought of someone seeing them like this, seeing Johnny pumping in and out of his body.

“You like that, Sweetheart? Want me to throw open this door and show the party how good I fuck you? How I’m gonna fill you so full and get you so fat with my babies. You’re gonna waddle outta here so fucked and full, Teej, love.” Johnny picked up his pace as he spoke, once more wrapping his hand securely around TJ’s cock and stroking.

Nodding, TJ let out a needy little noise, “yes . . . yes, Johnny, fucking breed me. Wanna have your babies . . . wanna be fucked so full.” TJ’s hips stuttered as Johnny wrapped a hand around his cock, his walls convulsing around the blond’s thick shaft.

As if his body had been waiting for that precise response, Johnny shouted, muffling his voice in TJ’s neck, and blasted his hot load of cum deep in his lover’s ass, thrusting and cumming, jet after jet.

With a breathless moan, TJ followed his husband over the edge, painting the counter and Johnny’s hand with his cum. The brunet let out a tiny mewl as his body shunted with Johnny’s continued thrusts as his husband rode out his orgasm.

With a long, low keen, Johnny stopped thrusting and rested, deeply embedded, trying to catch his breath. He slowly pulled from his lover’s body, cum and lotion leaking from TJ’s ass as Johnny pulled free with an obscene sound. He kissed TJ’s sweaty neck then immediately began running water and getting TJ cleaned up.

“Love you, Johnny,” TJ murmured, letting his husband clean him up while he regained feeling in his limbs.

“God, I love you so much, TJ,” Johnny grinned, his breath slowly regaining normal rhythm. He carefully washed his husband’s sensitive body, making sure to take extra care around his slit and glans, his entrance. “Future bearer of my children.”

TJ shot a grin over his shoulder at his husband, “well, you did promise to fuck me until I was pregnant with your babies.”

“Yeah,” Johnny grinned back, “still working on that. Needs lots more fucking, I believe.”

“I think I can handle that, might hafta up the times we do it in a day,” TJ teased softly, pushing up slowly, groaning at the sweet ache as he moved.

Johnny stepped back, smiling smugly, and began to carefully clean himself. “You really don’t mind that I’m a nympho, TJ?” he asked, softly.

“No,” TJ answered honestly, carefully pulling on his boxer-briefs, “I love everything about you. Including that. As long as . . . as it doesn’t stop you from being able to live a normal life, I won’t have a problem with it.”

“Has it been a problem so far, Sweetheart?” Johnny paused, sounding a bit worried.

“I would tell you,” TJ said, giving his husband a reassuring smile before putting on his slacks and slipping his white button-down shirt over his shoulders.

Johnny nodded and dressed quickly, neatly. He smiled as he suddenly gripped TJ’s slender hips. “Gotta do you in bathrooms more often, love . . . as long as they’re clean as this one.”

Humming, TJ leaned forward to kiss Johnny’s lips, “I can get on that one. This was one of our best yet, I think.”

Chuckling, Johnny nodded and kissed TJ , lingering for a moment. “We should rejoin the party, love. I bet whoever came in here before really needs the bathroom now.”

Blinking, TJ’s mouth opened and closed a few times, struggling to form a coherent sentence. “You . . . you mean . . . someone _actually_ saw us? I - - I wasn’t sure if I’d imagined the door opening and closing . . .”

"Don't know who it was, but, yeah," Johnny nodded. "Someone came in and left.” Johnny laced fingers with TJ, absently checking his husband over and smiling wide. “Perfect, as always, my love.” He began leading him to the door.

Smiling softly, TJ ducked his head and let his husband guide him out the door. TJ froze and his eyes widen in mortification when he saw Jack standing right outside the door. “Uh . . . Jack?” TJ voice was nearly a squeak.

Jack looked at TJ, blushing as much as his little brother did. “Hey, TJ, Johnny. Refreshed?”

“Yes?” TJ looked at Johnny and then back at Jack. How much had his older brother heard? Johnny and he hadn’t exactly been quiet.

“Good, I’m . . . uh . . .gonna go relieve myself. Might wanna try to buffet? It looks wonderful.” Jack escaped into the bathroom.

Johnny smiled at TJ. “I think he likes us.”

A few minutes after Johnny had dragged a still very embarrassed TJ away, a knock sounded on the bathroom door. “Jack? Honey, you in here?” David’s voice sounded a bit concerned.

“It’s clear,” Jack said, standing in front of the sink. He was washing his face and neck, trying to get rid of the red blush.

The door opened and David slipped inside, offering his husband a small smile, “you alright?” The blond moved to stand next to Jack, grabbing a towel to hand to the brunet.

“Yeah, Mom really fucked TJ up,” Jack sighed, leaning on his forearms on the edge of the sink, looking up at David.

“Why you say that?” David asked, letting Jack vent.

“Used to lock Bucky in the apartment basement. You know, down where the maintenance people work? We didn’t live in a two story house, after all.” Sighing, Jack accepted the towel and began drying. “Used to,” he pulled his face from the muffling cloth, “strip TJ down and point out everything she felt was wrong with him. It’s why he panics if he doesn’t think he’s perfect.”

“Did . . . did she ever take it further?” David asked carefully, only a slight quiver in his voice.

“She’d hit them both, punish them all kinds of ways . . . you know most of it. But . . . I don’t think she ever crossed the line of sexual, if that’s what you mean? Mom was repulsed by all three of us. She wanted girls.” Jack folded the towel and tossed it to the sink, leaning once more, shaking his head. “But, I think . . . Davey, I heard TJ ask Johnny to get him pregnant, or something like that. I think Mom made TJ wish he was a female . . . or maybe he was born that way? I think he’s - - uh . . . wanting to be a female?” Jack lifted worried pale eyes to his husband.

“Has he ever talked to you about something like that? Transitioning?” David continued to keep his tone gentle, though his own blue eyes were worried. “He doesn’t . . . seem like he wants to be a girl? Sure, he likes to look nice, but . . . it’s not like he dresses in women’s clothing? Or anything like that.”

“I found lingerie in a bag in his room earlier, David. I . . . wasn’t sure what it meant, but now? Hearing he wants to bear children, be _bred_ , and seeing the lingerie?” Jack sighed and shook his head. “I don’t know anything about helping someone transition, David.”

“Maybe he doesn’t want to be a girl?” David suggested softly, “just because . . . Jack, there’s a thing called _pregnancy kink_ . . . maybe Johnny and TJ are experimenting? If that’s the case . . . uh - -” David flushed slightly, rubbing the back of his neck, “it’s possible that TJ doesn’t want to be a female . . . just simply is aroused by the idea of having Johnny’s children? I mean,” the blond cleared his throat and flushed even brighter, “did they use any feminine terminology? Other than the breeding terms?”

“I was too embarrassed to properly listen, David, they were having sex in this bathroom.” Jack met his husband’s eyes.

“Yeah, I understand that,” David sighed softly and shrugged, “well, maybe you can talk with TJ? I mean, lot’s of men delve into wearing lingerie, it’s not highly uncommon or anything. And with Johnny’s . . . predicament . . . maybe TJ wants to try new things to help keep up with him?”

“Or maybe Johnny’s just paying attention to what _he_ wants and TJ’s trying to please him, like he did Sean and Liam and Justin . . .” Jack growled.

“I don’t know much about TJ’s ex’s, just about Sean . . . does TJ have a history of abusive relationships? Boyfriend’s taking advantage?” David reached out to smooth back Jack’s hair lovingly.

“Yeah, pretty much all the time, actually,” Jack sighed. “You can see why I’m worried about TJ tangling with Johnny, the boy rumored in high school to be the school bike, if you know what I mean.”

“You think TJ’s letting Johnny sleep with him just to please Johnny . . . not necessarily because TJ wants it,” David said softly with a small frown. “But . . . I know TJ covers for Bucky and whatnot . . . but he seems pretty strong-willed. What did his ex’s do to him?”

“I think TJ enjoys sex with Johnny, David, don’t get me wrong on _that_.” Jack sighed and reached for the towel to dry up the sink a bit. “I think he might be willing to let Johnny try a bunch of stuff that might not be good for him, like this public sex thing.”

“Yeah,” David nodded, looking down at the counter and then back at Jack, “had it been anyone but you . . . both of them could’ve been in a lot of trouble.”

“Exactly. I think Johnny’s not thinking things through. I wanna talk to him, but I’ll wait until tomorrow. Don’t wanna wreck his birthday or TJ’ll never forgive me.” Jack tossed the towel into the hamper finally and turned to David. “And I wanna ask TJ if he is interested in transitioning.”

“But for tonight,” David offered his hand to his husband, “let’s try and relax, have some fun, okay?”

Jack sighed and took his husband’s hand. “I hate Tony,” he muttered. “Let’s blame Tony for everything that happens tonight?”

“Done,” David beamed, leading the brunet out of the bathroom, “guy’s an asshole. Probably is his fault in one way or another.”

“And I don’t want him near Bucky any more. I get Johnny had to invite the prick, but not at Bucky’s expense.” Jack tugged David from the bathroom, letting the next guest have it.

Straightening from where he’d leaned on Steve during their dance on the balcony, Bucky smiled, looking much calmer than when they’d ducked outside. “I like how you dance. You never used to know how, Stevie.”

“Peggy loved to dance, took some lessons as a couple,” Steve answered, kissing Bucky’s lips, “guess she may have been right, after all. Dancing ain’t so bad.”

Laughing, Bucky said, “oh, take dancing lessons for the dame but not your ole pal Bucky?”

Shaking his head, chuckling a bit, Steve said, “Peggy can be quite forceful when she wants. Doesn’t take no for an answer . . . learned not to say no much.”

Bucky leaned up against Steve, pushing him against the bannister. “Oh, I can be quite forceful too, baby. Take no for an answer.”

Steve let Bucky push him back, beaming at his lover, “oh? And what do you want, love?”

“I want you and me, forever, Stevie. I love being with you, always have.” Bucky kissed Steve forcibly running his hand over Steve’s chest and slipping a finger beyond one button.

Grinning into the kiss, Steve wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, “luckily for you, I’m not going anywhere. I love being with you, Buck, never gonna leave unless you tell me to.”

“Ain’t planning on ever telling you to . . .”

Bucky instantly shut up as the balcony door opened and Tony’s voice said, “oh, ‘scuse me.”

“Stark,” Steve growled low, instantly tightening his hold on his lover, “you aren’t supposed to be anywhere near him. Go away.”

Tony blinked and it was readily apparent the man was drunk. He leaned back, hitting the door, and nodded. “Gonna stay ‘way. Buck . . . lookin’ good. Not so pale. Been eating good? Not throwin’ up all the time any more?”

“Get outta here,” Steve stated sharply, glaring at the shorter brunet. His tone was much like what Bucky remembered from high school, angry and ready to fight if pushed enough.

“Why ya gotta be like tha’, Stevo?” Tony muttered, looking into the ballroom at Pepper’s searching form. “Not like I’m gonna hurt my Bucky Bear.”

Taking a step closer to Tony, putting Bucky behind him, Steve said low, eyes blazing, “go back inside, Tony. Now. Leave us alone.”

Tony pouted and sipped a drink he carried in his hand. “Was gonna ask how the arm’s doin’? Need a tune up?”

“Arm’s doing fine,” Steve answered sharply, hands balling into fists by his side, “now, go back inside and leave us alone. Final warning, Stark.”

Tony stiffened and opened his mouth, but at that moment Pepper pushed the doors open, having spotted her wayward ward.

“Tony,” Pepper grabbed the brunet’s arm and pulled him inside, “c’mon. It’s time to go home. You’ve had enough to drink.”

“Wanna check on Buck’s arm, Pep. Last he was in, it shorted again. Been doin’ that too much. Think somethin’s wrong.” Tony allowed the red-haired woman to drag him back inside.

“Can’t do it here, he can make an appointment,” Pepper’s fading voice came to Steve and Bucky before she pulled the drunk brunet far enough away that they could no longer be heard.

Bucky hadn’t said anything from the moment Tony’s voice interrupted them. He hadn’t even moved from behind Steve nor touched his boyfriend. He remained positioned behind Steve’s large body, close to the rail.

Turning around, Steve instantly wrapped his arms around Bucky, rubbing his back and dropping kissed to the brunet’s temple. “You okay, Buck?” He asked softly.

Bucky blinked at Steve, looking a bit shocked but not overwhelmed, not like when they’d first arrived. He nodded slowly. “Think he misses me?”

“I don’t know, Buck,” Steve answered honestly, “but I do know that he’d bad for you. Look at how far you’ve come since leaving the tower? You’re at a party . . . starting lessons on how to fix cars. You’re doing better, love. So much better.”

Nodding, Bucky dragged his bottom lip in between his teeth and shrugged slightly. “Just wondered was all. You’re . . . you’re not jealous of Stark?” It was the first time Bucky had addressed Tony in the more formal last name rather than his first.

“Jealous?” Steve frowned and shook his head, “nope. Not jealous of Tony Stark. Nothing to be jealous of.”

“I can think of a couple things he has that I’d love,” Bucky sighed and leaned into Steve at last, literally nuzzling at his boyfriend’s neck.

“Yeah?” Steve continued to rub Bucky’s back, “and what’s that, Buck?”

“I want his technological genius for my arm and his labs so I can take care of it myself without relying on his sorry, pathetic drunk needy ass?” Bucky smiled at Steve.

Snorting softly, Steve kissed Bucky’s forehead, “I love you, Buck, God, I love you so much. You know that?”

“Don’t know why, punk. I’m just the guy that loves _you_.” Bucky leaned into Steve.

“‘Cause,” Steve drawled, letting his Brooklyn accent slip into his tone, “you’re the jerk that’s always put up with my punk ass.” Steve kissed Bucky’s lips, nipping at his bottom lip.

“Steve, it it weren’t Johnny’s birthday and TJ so adamant about us supporting him, I’d steal you away for a night time romp.” Bucky chuckled. “How about we explore this hotel? You know, play tag in the upper floors? Try out that silly Elevator Game superstition?”

“Sounds great, love,” Steve grinned, kissing again.

Nodding, Bucky began walking back through the balcony door. “So, we need an elevator that goes at least ten floors that we think no one else will be using.”

Steve let Bucky lead him, letting the brunet take control. After only a couple of the required floor stops for the game, Bucky began to strip Steve and ended up having sex with his boyfriend in the elevator. Fortunately it was one in a little used wing far from the party.


	12. Taking Back Control a Piece at a TIme

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNINGS: Anxiety, Self-hatred, Masturbation, Pregnancy Kink, Lingerie, Miscommunication, SubDom, Reference Criminal Behavior, Post Traumatic Behavior**

Jack dropped his wallet, keys, and phone into the bowl in TJ’s apartment, weary but not yet making it to his own apartment. He was intent on seeing TJ safely home, which he’d done, but now he just wanted a break for a few minutes. “Some party, huh?” he asked his group softly.

“Yeah,” TJ said softly, looking at Jack and then blushing and ducking his head, still embarrassed that his older brother had walked in on him having sex with Johnny in a public bathroom.

Johnny stroked a hand over TJ’s back, across his shoulders, and asked, “Anyone want soda or juice or something? Or is everyone going home this early?” It was a not so subtle hint he wanted to be alone with his husband.

David gave Johnny and TJ a smile and then plucked up his husband’s things and took Jack’s hand, “c’mon, Jackie . . . I’m beat.”

Nodding, Jack sighed, “find, make me walk more.” He offered a smile to TJ, his eyes gentle. “See ya tomorrow, baby brother. Sleep well.”

“Thanks, Jackie,” TJ gave his older brother a soft smile, “you, too. Thanks for coming tonight.”

“Had fun,” Jack nodded and let David pull him from the apartment.

Johnny turned to TJ and grinned widely. “So, love, was it too terrible?”

Smiling, TJ relaxed a bit more and looked at Johnny, “no, it wasn’t bad . . . did you have fun, Birthday Boy?”

“It was best when I was in the bathroom, but the rest was tolerable,” Johnny chuckled, grabbing TJ’s hips and pulling him flush. “God, you’re gorgeous!”

Grinning, TJ pulled out of Johnny’s hold with a quick kiss, “wait here, okay? Still gotta give you your surprise.”

“Yeah, I want my surprise, if you’re not too tired,” Johnny agreed and moved off to sink onto a couch with a soft groan.

Nodding, TJ hurried off to the master bedroom, letting the door shut with a soft click. Minutes passed by slowly, before the door could be heard opening slowly. “Close your eyes, Johnny,” TJ’s called out, sounding a bit unsure and excited.

“Closed,” Johnny called back, letting his tired eyes close as requested. He hoped TJ wouldn’t be too long or he’d fall asleep despite the anticipation. Without meaning, Johnny began to nod of, his chin falling to his chest.

The sound of TJ’s soft steps could be heard, and then the sound stopped for a moment before fading away again. A few more minutes later, TJ gently called out, “Johnny?” The brunet took his husband’s hands, “let’s get you to bed, yeah?”

Johnny opened his eyes and yawned, “what? Sorry, Sweetheart. Must’ve drifted.”

TJ, dressed in just a pair of sweats, nodded and gave Johnny a soft smile, “yeah, it’s been a long day. C’mon, time for bed.” He gave Johnny’s hands a gentle pull.

Johnny let TJ pull him to his feet. He smiled and kissed his husband’s lips gently. “Love ya, baby.”

“Love you, too,” TJ answered, smiling at the pet name often only used by his brothers. He guided Johnny into their room, helping him onto the bed where he began to undress him until the blond was only dressed in his briefs. He pulled the comforter down and then back up over Johnny’s body. Turning, TJ picked up a black bag and hid it in the corner of the closet, letting out a tiny sigh. He crawled into bed beside his husband and rested his head on Johnny’s chest, letting his eyes close, though not very tired yet. He simply listened to Johnny’s heatbeat and steady breathing.

**************

A pounding on Jack and David’s apartment came to the residents, “wha’? Wha’ time is it?” David blinked, looking at the clock, revealing that it was only two o’clock in the morning.

Jack slid out of bed. “I’ll get it,” he muttered. Jack had no idea who would be banging on his door so early in the morning, but it sounded urgent. Walking over, Jack had the presence of mind to look through the peephole before hurrying to open the door for TJ, his blood speeding up in worry at his brother’s unexpected appearance.

TJ looked disheveled, hair sticking up wildly, pale eyes bloodshot from obviously crying, his clothes rumpled and looking as if he’d put them on in a hurry. Walking past Jack in the doorway, TJ started immediately taking off his shirt, “gotta tell me what’s wrong, Jack. Can’t see it . . . you gotta tell me.” The smaller brunet’s voice was borderline hysterical as he reached down to begin slipping out of his sweats.

Jack blinked and looked over to David then back to TJ. “Okay, let me look.” He began circling his brother, looking for any blemishes but couldn’t find any. “What happened, baby? Get hurt? Cause I don’t see any bruises or anything . . .”

Sobbing, a broken, pained noise, TJ shook his head and began to pull off his boxers, “there gotta be _something_. Jack, gotta be something.”

David looked a bit uncomfortable, TJ had never gotten this bad before, and he didn’t know what to do. He averted his eyes from TJ’s nude body, trying to give TJ some privacy but staying close enough so that he could help Jack if needed.

Jack reached out and stroked TJ’s shoulder. “TJ, baby, you don’t have a scar, scratch, bruise, blamish. Anything. Your body’s perfect, as always. What happened?”

“Look harder, _please_ ,” TJ begged, breath hitching in the back of his throat, “something’s wrong. There’s gotta be something. I’m disgusting . . . please, you have to find something.”

“Disgusting? Who said that? TJ, you are _not_ disgusting. You’re beautiful!” Jack suddenly hugged his naked brother tightly.

Sobbing harder, TJ clutched at Jack, body trembling and feeling nauseous, “I - - I must . . . must be . . . please, Jackie . . . have to find something. I can get better . . . but I need to know . . . I promise, I’ll fix it.”

Suddenly shaking TJ hard, Jack snapped, “you aren’t listening to me! I said you don’t have anything physically wrong with you. Now tell me who said you did? Because whoever he is lied!” He hoped the sharp tone and action would break through TJ’s dismay enough to get some sense out of him.

The harsh shaking seemed to snap the smaller brunet out of his panic slightly. “Jack? He . . . he lied?” TJ blinked a few times, a few more tears falling down his cheeks.

“Yeah,” Jack nodded. “Whoever told you that there’s something wrong lied to you, baby. Who was it? Stark?” He wouldn’t put anything past that asshole.

Shaking his head a few times, TJ met his brother’s eyes, “I - - I don’t know what I did, Jack . . . I - - I thought I’ve been good to him? But . . . but I must’ve done something wrong.”

“Wait, did _Johnny_ do something? Say something?” Jack was stunned. Johnny had really seemed to adore TJ.

“H - - he’s barely touched me this whole week. Th - - the last time . . . we were at his birthday party . . .” TJ looked absolutely miserable, “he - - he’s been going to work early and coming home late. Y - - you think he may be seeing someone else? I - - I couldn’t make him happy . . . I - - I can’t do anything right.”

Jack looked stunned. “Oh, God, it’s my fault,” he whispered and hugged TJ to him. “David? Get TJ some clothes or a robe?”

Nodding, David disappeared and came back with his robe. He helped TJ cover up, giving the distraught brunet a soft smile as he did so.

TJ hugged himself, a few stray tears falling from his eyes but it seemed like it was settling down a bit. “He . . . he just says he’s tired . . . the dreams have been coming back . . . I’m not a good husband, Jackie.” 

“No, TJ, you’re a great husband. It’s my fault Johnny’s doing this. I didn't realize that sleeping with Johnny was helping your nightmares.” Jack sat TJ down, hugging him close. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

“H - - how is Johnny not wanting to touch me your fault, Jack?” TJ murmured, resting his head on Jack’s shoulder.

“Because after I caught you two at the party in the bathroom?” Jack stroked TJ’s hair, “I warned Johnny off. I told him he was demanding too much from you and that you were too good to refuse him. I told Johnny to get himself under control and stop using you that way.”

“But . . . he wasn’t using me?” TJ said softly, “he always asked before we did anything.”

“I didn’t know that, TJ,” Jack sighed, looking upset. “I heard you begging to . . . well - - TJ, did you . . . are you wanting . . . to transition?” His voice had dropped to a miserable whisper.

Stiffening, TJ lifted his head and looked at Jack, “transition? You mean . . . like, become a woman?”

“Yeah,” Jack said softly, “maybe they can even help you become fertile so you can bear him children?”

Blinking, TJ looked stunned and then embarrassed and then back to shocked, “I . . . uh . . . no, Jack. I don’t want to become a woman. I like being a man. Uh . . .” TJ chewed at his bottom lip.

“I heard you . . .” Jack flushed bright red and shook his head. “David said you might be playing out a fantasy or a kink? I thought maybe Mom twisted you so bad you wanted to be the girl she never had.”

Shaking his head, TJ pushed off the couch and began to pace, “I - - I don’t want to be a girl, Jack. Mom may have fucked me up but she didn’t fuck me up _that_ bad. Not that there’s anything wrong with people that do . . . but . . .” TJ ran a shaky hand through his messy, tangled curls, “it’s just . . . it’s just something that Johnny and I . . . while . . .” TJ flushed and ducked his head, “I know I’m a freak but . . . I don’t . . .” The brunet continued his nervous pacing.

“Baby,” Jack cupped TJ’s face and lifted it, kissing his forehead. “You are _not_ a freak. You can be a man and still get into the idea of being pregnant. I’m sorry I embarrassed you.”

“Mom ever tell you that the doctors thought I was a girl in all the ultrasounds and whatnot,” TJ murmured, voice shaking, “she would tell me that it was a mistake that I was a boy.”

“Funny,” Jack murmured. “Bucky was in those ultrasounds, too. Maybe he was the girl?”

TJ shrugged one shoulder, dropping his head so it rested on Jack’s chest, “why couldn’t we have a normal Mom?”

“Because the most awesome people come from shit beginnings?” Jack asked, offering a small smile to his brother.

“But, what parent would want to hurt their kids like she did? I don’t understand,” TJ whimpered, fingers clutching at Jack’s shirt, not lifting his head from his chest, “no human being should be that evil.”

“Coulda been worse, was miserable enough as it is.” Jack lifted TJ’s chin again, smiling into his eyes. “But, I’m here . . . and I love you, even if I tell your husband to give you a rest because he’s using you too hard.”

Sniffling, TJ rubbed his tear-washed eyes and sighed, “I mean . . . there were sometimes that I wasn’t as into it as I should’ve been . . . times I shoulda told him no. Maybe . . . maybe this could be a good thing for both of us?”

“Maybe I shoulda kept to my own business instead of trying to control your life like you’re some kid?” Jack asked. “I . . . I can talk to him, but I might make it worse?”

“I’ll talk to him,” TJ nodded, sighing again, “and . . . I don’t want you to mind your own business. I mean, maybe not treat me like I’m fourteen still . . . but,” the smaller brunet shrugged, “probably not making any sense.”

“No, you’re making more sense than I do.” Jack hugged him again. “So, Johnny for a whole week’s been saying he’s too tired? I thought I heard him say he’s addicted to sex?”

Looking miserable, TJ shrugged, “probably finding someone else?”

Jack’s jaw dropped in utter shock. “What? No! Johnny doesn’t need anyone else!”

“Well, _I_ haven’t been helping him out. He’s gotta get relief somehow, right?” TJ chewed his inner cheek, looking down at his hands.

“I guess the only way to find out without _assuming_ like I’ve been doing, is to ask him, TJ,” Jack recommended softly.

“He’s sleeping right now,” TJ murmured.

“Wake him up? It’s the best time to get an honest answer, when he’s too tired to think of a lie.” Jack nodded and stood, pulling TJ to his feet.

“I guess,” TJ said softly, “um . . . I’m sorry for waking you guys up . . . again.”

Shaking his head, Jack offered another smile. “Not if I deserve it. Free pass, Teej.”

Nodding slowly, TJ walked over and picked up his clothes pulling on the boxers and then sweats before slipping David’s robe off his shoulders and putting on his own shirt. Giving Jack and David a small smile, though he still looked upset, TJ murmured, “wish me luck?”

Jack strode over and hugged his brother. “All the luck, baby.”

TJ gave Jack a quick hug in return before turning away and slipping out the door. The brunet made his way back to his own apartment, taking a deep breath before quietly entering the darkened space. Chewing his bottom lip, TJ walked to the master bedroom door, placing his hand on the thick wood and taking a moment to take several deep breaths. TJ _hoped_ that Jack was right, that it was simply his eldest brother’s warning that had made Johnny act so distant; however, the younger man worried that it was something else, that Johnny really wasn’t satisfied in the bedroom. Was TJ’s weird kink too much for Johnny to handle? Was TJ too much, all his problems weren’t worth the trouble? Shaking his head, TJ carefully pushed the door open and stepped inside the bedroom.

Johnny wasn’t in the bed but the light of the connected bathroom slipped under the partially opened door. The soft sounds of skin on skin and held-back grunts came to TJ, barely audible.

“Johnny?” TJ called out softly, not entering the bathroom, staying by the slightly ajar door.

Johnny moaned out, “TJ . . . love . . .” before gasping and softly moaning. He apparently hadn’t heard his husband’s voice.

Pushing the door open more, the brunet stepped inside the bathroom; TJ watched as Johnny reached over to turn on the shower. Silently stripping, TJ stepped up behind Johnny under the water and kissed his husband between the shoulder blades as he wrapped his arms around Johnny’s waist. “Johnny?” TJ murmured, kissing again.

Groaning again, Johnny leaned backwards into TJ’s embrace, hands going over TJ’s, though one was still covered in cum and softsoap. “God, love, how ya been?”

“Missin’ you,” TJ replied softly, moving his lips to kiss Johnny’s shoulder.

“You want some attention?” Johnny sounded more than hopeful; he sounded almost needy.

“Wouldn’t mind some . . . you’ve been awfully busy this last week,” TJ kept his tone quiet, barely able to be heard over the running water. He mouthed across the blond’s shoulder, up his sensitive neck.

Nodding, Johnny said, “been trying to give you some space, sweetheart. I’ve been told you wouldn’t appreciate me _using_ you all the time.” Johnny sighed. “But, God, I miss you. Hasn’t been easy staying away from you.”

“You never asked if I needed space, Johnny. Have I ever lied to you?” TJ asked, nuzzling the crook of Johnny’s neck.

Johnny turned in TJ’s arms and used his clean hand to lift his husband’s face. “No, but Jack tore into me and told me you’d do what I wanted because your Mom beat it into you to obey. I don’t want you feeling you can’t tell me _‘no,’_ love.”

Sighing, TJ met Johnny’s eyes, “my mother messed me up, I’m not going to sugarcoat it. But,” the brunet leaned forward to kiss his husband’s lips tenderly, “but, you’re one of the few people I feel safe enough to say _‘no’_ to. I would’ve told you if it was getting too much.”

Johnny groaned, sounding almost pained, and touched foreheads. “I been trying to be good and mastrbating and everything, and I didn’t have to?”

“Not at all,” TJ laughed, giving his lover a gentle smile, “but,” the smile faded away slightly and TJ’s eyes shone with worry, “you’d tell me if you didn’t like something, right? Like . . . like me liking when we talk about me being pregnant?”

Johnny smiled wide, “I’ll try anything once, love, but, yeah, if I didn’t like it, I’d let you know. Try to figure another way for you to get that kink.” He kissed TJ’s lips softly.

“You never did let me give you your birthday surprise,” TJ lips twitched into a smile.

Flushing, Johnny said, “you wore me out? I fell asleep, didn’t I? And,” he transferred his mouth to TJ’s ear, “I _love_ that we share that pregnancy kink, Sweetheart. I’ve never had another lover, guy or girl, who appreciated it. Always said I was gross or a neanderthal.”

Grinning wider, TJ nuzzled at Johnny’s neck and then asked, “well, can I give you your surprise now? Or did you want to wait?”

“Let me clean up? Or did you want me dirty?” Johnny laughed softly.

“Clean would be better,” TJ nodded, stepping back and out of the shower, grabbing a towel to dry off. “You get clean and wait here, I’ll tell you when I’m ready, okay?”

“Sounds perfect,” Johnny purred, stealing another kiss. He turned and began washing carefully, paying special attention to his slit and around the glans, not wanting to bring any old jism with him to his lover.

In the bedroom, TJ remade the bed and walked over to the closet, pulling out the black bag that had been stuffed in the corner a week before. Making sure Johnny was still cleaning up, TJ finished drying off before tossing the towel in the hamper and pulling out the contents of the bag.

Not breaking his word to wait, Johnny finished washing then drying. He put on a lotion that would help his overwashed skin from chaffing, especially as it looked like he might have yet another shower that night.

Hearing the shower turn off, TJ looked at the closed door and then finished getting ready, chewing his lip and trying to push away the nerves. After another few minutes, the younger man called out, “Johnny? I’m . . . I’m ready whenever you are, love.”

“Great!” Johnny sounded very enthusiastic. “Gonna get a present,” he sang as he opened the door.

TJ stood before him, dressed in maroon lingerie that accentuated his body and pale blue eyes. The fit was perfect for the brunet’s form, making it obvious that TJ had spent quite some time picking out just the right set, the right color. Meeting Johnny’s eyes, TJ flushed slightly and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, “like it?”

Johnny’s smiled faded and his eyes widened. He looked in awe, actually. “My God, you are the _most beautiful_ thing I’ve ever seen!” The tall blond stepped over to his husband slowly, as if in a dream, and stopped before him. Circling TJ, Johnny took in the full effect, ending in front of the lace-clad man once more. He let his eyes trail TJ’s body, centering on his encased cock briefly then back up to TJ’s eyes. “I don’t deserve something so perfect . . .”

Smiling, TJ’s eyes sparkled with happiness and relief, “I love you, Johnny . . . I - - I wanted to give you something special?”

Carefully putting his hands on his husband’s waist and pulling the brunet over, almost flush, Johnny murmured, “you gave me something special when you married me, my heart.” Johnny kissed TJ, starting tender but quickly burning into hot passion.

Mewling against Johnny’s lips, TJ’s body seemed to melt in Johnny’s hands as he pushed even closer, his arms wrapping around the blond’s neck. “I want you to make love to me, Johnny,” TJ breathed, nipping gently at Johnny’s lip.

Nodding, Johnny didn’t say a word. Instead, he kissed and nipped and licked back while his hands roved to TJ’s lace-clad ass, a groan escaping Johnny as he cupped that rounded flesh. “Mine,” he breathed into TJ’s mouth. Johnny pulled his mouth away and transferred to nipping at TJ’s neck, his hands roving to the front of his husband, tracing the contours of TJ’s cock and balls.

Gasping at the sensations, TJ extended his neck, exposing it for more attention. “Yes, Johnny . . . ‘m your’s.” TJ’s hips canted forward, pushing into that touch, craving more.

“You are so damn beautiful,” Johnny breathed into TJ’s neck. “‘Fraid to rip this lace . . .”

“It’s pretty good quality,” TJ murmured, his arms tightening around his lover’s neck, “as long as you don’t go caveman on me,” the brunet teased lightly, lips quirking into a small smile.

“Another time, sweetheart. You deserve a night of gentle loving . . . deep and long,” Johnny murmured back.

**************

Steve sighed happily, looking around the lightly colored hotel room with an airy feel to it. Grinning back at Bucky as he set down their luggage on the large, plush bed, the blond said, “well, we got about seven hours before TJ’s show, whatcha wanna do, Buck? I’ve never been to Florida before.”

“Me either,” Bucky looked around the room then walked over to the windows and looked out on the traffic, pastel colored hotels, brightly lit tourist shopping signs, and the sights one expected of a large city - - not what one thought of when going to Florida. “We could go to the beach? Or explore Miami. Or . . . we could take a little time to just shop or,” Bucky looked back at Steve and ran a solo finger down the edge of the blinds, “kinda hole up in here away from all that?”

“Is that what you want to do, baby?” Steve asked. Bucky had been getting better and better over the last few months, but Steve knew it would be a slow process before the brunet felt comfortable in his own skin. “You know me, I’m good with pretty much anything. Your lovely brother paid for two nights in this hotel,” Steve grinned, moving over to Bucky to wrap his arms around his lover’s waist and leaned in to kiss his lips, “we have all weekend.”

 

“I wanna spend time with a certain gorgeous blond I’m meeting down here, actually. So _where_ isn’t really important,” Bucky smiled, slipping his arms around Steve’s waist. He didn’t know how he’d survived all this time with Tony instead of Steve beside him. The longer he was with Steve, the more he realized just how toxic the relationship with Tony had been. The billionaire had been so desperate for love, he had been willing to drug and manipulate anyone who’d come within his sphere; Bucky absently wondered if Pepper was faring any better then pushed the unwanted thought from his mind.

“Oh?” Steve drawled and kissed Bucky again, “don’t let me get in the way, then. Don’t wanna keep you from your gorgeous blond.”

Grinning, Bucky began to pull away, “oh, you’re a prince! Thanks, Steve. Meet ya later. I’ve got a date in the gift shop across the street.” He turned and headed for the door. “One tall, blond, gorgeous stranger coming up.”

Growling playfully, Steve reached out for Bucky’s right hand and tugged his boyfriend against his chest, “oh, you’re trouble,” Steve murmured, kissing at Bucky’s neck, nipping at the sensitive skin.

“Or I can blow off the blond date,” Bucky murmured, grinding up against Steve’s crotch.

A knock echoed through the room and Steve groaned, dropping his head to Bucky’s shoulder before pulling away from himy.

Bucky laughed, sounding relaxed and happy, despite the interruption of a promising light-punishment scene with his boyfriend. “Tell room service we gave at the office?” he asked loud enough for the person on the other side of the door to hear.

Steve walked over to the door, looking through the peephole before swinging open the door, letting TJ walk into the hotel room. TJ grinned brightly and then slipped past the tall blond to make his way over to his twin.

“Heya, Buck,” TJ smiled, looking just as relaxed and happy as his brother, dressed in a light t-shirt and shorts for the humid Florida weather, “can’t get rid of me that easy.”

Laughing, Bucky shrugged. “A guy can try to get some private sex time, can’t he?” Bucky was dressed in jeans and a henley for the flight and hadn’t yet got a chance to change to more appropriate weather-wise clothing.

Eyes widening in mock innocence, TJ looked between Steve and Bucky, “oh,” the younger man drawled, “I interrupted something? Was gonna invite you two to a nice private lunch . . . but, I can eat all the food myself.”

With a snort, Bucky rolled his eyes. “No thanks. Don’t wanna see you do that. Might not leave any for me. And, since we aren’t inviting you to the sex, guess I should change for lunch.”

Slipping on his sunglasses, TJ grinned brightly, “yup, it’s by the pool, but don’t worry, I rented out a private room to eat in peace. I’ll let you two get changed, I’ll be in the hall.” TJ smiled up at Steve as he turned and let himself out of the room.

Steve shook his head, heading over to his suitcase to begin pulling out a t-shirt and shorts to change into. “He seems a lot happier,” Steve commented, stripping off his shirt.

“Me or TJ?” Bucky grinned over at Steve. He grabbed his own case, tossed it on the bed, and opened it, routing through for a pair of shorts and a light, yet long-sleeved, Henley. “Cause, I agree. TJ seems much happier.” Bucky glanced over with a wink, hesitating before heading into the bathroom and shutting the door before taking off his own shirt.

The blond didn’t say anything about Bucky going into another room to change, despite having seen Bucky naked many times over the last few months. Steve finished changing into his fresh clothes before saying, loud enough that Bucky could hear in the bathroom, “you both do. I love seeing you so happy and relaxed, Buck.”

Walking out of the bathroom, Bucky blinked towards Steve then the otherwise empty room. It was apparent he hadn’t heard TJ’s comment about waiting in the hall. “Uh . . . he teleported?”

Laughing, Steve walked over to Bucky and gave him a kiss, “he’s out in the hall. He was letting us get changed, love.”

Flushing lightly, Bucky said, “he didn’t have to. I wasn’t going to subject him to the sight of me undressed.” Bucky opened the door to the hall. “There you are.”

Looking up from whatever was on his phone, TJ grinned, eyes still shielded by the sunglasses, “heya, ready for some very delicious lunch? I’m starved, flying always makes me hungry.” The smaller brunet looked back at his device and finished typing something out before slipping it into his pocket.

“Sure,” Bucky smiled and stepped into the hall. “And we’re lucky this time. Steve didn’t forget his pants, so we can get service. Though the signs specifically state _‘shirt, shoes,’_ nothing about pants.”

“My point exactly,” Steve chuckled, walking up beside his boyfriend and wrapping his arm around the brunet’s waist.

Bucky seemed to melt against Steve a bit, smiling softly.

TJ snorted softly and led the couple down to the large pool area; it was busy, people trying to escape the hot weather. The smaller brunet moved through the crowds effortlessly, weaving expertly, until they reached a secluded cabana. In the shaded, cool space, there was food already laid out. Platters of sandwiches, fruit, vegetables and a pitcher of water and what looked to be some sort of juice. Gesturing inside, TJ grinned, “c’mon, let’s eat, yeah?”

“God, Teej,” Bucky sounded suddenly nervous. “That’s more than three people can eat . . .”

“I know,” TJ nodded, looking back at the food; he chewed his bottom lip and shrugged, “figured we can either find a party to give the extras to or . . . save it or something? I said three people and this is the amount they give.”

“Three lumberjacks with four stomachs each, maybe,” Bucky groaned, rolling his eyes to Steve with worry, skin pale.

“TJ’s right,” Steve gave both twins a smile, knowing their rough history with food, “no one is gonna turn down free food. Whatever we don’t eat, I’m sure we can find a party to take it off our hands. There’s plenty of people here.”

Nodding, Bucky took a plate and walked over to the wide selection. He took a single sandwich then laoded up with fruit and veggies, balancing the plate as he tried to pour a glass of juice. “Okay, so we find the hungriest looking group after we’re done and let them have at it.”

“Think I saw a group of ten or so frat boys playing in the pool,” Steve laughed.

“I was thinking that grade school group in the shallows?” Bucky grinned at Steve.

“I’m sure they’d like it too,” Steve agreed instantly, putting food on his plate. Looking over at TJ, the blond said, “thanks, Teej, this is great. The room is amazing, too.”

Smiling, TJ waved dismissively, also taking a sandwich and some fruit and veggies though it was less than the other two men. “No problem, thanks for spending the weekend with me.”

Grinning over at Steve, Bucky said, “don’t forget seconds if you want them before we open the tent door wide for the masses. You won’t get seconds after that.” Bucky moved to a chair in the shaded cabana and sighed, sinking down to enjoy his food and juice.

“So, you guys got any plans for this afternoon?” TJ asked, sitting down and picking at his food.

“Yup,” Bucky instantly answered. “I was supposed to meet some gorgeous blond across the street in that gaudy gift shop, but my boyfriend intervened. Was gonna give me sex, but I seemed to have gotten a food offer instead.”

“Well, I’m only available for another two or so hours before I gotta head down to the theater,” TJ smiled, popping a piece of melon in his mouth. “Then you two can get back to whatever it was I interrupted you from.” The brunet offered his twin and Steve a smirk before eating another piece of fruit.

With a laugh, Bucky shook his head, “we know that, TJ. We _want_ to spend time with you before the concert. Are you nervous? Because you don’t have to be. I’ve heard you play. They’ll weep.” Bucky began to eat his sandwich.

“Eh,” TJ shrugged, picking at his sandwich, “always nervous before shows. But, thanks, Buck, that means a lot.”

Bucky flushed. “I didn’t say it, but when I heard that guy in the business suit say it, I knew it was true.”

“Business suit?” TJ tilted his head slightly, lips pulled in a thoughtful frown. “Of course, lots of guys in suits attend my concerts . . .” The smaller brunet took a sip of his juice, still looking at Bucky.

Nodding, Bucky shrugged. “He was talking to other men in suits and women in nice suit-skirts. I figured he was right. You _will_ make them weep.”

“Wall, thanks anyway, Buck,” TJ grinned, “I'm gonna be playing a new song tonight . . . ya know, since it's the first of the season, gotta start it off special, right?”

Smirking into his juice, pale eyes dancing, Bucky asked, “a song for Johnny maybe? He’s your most recent inspiration, isn’t he?”

“Well,” TJ flushed and rubbed the back of his neck, “yeah, but I'm gonna wait until he's able to hear it. He wasn't able to make the trip down here this weekend. Luckily my next show is in New York, so, everyone should be able to come. How's those mechanic manuals coming along?”

“They’re technical,” Bucky shrugged. “Still trying to work my hand around those intricate innards of the machines. I thought you said you’d play a special song tonight, but it’s not a Johnny song?” Bucky frowned softly in confusion. “Who else inspires you, Teej?”

“Lots of people inspire me, Buck,” TJ grinned; even with the sunglasses, Bucky could tell the smile lightened TJ eyes, “but tonight’s song is for a very special person who's taught me a lot.” TJ took another drink of his juice, never taking his eyes off Bucky.

“Jack?” Bucky grinned. “He’s the best big brother.”

“Think he's talking about you, love. We’re the only one able to make this show,” Steve whispered in Bucky's ear, giving it a kiss before pulling away to continue eating.

“Me?” Bucky’s eyes widened in surprise. “I’m nothing special. How can I have taught TJ anything?” He looked towards his boyfriend.

“Well, you've been supporting him his whole life, baby. And you've always been there. Even if he didn't know, you were still there.” Steve gave Bucky a kiss, before pulling back and giving Bucky a smile.

Slowly, Bucky turned to TJ, eyes wide. He put his sandwich down and threw himself at TJ for an intense hug. “I love you, Teej!”

TJ hugged his brother tightly in return, dropping a kiss to Bucky's temple. “I love you, too, Buck. I'm so proud to be your brother,” the smaller brunet whispered.

“Proud of me?” Bucky shook his head vigorously, “I’m proud of _you_! I couldn’t ever get up on a stage!”

“And I could never have served in the military. Or put myself together after being so hurt,” TJ offered Bucky a smile, pushing his twin’s long hair out of his eyes. “You're amazing, Bucky, always have been.”

Snorting, Bucky whispered in his twin’s ear, “I’d never had gone to the military if Tony hadn’t arranged it. I would have been in jail for stealing those cars.”

“Wait,” TJ stiffened and looked at Steve and then Bucky, “ _stealing cars_? I knew the bomb thing was too weird!”

Snorting, Bucky said, “yeah, took a lot of counseling to admit it. Tony was the one who blew up the lab at school. But I stole four cars and helped a chop shop part them out? So, Tony got me military time. He wasn’t caught.”

“Bucky, you gotta call Jack! Tony pinned the bombing on _you_. The school said _you_ bombed the lab! We can clear your name!” TJ smiled brightly.

“That’s cause I took the rap for Tony so he wasn’t caught,” Bucky snorted again. “But it’s been years and I confessed, Teej. Don’t think I can recant now.”

“Why can't you?” TJ asked, “that bombing is on your record.”

“Think about it, TJ,” Bucky sighed, “who’d believe a washed out handicapped vet over a billionaire philanthropist successful businessman?”

“I would,” TJ stated firmly, “look all it takes is someone looking at your school record. You _always_ had trouble in chemistry and all of a sudden you're supposed to be able to make a _bomb_. It doesn't make sense! Tony is the one with the skills to make a bomb, not you!”

“I thought by _bomb_ he was just messing around, TJ. I thought he meant that he accidentally blended the wrong ingredients. He said it was an accident.” Bucky sat back, frowning. “Do you think he really tried to make a _bomb_?”

“Then why not say that? Accidents happen all the time. No, he didn't want anyone looking closely into it and you're too damn nice to tell the guy _‘no.’_ So, you took the blame for it. That bomb was no fucking accident, Buck, that guy is really dangerous! You need to call Jack, he's been working on clearing your name,” TJ stated firmly; he pushed back his sunglasses so Bucky could see the firmness and anger in the brunet's pale eyes. “Tony set you up, got you that deal in the military so he'd be able to follow you around anywhere, show you how supportive he is, more so than your own brothers! The guy is obsessed with you!”

Slowly, shocked, Bucky said, “Tony . . . if he failed, I . . . I could’ve gone to prison! I mean, federal prison! I could’ve legally been executed for treason since it was a time of war!” Bucky began shaking horribly as the realization came over him of just how close he had been to a very difficult life or even death. “He . . . he said he loved me . . .”

Steve immediately began to rub his lover's back, kissing the brunet's temple, “it's okay, Bucky, we’ll call Jack, get everything taken care of.”

“How can anyone who loves someone do that? Was he even thinking of me? Was this some fucking joke? My entire life?” Bucky stood, fists clenching, a blaze of anger like TJ had only ever seen once in those pale eyes.

“Buck?” TJ slowly stood up, “it'll be okay. We’ll take care of that asshole. But, try and calm down, okay? There’s not much you can do here. We will call Jack, let him know what we found out, he can get in touch with the lawyers.”

Looking at TJ, Bucky seemed totally gone, his eyes cold and angry, his body shaking badly.

TJ slowly reached out and put a hand on Bucky's shoulder, “Buck? You still with me?”

Bucky blinked slowly and brought his flesh hand up to put over TJ’s. “Yeah, no thanks to that fucker. He’s gonna pay for what he did to me. He kept me away from you and Jack. He stole ten fucking years from me!”

“And we will get him,” TJ offered his twin a small smile, giving Bucky's shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I love you, Bucky.”

“I love you. And I love Jack and Steve. And I really like David and Johnny. And I absolutely despise Tony Stark.” Bucky seemed to suddenly lose his driving anger and collapsed backwards into Steve with a sob, hands covering his face, trembling for a whole new reason.

Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky and brought the brunet down into his lap as he sank back into the chair. “It's okay, Buck. I got you, baby. You're gonna be okay, I know it hurts right now but you're gonna be okay.”

Nodding, Bucky turned, maneuvering to straddle Steve’s lap. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, burying his wet face in the man’s solid neck. “I gotta tell Jack that I’m an idiot . . . again. I hate _him_ so much . . . he hurt me . . . and I let him.”

“You’re not an idiot and Jack won’t think so either,” Steve reassured his lover, kissing his temple.

Bucky didn’t say anything more, merely holding Steve, face buried in his shoulder, trembling. He seemed unaware of TJ, but perhaps he was totally aware just not ready to face his twin in such a vulnerable state.

“I love you, Bucky. Your family loves you,” Steve said softly, running his hands up and down Bucky’s spine. “We’ll get this whole thing figured out, okay? We’ll all be here, every step of the way.”

Nodding, Bucky sobbed once more, softly, then fell completely still, not even trembling, the stillness people often fell into after an incredibly emotional release. He sighed softly and whispered, “I’m sorry. I’m wrecking TJ’s big day.”

“It’s really not that big of a day, Buck, you know how many season openers I’ve had . . . they’re just like any other show, really,” TJ assured his twin; though, he didn’t step towards Bucky, letting Steve physically comfort him, “and you’re not wrecking anything.”

Nodding, whether in agreement or self-confirmation wasn’t clear, Bucky sighed again. He lifted his face and wiped at his eyes and face with the back of his right arm. “Think I should go get some rest so I can make the concert,” he murmured.

“Of course,” TJ nodded, giving Bucky a reassuring smile, “you and Steve go back up to the room. Get some rest, and I’ll see you two at the show.”

Slowly, Bucky rose from Steve’s lap. He turned and hugged TJ again. “I love you,” he whispered fiercely. He let go just as quickly, hugging himself, turning almost blindly to the opening of the cabana.

Steve rushed to follow his lover, making sure that in his distress, Bucky wouldn’t fall into the nearby pool. Wrapping his arm around the brunet, Steve helped Bucky back into the hotel room, “wanna take a nap or a shower, maybe a nice bath?” He led his boyfriend further into the room.

“Yeah, let’s get a bath. The tub’s huge,” Bucky said softly, watching Steve with eyes almost as wide open as TJ’s normally were. He hugged himself, uneasy, feeling vulnerable.

“I’ve always wanted to take a bath with you. We weren’t able to in Vegas and my tub is entirely too small for the both of us to fit,” Steve gave Bucky a smile and then guided him into the large bathroom. He sat Bucky on the closed toilet before turning to begin running the bath, using some of the salts that the hotel had provided.

While Steve worked with the tub, Bucky stripped off his shirt then slowly unhooked the prosthetic arm Tony had made him. He stood and walked out of the bathroom into the main bedroom and tossed the arm into the trashcan. Carefully, Bucky wrapped his stump, with the exposed leads, in the plastic shoulder sleeve he had for such a purpose and taped it on with the waterproof medical tape. As he finished taping his arm, Bucky walked back into the bathroom.

Steve looked over his shoulder, flashing Bucky a grin, “heya, love. Ready for our bath?”

Looking up, Bucky nodded, eyes sad. “Yeah, wanna get clean.”

Nodding, Steve straightened and stripped off his own clothes before offering a hand to Bucky, “I’m gonna help you get clean, love, but first ya gotta finish undressing. Wanna see your beautiful body.”

Chuckling, the tone subdued, Bucky began trying to shunt off his shorts and underpants, quite skilled without his prosthetic after all. He stepped out of the clothes, removed his socks and sneakers, and straightened, facing his boyfriend. “Steve . . . you . . . you don’t love me the same way Tony says he does, do you?”

“Like some toy that he doesn’t want to share?” Steve shook his head, frowning in anger, but the expression faded once he met Bucky’s eyes once more. “No, Buck. I love you for the beautiful, sensitive, wonderfully amazing _person_ that you are. I love that you have crazy brothers that will always try to butt in. I love how you look in the morning when the sunlight is just right, makes me wanna pick up drawin’ again, that’s how beautiful you are, baby.” Steve took another step forward so he could cup his lover’s face in his hands, “I love _you_ , Bucky. I love everything about you and I am the luckiest man in the world that you chose to give me a chance.”

Bucky leaned forward to crash his lips on Steve’s, a desperate whimper in his throat. He ran his hand up Steve’s chest then back down towards his cock. “Need you, Stevie,” he moaned.

Grinning against Bucky’s lips, Steve asked softly, “wanna love in the tub or on the bed, baby? Or in the shower. Plenty of places. You pick.”

“Tub?” Bucky breathed against Steve’s mouth. “Wanna feel you in me while we get clean.” Bucky pulled away again, “you believe me that Tony never had sex with me, right? That you were the only one?”

“Why would you lie to me?” Steve said, pulling Bucky towards the tub, “of course I believe you. C’mon, Bucky, let’s get clean and love one another.”

A smile blossomed on Bucky’s face and he nodded, letting Steve guide him to the tub. “I’ve gotta be the luckiest guy in the world to have won you even after everything else.”

“Well, let’s just settle and say we’re _both_ lucky,” Steve laughed softly and helped Bucky step into the large tub, the fragrant water just the right temperature. Easing Bucky down, Steve pulled his lover onto his lap so that the brunet could feel his thick shaft brush against his cheeks, though not penetrating. “Love you, Buck,” Steve murmured, kissing his boyfriend’s lips.

Bucky sighed happily, despite not being actually filled with Steve yet. “Feels perfect,” he nestled back against his larger boyfriend. “In your arms . . . I think I always wanted to be here. Ever since I discovered that boys could have sex together.”

Kissing Bucky’s lips again, Steve moved his hand down so he could trace his fingers over Bucky’s entrance. “I wish I woulda let myself love you back in high school. I was so damn terrified . . . to come out . . . to ruin the friendship that we had. I was such a stupid kid.”

“Nah, you were going on what you’d been taught, Steve. We all were. Just cause I knew I wanted you . . . doesn’t mean I was ready for you, even if I thought I was.” Bucky spread his legs wide, hitting the sides of the tub but giving Steve more access.

Carefully easing his finger in Bucky’s tight passage, massaging around the rim, letting the water help slicken the way, Steve kissed Bucky lovingly. His other hand moved down Bucky’s chest until it wrapped around the brunet’s shaft, twisting and pulling in time with his gentle massaging.

Keening, Bucky’s head fell back on Steve’s shoulder and he began panting, moving his hips just a bit in time with Steve’s rhythm. “Good . . . you treat me so good, Stevie,” he moaned.

“Love to treat my baby good,” Steve murmured against Bucky’s ear, kissing it as he began to ease his finger in more, “you tell me if this hurts, love. I never want to hurt my good boy.”

“Like being your _‘good boy,_ ’ Stevie. Feels good that I make you happy.” Bucky opened his eyes and smiled at Steve. “If I’m bad, you’ll let me know? Maybe help me learn not to be?” Bucky didn’t know why he was asking for Steve to correct him, but it felt right . . . and thrilling.

“Of course, baby,” Steve agreed readily, continuing to stretch Bucky’s passage carefully, never having done this in a tub before so wanting to make sure he didn’t hurt his lover. “How can I expect you to be _my_ good boy if I wasn’t willing to correct you if you’re wrong?”

“Steve’s good boy,” Bucky groaned. He pulled up and off Steve, standing. Grinning down at his lover, Bucky turned to face him, sinking slowly, carefully down so he didn’t hurt Steve when he sat on him, still not penetrating but now able to kiss the beautiful blond. “Love the sound of that.”

“And I’ll remind you as often as you need, Buck, that you’re _my_ good boy. No one else’s. No one else gets to see you like this,” Steve growled softly, reaching back down to continuing working on opening his lover.

“Steve,” Bucky kissed his shoulder, neck, and even the top of Steve’s chest. “Have you ever . . . corrected anyone before?”

“Peggy and I experimented with it some,” Steve said softly, pushing his finger in just a bit deeper, finally bottoming out.

A deep groan pulled from Bucky at the feel of Steve’s palm on his ass, finger deep as he could go. “I . . . I never . . . felt like . . . Tony should . . . but . . . read about . . .” Bucky panted, trying not to squirm.

Nodding, Steve began to ease his finger in and out of Bucky’s passage, gently fucking the brunet, stretching him. “We’ll learn about it together, baby. I’ll make sure to do some more reasearch on it when we get back in New York, okay? I wanna make sure I don’t hurt you. Never wanna hurt you.”

Nodding, Bucky brought his hand up to balance on Steve’s chest, beginning to kiss his lips. Between kisses, Bucky said, “I need . . . told when . . . bad . . .”

“I can do that, love,” Steve promised, angling his finger so it hit Bucky’s prostate with each thrust.

Bucky whimpered at the stimulation, enjoying what Steve did to him. His cock was hard and leaking by then as Bucky rocked on his lover’s lap, trying to keep still but failing.

“My good boy deserves a reward for doing so good today,” Steve murmured, continuing the thrusting, not easing up on Bucky’s prostate. “I’m so proud of you, love. Look at how far you’ve come, Buck. You’re such a good boy.” Steve never felt the need to use derogatory terms for his lover, feeling as if those terms simply didn’t apply to the brunet in his arms. Bucky deserved the praise, the attention.

“Steve,” a whine entered Bucky’s tone and he couldn’t resist rocking his hips more forcefully. He fucked himself on Steve’s finger, panting harder, “Gonna . . . cum . . .” And with that small warning, Bucky came hard, striping them both with hot jets of thick white seed.

“That’s it, my good boy,” Steve praised, still gently thrusting his finger in and out, though he shifted it so it no longer brushed against Bucky’s prostate. “So beautiful, my love. Love seeing you like this. You’re my good boy.” The blond didn’t care that he hadn’t gotten off yet, this moment was about Bucky, showing Bucky the love and attention he so desperately needed.

“Got us dirtier,” Bucky panted, collapsing against Steve’s chest, sweaty and well happy. He smiled, unbothered by their state. “Oops . . .”

“That’s okay, love, it’ll wash away,” Steve grinned, kissing Bucky’s forehead. “Feel better, Buck?”

Blinking, pondering for a long moment, Bucky smiled widely. “Yeah,” he sighed. “Lots happy.” He sealed his mouth over Steve’s in a possessive kiss. “Love ya, Steve.”

“Love you, too, Bucky, so very much,” Steve grinned against Bucky’s lips, grabbing a washcloth so he could begin washing away the mess. After a few minutes, Bucky was clean of any signs of their loving. Steve finished up the bath, helping Bucky to stand before draining the tub and grabbing a fluffy towel to wrap around his boyfriend. “So, we still have a couple hours to kill before we even hafta get ready.”

“You didn’t get to bathe. I got you dirty,” Bucky yawned, leaning happily into Steve. He blinked his pale eyes at his boyfriend and shook his head. “And now you’ve tired me out.”

“Good,” Steve grinned, easing Bucky out of the tub and leading the brunet towards the bed, “you can get in a nap before the show.”

“And you?” Bucky climbed into the bed with a sigh. “You gonna nap or bathe or what?” Bucky yawned again. He carefully removed the plastic and tape from his stump and disposed of it in the bedside can.

“Both,” Steve laughed softly, “gonna rinse off and then join you momentarily for some napping.” The blond pulled back the covers before flicking them back over Bucky’s body. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Yeah,” Bucky smiled and snuggled into the bed happily. He loved how Steve made him feel, safe and secure and loved. Bucky let his eyes drift closed while he waited for Steve.

As promised, Steve only took a few minutes at most to rinse off. Walking back into the room, Steve stopped, towel on his hair, when he saw Bucky’s arm in the trashcan. Without a word, the blond walked over and carefully pulled the prosthetic out of the bin and placed it back on the desk. After he finished drying, Steve crawled into the bed, beside his lover. He wrapped an arm around Bucky’s waist, pulling his boyfriend flush against his chest, and let his eyes shut.


	13. Lavender Roses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNINGS: Assumptions Unverified, Stalking, Violence, Post Traumatic, Shooting, Death, Anxiety**

“You haven’t told him yet, have you?” TJ asked after Jack had gotten up to go use the restroom; he looked at Bucky across the table. They were having a Barnes sibling lunch, a rarity to just get the three siblings together, no spouses or boyfriends present. “Buck, it’s been over a week. You gotta tell him what we found out.”

With a sigh, Bucky put his glass of water back on the table. “When have I seen him in the past week, TJ? He’s always busy with . . . _Stark_. And I’ve got classes and homework. This is the first time we’ve been able to even say hello to each other, let alone a heart to heart about something that happened years ago . . . involving his boss.” Bucky’s voice trailed softer at the last and his eyes dropped.

Running a hand through his hair, TJ sighed softly and nodded, “yeah . . . it almost seems like Stark’s keeping him so busy on purpose. I don’t know . . . I’m probably being paranoid.”

“And I thought I was,” Bucky lifted his eyes, smiling slightly, almost sheepishly. “He . . . after thinking about it, TJ, he scares me.”

“Well, he’s already tried his damned hardest to ruin my career,” TJ grumbled, shaking his head in anger, “and he kept you away from us for nearly ten years. But,” the smaller brunet reached across the table to put his hand over Bucky’s, “he doesn’t have any power over you anymore, Bucky. He can’t keep you away anymore. He pissed off the wrong family, that’s for damn sure.”

“I feel like we’re chihuahuas yapping at a mastiff,” Bucky groaned, and pushed his plate away, though he had fortunately already finished eating.

Jack walked back over and sank onto his chair then frowned softly at the looks on his brothers’ faces. “Uh oh . . . what’s happened?”

“We figured something out while we were down in Florida, Jack. Something about Tony . . . you need to hear it,” TJ looked at his oldest brother, his hand still over Bucky’s.

“Okay,” Jack nodded. “I’m listening.”

“He framed me,” Bucky said softly, beginning to squirm a bit, hand shooting down under the table to hide the tremor. He’d refused to use that damned prosthetic for the past week, though he was secretly glad Steve had saved it.

“Bucky never blew up that lab, Jack,” TJ said firmly, eyes flashing with anger, “Tony did it and convinced Bucky to take the fall, said it was an _accident_. But . . . we think that it was a plot to get Bucky arrested so Tony could swoop in and _save_ him. Follow him in the military so that it looks as if Tony is some saint, that he’s more supportive than Bucky’s brothers. He alienated Bucky from us, Jack.”

Nodding, Jack said calmly, “I knew all that except who really blew up the lab. David and I figured it out when Bucky started opening up out of Stark’s control.”

“So, we can clear Bucky’s name,” TJ said.

“Big brother’s got this under control, little brothers.” Jack teased softly. “I’ve had people working on it from the first. Now we have the name of who really set off the explosion, we just need Bucky’s alibi. Where was he really during the lab explosion? And, how did Tony manage to get a court to agree to send Bucky into the military?”

“Bucky, you said something about being involved in a chop shop or something?” TJ looked to his twin, tilting his head slightly. “So, were you sent into the military for the explosion or for stealing cars? Or both?”

Bucky sighed. “I was taken to court for the chop shop and car thefts, but they were gonna let me off with a minimal sentence. Then Tony told them about the explosion and convinced them to let me go to the military to _channel my talents_.”

Jack looked thoughtful. Slowly he asked, “the judge . . . a friend of the Stark family?”

Head finally snapping up, Bucky blinked. “I . . . I don’t know.”

“Well, what was his name?” TJ prompted gently, taking a sip of his drink

“Something Fisk?” Bucky asked on a whimper, his trembling becoming very noticeable by then.

“Wilson Fisk?” TJ’s spine stiffened and he looked at Jack, “I think I read something about Tony donating a large sum of money to his campaign!” The youngest sibling moved from his seat to sit next to Bucky.

“Yeah, Senator Fisk . . .” Jack sighed and got up, walking over to Bucky to hug him, running a hand down his spine like Steve often would. “TJ, call Steve.”

“Isn’t Steve at work?” TJ asked softly, looking up at his brother, “he had that meeting with the client?”

“Text him, then, and let him know we’re handling it but as soon as he can, he might want to come home. Living with someone this far abused, TJ, Steve’ll have to understand that sometimes sacrifices are needed. If he can’t come, have him text us back so we can get Cho to sedate him.” Jack continued trying to sooth the wildly trembling Bucky, who had slipped into some place in his own horrors by then.

TJ quickly sent a text to Steve before standing up and making his way to the piano that had been installed several weeks before. Setting the phone on top of the instrument, TJ looked over at his brothers and then began to play a song Bucky would recognize as the song he’d written for him. A tune that TJ used to hum to Bucky when they were young when Bucky would wake up with a nightmare.

Suddenly, Bucky began to cry, grasping onto Jack tightly. He burrowed his face in Jack’s chest and sobbed. Jack petted his hair and back, murmuring soothing words of comfort. “Keep playing if you can, Teej,” Jack said between murmurs. “He’s stopped shaking.”

Nodding, TJ continued to play the song, his phone buzzed nearby but the smaller brunet didn’t stop to look at Steve’s reply. After finishing the melody, he effortlessly transitioned to a song that Bucky had said he liked.

Jack carefully helped Bucky to stand, his brother not protesting. They moved to the piano and Jack eased Bucky onto the bench, forcing TJ to have to maneuver to get to some of the high notes. Jack picked up the phone and glanced at Steve’s message, allowing TJ to soothe Bucky. After seeing that Steve would take some time to get there, being on the other side of the city, Jack typed in that Bucky was at the crying stage and had stopped shaking. TJ’s music was helping.

Looking over at Bucky, TJ offered him a gentle smile and carefully bumped his shoulder against his twin’s. He never stopped playing, transitioning seamlessly from one song to another. “I love you, Buck,” TJ murmured in Bucky’s ear.

Bucky nodded and turned to his twin more fully. He interrupted TJ’s playing by throwing his arm around TJ’s shoulders and pulling him close. “Love both you guys. I want a new arm.”

“We can look into that,” TJ agreed readily, looking up at Jack.

Smiling in relief, Jack typed out what Bucky had said, trusting Steve would realize that Bucky was coherent once more, relaxing. He also apologized for freaking out and demanding Steve come home right away and hoped Steve hadn’t had to cancel his meeting. Jack hadn’t really had to deal with Bucky’s breakdowns much so far, Steve or TJ always being there instead. Out loud, the eldest Barnes said, “we’ll definitely look into new arms, Buck . . . you ready for the surgery that would go with removing those leads?”

“No, I want the same kinda arm, but if Tony’s go a trust-worthy competitor? I’m gonna switch to that guy.” Bucky grinned maliciously. “And give the competitor Tony’s arm.”

Snorting, TJ nodded and said, “didn’t that Hammer guy just announce that he’d be releasing a new line or something?”

Shaking his head, Bucky informed them, “Hammer was fired by Tony for being incompetent and taking shortcuts. Competition, not really. His work is sloppy and dangerous. He’s got high powered friends who keep his name clean. I was thinking more like Pym.”

TJ nodded, “you’d know more about that stuff than me, Buck. We’ll give this Pym guy a call. See what he says. That way Tony won’t have anything over you anymore.”

Bucky hugged TJ again. “Yeah, nothing left to owe him for.” He sighed, sounding more in control than he had in quite sometime.

Jack smiled, too, “I’ll get on that.” He used TJ’s phone to look up Henry Pym and contacted him, saying he had an urgent need to talk with him about one of Tony’s successes that wanted to leave Stark. He figured that would get the man’s attention.

Looking at both his brothers, TJ said, “with this whole thing with Tony . . . do you guys think I should cancel my tour?” Moving his eyes to look at Bucky directly, he added, “I wanna be here to support you in case Tony tries something stupid.”

Thinking carefully over that question and what it might mean for all of them as a group or individuals, Bucky slowly said, “no? If something happens, okay, but right now, it’s just talking to Pym and stuff. If . . . If Pym accepts me and I have to have surgery? I’d want you guys then, please?”

Nodding, TJ sighed softly, “yeah, I wouldn’t miss being here for you.”

“Unless you _want_ to cancel your tour,” Jack said firmly.

Looking up at Jack, TJ shrugged, “I don’t know . . . canceling shows isn’t exactly easy and pisses a lot of people off - -” TJ was cut off by a knock at the door.

Jack turned and walked over, looking through the peephole. Seeing no one, Jack opened the door and glanced down the hall both ways. Seeing the retreating figure, he called out “wait!”

The man stopped and turned; he was younger than Bucky and TJ, probably in his early twenties. “Yeah? That was the address that was given, man. Weird color . . .”

Glancing down at the lavender roses, Jack paled. He glanced at the guy again. “Can you tell me anything about the guy who sent them?”

Walking closer, the young man frowned and then shrugged, “nah, sorry. He wore a baseball cap and sunglasses. From what I could see though, his face looked fucked up. He gave me a hundred bucks to leave the flowers and letter by the door.”

“He didn’t want the resident to be alerted except a knock? What if he wasn’t home, the flowers would die,” Jack asked reasonably. He scooped up the flowers and note.

Shrugging again, the man put his hands in his pockets, “I don’t know?”

“Thank you so much,” Jack offered a smile. “You’ve been a help. If I need you to talk to the police about my brother’s stalker, would you be willing to?”

The man’s eyes widened and he paled, “stalker? Aw, man . . . I’m sorry. I just thought - - I guess the guy was a bit weird. Yeah, man, I’ll talk to the cops if you need. I didn’t mean to scare anyone.”

“Thanks,” Jack stepped further into the hall to swap information like phone numbers with the delivery man. “You’ve been a big help, more than you know. We finally got someone who can help us. You do realize who’s apartment this is, don’t you?” Jack’s manner was friendly.

“No,” the man shook his head.

“Maybe not your scene, but the composer and concert pianist TJ Barnes lives here,” Jack continued to smile, keeping JT’s married name out of it since TJ still went by Barnes for his stage name.

“Aw, man,” the guy groaned, looking upset, “my sister loves that guy! She’s in high school and plays the piano like ‘im.”

“Come in? You can meet him and I’m sure TJ would give your sister an autograph. He’s desperate to catch this guy that’s been sending the creepy letters and scaring the shit out of him.” Jack walked back to the door and opened it wide to let the delivery man look in and see the twins on the piano bench.

“You sure he wouldn’t mind? Don’t wanna bother ‘im,” the man peered in, “but my sister would freak the fuck out.”

Smiling, Jack called, “TJ? This young man’s sister is a high school fan of your’s. Would you mind if he comes in to talk and get an autograph or two?” The flowers were very evident in Jack’s hands, since he wasn’t hiding them from TJ.

Looking over, TJ carefully stood up, eying the flowers in Jack’s hands. Walking over, TJ offered a small frown to his brother and then looked at the young man in the doorway.

Jack looked at TJ and smiled softly, “he’s the delivery guy, but he’s willing to work with the police. He’s actually seen the fan who gives these things to you.”

“Really?” TJ looked surprised, “well . . . thanks for being willing to talk to the police.”

“The man was wearing sunglasses and a hat, right?” Jack looked at the delivery man. “But, you can describe what you did see?”

Looking sheepish, the man rubbed the back of his neck, “didn’t see much . . . but his face looked like someone bashed it. Nose was all crooked and shit.”

“Well, you’ve seen more than any of us have, my friend,” Jack nodded. “TJ, wanna give your fan an autograph her brother can bring home for her? I can call the police and arrange a time for you to meet with them, if that’s okay?”

“Yeah, man, whatever you need,” the man agreed. Jack, still using TJ’s phone, immediately began working on getting a time for the young man and the police to meet up, hopefully with a sketch artist.

TJ offered the younger man a small smile and then turned back into the apartment. Grabbing some of his sheet music, one of his most popular pieces, TJ turned his head to ask, “what’s your sister’s name?”

“Bailey,” the man answered, smiling softly, “she plays real good. Wants to be a composer for movies or somethin’.”

Nodding, TJ gave him another smile before turning back to the paper and jotting down a note for the girl.

Softly, Jack said, “you realize that until this case is over, you can’t tell anyone about what’s happening? If the stalker hears he’s being suspected or something, he might either get more dangerous or go to ground.”

“Of course, I won’t say nothin’ to no one,” the man promised.

“Even Bailey?” Jack offered his hand for a shake. “I know how hard it is not telling a beloved sibling something. I’ve got two.”

Giving Jack a smile, the man shook Jack’s hand, “I won’t tell her anything about the stalker guy.”

Bucky finally spoke up from the piano bench, voice soft, “at least something good came out of this horror, Teej. Your biggest fan got a nice surprise.”

Smiling softly, TJ nodded and then walked over to the young man to hand over the signed sheet music, “here. Thank you for helping us.”

“His name is Freddy, TJ,” Jack relayed the info he’d gotten when swapping phone numbers.

“Freddy,” TJ nodded, offering his hand for the man to shake.

Shaking TJ’s hand after he took the paper, Freddy said, “thanks, man! My sister’s gonna freak! I promise I’ll tell the cops what I saw. I hope they get the guy. I’m sorry I didn’t think about how weird it was.”

“You’re young and need the cash. Easy enough to just drop some flowers off, harmless, even,” Jack replied, smiling still. “Stalking never crosses your mind, I’m sure. And that’s good. Means there aren’t enough out there to spook you. Thanks for talking with us. And here,” he wrote quickly on the phone memo pad they used for important dates as a backup for the smartphone memory. Handing it over, Jack clarified, “your appointment with the detective on our case.”

“I’ll be there! I promise,” Freddy assured.

“When it’s all done, won’t you have a story to tell your significant other?” Bucky asked, smiling, soft voiced, like he wasn’t too sure of himself. One would think that Bucky was the victim, not TJ.

Laughing, Freddy nodded, “yeah. Maria’s gonna tell me I’m an idiot for not thinkin’ things through. She’s always harpin’ on me ‘bout using my head.”

“But the loving you get for being a hero and helping catch the bad guy?” Bucky asked softly, eyes worried. It was obvious he was making an effort to talk to Freddy in a normal manner.

“Hey, I didn’t think ‘bout it like that!” Freddy grinned wider, “well, I gotta get going. Gotta pick up my baby brother from school.”

“Give your family a hug when you can, Freddy.” Bucky suddenly sounded fierce. “You never know,” and he gestured to his empty shoulder.

“Sure, man,” Freddy nodded, “we lost our mom last year. Dad’s doin’ his best but he’s always workin’, ya know?”

Jack nodded and led Freddy to the door, “good man helping out with pick ups and stuff.” He never mentioned that the money Freddy had gotten for the delivery might not go to the family, understanding that sometimes a man needed his own cash, too. “You’re good for helping out.”

“Thanks,” Freddy smiled, he waved at Bucky and TJ, then looked back at Jack, “it was nice meetin’ all you guys.”

“And I believe I speak for my brothers, too, when I say I am so damn glad you were the delivery guy this time.” Jack grinned wider. “Any info can help.”

Freddy nodded and said goodbye to Jack before walking down the hall and out of sight. 

Jack turned, smile slipping into a fierce frown; he’d always been good at hiding his emotions behind a social mask. “Okay, let’s get these in a bag for forensics and I’ll read the damned letter.”

Hugging himself, TJ looked at the letter and flowers, “it’s been three weeks . . . I - - I thought . . . I thought he’d given up?”

“Apparently not,” Jack said, putting the flowers in a plastic bag and tying it shut. He opening the letter and read it. He sighed and put that in a paper bag, taping the bag shut. “Now, we wait for the cops to come get the evidence.”

“What . . . what’d it say?” TJ asked softly, not making any moves towards the delivered items.

Jack looked at TJ and sighed, “he’s mad you missed the date he set up. He didn’t even mention the no contact orders we gave.”

“But . . . that was weeks ago!” TJ shook his head.

“Yeah, I suspect he either was out of town working or he was busy for some other reason,” Jack set the objects on the counter, but the letter in it’s paper bag couldn’t be read without reopening the bag. “He’s a freak. Messed up face? Anyone like that at your concerts that you might notice? Think someone like that might standout in a tux?”

TJ gasped softly and looked at Bucky and then back at Jack, “oh, God . . .” he looked back at Bucky.

Bucky stood and slowly walked out of the main room, into the bathroom, not commenting. In fact, Jack realized it was at Freddy’s description of the stalker looking bashed that Bucky had grown so quiet. He looked at TJ. “Do you guys know this man?”

“It’s Dem, Jack!” TJ exclaimed, hugging himself tighter; he watched Bucky’s retreating figure and whimpered softly. “Dem’s face was all fucked up after Bucky protected me . . .”

“So, we give this lead to the cops so they can verify if Dem’s been able to do this or been too busy.” Jack put an arm around TJ’s shoulders then turned for the bathroom, walking TJ with him. “I hope he’s taking a dump or something. Bucky’s been emotionally slammed today.”

TJ let Jack guide him; he simply nodded, not saying anything else.

Opening the bathroom door without warning, knowin Bucky would understand the precaution and lack of privacy, Jack froze briefly. Bucky was standing in the shower, fully dressed, the only barrier between water and leads his heney sleeve. “Aw, Buck . . .” Jack moaned and hurried over, letting go of TJ, so he could stop the water and pull off Bucky’s shirt. Thankful the leads hadn’t gotten wet, Jack lifted Bucky’s trembling chin. “It’s okay, baby, we’re here.”

Bucky’s eyes were dazed and he whimpered, “don’t tell, Jackie . . . don’t wanna go to the basement . . .”

The front door could be heard opening and closing, Steve called out, “hello? You guys home?”

Jack called back,” Bathroom!” His voice sounded desperate, worried. “Flashback I think!”

Steve hurried in, slipping past TJ who seemed frozen in place by the door. Moving over to Jack and Bucky, the blond cooed gently, “heya, Buck,” he immediately began rubbing his boyfriend’s back.

Jack let go of Bucky to allow Steve full access, instead walking over and wrapping wet arms around his other brother. “Hey, Teej. I’m here. We’ll be okay.” He wished he could call Johnny like he had Steve, but TJ’s husband was on a contract in Texas at the moment.

“Yeah, we’ll be okay,” TJ responded numbly, pale eyes watching his twin in Steve’s arms.

“Steve, we think we know who TJ’s stalker is,” Jack explained, “and if we’re right, it’s someone Bucky’s dealt with in the past.”

“Don’t tell, Stevie . . . please don’t tell. Don’t wanna be in the basement.” Bucky whimpered again, clutching at Steve’s shirt.

“Not gonna tell anyone, love,” Steve assured his scared lover, “and I’d never put my good boy in the basement.” He held Bucky close, continuing to rub the brunet’s back, dropping kisses on his temple. “Is it that asshole you protected TJ from in high school, love?” Bucky had told Steve about Dem; the blond figured that’s who they were talking about.

“Yeah . . . Demonto Rumlow . . .” Bucky whimpered, looking up at Steve, already beginning to pull out of the flashback. His delusions had been very few and far between without the messed up drugs Tony had been feeding him countering the meds Cho assigned him for his schizophrenia.

“There’s my boy,” Steve crooned, kissing Bucky’s forehead, “we’ll get that jackass locked up, okay?”

“I . . . I almost killed him,” Bucky whimpered softly. “And I’d do it again to protect TJ. That scares me, Steve. I’m . . . I’m a monster.”

“You are not a monster, Buck,” Steve said firmly, kissing Bucky again, “you want to protect your twin. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.”

“But I almost . . .” Bucky hugged Steve hard. He looked at TJ. “But I can’t let him hurt TJ? I _love_ TJ.”

“Of course you do, Bucky, he’s your twin. You gotta protect him,” Steve nodded, hugging Bucky in return.

Jack dropped a kiss to TJ’s temple. Softly he murmured, “you wanna hug Bucky, baby?”

“But . . . he’s hugging Steve . . . Steve makes him feel better,” TJ sighed softly, laying his head on Jack’s shoulder. “Jackie . . . in those letters,” the smaller man kept his voice low so Bucky couldn’t hear, “he says specific things about my concerts . . . he’s been seeing me . . .”

“Yeah,” Jack kept his voice just as low, “same as Bucky, I don’t think he’s missed a single concert, Teej.” He held his brother in secure arms, wishing he could provide Johnny like he had Steve.

“I gotta cancel the tour . . . until we catch him . . . he could be dangerous. I - - I don’t want someone getting hurt,” TJ muttered.

Nodding, Jack finally agree, “yeah, I think you’re right. You want me to fly you out to be with Johnny? Dem can’t find you there. He wouldn’t know your husband’s work schedule, Teej.” Of course, that meant TJ would be alone in a hotel while Johnny was at work, something Jack didn’t like, either.

“Yeah, that sounds good,” TJ nodded, taking a deep breath and straightening, “I’ll go pack some things . . . Johnny’s down in Texas all week. You can come with me to the airport, Jackie? I - - I . . . don’t wanna be alone in New York right now?”

“Yeah, of course I can come,” Jack smiled and hugged TJ. “I’d go with you to Texas, if you wanted?” He knew that’d be hard to arrange, but he’d do it.

“Tony’s not gonna let you take a week off, Jack,” TJ sighed and finally pulled out of Jack’s arms to head towards the bedroom. “I’ll be okay once I get in Houston. Like you said, Dem doesn’t know Johnny’s schedule . . . most of what he does is classified so there’d be no way to find out. I’ll call Nick once I’m there to explain why we gotta cancel some shows.” It was only once TJ had pulled out his suitcase and began grabbing things to pack for his trip that Jack could see how badly his hands were shaking. TJ was terrified.

Jack felt helpless but, pulling out his own phone, he began searching for tickets from New York City to Houston for as soon as possible. He didn’t care what class or how much, as long as he got TJ out of there quick. With his other hand, using TJs phone, he called Johnny’s private number, not his work number. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Jack knew that if Dem had somehow cloned the phone, he would only get the information that TJ was flying out, not where he was going.

Johnny picked up and spoke softly to Jack, apparently trying not to interrupt an important meeting at his end. He hung up quickly, and Jack sighed. At least Johnny would be on hand for TJ’s arrival, whenever it was. All Jack had to do was text the specifics for Johnny. Walking into TJ’s room, Jack finished his search and smiled softly. “Got you first class in two hours, Teej.”

Nodding, TJ swallowed thickly and looked at Jack.

Looking up, Jack wrapped his arm around his brother and hugged. “Johnny said text him the specifics and he’ll meet you. I’m doing that now. By the way, here’s your phone.” Jack kept texting using his own phone.

“Thanks,” TJ murmured, slipping the device into his pocket. “If the flight’s in two hours, we gotta get going. TSA’s a bitch to get through.”

Nodding, Jack grabbed TJ’s suitcase and led him from the room, hitting the send button. “Steve, Buck, TJ’s going to Johnny. He’ll call when he’s there, using the hotel phone not his own.” He looked at TJ. “Until Dem is caught, want you on that phone as little . . . here, just take mine.” Jack swapped phones with TJ. “Just in case, Teej. Change of plan, guys, he’ll call using my phone. I’ve got his.”

Steve looked at Bucky, “wanna go say goodbye?”

Nodding, Bucky allowed Steve to guide him, not wanting to lose contact with Steve. He got into the main room and broke away, still drenched, and hugged TJ hard. “Love you! Don’t forget to call us on Jack’s phone when you switch planes, too.” He actually sounded more in control once more.

“I won’t,” TJ promised, hugging Bucky and then pulling away, “I love you, too. See ya in a week or so.”

“Enjoy Houston. I hear there’s great dancing and the food’s the best!” Bucky tried to smile, but his eyes showed worry and fear.

TJ nodded and then looked at Jack, “I’m ready.”

“Good, let’s go, TJ.” Jack led his brother from the apartment and drove him, quickly and safely, to the airport. They got through initial check in fine, but got stopped at the gate. Before going in, since the line was so long, Jack turned to TJ. “Need the restroom?” He knew TJ had been whisked out of the apartment and their lunch without ever going, and the younger man had drank quite a bit of juice and water at lunch.

“Yeah,” TJ nodded.

“I’ll keep your place in line while you go, then you come straight back, okay?” Jack said, feeling like a parent with a pre-teen. He grinned.

“Okay,” TJ agreed, giving Jack a small smile before walking away. Once in the bathroom, TJ relieved himself and moved to the sink to wash his hands. After his hands were cleaned, TJ splashed water on his face, his hands still trembling slightly.

An arm went around TJ’s shoulders, much like Jack when comforting him. The hug was tight but not uncomfortable, but something pressed into TJ’s side . . . something solid and round.

“Thought you were gonna hold my place - -” TJ froze when he felt the object pressed against his side.

“You’re gonna walk outta here nice and quiet, Tommy, and we’re gonna go on that date you ditched me on. I had it so nice set up, too. Dinner, flowers, wine, the works.”

Straightening, TJ’s eyes widened when he saw the mirror and Dem standing beside him, “Dem . . . you don’t gotta do this. Think about it for a minute. Just let me go and I won’t say anything . . . I promise.”

“Think I’m gonna let you fuckin’ fly to another country to be with that asshole who trapped you in that fake marriage? Nah, I’m savin’ ya, Tommy. We’ll go to my place.” Dem smiled, his face twisting grotesquely with the severe scarring he’d gotten during Bucky’s attack years ago. Bucky had really messed the other guy up.

TJ tried to pull away.

The cylindrical object pushed harder into his side and a flash of silver and black metal shone briefly in the mirror. “Gonna wind up in the hospital . . . then I can nurse ya back to health. Oh, sounds like a great idea. I can shoot ya then tend ya.”

Going still, TJ let out a tiny whimper, “please . . . just let me go, Dem.” He knew Dem’s threat of shooting him wasn’t an idle one.

“Why?” Dem asked, sounding reasonable and calm. “We’ll be able to walk outta here and your damned older brother bulldog won’t know the difference.”

“He’ll know I’m missing too long . . .” TJ tried to talk some sense into the other man, stall him long enough that Jack would realize something was wrong. The brunet tried to reach into his pocket to get Jack’s phone, maybe he could call 911.

“No phone, Tommy,” Dem warned. “Now, walk nice and slow.”

Outside the restroom, Bucky hurried with Steve over to where he saw Jack in line, two TSA agents in business suits following closely. “Jack? Where’s TJ? I . . . I felt . . .”

“Bathroom,” Jack frowned, but didn’t question Bucky’s fears, knowing it was most likely his delusions. But he’d feel better if someone was in the bathroom _with_ TJ. Jack looked at the TSA agents, frowning.

Bucky looked at the men. “I promise you, the police report is true. He’s being stalked. I just wanna be sure he’s safe . . .” he hurried off to the nearest restroom, knowing TJ wouldn’t have wandered far.

Jack looked at Steve and the agents. “What’s really going on, Steve? Bucky have another . . . flashback?” He was careful not to inform the guards that his brother was mentally ill.

“He had a feeling,” Steve said simply, “I remember in high school they used to be able to tell when the other was in trouble. Not gonna question it.”

In the bathroom, TJ’s eyes widened when the door opened, and he let out a small gasp when he saw his brother, “Bucky?”

Stunned, Bucky screamed “Gun!” since the guards hadn’t followed and there was no easy way to get attention

All hell broke loose.

Dem instinctively fired the gun, though his hand shook, at the same time Bucky leapt on top of the other man. Guards came running to Bucky’s call. Civilians darted for doorways or behind objects amid screams and confusion. Jack darted from the line towards the bathroom intent on protecting the twins.

TJ staggered to the side as something pierced his side; the smaller brunet’s hands instinctively went to the injured area, feeling something warm and wet spreading through his shirt and seeping between his fingers. “Buck?” TJ muttered again, falling against the sink and then to the floor.

Bucky and Dem were wrestling as the TSA guards stormed the room, one man instantly grabbing TJ’s leg and dragging him from the bathroom, two others aiming their weapons on the struggling duo. Bucky, at the order to _‘stop, hands up, surrender!’_ , instantly threw himself from Dem towards the sinks and put his hands in the air, though he also tried to curl up protectively, eyes suddenly confused. Dem snarled and turned lifting the gun again.

The agent aimed at Dem and called out, again, “drop the weapon! Hands in the air!” He was one of the two Bucky had dragged with him so recognized instantly that Bucky was not the original perpetrator, though it wasn’t clear if he had something to do with the mess.

Dem shook his head. “He beat me up. Look what he did to me! I only wanna protect Tommy! He’ll kill Tommy!” Dem turned the gun on Bucky and a shot rang out, echoing deafeningly loud in the tiled bathroom.

Outside the bathroom, Jack screamed at the sound of the second shot. He wasn’t permitted near TJ while TSA agents tried to help the injured man, ambulance crews having been called and other people being evacuated. Jack had fought to not be evacuated, saying he’d go with TJ, but the TSA agents were adamant that all civilians be sent to safety then things could get sorted.

“Bucky!” TJ screamed, trying to fight to get up despite his injured, rapidly bleeding side.

A TSA agent held him down with strong hands. “Don’t move!” he ordered sternly. His radio went off and he seemed to relax minutely. “Okay,” he called out loudly, “that’s the all clear. We have them in custody and disarmed!”

“Where’s my brother?” TJ asked, still squirming, eyes panicked.

“You stay still or I make you wait until you get to the hospital for any news! I’m trying to stop you bleeding out!” the agent sounded frustrated.

Jack pushed in and managed to start petting TJ’s hair. He glanced up and sighed. “Bucky’s walking and he doesn't look bloody, TJ. They’re carrying Dem out.”

“Bucky’s okay?” TJ looked up at Jack, skin pale and eyes becoming a bit dazed. “You promise? Bucky’s okay?”

The ambulance crew arrived, and began to tend TJ and Dem, only glancing over Bucky before leaving him alone. Bucky hugged himself, standing between two agents as he tried to talk to them, trembling hard.

Jack nodded, “Bucky’s right here, Teej. He’s fine.” Looking up, he called out, “he’s a Post Traumatic war vet. Can you sit him down?” The agents immediately sat Bucky down but didn’t leave his sides, intent on questioning him.

TJ tried to crane his neck to look at his twin.

Jack touched TJ’s head again. “Bucky’s fine. Not a scratch, Teej. He’s shaking but as soon as Steve can get to him, he’ll calm down.”

Whimpering, the fight seemed to leave TJ; he looked up at Jack with those same pain-dazed eyes, “he - - he was gonna take me, Jackie.”

Jack stroked TJ’s head again softly. He smiled. “If he’d have walked outta that bathroom with that gun, there would have been half a dozen guys on him, TJ. He’d never have gotten you outta here. Probably safer here than on the street!”

TJ nodded sluggishly, looking on the edge of consciousness.

Jack went with the crew when they took TJ to the ambulance and began working on him there, hooking up an IV to replace some of his fluids until they could get to a hospital. The oldest Barnes hated leaving his other brother behind, but TJ needed him more. Steve would have to tend Bucky for the moment. Jack hoped Bucky wouldn’t take it as abandonment - - again.

For his part, Bucky merely sat there, answering questions as they were shot at him, shaking worse and worse as he was interrogated. He caught on fairly quick that there was a suspicion Bucky was in on the kidnapping attempt then chickened out and turned on his partner. He whimpered when he realized they thought he’d tried to hurt TJ, too. No one thought to go get the evacuated Steve, and so Bucky had to deal with the chaos on his own while TSA rechecked everyone, hand searching them all as they let them back into the terminal. Finally, Bucky’s terror won out and he fainted, so a third ambulance was sent for amid shouted orders, the second was transporting Dem’s body to a secured morgue for further workup.

An agent shook his head at Steve. “I swear if you keep fidgeting, Mr. Rogers, I’ll turn you away like I’ve done half a dozen so far. I don’t care if your boyfriend’s in there and you aren’t. I’ve got a job to do!”

Steve let out a frustrated groan. He had no idea what had happened or where anyone was. He’d been whisked out as soon as Bucky had screamed about the weapon. “Can you at least tell me if he’s still back there? He has severe PTSD and gets himself worked up, sometimes to the point where he’ll pass out.”

Softening his attitude, the guard shook his head. “Don’t know where anyone specific is. The victim that got shot is on his way to the hospital. The shooter is on his way to the morgue. Another person is being taken to a hospital, too, but not sure who or why. I can radio and see if they know in the main terminal?”

“Please? Can you find out if the other person is being taken to the same hospital. If it’s who I think it is, that’s the shooting victim’s twin. They’re gonna want to be close,” Steve stated.

Nodding, the TSA agent radioed in and waited. When he got the response on his earbud, he said out loud, “a war vet who is suspected of collaborating with the shooter. He’s being taken to the same hospital under guard. Passed out, but they’re not sure of the injuries yet. One armed?” He met Steve’s eyes. “Brunet with one arm?”

“That’s my boyfriend. He had nothing to do with the shooter or any of his plans,” Steve said firmly.

Nodding, the agent said, “he was in the bathroom wrestling over the gun, Mr. Rogers. The agents are doing their job securing him until they get the full information. They’ll be wanting to talk to you, too?”

“Whatever they need. Bucky would never hurt his brother,” Steve answered.

Again nodding, the man said, “why don’t you go to Mount Sinai to meet the agents taking him in custody? You can help sort this out, right?”

Steve nodded and turned away. He managed to get a taxi and told the driver to get him to Mount Sinai as soon as possible.

Nodding, the driver pulled smoothly into traffic then sped up. “Hear about the shooting? I bet it was ISIS! Damn terrorists shooting up innocent people at the airport now.”

“Yeah,” Steve replied flatly, not giving the man any information.

As if realizing the passenger wouldn’t be forthcoming, the drive went off merrily on his anti-terrorist spiel, proving he thought any person of a certain culture or faith was a terrorist. Finally, even though it took only minutes, the cab pulled up to the hospital front entrance and the driver let Steve off, thanking him for the fare.

Hurrying inside the hospital, Steve looked around for anyone that might be able to give him information. He hoped Jack would be nearby. Jack would be his best source of information on what had happened.

Surprisingly, Bucky was being escorted from a room just as Steve managed to get the room’s location from administration; Jack was nowhere to be seen yet. Bucky sighed and stepped into the hall, head down, as if drained or dejected.

“Bucky!” Steve called out, jogging over to his lover.

Head snapping up, Bucky let out a sob and basically draped himself into Steve’s arms. “TJ’s shot . . . I couldn’t stop it . . . so much blood!”

“I know, love,” Steve nodded, dropping a kiss on Bucky’s head as he wrapped his arms around his lover. “He’ll be okay,” the blond didn’t know if he was lying or not, he prayed to God that he wasn’t. Steve didn’t know if Bucky would be able to handle losing TJ.

Bucky held onto Steve as if to a lifeline. He whimpered and nuzzled and cried. He’d done so much crying that day, he felt exhausted, drained of everything he had. “So much blood,” he whispered.

Jack stepped out of a room further down the hall and looked surprised. He lifted his hand to wave to Steve, signaling into the room. He had TJ’s phone in his hand, texting Johnny what had happened.

“Look, baby, there’s Jack,” Steve murmured, ushering his boyfriend towards his older brother.

Bucky didn’t bother looking but let himself be lead. He couldn’t look at Jack; he’d let the family down. TJ’d been shot, and Bucky hadn’t stopped it.

Seeing that Jack was in a waiting room, Steve looked at the older man, “any word on how he is?”

“Yeah,” Jack grinned, looking relieved. “The doctors say that if Bucky hadn’t made Dem swing wide, TJ’d have been dead. He only got a flesh wound. They’re fixing him up, making sure he’s okay, then we’ll get to see him. Not even major anesthesia, just local.” Jack hugged Bucky. “You saved his life by stupidly jumping in, you big idiot! I love you so much, Buck!”

Bucky looked surprised and confused, almost having trouble processing the suddenly good news on top of all the bad. “TJ . . . is okay?”

“Just a flesh wound, Buck. You saved him,” Steve reassured his lover, smiling and looking just as relieved as Jack.

“Won’t be flying tonight, but he’ll be cleared to fly in a week. Letting Johnny know right now, actually. TJ’s doing great. They got his fluids up in the ambulance then started him on plasma as soon as he got here. Only needed one pint so far. And the doctors say he’s looking good. After they’re done they’ll know more, but they think he can come home in a couple of days.” Jack hugged Bucky again and nodded Steve to take Bucky to a couch along the wall. “Called David on the way here, so he’ll be here soon, too.”

Steve led Bucky to a couch and eased him down before wrapping his arm around the brunet.

“TJ’s okay?” Bucky breathed then shuddered and leaned into Steve, hard. “I didn’t hurt him bad? He’s okay?”

“You didn’t hurt him at all, Buck, you saved his life,” Steve repeated gently.

Jack walked over, slipping TJ’s phone in his pocket, his own having been confiscated by the TSA since TJ had it. “Bucky, you saved TJ. He was even still talking when he was wheeled into surgery. Can’t get better than that, can you?” He smiled and hugged Bucky.

Bucky nodded and relaxed with a sigh. “Yeah . . . talking’s good,” he agreed. “He mad at me?”

Jack laughed, “no, he thinks you got shot. I had to let the TSA tell him it was Dem. That the stalking is finally over for good.”

Lifting his face, Bucky let out a small smile, “yeah, TJ’s safe now. Gotta tell Freddy, huh?”

Jack laughed. “Freddy,” he explained to Steve, “is the guy who delivered the last batch of flowers. Sister’s a TJ fan.”

“He the guy that made it possible for you guys to figure out it was Dem that was stalking TJ?” Steve asked, still keeping his arm around Bucky’s shoulders.

“Yeah,” Jack nodded. “He saw Dem’s face and was able to let us know what he looked like. Freddy’s a hero, too. Just like Bucky.”

Bucky snorted, relaxed once more now that the adrenaline was wearing off. “Not a hero. Just got lucky. I was stupid. Dem coulda shot TJ worse instead of panicking like that.” At least Bucky didn’t seem to be castigating himself anymore.

“Had you not jumped in, Buck, TJ would be dead,” Steve kissed Bucky’s temple.

 

The door to the waiting room opened and David looked in, still dressed in the scrubs he wore at the clinic. “Hey, guys?” His blue eyes held worry but Jack had assured him that both Bucky and TJ were okay.

Jack stood and walked into his husband’s arms, kissing him soundly. “TJ’s in surgery, but doing good, like I said on the phone. As you can see, Bucky’s fine, too, just shook up. And TJ’s stalker is dead.” His voice fell cold at the last.

“What happened? Why were you guys even at the airport?” David asked, looking at Jack.

“We were there so TJ could fly out to Texas to spend the week with Johnny. Demonto Rumlow sent flowers and a note again, but he was pissed about TJ not meeting him at that strip club. This time I caught the delivery guy who was able to give enough description we figured out who it was. TJ was going to wait until he landed before canceling his concerts. It’s why I’ve got TJ’s phone. I thought maybe the guy had cloned it. I think I was right, or Dem wouldn’t have been at the airport.” Jack stopped finally and drew a deep breath. “TJ didn’t feel safe and I don’t blame him, so he was going to leave town for a bit.”

“And Dem followed you guys to the airport,” David nodded slowly.

“He didn’t know the flight or destination, so he went there and must’ve kept an eye out for us. He caught TJ in the bathroom and hell broke loose in the name of Bucky.” Jack grinned proudly.

Looking at the middle brother, David smiled softly and then turned his eyes back on Jack, “Bucky stopped Dem?”

Bucky looked up. “I went in there and saw Dem had a gun on TJ, so I screamed to the guards that Dem had a gun. Dem must’ve panicked because he shifted his aim and shot. The doctors said it’s a graze?” Bucky looked to Jack once more for confirmation, which he received. “I wrestled the guy until TSA got involved. They shot him.” Blinking in stunned disbelief, as if it just sank in, Bucky said, “he accused me of trying to kill TJ! He was going to shoot me!” Bucky started laughing.

Steve kept his arm around Bucky, looking at the other two men in the room before turning back to Bucky.

“He had the gun, not me, and he said _I_ shot TJ? My trigger hand is gone, and _I_ shot TJ?” Bucky continued to laugh, tears streaming down his face. “Dem’s always been a fuckin;’ idiot!”

“Well, he’ll never hurt this family again,” Steve smiled, dropping a kiss onto Bucky’s temple. “I love you, Bucky.”

Lifting his face, laughter dying as quickly as it started, Bucky kissed Steve, fiercely. “I love _you_ , Stevie!”

A nurse knocked and then opened the door, she smiled at the group and said, “he’s ready for visitors.”

“He’s okay?” Bucky pulled away from his kiss to turn to the nurse, desperate for another confirmation.

“A little loopy right now. We gave him some pain medicine. But he’s going to make a full recovery. The doctor said he shouldn’t be here for longer than two days. Would you like to see him?” The nurse gave Bucky a kind smile.

“Sounds like he’s fine,” Jack quipped, “he’s always loopy.” Bucky snorted.

Smiling softly, the nurse nodded, “well, whoever wants to visit can follow me.

“Me, I’m his twin, I got dibs!” Bucky jumped up, dragging Steve with him by the hand. Jack smiled and took David’s hand to follow the other couple.

In the hospital room, TJ looked over as the door opened. “Heya, Buck! You’re not shot!” The brunet grinned lazily. The brunet’s chest was bare, bandaging covering the injured area.

“Nope,” Bucky hurried over but hesitated a moment before touching TJ’s hand. “Dem’s dead. You’re safe now.”

Humming happily, TJ leaned back against the pillows, “good. Didn’t like that guy. He’s a dick. Was a dick in high school, too, huh, Buck?”

Nodding, Bucky sank onto the chair by TJ’s side, smiling. “Sure was. I love you, Teej. Thanks for not dying.”

“Happy to be of service,” TJ grinned, looking at Bucky.

Jack touched TJ’s foot and grinned. “Told Johnny what happened and that you’re fine. He asks if he should fly up here or stay at his meetings?” TJ’s phone was in Jack’s hand, ready.

“I’m fine,” TJ repeated on a nod, “he don’t hafta come up. Not even hurtin’ right now, Jackie. Tell Johnny that. He worries. Tries to act all happy all the time . . . but he worries.”

“He loves you, Teej,” Jack confirmed. “That’s why he worries.” Jack began texting TJ’s message. “Oh, Teej? Brought a vet to check on you. Hope that’s okay?” He stepped out of the way so David could get in.

TJ grinned at David, “hey, David! Even in scrubs . . . can check me over. But,” the brunet looked at the female nurse still in the room, checking on her patient, “don’t think Linda will like that much.”

“You got that right,” the woman laughed happily, “you’re my patient for the next few days.”

“See?” TJ gestured to Linda with a sluggish wave of his hand, “I told ya, David.”

David snorted softly and smiled at the younger man, “I’ll just have to let her do her job then.”

“Hey, Teej, think in some parallel dimension we’ve ever actually gotten along with Dem?” Bucky asked, just to be saying something, enjoying that his brother was alive, and talking.

“Nope,” TJ shook his head, “Dem is a dick. Always been a dick. Think it’s hardwired in him.” The smaller brunet looked at his twin, “thanks for comin’ to the airport, Buck. Dem wanted to take me to his house. I didn’t want to go to his house. You saved me.”

“I _knew_ you needed me, Teej. I never turn away when you _need_ me like that.” Bucky leaned over and kissed TJ’s forehead. “You rest so you can make your concert in five days. I think there’s gonna be a couple kids glad to see you.” TJ’s next concert was in town, so he wouldn’t have to travel very far. Madison Square Garden was just down the street from TJ’s apartment.

“Rest so I can play,” TJ nodded and let his eyes drift shut, his hand still in Bucky’s.


	14. Bucky’s Turn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNINGS: Anxiety, Dealing with Past Abuse, Pregnancy Kink**

Stepping back from the table, nervously studying the decorative plates, napkins, and other dinnerware, Bucky nodded, checking off yet another mental task in his preparations for his boyfriend’s birthday. Steve was scheduled for a half day of work that day, so Bucky had gotten up as soon as Steve left in order to be ready. Looking at the streamers already hung as well as the various patriotic decorations set about, Bucky drew a deep breath, reminding himself that Steve had always been proud he’d been born on the fourth of July, so the red, white, and blue decorations would please him rather than annoy him. Checking his watch, Bucky noticed it was almost time for the family to show up. They’d be bringing the food, including a variety of meats and veggies for Steve to proudly display his barbecue skills with.

The doorbell rang throughout the home, signaling the first of the guests to arrive. Drawing a breath, Bucky hurried over to the door and looked out the peephole. All of the family had gotten used to checking before allowing anyone access to their homes. TJ and Johnny stood out on the porch, Johnny carrying the platter of food they'd volunteered to bring.

Grinning, Bucky flung open the door, “thanks, guys!”

TJ smiled back at his twin, pulling his sunglasses off as he slowly made his way into Steve and Bucky's home. Slipping the glasses so they hung on the collar of his shirt, TJ looked around, “wow, Buck! This looks great!” The youngest Barnes sibling was still slow and a bit sore from Dem’s attack a week before but he felt better with every day that passed.

Johnny grinned and headed for the kitchen to put down his load. “Let me skip out for the other box,” he said. “Jack come help me with the food and stuff.”

Nodding, Jack threw his brother a grin, put down his box of food, and headed out the door, leaving TJ and Bucky alone for the very first time since the airport.

“I guess Johnny thinks we're feeding an army,” TJ teased, smiling at his brother. There wasn't any lingering pain in the brunet's eyes; only when he moved did the injury hurt.

“Well, Steve _does_ eat enough for two or three guys,” Bucky joked back. “Come on, sit on a breakfast stool while I start arranging the food?” He figured TJ wouldn’t have to sink down or move as far to get back up if he used a stool.

“Sure you don't need help? Just can't lift anything super heavy, but I do have hands,” TJ followed his twin into the kitchen, brandishing his hands in the air so Bucky could see them. “Johnny hasn't let me do _anything_ since he's been back. And Jack's just as bad.”

“Well, I trust you know your limits, Teej. Transfer what you think you can.” Bucky grinned and carried the things he could with only one arm. Softly, he said, “I’ve got an appointment with Dr. Pym tomorrow.”

“That's great!” TJ tossed a smile to Bucky as he moved a plate of sliced meat into a free space in the fridge. “We can finally move past Tony fucking Stark!”

“Almost,” Bucky sighed. “Fisk.” He shook his head. “He wants to see me in court for slander and stuff, saying I’m lying about Tony and the explosion. _And_ wants to defend his decision as judge against me.”

“Well,” TJ sighed, walking slowly back to the counter to grab another plate of veggies to put in the fridge. “Jack's lawyers are good. Supposedly they’re doing your case pro-bono because they owe Jack a favor.”

“That’s a hell of a big favor doing a case against Senator Fisk and Tony Stark, the billionaire,” Bucky started worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, unaware as he drew blood.

“Guess they have a beef with Fisk or something,” TJ shrugged, grabbing the plate and making his way back to the fridge. “We'll get your name cleared, Buck. Tony's gonna pay for what he did to you.”

Nodding, Bucky drew a deep breath and let it out. He slowly began breathing in and out, counting softly on each exhale, until he reached seven. Touching his lip, Bucky frowned and got some ice from the freezer to put on his lip.

Wincing as he crouched down to put away the plate, TJ continued, “has Tony said anything to you since you moved out of the Tower? Other than Johnny's birthday party?”

Shaking his head, Bucky walked over to help TJ stand if he needed someone to lean on. “Not even a peep. So much for love, huh?” Blinking, Bucky suddenly staggered and leaned on the counter. “Whoa, maybe I’m slow, but I just realized we both had stalkers, TJ. That’s creepy as hell.”

TJ used the counter near to fridge to help haul himself up from the floor. “Yeah, guess we just attract crazy people. Let's just hope yours doesn't end in a shooting at an international airport.” The smaller brunet made his way to the high chair at the counter and sat down, hand going over his injury.

“Need a couple pain killer pills, over the counter stuff is all I got,” Bucky offered, mouth muffled behind his ice. He looked over as Jack and Johnny came back in, one carrying a box with food in it and the other a box with the birthday presents.

“I promise I didn't punch Bucky,” TJ teased, shooting a quick smile and wink over to his twin. His hand fell back to rest in his lap, the pain fading away as he sat down for a minute.

Jack blinked then laughed. “I don’t know, with his sassy mouth, I almost wouldn’t blame you. But good you didn’t. I saw a certain car pulling up in front.”

Bucky straightened, eyes lighting. “Steve’s early?” he sounded happy, despite the rest of the guests not being there yet, including David.

“Go greet the birthday boy,” TJ smiled at Bucky, “we’ll put the rest of this stuff away. Or more so, I'll direct Jack and Johnny where to put things. I feel like being bossy.”

Bucky nodded, keeping the ice pack on his lip. He walked out of the house, having to remove the ice long enough to open the door since he worked one handed. Putting the ice back to his lip, Bucky waited on the front porch for Steve, smiling in anticipation. He couldn’t wait to tell Steve about the appointment with Pym.

Steve walked into the hall and immediately saw Bucky waiting for him. “Hey, Buck!” Seeing that Bucky held ice to his lip, the blond asked, “what happened, baby?”

With a soft laugh, Bucky said, “it was horrible! I was attacked by a rabid gerbil . . . or maybe I bit myself . . . still trying to sort it out.” He stepped up to Steve and leaned into him. “Love you . . . happy birthday.” He pulled the ice away to show his swollen lip.

Smiling, Steve kissed Bucky's temple, “thank you, baby. I love you, too, so much.” The blond looked at the lip and nodded, “not too serious. I think you'll make a full recovery. I saw Jack and Johnny outside. TJ here, too? How's he feeling?”

“Yeah, TJ’s here. I gave him a stool to reign on and he’s lording it over the other two, who won’t even let him lift a finger. I let him, though,” Bucky sounded smug.

“Bet he actually appreciated that,” Steve smiled, wrapping his arm around Bucky's shoulders and walking with him up to their townhome. “David had to work, right? But he'll be here later?”

“Yeah, he’ll be here later.” Looking around, Bucky finally noticed the absence of someone he’d been eager, if scared, to meet. “Um . . . someone shorter than you missing?”

Steve sighed and ran his free hand through his hair, “Peggy didn't want to send Sharon with the recent shooting, so TJ can recover. She promised to send Sharon out in August. I was thinking on renting a lake cabin for a weekend? You think the others would like that?”

Nodding at Peggy’s wisdom and concern for his twin, Bucky smiled, “then we’ll throw you another party then, so she can join in. Isn’t her birthday in August? Think she’d mind sharing? And a cabin on a lake would be heaven. I’m sure the others would _love_ it!”

“That’s what I was thinking,” Steve nodded, leaning closer to kiss Bucky’s temple again, “think we could all use a little vacation.”

“I love vacation,” Bucky sighed happily. “But, since we’ve got the guests, the food, and all, why don’t we celebrate? If you don’t like your birthday, we can make it a patriotic party,” Bucky teased lightly, grasping Steve’s hand, handing his ice to Steve to hold.

“I like my birthday,” Steve grinned, taking Bucky’s ice, though it was rapidly melting. Having nowhere to put the melting ice, Steve was forced to let go of his boyfriend.

Bucky pouted but let it go, opening the door for Steve since he _was_ carrying the ice. “Honey, I’m home! Look what I found. Can I keep him?”

“Nope. We told you, Buck, no more strays!” TJ called from the kitchen.

“But he’s cute!” Bucky shot back, leading Steve into their shared townhome. “I promise to feed him and clean up after him and give him all the tummy rubs he can stand!”

“You said that about the one-eyed cat that scratched the shit out of Jack’s hand,” TJ laughed.

“And Patch was freakin’ adorable!” Bucky laughed, too. “I even have a name picked out. _‘Cap’_.” Bucky finally turned to Steve to see why he was so quiet. “Steve? You okay?”

Smiling at Bucky, Steve nodded, “yeah, baby, I’m great. The decorations look awesome.”

Looking around, drawing his lip between his teeth and yelping at the pain, Bucky flushed. “Not too much?”

Leaning in to give Bucky a kiss, still holding the ice which now dripped onto the floor, Steve said, “I love it. Thanks so much, baby.”

Bucky grinned and threw his arm around Steve’s neck, kissing him, whimpering but ignoring his pain for the most part. “I love you,” he smiled. “Worked on this since the moment you left, but the others brought the food. Gonna set up the grill?”

“Of course,” Steve beamed, finally making his way to the sink to dispose of what was left of Bucky’s ice. Steve washed his hands and then headed towards the back yard where his grill was. “Bucky and I set up the yard furniture just the other day, so if people want to hang out there? It’s a small yard, but a yard nonetheless.”

Johnny began helping bringing out the meat and cooking utensils. “I’d rather hang out wherever my husband sets up shop, Steve, but it looks great. And so does the house. Where’s this famous little cousin I have yet to meet?” He smiled at his cousin.

Turning on the grill, Steve gave Johnny a smile, “Sharon’s gonna come out in August for her birthday. Peggy wanted to give TJ a chance to recover after the shooting. But, I was thinking while she’s out here, the whole group can rent a cabin near a lake for a few days? Might be fun. Think you and TJ will go?”

“Oh, how many of us in one cabin? We might wanna consider a couple of cabins if we’re all going,” Johnny laughed. “I mean, six adults, at least, and a kid?”

“Depends on the size,” Steve shrugged, “but, yeah, we can do multiple cabins if you want. Just thought it might be fun for all of us to get outta town for a couple days.”

Jack grinned, “what day is Sharon’s birthday?” he asked from the doorway.

“August fifteenth,” Steve answered. 

Bucky snorted and Jack laughed low. “Hey, Teej,” he called loudly, “wanna go play Grizzly Adams for a big birthday bash in August?”

“Sure!” TJ agreed, slipping off the stool and slowly making his way to the back yard. “Why am I playing Grizzly Adams, though? _You_ , Jack, should be Grizzly Adams since it’s your birthday. Plus, you could pull off the rugged, lumberjack look. Me, not so much.”

Still laughing, meeting Steve’s eyes, Jack informed his brother, “it’s for Sharon Rogers’ birthday, dolt, not mine.”

“Why can’t it be for both your birthdays?” TJ shot back, “or are you too cool to share a birthday party with a nine year old?”

Bucky snorted, “I was thinking she’d wanna share with her father, but this makes it great! We can celebrate all three at the same time. This here’s a preliminary party, of course.”

Steve dropped the first servings of meat on the grill, the beef sizzling when it hit the heated iron. “Sharon will be ecstatic.”

“Hey,” TJ called out, slipping on his sunglasses as he made his way over to a chair and sitting down, “Bucky tell all you guys about his good news?”

Flushing brightly, Bucky ducked his head and wrapped his arm around his torso. “It’s not that big,” he murmured, feeling like everyone was staring. At least he’d come some ways from when familial attention would threw him into a panic attack.

“Is so!” TJ stuck his tongue out at his twin, his tone teasingly argumentative. “You gotta tell ‘em now, Bucky. I’m not gonna ruin the fun of telling.”

“Wanted to tell Steve first,” Bucky sighed then lifted his head, looking half happy, half worried. “Got an appointment with the doctor tomorrow.”

“Which doctor, love?” Steve asked, giving Bucky a reassuring smile.

“Dr. Pym,” Bucky swallowed. “He says he’s very interested in seeing if my arm can take any kind of surgery, let alone his version of the arm.”

“Oh, baby!” Steve moved over to hug his lover, kissing Bucky fiercely, “that’s great news!”

Bucky grinned at Steve’s reaction. “Yeah?” He leaned into his boyfriend's touch, his kiss. “I wanna get the leads removed if possible, if Pym can’t fix my arm up. I‘d rather have one arm than Tony’s.”

“Even if Pym can do the replacement arm, I think we should at least ask about those exposed leads. Maybe see if it’s possible to make them internal, not exposed,” Steve kissed Bucky again, grinning brightly. Reluctantly, Steve let go to continue tending to the cooking meat.

“Want company to the doctor, Buck?” TJ offered his twin.

“Yeah,” Bucky grinned at his twin. “I’d love company.” He let out a nervous blow of air, though he was happy that _anyone_ wanted to go with him for a medical consultation. Those were often long and boring to those not involved.

“Cool, I don’t have anything to do tomorrow,” TJ leaned back in the chair, “Johnny’s stuck in meetings . . . all day. And I don’t have another concert for two more weeks!”

Bucky snorted, “well, as long as you have nothing _important_ keeping you, I guess second fiddle’s good for me.”

“Hey, you are important! One of the most important people in my life, actually,” TJ offered a small smile to Bucky. “What time’s the appointment?”

“Eight thirty in the morning,” Bucky answered promptly. “And he reserved the entire day for me, instead of the normal hour for consultations.”

“Wow,” TJ nodded slowly, “he must be really interested then. We’ll hafta leave early to make sure we get there on time.” The smaller brunet pulled out his phone to search how long it’d take to get to Pym Industries from Steve and Bucky’s house. “Says here it’ll take a little over an hour.”

Bucky nodded. “I know. I have the emails he sent me.” He began playing with the edge of the table cloth on the picnic table. “I’ll need to bring the arm. I think that’s the reason he scheduled me all day. I mean, why else would he want to see _me_ that long?”

“Well,” Steve piped up, plating the first round of steaks and putting on the next, “did he say what he wanted to look at in the email? There’s a lot to go over, Bucky. Tony did a lot of work on you. Pym probably doesn’t want to miss anything.”

Pulling out his phone, Bucky flicked it on and began to read. “Says he wants to make sure I don’t need emergency surgery, so he freed up his entire schedule in case he needs to do work ups, and other pre-surgery stuff.”

“Do you want me to go, too, Bucky? I can call up Nat and ask her to take over the consultation that I have tomorrow?” Steve offered Bucky a smile.

Flushing, Bucky ducked his head, “do you really think he’ll need to do surgery so soon?” Bucky sounded a bit worried.

“I don’t know, love,” Steve answered honestly, “if he cleared his schedule for it, there’s a possibility.”

Bucky swayed on his feet then sank into a chair. “Oh . . . I - - uh, didn’t think . . . I’d be going under the knife like . . . for weeks maybe?”

“Bucky, listen to me,” Steve said firmly, gesturing for Johnny to take over the food. The blond knelt in front of his lover, “you won’t be going into surgery for _weeks_. We don’t even know that there’s gonna be any surgeries at all tomorrow. Let’s just take everything one step at a time, okay?”

Nodding, Bucky just flipped his phone in his fingers a few times, trying to wrap his mind around what was happening, how fast it felt, if it was really a good idea after all. He was terrified of the dark, and going into surgery was allowing someone to knock him out . . . he’d be drugged again. Bucky knew none of his private thoughts connected very well; he was thinking in loops and swirls. Finally, he said, “gonna throw up . . .” as his hand covered his stomach, phone dropping to the grass.

As if they’d practiced this routine over and over again, Steve nodded and quickly escorted Bucky from the yard to the nearest bathroom which was unfortunately on the second floor. Letting Bucky situate himself in front of the toilet, Steve knelt with him, gathering up his lover’s hair in one hand to pull it out of the way. The blond ran his fingers up and down Bucky’s spine.

Bucky knelt there, resting his head on the cold, clean porcelain; he kept Steve’s home spotless between classes. It was so much easier that summer because he’d taken the summer months off due to the mess with Dem and Tony. Breathing in the faint smell of bleach and cleaning fluid, Bucky sighed. “I’m scared, Stevie. Don’t wanna lose control . . . drugs . . . dark . . .”

“I know, baby,” Steve assured his lover, “but this time you have all of us with you, Buck.”

Looking up at Steve, keeping his head down just in case, Bucky said, “you must be getting sick of how much _I’m_ sick.”

“Nah, I like taking care of you,” Steve said simply, offering Bucky a soft smile.

“You really don’t mind?” Bucky sighed and slowly lifted his head, closing his eyes momentarily. When he opened them, he sidled a bit closer into Steve’s body. “I covered for Tony and he screwed me big time. You know that?”

“I do,” Steve nodded, dropping a kiss to Bucky’s hair. “We’ll get him though.”

“And I let my mother torture TJ . . . so she wouldn’t throw me in that basement so much.” Bucky suddenly sobbed.

“What do you mean, love?” Steve asked softly. He’d found out that Bucky usually felt better after talking things out . . . like a weight being lifted.

“Mom used to punish me for the things I did or thought I did. She’d lock me in the apartment basement, in the dark with the bugs and damp and stuff. I’d be there hours sometimes. A few times the janitor let me out, but Mom always told him I must have locked myself in. She’d torture TJ, too, tell him he was ugly and fat and stuff. I couldn’t stop her because she’d throw me in the basement if I tried.” Bucky shook his head. “I let her hurt TJ and now he can’t stand himself. And she’d make us eat everything on our plates, even if we got sick. And now TJ eats until he’s sick and I hate food sometimes so much.”

Shaking his head, feeling anger and disgust well up inside him, Steve said, “I’m so sorry that none of us saw what she was doing to you guys. I always just thought she was strict . . . not _abusive_.”

Softly, Bucky said, “and if Jack tried to help us, she’d punish us worse - - and make Jack watch.”

“All three of you got out, baby, you’re all safe now,” Steve kissed Bucky’s temple. “You’re getting better everyday, love. Johnny and David are helping your brothers. You’re all safe, love.”

“And I throw up so easy,” Bucky sighed, but that wasn’t really a big complaint of his, just a way to round off the diatribe. “She wanted a girl.”

“So, she was mad at you and TJ for both being born boys?” Steve asked gently, continuing to rub Bucky’s back.

“She hated Jack for being a boy, and me and TJ worse for compounding Jack’s vicious willful rebellion.” Bucky sighed and leaned into Steve’s caresses. They always soothed him.

“I’m so sorry, baby, everyone deserves a - -” Steve looked at Bucky as he spoke up.

“There were three more of us,” Bucky said conversationally, “but Doug, a year older than me and TJ, died a few hours after birth. The two girls were still born, Jack’s twin and a girl after me and TJ.”

“I didn’t know your mother had any more children,” Steve admitted softly.

“She never mentioned them, not to me or the others, but Dad told me once. He showed me the paperwork about them. I’ve got the stuff put away in one of my photo albums, the one about my military injuries and stuff?” Bucky sighed. “But if I mentioned them, the others would probably think I need a medication adjustment for delusions again.

“You don’t give your brothers enough credit, Bucky,” Steve stated gently. “I think they’re a lot more accepting than you believe.”

Meeting Steve’s eyes, Bucky nodded. “Okay . . . but not today. I’ve pooped on the party enough.”

“You haven’t pooped on anything,” Steve laughed softly, kissing Bucky again.

“Guess we should get back to the party or Johnny will char-broil everything. He seems to like to burn everything he tries to cook.” Bucky slowly got to his feet and ran some water so he could sip it to continue easing his stomach.

“And that’s why he has TJ,” Steve chuckled, standing up with his lover.

After Bucky had finished at the sink, Steve lead his boyfriend back downstairs, keeping his fingers entangled with Bucky’s. In the kitchen, TJ was shuffling about, setting out the veggies, fruits and anything else that was needed for dinner. Looking up as he heard Steve and Bucky enter, TJ smiled, “hey, Buck. Feelin’ better?”

Nodding, Bucky softly said, “I told Steve about Mom.”

Frowning softly, TJ simply nodded, “probably something he should know.” He didn’t offer any confirmation to if he had told his own husband about the horrors Winifred Barnes forced her sons to endure.

Reaching for a tall pitcher of iced tea, Bucky headed out the back door, using his elbow and back to get the door open. He put the container on the table and headed back in for the lemonade then the iced fruit punch. Soon the rest of Steve’s friends would arrive, including Nat and Clint.

Steve helped Johnny finish up the rest of the meat, making sure the smaller blond didn’t burn everything. Leaning in closer to his cousin’s ear, Steve whispered, “might wanna go check on TJ.”

Frowning, Johnny handed the spatula to Steve and headed directly into the kitchen. He offered TJ a worried smile. ‘You okay, love?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m good,” TJ murmured, rearranging the condiments on the counter. “Oh . . . forgot the steak sauce . . .” the brunet moved back to the fridge to get the forgotten sauce.

Johnny watched him a long moment before suddenly pulling him into a tight hug from behind, kissing TJ’s slender neck. “God, I love you. You are so damn sexy!”

“Love you, too,” TJ repeated softly, “though you aren’t pulling the same stunt that you did at your birthday party. Don’t think Bucky and Steve will appreciate us ruining their bathroom.” The joke feel slightly flat, but it was obvious TJ was making a strong effort to keep the mood light.

“We could always use the guest bathroom,” Johnny suggested, nipping TJ’s neck softly. “And I promise to be gentle.”

“Johnny . . .” TJ’s voice took on a soft whine, “more people are coming soon. Gotta help Bucky get things ready. Trust me, I wish you could whisk me away . . . but, I got . . . responsibilities?”

“Steve wouldn’t care if we ditched,” Johnny said softly, frowning slightly. “He knows we need time to ourselves frequently. And he’s the one who let me know that you needed some special attention.” Johnny kissed the other side of TJ’s neck. “So, if you won’t let me whisk you away for a bout of glorious careful sex, what’s wrong?”

Sighing, TJ looked around the room, checking the occupants, before admitting, “why can’t we have one family gathering without someone having a fucking panic attack?”

Johnny looked surprised. “Because Bucky’s afraid of surgery?” He shook his head, “TJ, most everyone’s afraid of surgery.”

“It’s . . .” TJ shook his head, sighing again, “nevermind. Probably just being sensitive or something.” The brunet moved out of Johnny’s arms to put the sauce on the counter.

Looking hurt, Johnny said, “and you’re shutting down on me. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. Was there more than surgery bothering Bucky? Was Steve able to calm him?”

“Everything bothers Bucky,” TJ murmured, almost bitterly. Taking a deep breath, TJ pinched the bridge of his nose. “I just want one normal day. A day without a stalker or a panic attack or my Mom still hurting us even though she’s locked in some fucking nut house. One normal day, is that too much to ask?”

“TJ, sweetheart,” Johnny wrapped his arms around his husband. “Maybe for a bit, the best we can hope is everyday a quick recovery, until things settle? Bucky’s doing better in counseling, right? He’s getting calmer and more able to handle things. Did you want to go to Dr. Cho with him to see how she deals with him?”

“Not really,” TJ answered, not pulling away from Johnny, though not pushing into the touch either. “I’m just . . . I’m tired, Johnny. I know Bucky’s doing better, I do, and I’m proud of him. But . . . I feel like I gotta walk on eggshells . . . all the time. Like anything I say can freak him out. It’s exhausting.”

Nodding, Johnny lowered his chin to JT’s shoulder. “Yeah, it is. Always trying to be careful of what you say, hoping you word it right because you mean one thing, but he might take your words totally the wrong way and panic. Knowing how much you wanna be there for him, love him and help him, but sometimes you just don’t know what to do, or if you’re making things worse.”

“I sound so shallow, don’t I?” TJ sighed,

“And there it is,” Johnny sighed. “Taking my words the wrong way.” He straightened.

Looking back at Johnny, TJ’s eyes widened, “you - - you feel like that . . . about me?”

Sighing, Johnny ran his hand through his hair, making it stand on end. “I adore you, TJ, I love you with my entire being. But, yes, you have as much trauma stored up as Bucky. In your own way, you panic. I keep trying to figure out how I can help you, but I keep hitting a brick wall of stubborn.” Shaking his head, Johnny reached to pull TJ against him. “I want so badly to help you be happy with yourself.”

Frowning, TJ looked confused and then shook his head, “happy with myself?”

“Your mother tore you to shreds over and over, TJ, until now you’re afraid that every move you make, every word you say is wrong. You think you’re constantly being judged and found wanting. But, if you could see through _my_ eyes, you’d forget every stupid ass word that woman said to you. Because you are the most beautiful, loving, delightful, intelligent, talented man I’ve ever had the privilege to know!” Johnny cuddled TJ close, breathing in his scent, careful of his still healing injury.

Turning in Johnny’s arms, TJ looked up at his husband and said softly, “you really think that? That . . . that Mom was wrong about everything?”

Smiling into TJ’s eyes, Johnny said, “I _know_ she was wrong, TJ. Because I see everyday what a wonderful person you are, and she couldn’t even see that.” Cupping TJ’s face, Johnny kissed his husband tenderly. “I love you.”

“Jack thought she made me want to be a woman . . .” TJ murmured softly.

“Why? Cause of our pregnancy kink?” Johnny smiled and shook his head. “I’ve seen you walking around in your lingerie baby, and there’s nothing feminine about you. You are pure, beautiful virile man.”

Flushing, TJ ducked his head, resting it on Johnny’s shoulder, “I - - I . . . love you, Johnny. I’m sorry I’m stubborn . . .”

“Love, I wouldn’t have you any other way but as you are. We can help you gain your confidence so you can lessen her painful lies, enhancing all your beautiful qualities.” Johnny kissed TJ, “and I think, Teej, that Dr. Cho might be able to give you a couple of coping skills? She’s been able to help Bucky with lessening his own panic.”

“You and Jack,” TJ murmured, shaking his head, “you two keep pushing me to talk to Dr. Cho . . . but - - but I’m not like Bucky . . .”

“Dr. Cho isn’t just for schizophrenics, TJ,” Johnny said softly, tracing his fingers down TJ’s arms. “She helps regular people learn to cope with all kinds of things, like anger or grief or even uncertainty. She teaches a life skills class at the university on Sundays.”

“I . . . I’ll look into it, okay?” TJ said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I was kinda hoping you’d go check it out with me?” Johnny sighed and drew a breath. “See, I wanna see if she can help me with a few work-related frustration issues I’ve got.”

“I . . .” TJ frowned and then nodded slowly, “okay? I - - I can go with you?”

Johnny carefully hugged him, “thanks! I really didn’t want to go alone.”

Nodding again, TJ didn’t say anything else before a knock at the door signaled some of the other guests arriving. Pulling away from Johnny, TJ made his way to the door, checking the peephole before letting Nat and Clint into the home. “Hey, guys, rest of the party’s out back. Steve’s grilling.”

“Good, it’s safe to eat,” Clint grinned. “Johnny burns the outside but leaves the inside mooing.”

“Yeah, I think he needs cooking classes,” TJ said, giving Clint and Natasha a smile.

“Ow!” Johnny laughed in the doorway, “shot down!”

“Why do you think _I_ do all the cooking at home?” TJ said, looking at his husband.

“Because you have a way that spices things up?” Johnny grinned.

TJ snorted, shaking his head as he held open the door for Sam and a blond man TJ couldn’t remember ever seeing before walking up to the front door.

Johnny grinned over at Sam. “Oh, he’s got someone with him? Hey, anyone hear if Sam was bringing a friend or a _friend_?”

Sam snorted softly and smiled at Johnny and TJ, “hey, guys! Don’t know if you remember Riley . . . met him in Vegas? Riley,” the dark-skinned man looked at his companion, gesturing to the other couple, “this is Johnny and TJ Storm.”

“I remember,” Riley held out a hand to the couple, smiling widely. “The couple that couldn’t take their eyes off each other.”

Flushing slightly, TJ slowly extended his hand and shook Riley’s, “that’d most likely be us . . . I’m sorry, I don’t remember a whole lot about the Vegas trip. Did we get a chance to meet?”

“Saw you in an elevator then you were drunk with eyes only for your husband, so probably not.” Riley chuckled. “Can’t blame you. He was so into you, don’t let that get away, right?” Riley looked past TJ and Johnny, who merely grinned at him, and said, “very nice decorations! Lotta work! Really shows off the patriotic spirit of the holiday.”

Johnny laughed at that, “yeah, Bucky out did himself, I’m thinking.”

“Yeah, it makes it easy that Steve’s so damn patriotic. Decorations are always super easy to find,” TJ stepped aside, letting Sam and Riley in further before shutting the door after them.

“Where is the Birthday Boy anyways?” Sam grinned, looking around the home.

“Grilling,” Johnny answered. “I’ve been banned.”

“Because you like to burn everything to a crisp,” TJ teased.

“Not on purpose!” Johnny laughed. “I just forget to watch it.”

Laughing softly, Sam took Riley’s hand and led the blond towards the back door.

Riley leaned into Sam and whispered quietly, “are all the couples here gay?”

“Nah, Nat and Clint are together,” Sam commented on a small laugh, “but other than that? Yeah.”

“So,” Riley looked around, spotting the only female currently present, “you’re telling me you only have one female friend and only two straight friends?” He seemed amused and a bit surprised by the numbers.

Barking out a laugh, Sam shook his head, “this is just the group from high school. I have plenty of other friends, thank you very much. We all went our other ways after graduating, but since Vegas we’ve been trying to stay in contact since everyone moved back to New York. TJ and Jack had been in D.C. and Steve was overseas. Johnny travels all the freaking time for his work.”

“And they’ve all managed to come home finally?” Riley walked over to Natasha and Clint, not shy like some of the members of the group. He held out his hand, “Hello, Riley. Sam’s boyfriend. Let me guess . . . Clint isn’t the female?”

Clint started laughing. “I like him, Sam!” he called to his friend.

Natasha shook Riley’s hand and gave him a smile, “you’re assumption would be correct. I’m Natasha, married to this goof,” she gestured to Clint.

“And I’m Clint, the goof,” Clint shook Riley’s hand.

Johnny turned to TJ. Very softly he asked, “how’s that for normal interaction at the party?”

“It’s good,” TJ nodded, moving to lean against his husband, since all the seating was taken.

Slipping his arms around TJ, Johnny sighed happily and kissed the back of his husband’s neck. He whispered softly, “is it me or has Nat put on weight?”

“That’s not very nice,” TJ immediately stated, his mother’s harsh tone ringing in his ears, telling him how _he’d_ put on weight.

“TJ, let me rephrase before you take me apart. Do you think Nat’s pregnant?” Johnny asked, still softly.

Frowning softly, TJ looked at the woman for a few moments before shrugging slightly, “maybe? Hard to say for sure.”

Nodding, Johnny continued, “looks good on her, baby or otherwise. She’s radiant.”

“Yeah,” TJ nodded, finally letting himself relax a bit after Johnny’s comment, “she does.” His mind wandered, wondering, not for the first time since he’d discovered his kink, what _he’d_ look like if he was pregnant. Would he be radiant, too? Shaking his head, TJ tried to clear away such bizarre thoughts. However, he didn’t clear them quick enough; he groaned softly as his body began to react to the idea.

Johnny's hand slipped down carefully over TJ's abdomen, stroking lightly where a baby would be carried by a woman. "I love you, my beautiful breeder." Once more, his thoughts had circled the same way TJ’s had.

Taking a deep breath, TJ looked up at Johnny, keeping his voice quiet, “how do you think . . . I’d look?”

“Carrying my child inside you, protecting it and nurturing it? I think, TJ, you’d be the sexiest damn man alive, is what I think. I look forward to getting you fat and happy with our baby.” Johnny cuddled TJ, hand still softly stroking over his husband’s abdomen, low down.

Mewling, trying to keep his growing arousal from the rest of the party, Tj said, “you really think so, Johnny?”

Turning TJ in his arms, letting his husband see the lust and high interest, Johnny said, “never lied to you yet, sweetheart.” He kissed TJ soundly.

Keening against Johnny’s lips, TJ wrapped his arms around Johnny’s neck, pulling his lover even closer.

Steve looked at his cousin and TJ, his eyes widening in surprise; he looked to his boyfriend.

Snorting at seeing what TJ and Johnny were up to, Bucky glanced at Steve and chuckled. “Every damn time there’s a party, Johnny get’s TJ all hot and bothered. Think we should let them have the guest room?”

“Might be best,” Steve laughed, plating up some more cooked meat. “Was considering offering them it anyways, especially if TJ’s going with you tomorrow.”

Jack glanced over, hearing the conversation, and groaned. “Definitely best. Johnny’s a goddamned exhibitionist!”

Bucky strolled over and tapped TJ’s shoulder, roughly. “Take it inside, boys. Second door on the right upstairs. See ya in the morning.”

Pulling away to look at Bucky, TJ flushed bright red and then nodded, “yeah . . . okay. Thanks . . . y - - you still want me to go with you tomorrow?” He tried to keep focused on his brother, blinking lust-blown eyes.

“Yup, so get some rest tonight at least,” Bucky chuckled. He pointed to the stairs. “There’ll be plenty of leftovers for when you two come searching for food later.”

“Thanks, Buck,” TJ looked over at Steve and said, “happy birthday, Steve!”

Laughing, Steve waved the spatula in the air, “thanks, TJ. Have fun.”

Johnny waved to Steve, “have a great birthday!” He tugged TJ carefully towards the steps, ever mindful of his lover’s still healing wound.

**************

Bucky could be heard laughing happily from the kitchen, sitting at the breakfast bar eating and drinking. He had allowed Steve to cut his meat for him, since he was a bit nervous for his appointment, but the night before had been void of bad dreams or panic attacks . . . ever since spilling the horrible truth to Steve. Taking a bite of toast with some of his eggs and cooked ham on it, Bucky grinned towards the doorway, chewing carefully. He nodded a greeting to TJ.

Smiling, TJ ran his fingers through his still drying hair, “mornin’ Bucky. Thank you for letting me borrow a shirt and stuff,” the smaller brunet hadn’t expected to spend the night at Steve and Bucky’s, so hadn’t been prepared. Bucky’s shirt hung a bit loose on his thinner frame but didn’t look _too_ big. Johnny had already left, having had to be at an early meeting.

Swallowing, Bucky nodded. “Anytime, Teej. Come have a little something? There’s fruit if you don’t want anything heavier.”

Nodding, TJ made his way to the fridge; having been over several times since Bucky moved in, TJ knew where everything was. He pulled out the bowl of chopped mixed fruit and set it on the counter. “Steve already gone, too?” TJ asked, slowly moving over to the cupboard to grab a smaller bowl and a spoon.

“Yup,” Bucky grinned. “I’ve got an Uber coming for us in about twenty minutes, so you have time to suck down some of your breakfast.” Bucky glanced towards the table where his prosthetic lay, wrapped and in a neat box, ready for their trip.

“Cool,” TJ scooped out a few large spoonfuls of the fruit before putting the larger bowl back in the fridge. Walking back to the counter, TJ sighed, looking relaxed from his night of loving with his husband. “Can’t wait for this damn injury to heal though. Wanna walk at a normal pace.” The smaller brunet began to eat the fresh fruit, humming in delight as the flavors hit his tongue.

“Yeah, that’ll be great. Then we can work on getting you running and my backhand, we’ll make a tennis duo yet. Thinking Special Olympics twenty-eighteen?” Bucky grinned, teasing, full of excitement for the coming appointment. He didn’t feel nervous in the least. That’d most likely change, if his past were anything to go by, but the prospect of getting free of Tony’s arm, even if he needed surgery, was thrilling.

“Those athletes would probably still kick our asses,” TJ snorted softly, taking another bite of his meal.

Laughing, Bucky nodded. “Probably.” He finished off his breakfast then rinsed the plate, putting it in the dishwasher for later.

“Hey, how was the rest of the party? Steve enjoy himself? I didn’t even hear any fireworks or anything,” TJ looked over at Bucky, eating his fruit.

Nodding, Bucky said, quite seriously, “Steve can’t stand fireworks. So, there weren’t any.”

“Something to do with his time in the Army?” TJ asked softly.

“Yeah, he’s Posttraumatic. Most of us are after seeing action, actually. Many of us can’t stand fireworks either.” Bucky smiled at TJ. “But it’s good. We used those night sticks you shake and break to light up? Had red, white, and blue. And we used smoke bombs and sparklers, too. Had a blast writing things in the sky and guessing what each other was writing. Clint even tried to draw a dog, but it seemed to be a badger.”

Smiling, TJ nodded, “sounds like a lot of fun.” He finished off his small breakfast and then moved over to the sink to rinse out his bowl and put it in the dishwasher. “Sorry that Johnny and I ditched . . .”

“We aren’t,” Bucky chuckled, still enjoying the wonderful day. He leaned close to his twin. “We were all glad you were feeling better and got some time with him. I know he has to travel a lot.”

“Yeah,” TJ sighed softly and then smiled, “it was really nice. I can’t believe I married someone who travels more than me! Didn’t think that was possible.”

The sound of a horn outside drew Bucky’s attention and he nodded. “Probably our Uber.” He walked over to the table and picked up the box with the arm. “Get the door and my keys by the door?”

“Sure thing,” TJ nodded as he walked ahead of Bucky, and plucked up Bucky’s keys from the bowl by the door. He opened the door and held it open, giving Bucky enough space to make it out with the box. After Bucky made it outside, TJ followed his twin, shutting the door and then turning to lock it with Bucky’s keys.

“You, that’s my Uber,” Bucky chirruped. “Same lady that sent me her pic over the app and everything.” He trotted down to the car and let the lady open the back seat for him. Sliding carefully in, balancing his box one-handed, Bucky turned to watch TJ’s more sedate pace. “Sitting with me or up front, Teej?” he called.

TJ was several steps behind his brother, unable to keep up with his brother’s pace. Finally making it to the car, TJ smiled at his twin, “gonna sit with you, if that’s alright?”

“As long as you don’t got cooties,” Bucky teased, winking. He slid over so TJ could get in. Once the twins had settled, Bucky told their driver she could pull away from the curb. He didn’t talk much on the ride to Pym’s, but Bucky was apparently watching everything with avid interest.

TJ let out a low whistle when they approached Pym Industries, “nice place.” It wasn’t as large as its competitor’s, Stark Industries, building, but it still looked quite impressive.

The lady pulled up and parked then accepted her payment from Bucky. Opening the door for him, she waited politely while Bucky scooped up his box, awkward under the odd burden, and scootched out of the back seat. He stood on the curb, eyeing the building as he waited for TJ.

Slipping out of the car, hand hovering over his side as the pain flared slightly due to getting out of the low car, TJ stepped up besides his brother. “You ready, Buck?” He asked, looking at the building and then over at his twin.

“Yes,” Bucky nodded and threw TJ a nervous look. He didn’t seem to be getting anxious or scared, though. Stepping up to the door, Bucky allowed TJ to open it and stepped inside. He walked over to the woman behind the front desk and said, clearly, “James Barnes, to see Doctor Pym on appointment . . . uh, eight a.m.?”

The woman looked at her computer, nodded, and then smiled at Bucky, “yes, I see he’s cleared his entire schedule for your visit.”

Nodding to the box, Bucky said, “probably because I brought him some Stark technology that’s not on the general market.”

“Probably,” she agreed on a smile. Pushing away from the desk, she stood up and said, “if you two would follow me?” She stepped towards a long, well lit corridor.

Bucky shifted the box in his arm and threw a glance at TJ, starting to look nervous but not shaking. He whispered, “sure is a big place.” Following the woman, Bucky tried to see as much as he could while walking, curious about how this man ran his operation.

The secretary stopped in front of an elevator and pushed the _‘up’_ button. As she waited for the lift to open, she glanced over at Bucky and TJ. Her lips pulled into a friendly smile, “are you two twins?”

“Yup, but I’m older by seven and a half minutes,” Bucky gave her a smile. “He’s got all the looks, but I got the brains?”

Laughing softly, TJ nodded, “and he never lets me forget it.”

“Hey, can I help it if I was ranked first in our graduating class and you second? At age sixteen, that’s not bad. Especially in a class of over five hundred.” Bucky winked at TJ.

“Not bad at all,” the woman commented kindly and then stepped into the elevator.

Watching the woman, Bucky added the kicker. "Tony Stark came in third in our class, but he _was_ only fifteen."

“You don’t say?” The woman looked quite impressed, “that’s an accomplishment not a lot of people can say they’ve done. Outsmarted the infamous Tony Stark.”

Bucky grinned widely. “It’s not because he’s bad at class. Just lazy that last year. Refused to turn in his homework at all, saying it was pointless since he always aced it. They took off a third of his grade in some of his classes, and that brought him down.”

“Seems like something he’d do,” she nodded, waiting until both TJ and Bucky were in the elevator before pushing the button for the very top floor. It was only a matter of seconds before the doors opened again and she stepped out, her heels clacking against the floor. She led the twins through a maze of corridors and labs before finally stopping and knocking on the door, “Mr. Pym? Your eight o’clock, a James Barnes, has arrived.”

The doctor, an older man with greying hair and a kind smile, looked up. He stood and smiled. “Come in, please. Have a seat. Did you bring a friend or family member? That’s great!” Doctor Pym walked over, offering his welcoming smile and a handshake to TJ. “Come in, and sit, both of you. Just put that down on the desk so we can talk first. I want to know your history and check you over. The arm can wait until I’ve tended _you_.”

TJ grinned at Bucky, shooting him a quick wink before making his way over to the chairs and sitting down with a relieved sigh. He was happy that Pym seemed to care more about Bucky than the Stark tech that Bucky had brought to him.

Within half an hour, Bucky had answered pretty much all of the doctor’s questions and gotten a thorough examination, not just of his stump. Dr. Pym even ran a few unobtrusive tests on Bucky. At last, he said, “would you mind if I did a full range of CT scans and MRI? Maybe some local x-rays to see how it’s interwoven into your muscular and nervous system?”

Bucky blinked and said, “you won’t cut me open?”

Smiling, the doctor shook his head. “Not yet. We’ll discuss any surgical options completely before we take that step.”

“I like you way more than Stark already,” TJ said, giving Pym a small smile.

Chuckling, Pym said, “I like me more than Tony Stark, too, but I think I’m biased.”

That sent Bucky into laughter, relaxing him further. He nodded. “Sure, scans and stuff are good. But I’m low on funds?”

Pointing to the box, Pym said, “everything I do to treat you and help you, including any possible surgery, physical therapy, and such, that . . . that is your payment, James. I appreciate the access you’re trusting me with. I know Stark is amazing in the biomechanical field, and I wish to excel, even improve on his work. And I plan to make it affordable to the common man if at all possible, but without cutting safety or health factors.”

“Bucky,” the brunet said softly, eyes wide at the prospect of being part of that great plan.

“What?” Pym asked, frowning in return.

“That’s what he likes to be called . . . a nickname he’s had since before he could talk,” TJ supplied with a smile.

“Ah, and I am named Henry but prefer Hank, so both of us use nicknames.” The doctor winked, smiling.

Bucky laughed. “So, when can we start? The scans and stuff?”

“Right now. It’s the main reason I freed up the day. You will have a very comprehensive understanding of how that shoulder works and how we can match you with a viable arm.” Hank Pym stood up.

TJ pushed to his feet with a small wince.

“You’re hurt?” the doctor instantly whirled to TJ and stepped forward. “Anything I can help with?”

“What?” TJ blinked, looking surprised, “oh, no. I’m fine. A bullet grazed my side a week ago. Just healing is all. Still a bit sore.”

“As long as you don’t try to over-do it in your zeal to be normal again,” Pym nodded sagely. He gestured towards another room. “Come, Janet will help you get ready and we can start the scans.”


	15. So Many Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNINGS: Anxiety, Referenced Stalking**

Bucky smiled nervously as he opened the door for Jack, hugging his older brother tightly. After a long moment, he let go and led Jack in to the breakfast bar where TJ was situated with grilled cheese for dinner. “Nothing fancy, Jack, just some brother time?”

“Heya, Jack,” TJ grinned at his brother, looking tired but happy from the long day.

“Hey, guys,” Jack smiled gently at the pair. He sank onto a stool and began eating the sandwich Bucky put in front of him. “Looking tired, both of you. How was the appointment?”

“I need surgery,” Bucky started, drawing a wince from Jack. “But it’s not bad. He wants to fix the shorts inside and make it so the leads aren’t easily exposed. In fact, except for regular maintenance, Doctor Pym is thinking my new arm won’t need to be removed at all. It’ll be lightweight and waterproof and everything!”

Putting down his grilled cheese, Jack met TJ’s eyes rather than Bucky’s, though he addressed his question to the other brother. “And the doctor thinks this is possible with _minimal_ surgery, Bucky?”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky said, “I never said _minimal_ , Jack. I said it wasn’t a bad thing. It’s actually going to be a series of major operations spread out over several weeks. He thinks it best to start in September when the weather’s a bit cooler, so I won’t be signing up for fall semester, but I won’t miss the August birthday party!”

“That’s the important thing,” TJ teased softly, looking at Bucky and then at Jack, “Pym seemed like he was genuinely concerned about Bucky’s wellbeing. And at least with the internal leads, Bucky shouldn’t short himself out anymore.” TJ took a small bite of his dinner, having been nibbling at the sandwich for a while. TJ was grateful that Bucky had only given him half of the grilled cheese; he knew he wouldn’t be able to finish a full sandwich.

Nodding slowly, Jack said, “did he give you any written information I can look over? How about billing?”

Bucky threw himself from the room and was back in only a few minutes, carrying a folder of papers Pym had given him. He plopped it down beside Jack’s plate. “There, and the doctor’s doing the work for free in return for the other arm. Including physical therapy and follow up care, Jack.”

“Have you talked to Dr. Cho about this yet? She should know so she can compare medicine notes with your new doctor, Buck.” Jack began flipping through the massive amount of information and medical charts.

“Dr. Pym thought of that,” TJ reported after taking another bite of his sandwich. He swallowed before continuing, “Bucky already gave him all of Cho’s information so they can start working together to get Buck’s medicine all worked out.”

“And with the surgery . . .”

Bucky interrupted Jack with an enthusiastic hug. “Dr. Pym wants to meet you and Steve, and Johnny and David, if he can. He wants to know my support group. I,” Bucky swallowed and glanced to TJ before looking back at Jack, “I told him about my schizophrenia, Jack.” It was the first time, aside from in the doctor’s office with TJ and Pym, that Bucky had named his illness.

“Oh, baby,” Jack sighed and hugged Bucky, knowing that by admitting to his illness, Bucky was acknowledging he needed help. He’d come a long way with Steve’s help - - once they’d gotten him away from the dangerous possessiveness of Tony.

TJ watched his two brothers embracing with a soft smile. Since he and Bucky were fourteen and Jack had gotten custody of them, the middle and eldest Barnes children have had a rocky relationship at best. It was nice to see that they were moving past it. TJ felt like, for the first time in years, his family was finally knitting itself back together.

Jack pulled back, glancing towards the door when he heard a key in the lock. Looking back at Bucky, he asked, “when’s your next appointment? I’ll make time to go with you.”

Steve entered his home and offered a smile to the three brothers in the kitchen, though he didn’t interrupt their conversation; he moved over to his boyfriend to give him a quick kiss.

Turning, Bucky leaned into Steve and said, almost breathlessly. “Dr. Pym says he can start surgery in September.” He jumped to the most significant thing without recalling that Steve had missed the rest of the conversation with his brothers.

Jack pushed the folder towards Steve. “Bucky and TJ assure me that Dr. Cho is already onboard with this, too.”

Nodding, Steve took the folder and began to flip through it, glancing over the information to get the basics of what was going to be done to Bucky. He would do a more thorough read through later. After a few minutes, Steve nodded and kissed Bucky’s temple, “I like the fact that the arm will be lighter and those leads won’t be exposed.”

Nodding, Bucky smiled widely, “and Dr. Pym thinks that with the surgery on me and the arm I gave him, he can make some advancements in providing this kind of prosthetic to those without funding. He’s doing my case for free since I’m his guinea pig.” Bucky picked up his sandwich again and took a bite. “Want me to make you some grilled cheese, Steve?”

“Sure, baby, that sounds great,” Steve smiled, knowing that Bucky enjoyed cooking. “And that’s fantastic if he can make that quality of prosthetic more affordable. Lot’s of people will benefit from that.”

Bucky leaned closer, “when he found out I was a vet, he said he was proud to help me, even more than when he thought I’d been a civilian victim. He’s patriotic, isn’t he, Teej?” Bucky put down his sandwich and began working on Steve’s grilled cheese.

“I suppose,” TJ laughed, finishing up his half of sandwich and then slipping off the stool with a small wince. He walked over to the sink to rinse off his plate and then put the dish in the dishwasher. “Though, anyone should be proud to help you, Buck.”

Flushing, Bucky ducked his head but didn’t argue. With Steve, Dr. Cho, and his family and friends, Bucky was learning to be proud of himself and his history or to forgive himself for the bad parts. “Steve, think Sharon’ll be bothered by my arm? Dr. Pym wanted to wait until after the birthday party so I’d be functional, but . . . if you think Sharon’ll be upset, I can . . .”

“Bucky,” Steve cut off his lover with a kiss to the cheek, “Sharon’s not gonna be upset about the arm. She’s very understanding for a kid. Though, she is curious, so she might ask what happened, but if you don’t wanna tell her, then I can talk to her beforehand. She’s used to amputees, Peggy sometimes took her to the hospital with her.”

Bucky hummed and smiled at Steve. “If she gets to be too much, I’ll let you know. Not sure how ready I’ll be to talk then, but I’m working hard at my therapy.” He plated the food and put it on the breakfast bar in front of an empty stool. Bucky rinsed the pan and put it aside then sat back down to eat more of his dinner.

Giving Bucky a smile, Steve nodded, “okay. This looks great, Buck . . . thanks.” The blond began to eat his meal.

Bucky looked over at his brothers. Softly, smiling, he asked, “when are David and Johnny supposed to get here? Or didn’t you guys invite your husband to hear my news either way?”

“Uh . . .” TJ looked at Jack, frowning softly, and then back at Bucky, “I’m sorry, Buck, I didn’t think to mention it to Johnny. I know he was at meetings all day. Today was kinda a spur of the moment thing? Not too much planning ahead?”

Nodding, Jack smiled, “Well, I _did_ ask David to come by. I actually thought you’d need comforting not calm down, Buck. I didn’t think anyone could fix what Stark did to you. But, he won’t be here for another couple hours, late day in surgery.”

“Oh,” Bucky nodded. “That’s okay. If you wanna just have him go home after, since he’ll be exhausted after surgical day on animals?”

Jack pulled out his phone but waited a moment, “is it that you’re wanting a private celebration with your boyfriend, maybe?” he teased.

Flushing, Bucky ducked his head again, causing Jack to laugh and send a text to David for after his surgery.

“Well, in that case,” TJ laughed, slipping off the stool again, “I think that’s our cue, Jack. I’m beat anyways.”

Bucky flushed brighter but certainly didn’t protest. Jack continued laughing. He brought his plate to the sink for a rinse before putting it in the washer then walked back and hugged Bucky. “See you guys later. Take care of him, Steve. I think he’s on a high for once.” Jack winked and put a hand on TJ’s back to gently, slowly guide him from the house.

**************

Looking down at his phone, smiling at the text Johnny had sent him, TJ typed out a reply to his husband. Johnny was out of town, yet again, for another series of meetings, and TJ missed him terribly but wasn’t about to make Johnny feel bad for working. There would be times TJ would be gone for weeks at a time for his international tours. The lean brunet waited in the lobby of Stark Industries for Jack, who had agreed to go out to lunch with him.

With the few days that had passed since Bucky’s appointment with Dr. Pym, TJ’s injury felt a lot better. He wasn’t nearly as sore, could almost walk at a normal pace, and sitting wasn’t such a hassle anymore. TJ ignored the noises of the busy lobby as he sent the text to Johnny, still smiling softly.

A soft step stopped beside the chair opposite TJ and the chair was pulled softly out before someone sat down, on the edge of the chair. Sounding conversational, Tony Stark asked, “How’ve things been, TJ?”

Stiffening immediately, TJ’s smile slipped away as he looked up at Tony. “Oh, you know . . . same old, same old,” TJ’s tone was laced with bitterness and he fought hard not to glare at the other man.

Nodding, Tony gestured to the wedding band on TJ’s left hand. “Been working things out with your unexpected husband?” He smiled, “go to a party and come back a bride. Something I’d expect from Clint, not our composer.” He laughed softly.

“Johnny and I are doing well,” TJ stated, eyes wary as he looked at Tony, wondering what the man was getting at. “How’ve you been?” TJ never forgot that Stark was the man who leaked his suicide story and sent Alicia to his door, probably in hopes of ruining TJ and Johnny’s marriage.

“Jack, your brother, is doing well in his job. Can’t say much, since that’s restricted information and all. We’ve got enough technological leaks without the CEO spilling things,” Tony chuckled again, but his eyes seemed miserable. “So . . . how’s your brother doing? Sticking with his medical regime?”

“Don’t even think about asking about him,” TJ snapped, eyes narrowing in a cold glare. “You don’t deserve to know anything about him.”

Throwing his hands in the air, Tony ground out, “I may be desperately trying to reconnect but at least _I_ don’t shoot the object of my desire.”

“Oh? Glad you’re admitting to stalking Bucky,” TJ snarled; he shook his head and said, “you need help, Stark. Bucky’s recovering from the shit you put him through. He’s better without _you_ in his life.”

“So, he _is_ still getting help?” Tony nodded, looking worried but less so. “And how’s his appointments with Dr. Connors going . . . for his arm? Connors stopped telling me anything, though I’ve always taken care of the bills and stuff.”

“He should’ve never told you anything,” TJ said, not letting Tony know that Bucky was no longer seeing Dr. Connors.

Leaning closer, voice still calm, Tony said, “I had medical power of attorney, so Dr. Connors had every responsibility in keeping me informed since Bucky wasn’t stable enough to deal with anything. You have realized he’s got a mental illness, right? Delusions, panic attacks, paranoia . . .”

“And now you don’t,” TJ leaned in just as close, face mere inches from Tony’s. “You have absolutely _no_ power over Bucky. Leave him alone. We’re taking care of him the way he should be taken care of. He’s _thriving_ now without your presence pulling him down.”

“How you doing that? Giving him meds and counseling? I was doing that. Hell, I even made sure he had state of the art care for his injuries!” Tony actually pouted.

“Someone like you doesn’t know how to actually care for someone,” TJ ground out.

“But I was trying . . .” Tony said, voice dropping softly. “I’m willing to learn, to try . . . but I guess Bucky found himself a replacement for me. Got the guy he always wanted. I was just a second choice, a sugar daddy even, right?”

“You aren’t coming anywhere near Bucky again. Stop acting like some fucking victim, Stark. You can’t turn this whole thing in your favor. You’re a fucking monster for what you did to my brother,” TJ’s tone was dripping with venom. “And I’m not even talking about the shit you did to me.”

“What the hell did I do to you?” Tony looked puzzled.

“Oh? Don’t remember?” TJ cocked his head, pale eyes flashing in anger. “That’s real convenient, Stark. Must be nice to never take responsibility for the shit you do. Whatever helps you sleep at night, right?”

“Wait, what are you talking about?” Tony shook his head. “I never even touched you, never really had much to do with you unless Bucky was in the room. What do you _think_ I did to you?” Tony leaned away from TJ slightly, in a way some people leaned away from Bucky when he began talking about his delusions.

“Oh, like you don’t know. Less than an hour after I broke your fucking nose, a story breaks about my suicide attempt and then the very next day, one of Johnny’s old hook-ups show up to our door,” TJ shook his head, looking positively furious.

Tony registered shock. “What? Wait . . . you think I did something to get this guy to your door? Or leak a traumatic cry for help I didn’t even know about?” Tony shook his head. “Have you . . . thought maybe that someone out there doesn’t like you? It sure as hell ain’t me.”

“So, now it’s a _traumatic cry for help_?” TJ laughed, a bitter, angry sound, “not a desperate way to get my brother’s attention?”

Finally leaning closer, Tony said, firmly, “TJ Barnes-Storm, I would never publicly flaunt the private traumas of the family of the man I care about. I have to admit, I’m probably stalkerish, very border-line no doubt, but I’m not so far gone that I think hurting his loved ones would bring him closer to me. I was an idiot at sixteen when I made all those original mistakes with Bucky, tried those tricks to keep him. But I’ve grown up, TJ, we all have. Now, I certainly would be trying to get him out of trouble, not shunting my embarrassments off on him! And I wouldn’t be tattling to the world about his darling twin. I’m a genius, not a fucking moron!”

TJ met Tony’s eyes and held them for several moments.

Blowing out in frustration, Tony grumped, “so, what’s the guy’s name that I supposedly sent to break up your happy love affair? Maybe I got drunk one night and can’t remember talking to him, though that’s highly unlikely. I do all my heavy drinking in private.”

Glaring harder, TJ shook his head, wondering if Tony was purposely using the wrong gender to throw him off.

Eyes lighting up in triumph, Tony appeared not to have really heard if TJ answered. Instead he said, “wait! Didn’t you have that nutso fan try to kill you recently? Seems to have been a real wacko, worse than me!?”

Jaw ticking, TJ’s fists balled in his lap, and he snapped, “glad that me almost dying seems to amuse you so much.”

Blinking, Tony shook his head. “TJ, no matter what you think, I don’t hate you or even dislike you. I solved your damn problem! It wasn’t me that did those crazy things against you, it was that freaky fanboy! I mean, anyone who's gonna pull a gun on the guy he supposedly loves would try to break up an unexpected marriage, wouldn’t he?” Tony warmed up to his theory and leaned forward again, as if talking with a close friend. “Probably found the cutest guy Johnny’d ever been with to send your way, not realizing that no one can beat you in Johnny’s eyes. He’s been drooling over you since senior year . . . even if his libido made stupid choices.” Tony shook his head, collapsing back in his chair, “people should have their sex drives removed at birth, then we wouldn’t do stupid things in the name of sex.”

“You’ve done plenty of stupid shit,” TJ glared.

Laughing, Tony nodded, “yeah, plenty, but never in the name of sex. The only time I gave in to that, I wound up married.” He held up his left hand, a brand new platinum wedding band glinting on his ring finger.

“Who was fucking crazy enough to marry _you_?” TJ’s eyes widened in surprise.

Softly, studying his ring as if surprised by it once more, Tony said, “Pepper.”

Standing up, not wanting to talk with Tony anymore, TJ said, “well, I hope you two have a very happy life together. Leave my brother out of it.”

Frowning, drawing his attention back to TJ, Tony said quickly, “don’t go. I just wanted to ask about Bucky’s health. I found out what I needed to know. He’s doing good, moving on, getting better, right? So . . . Pepper’s right. I can let go now.” Tony stood, drawing a deep breath. “Believe it or not, TJ, I really always cared about Bucky, even if I didn’t know how to handle that right.” Holding out his right hand then sighing and dropping it to his side, he added, “Pepper said I had this one chance to make amends and check on things. If I go near Bucky again, _she’ll_ call the cops.”

“Good,” TJ stated firmly, looking at Tony with a glare, “your one chance is over.”

“Great, perfect timing, You’re brother’s coming now. Think I’ll slip back up to my tower and go do something sciency.” Tony turned and hurried away from TJ as Jack walked up, eyes narrowed, frowning.

TJ huffed and ran his fingers through his hair, either not noticing or not caring about how he messed it up. “Fucking hate that guy,” TJ grumbled.

“What’d he say to you, TJ?” Jack asked softly, pulling out the same chair Tony had been sitting in and easing onto it. He carried his tablet and phone, putting both on the table and watching his brother carefully, still frowning.

Shrugging, TJ plopped down in the chair, wincing as he moved a little too fast. “Asked how Bucky was. Said it was Dem that leaked my story and sent Alicia to my door.”

Slowly, Jack opened up his messages on his phone and selected one specifically. He turned the phone around and pushed it to TJ. “Not sure if he’s telling the truth, but the police looked through Dem’s home and found a ton of articles about you. Also found Johnny’s old address book with a couple pages covered in sauce stains.”

Looking at the device, TJ growled softly and then let the phone drop to the floor. “‘Kay, so Dem did those things.”

Wincing, Jack bent to retrieve his phone, instinctively checking for cracks or other damage. “But, we’ve got even more, TJ.” Putting his phone back down, Jack reached over and took TJ’s hand. “Pepper married Tony last week. And she’s been talking to our lawyers about the case.”

“Wouldn’t that be pillow-talk or whatever the hell its called? Can’t use anything she says,” TJ shook his head.

Jack shook his head, “not that kind of talk. She’s trying to get a deal for Tony.”

“So, he’ll get a deal. Fantastic. As long as he leaves Bucky alone, I don’t care,” TJ still looked angry.

Nodding, Jack said, “it’s part of our deal. We insisted on complete no contact. He was allowed one chance to pick a member of the family, not Bucky, to try to talk to and explain his side. I take it he chose you and did very poorly defending himself?”

“Probably picked the wrong family member. I’ve always disliked the guy,” TJ frowned fiercely.

“So, the deal is restitution for physical and mental harm, including total confession to his own involvement in not only the university explosion but the deal he made with the judge to get Bucky sentenced to the military. He stays away from our families and can’t be even in the same room as Bucky. No calls, not even a look, or he can be arrested and pressed with a multitude of charges, including terrorism. He divulges any and all medical information he’s had access to concerning Bucky and testifies against Connors and Octavious for their hand in over-medicating and malpractice against Bucky.” Jack sighed, looking to TJ for his reaction. “Pepper asks to try to settle this out of court, without getting his other lawyers involved.”

“Course she did,” TJ grumbled softly. He shook his head and let out a sigh, “cool. So this whole thing with Tony is done.”

“No,” Jack shook his head. “Still a lot of legal back and forth and documents, plus the trials against the doctors and Senator Fisk for their parts. Pepper has no qualms going up against them. But, TJ, she wants to keep Tony and Bucky out of court against each other because she’s afraid Tony might get recalcitrant and pull in all his legal channels. If he does that, we might win, but we’d all be broke by the end of it. This deal, all the agreements, plus the restitution of about fifteen million, will stop us from financial ruin if we accept the deal. Which also involves a recommendation for me to another job unrelated to Stark Industries, since with this deal, he wouldn’t be allowed near me, and I can’t work for someone not allowed near me.”

Sighing again, TJ nodded and slumped in his chair, pinching the bridge of his nose. He wanted Johnny. His husband had been so busy during the entire fiasco with Dem and now Tony. He felt tired and on edge. “That’s . . . that’s good then. Of course Bucky’s gonna take the deal. It’s what makes sense.”

“And it keeps Tony away from him starting the minute he walked away from this table, TJ,” Jack added softly.

“That’s good. That’s what we want,” TJ nodded.

“Oh,” Jack pushed his tablet over and flicked the screen so it lit up with a gorgeous beach view. “Isn’t that beautiful?”

“Yeah?” TJ agreed, looking at the screen and then at Jack. “Good screensaver, I guess?”

Smiling, Jack pushed the tablet closer. “Yeah? Swipe the arrows, take a look. There’s more. Pictures of the beach, the town nearby, the hotel . . . all perfectly gorgeous . . .”

Frowning softly, TJ picked up the tablet and swiped through the images.

The last was a snapshot of two tickets to Hawaii under the names of Johnny and TJ Storm.

“Oh? Are you and - -” TJ paused and looked at the image again, his mouth dropping open and then closing in shock. After several moments, TJ looked up at his brother, “Jack? What’s this?”

Laughing, Jack sat back and sipped at TJ’s water, since he didn’t have anything to eat or drink for himself. “Johnny heard about the deal and thought you might like to celebrate by going with him to his next location. Thing is, I may have misunderstood him, you see,” Jack grinned. “He said he had to work the first day after arrival but then he’s got a week vacation awarded him for closing the deal in Geneva today.”

Blinking, TJ looked at Jack and then back at the tablet. “Today? He told me he wouldn’t be home for another few days?”

“Today he closed the deal, baby. He’ll be back in a couple of days and that’s when the tickets are good.” Jack smiled and sipped again. “But, he understands if you’d rather be here while the lawyers hash things out with Pepper on paper.” Jack touched TJ's wrist. "He says you can have your honeymoon when you're ready."

“D - - do you think Bucky’s gonna need me here?” TJ asked, his pale eyes flickering to look back up at Jack.

Shaking his head, Jack softly said, “he already gave his blessing. You see, TJ, he already agreed to the deal and also heard about what Johnny managed to pull off for you two. He’s happy you’ll get Johnny time without interruptions.”

“Really?” TJ’s lips pulled into a smile and he looked at the screenshot of the two tickets, “wow . . . okay? I - - I guess I’m going to Hawaii?”

Jack stood and went around to his brother, giving him an enthusiastic hug. “Congratulations on the coming honeymoon, TJ! I’m sure you’ll love it. Johnny sounded excited on the phone and mourned that you hadn't answered your phone or texts so he had to go through me.”

“I’ve been texting him?” TJ looked at his phone and then at Jack, “I don’t think I’ve missed a call or anything.”

“For the last hour?” Jack laughed and pointed to TJ’s phone, which was flashing a low battery signal.

“Oh . . .” TJ flushed and nodded, “I guess I forgot to plug it in last night?”

Nodding, Jack patted TJ’s back. “It’s okay, Teej. We all forget that once in awhile. Especially when we sleep with the phone next to us, replaying voice mails from our spouses?” He winked and sat back down.

“Helps keep the nightmares away,” TJ murmured, still flushing and looking at his dying phone in his hands.

Reaching over, Jack plucked the phone from TJ’s fingers and pulled out his own charger from his briefcase. He plugged both into the cafe charger, one of the perks provided to Stark’s employees. “There. Now you won’t lose anything he tried to send.”

“Thanks,” TJ smiled; looking at his older brother, TJ asked, “later, do you wanna help me pack?”

“You want me to help you pack your bathing suit and underwear?” Jack teased softly, chuckling. “Sure, I can find something non-embarrassing to make you take with you to a hot, tropical locale while alone for a week with your husband of less than a year.”

Flushing brightly, TJ rubbed the back of his neck, “yeah . . . maybe I should pack by myself . . .”

Laughing outright, Jack reached over and ruffled TJ’s hair worse than he’d done himself. “I can find you a pair of shorts and a t-shirt in case you want to leave the hotel or something?”

Smiling, not reaching up to fix his messy hair, TJ nodded, “that’d be great.”

Lifting a hand, Jack nodded. “Or maybe we can all find you something to wear?”

Bucky strolled over, grinning widely, balancing a tray of food in his hand. He sat it on the table between Jack and himself, sinking down. “You hear the good news? Tony’s agreed to leave me alone for life _and_ give me fifteen million for damages!”

Nodding, TJ gave his twin a bright smile, “yeah, congrats, Buck! That’s really good news.”

“I finish college, you know? I can fix up Steve’s place and buy out the mortgage. I can get a car. I can pay off the old debts and make sure Mom’s in a good place that can care for her.” Bucky happily listed some of his plans. “I can put money away for Sharon for college and maybe for any . . . future kids?” He flushed, but was too busy dreaming out loud to be totally embarrassed.

TJ smiled at Bucky, “those are all really good ideas, Bucky.”

“And I can put in an art studio for Steve. Think he’d like that. He’s been talking about taking up drawing again.” Bucky started eating his soup.

TJ didn’t say anything else, letting Bucky talk uninterrupted.

“And, if Peggy and Steve agree, I can help with some of the expenses for Sharon’s travel so she can visit more if that’s what’s holding her back. If not, at least I can offer, right?” Bucky dipped his roll into the soup and happily bit into it. “And I can maybe put some of the money into funding Pym’s work for amputees!”

“As good as winning the lottery, huh?” Jack chuckled. “Let’s get the legal papers signed first, and maybe plan on a savings for yourself for when you want to retire?”

“There’s good ol’ Jack,” TJ chucked softly, “always the practical one.”

Bucky grinned at his brothers. “Yeah, well at least I don’t wanna splurge it on stuff like velvet paintings and gold figurines and stuff. I wanna use it for real stuff, needed stuff, you know?”

“Good,” Jack said, reaching for his share of the food on Bucky’s tray. “You can start by buying me lunch, which I _really need_.”

TJ pushed his other uneaten half of sandwich over to Jack, “here.”

Laughing, Jack accepted the offering. “Oh, good, I’m being fed!”

**************

TJ looked around the resort lobby with wide eyes. He’d stayed at his fair share of nice hotels, but the resort that Johnny had booked was something even _he_ couldn’t dream of affording. Looking at his husband, the light ocean breeze brushing over his skin through the open lobby, TJ said, “this place is really nice.”

“Hope it’s okay?” Johnny asked. “Work awarded the week off after tomorrow’s meeting and Sue heard about it. She paid for the honeymoon.” He grinned at his husband, “even picked the same hotel she and Reed stayed at.” Johnny slid his arm around TJ in a cuddle.

“It’ll do,” TJ teased softly with a smile, leaning closer into Johnny’s side, enjoying the contact after being separated for a long time.

“So, ready to check in or do you want to just bunk down in this glorious lobby? I see a place over there by the restaurant that might fit a tent?” Johnny grinned at TJ, stealing a kiss.

“Let’s check in,” TJ nodded, grinning against Johnny’s lips, “wanna see the room. I bet it’s gorgeous if this lobby is anything to go by.”

Nodding, Johnny guided his husband to the check in desk and began the arduous process, which took almost twenty-minutes. Not a bad time in Johnny’s opinion. Once they were finished, Johnny guided TJ to their suite, which turned out to be a private cabin-style three room cabana. He opened the door, carefully lifted TJ in his arms bridal fashion, and carried his husband over the threshold. “Welcome to Hawaii . . . or should I say _Aloha_?” Johnny chuckled.

Laughing, TJ wrapped his arm around Johnny’s neck and kissed his husband soundly. “I love you, Johnny Storm,” TJ breathed against his husband’s lips.

“And I adore you and love you very much, TJ Storm,” Johnny kissed his husband deeply, letting his feet fall gently to the floor, still supporting TJ around his waist.

“Ya know,” TJ purred softly, kissing and then nipping at Johnny’s bottom lip, “I’m happy I took your last name.”

“Why? Don’t want me to be Johnny Barnes?” Johnny grinned, nipping back, beginning to pet down TJ’s sides, ever mindful of his healing injury.

“Because even on the legal paperwork, it shows that I’m _your’s_ ,” TJ beamed at his husband. 

“Mine,” Johnny sighed in agreement. “But don’t forget, Sweetheart. I’m _your’s_ always.”

Humming softly, TJ nodded and nuzzled at Johnny’s neck, running his hands down his husband’s side and stopping low on his hips. “I’ve missed you so much, Johnny,” TJ murmured, “home isn’t the same without you.”

Sighing, Johnny touched foreheads with his husband. “Yeah, and my bed’s been so lonely without you. Phone sex and sexting are nothing compared to you in my arms. Sound desperate don’t I?” he chuckled.

“No, you sound like my Johnny,” TJ grinned at his lover, brushing his fingers over Johnny’s clothed cock. “It was a long flight, love . . . wanna help you relax.”

“Next time, we can join the mile high club,” Johnny whispered, pulling his husband’s hips close so their cocks rubbed, only their clothing separating them.

Nodding, a mewl breaking past his lips, TJ panted, “yeah . . . definitely. Wanna feel you, Johnny . . . miss feeling you in me . . .”

“Wasn’t allowed to bring much lube, but I got a small tube in my overnight bag. Will do for today, Teej, if you really wanna?” He nipped at TJ’s neck, rocking his hips to thrust against TJ, his cock swelling in anticipation.

“Yes . . . I really wanna,” TJ nodded, extending his neck for Johnny’s attention. “Been too long . . .”

Johnny nuzzled and nipped at the exposed neck, lapping the tiny bite marks he made in TJ’s flesh. Running his hands over his husband’s abdomen and sides, he began to tug TJ’s shirt from his waistband, dipping his fingers inside so he stroked TJ’s sensitive abdomen, nearly touching the tip of his swollen cock. “God, so beautiful and big for me.”

Keening, TJ’s hips canted forward, grinding against Johnny’s pelvis. “J - - Johnny . . .” he whimpered softly. “Wanna . . . wanna be big and full for you . . .”

Nipping at TJ’s bottom lip, Johnny slid his husband’s shorts and underwear down, letting them hit the floor. He looked down and smiled happily. “Got the big, now gotta work on the full . . .”

Nodding, TJ looked at his husband with lust-blown eyes. “Please, Johnny? Make me so full for you?”

Running his hands backwards to TJ’s ass, Johnny squeezed his firm globes and spread them a bit, loving the noises his husband made. “Got something wanna show you later, sweetheart.” Johnny began stripping his delicate-looking husband, caressing and lapping and kissing all the while at any skin he exposed.

TJ let out a desperate, needy mewl, his hips canting once more. “Johnny . . .” he keened, “whatcha . . . whatcha wanna show me?” He tried to clear some of the fog that had settled in his mind, pulling him under with each of Johnny’s kisses.

Finally getting his husband fully unclothed, Johnny stepped back and kicked off his own shoes. He sank to the bed, grinning at the flushed, needy man before him. Quickly, Johnny worked his socks off then tugged his t-shirt over his head. He tossed that to the floor before he finally said, “it’s something called an _anal plug_ , sweetheart. It’s used to keep you open and ready for me at any time, day or night.”

Moaning at that idea, TJ looked at his husband, “I want that, Johnny. I want to be ready for you . . .” he stayed where Johnny left him, letting his husband look at his body, feeling . . . _beautiful_ under Johnny’s heated gaze.

Smiling wider, Johnny said, “I was looking at a coworker’s magazine from a sex-aid store, just imagining you in some of the lingerie, and saw it. That’s when I really started looking through the stuff. Got a copy of the magazine if you wanna look later.” Johnny unzipped and tugged off his own shorts as he talked, ending as he finally revealed he hadn't been wearing underwear under the denim. He stood before TJ, hot and hard and leaking pre-cum just a bit.

“I wanna look later . . .” TJ nodded, unable to hold back anymore as he stepped closer to his husband and crashed his lips against Johnny’s. “But, right now . . . I need you, Johnny . . . please? Please . . . I need you so bad.”

Breathing a deep scent of his beloved husband, Johnny moaned softly. “You ain’t the only one, baby. I’ve been aching for you all week!” Johnny backed up and tumbled to the bed, pulling TJ with him. He began kissing and nipping his husband’s skin again. Softly, he said, “can you reach my case? The lube . . .”

Nodding, TJ pulled back from Johnny only enough to grab the case and pull it close so he could root through it until he found the small bottle of lube. “Here . . .” TJ handed it to his husband.

Ginning, Johnny took the container and poured enough on his fingers to begin gently working at his husband's tight ring of muscle, massaging and stretching the rosebud open. Johnny slipped one finger slowly past that tight opening and into his husband’s heat. “God, so sweet . . .”

Panting, TJ thrust back against his husband’s finger, “Johnny . . .” he keened, “Love you . . . love you so much . . .”

Johnny smiled and slid his finger back out then joined it with a second, once more caressing and massaging his way until he could slide both fingers into TJ, deep and slow. He made sure to stroke over TJ’s prostate with that initial thrust. “I love you, my heart,” he groaned softly.

At the slight stretching burn followed by the intense pleasurable jolt that ran up his spine, TJ let out a low moan. His skin was flushed with arousal, his cock full and leaking just as much as Johnny’s. “Oh . . . Johnny . . . wanna . . . wanna feel you in me. Please, love . . . wanna feel it,” TJ begged needily, rolling his hips to push Johnny’s fingers deeper.

“Need to fill you, sweetheart, but don’t wanna hurt you. Need to stretch you open, love.” Johnny continued to work his fingers in and out of TJ’s needy passage, scissoring gently as he stroked and caressed. He began once more working on his husband’s sensitive neck with kisses and nips. “My husband . . . my TJ.”

Nodding, TJ dropped his head to rest on Johnny’s strong shoulder, his hot breath ghosting over the blond’s neck. “Your’s . . . ‘m your’s . . .” TJ continued to meet Johnny’s thrusts, wanting to get his Johnny inside him as soon as possible.

Smiling as he dropped a kiss to TJ’s plush lips, Johnny pulled his fingers free once more, stroking over TJ’s prostate again. He carefully added a third finger to stretching TJ’s passage, his other hand still holding the container of lube, open and ready for when he would coat his large cock. It didn’t take much longer before Johnny was pulling his hand free. He poured lube over his hand and cock, generous enough they’d need a new bottle for their next loving; there was one thing Johnny never skimped on and that was sexual lubricant. Patting the bed with his non-oiled hand, Johnny said, “pick a position, sweetheart. Gonna love you right.”

Slipping off Johnny’s lap, TJ laid down on his back so he’d be able to look up at his lover as Johnny loved him. He let his legs fall open wide, “‘m ready . . . please, Johnny . . .” TJ met his husband’s eyes as he let out another needy keen.

Smiling, eyes showing his love and deep interest, Johnny crawled onto the bed over his husband, he used his oiled hand to line up and slide into TJ in one smooth, long stroke. Once he bottomed out, Johnny moved his hand to TJ’s cock and began gently squeezing and stroking it. With a deep kiss, other hand braced on the bed, Johnny began slowly sliding in and out of TJ’s passage, rhythm between hand and cock not yet synced.

Whimpering against Johnny’s lips, TJ wrapped his legs around his husband’s waist, allowing Johnny to slip in that much deeper. “Feels so good, Johnny,” TJ panted, his cock pulsing in Johnny’s hand. “Feel so good . . .”

Feeling TJ’s cock and sac and his own hand stroke over the top of his member every time he pulled out, the blond let out a soft moan. “I ever tell you what lovely full balls you got, sweetheart?” He kissed TJ deeply then went back to tending his neck. Johnny picked up his pace, still using long, deep strokes. And, after a few thrusts, the rhythms synced up between cock and hand.

Letting out a moan as Johnny matched his pace, TJ’s back arched off the bed and his legs coiled a bit tighter around his lover. “J - - Johnny . . . gonna . . .” 

“Go ahead, love,” Johnny breathed into TJ’s neck, “been too long apart. Can’t hold back much longer . . . like a virgin, huh? My pretty little virgin . . .”

TJ’s cock gave a final twitch in Johnny’s hand before coating it and their abdomens in thick, white cum. The brunet’s walls convulsed around his husband’s shaft which seemed to pulse and grow before he, too, let loose with thick, hot ropes of cum, filling his husabnd’s ass as he continued to thrust until the semen dripped out of TJ and onto the sheets, mixed with a healthy amount of lube. Johnny keened low into TJ’s neck, slowing, until he finally stopped, still fully embedded in his husband, still fairly hard.

Chest heaving with each breath, TJ still kept his legs wrapped around Johnny’s waist, keeping his lover a close as possible. He turned his head to kiss at Johnny’s sweat-sheened neck, enjoying the scent of his husband. “F - - feel so good . . .”

Lifting his head, panting to catch his breath after such an intense, quick bout, Johnny grinned. “Love what you do to me, my little virgin lover. Gonna fill you full. What, maybe twins?” His voice held a silky purr of satisfaction.

“Twins . . . twins run in the family,” TJ grinned lazily, slowly regaining control of his breathing. “I wanna give you twins, Johnny . . . wanna be so full and heavy for you.”

Drawing a deep breath, Johnny very softly whispered, “I got something for you, but you don’t have to use it if you don’t want. I thought . . . for very special occasions, when you really wanna?” Johnny lifted his head, biting his full lip, nervous for once.

Blinking at the nervous behavior he hardly ever saw in his husband, TJ tilted his head slightly, “what is it?”

Nodding, Johnny carefully slid from his husband’s tight heat with a groan of loss. He went to the bathroom to get supplies to clean them both up with, coming back quickly. Sinking onto the bed, still not answering, flushing, Johnny began tending his beautiful husband.

“Johnny?” TJ sat up carefully, propping himself up on his elbows. “What’s wrong?”

“I love you, so much, TJ,” Johnny said softly. He finally met his husband’s eyes, looking worried, nervous. “You know I love you and _never_ want you to change. I love everything about you. Especially that you’re a man. Right?”

“Yes?” TJ looked just as worried as his husband, his pale eyes searching Johnny’s face, “you’re freaking me out, Johnny.”

Drawing a deep, steadying breath, Johnny stood and walked to one of his suitcases. He hesitated. “If you hate it, that’s fine, okay? It was just a whim, really . . . because you were wondering how you’d look . . .”

Frowning softly, TJ sat up all the way but didn’t get off the bed yet. He watched his husband closely, following his every move. “Okay,” the brunet drawled, waiting for Johnny to show him what was worrying him so much.

Nodding, Johnny drew another deep breath and opened the suitcase. He pulled something out wrapped in a towel. Turning, Johnny sank onto the bed next to TJ. He slowly unwrapped the towel with shaking hands, eventually revealing a piece of clothing used in pregnancy programs to help the man understand what a heavily pregnant woman felt like: a pregnancy piece.

Blinking, looking shocked at what Johnny had produced, TJ didn’t say anything for several long moments.

Rushing on to explain, Johnny sounded worried and breathless. “It’s not for everyday, you know? Just those times you get curious and wondering?”

Looking at Johnny, eyes wide, TJ asked, sounding excited and a little scared, “c - - can . . . can we try it?”

Pausing, as if shocked, Johnny suddenly grinned wide and threw his arms around TJ, kissing him soundly. “I love you so much!”

“I love you, too,” TJ said against Johnny’s lips. “I . . . I’ve been curious ever since we found out that Nat was pregnant.”

Nodding, Johnny said, “actually, that’s when I wondered, too, what you’d really look like if you were pregnant with my baby. I’d hoped you wouldn’t mind showing me, at least once. I’d love to have that image in my head while practicing making a whole litter with you.” Johnny grinned widely.

“So . . . we can try it?” TJ looked back at the piece in Johnny’s hands; looking back at his husband TJ said, “I wanna know what I’d look like being so full with your babies.”

Groaning in anticipation, Johnny helped TJ to stand. He carefully began helping his husband strap the appliance on, thankful for the soft cotton that would lie over the injury to TJ’s side. After fastening it, before allowing TJ to look in the mirror, Johnny wrapped a towel around TJ’s torso, letting it bump out over the six-month pregnancy suit. He then helped TJ into a bathrobe and moved him in front of the mirror. “So damn sexy,” Johnny said in a tone almost pained with excitement and desire.

TJ looked at himself in the mirror, appearing swollen with a child. Dropping the towel, he looked at himself, unable to form any words for several long moments. Looking back at Johnny, TJ said, “well . . . now we know?” He sounded breathless.

Johnny nodded, speechless, mouth dry. He was fully erect once more, cock straining in eagerness. “Yeah, you’re even sexier than I imagined. The most beautiful man in the world . . . and all mine, to fill over and over and over again.” Johnny grabbed TJ and pulled him into a hungry kiss. “Gonna get you a maternity shirt and slacks to go with it, so when you wanna dress up, you can wear the clothes, too.”

“God, Johnny . . .” TJ mewled against Johnny’s lips, matching the blond’s passion. “I love you so goddamn much!”

Johnny kissed again then turned TJ carefully around, wrapping his arms around the false pregnant bulk of his husband. “Feel so good in my arms filled with my baby, love,” Johnny breathed in TJ’s ear.

Mewling, TJ let his head fall back against Johnny’s shoulder. “I love being so full, Johnny,” TJ whimpered, turning his head to nuzzle at his lover’s neck.

**************

Once more Bucky found himself preparing for a large birthday celebration, only this time he was trying to instill a bit of surprise. They officially didn’t have the cabin until the next day, but he’d managed to get ahold of the owners and get them to agree to let him come down and decorate for the party the night before. He’d tapped Nat and Clint for the roles of driver and assistant decorators. The theme wasn’t patriotic for this go, but a mix of maroon, pink, and grey. He knew the colors looked good together and hoped the others would like them, too. Turning, offering a smile to Clint as the man placed the empty punch bowl on the long buffet table amid stacks of pristine dinnerware and silverware, Bucky sighed happily.

“Thanks guys! This is great! Nat?” he turned, “is the grill set and ready for when we get here tomorrow? That way Steve can start grilling as soon as possible, unless he wants Clint to do it because Sharon’ll be here this time . . .” Bucky bit his lip and looked around, trying to think if he missed anything.

“Grill is ready to go,” Nat gave Bucky a smile.

“And everyone agreed to bring food on the drive in so we’re ready?” He hadn’t told the others he and the Bartons had come down to decorate. That was the surprise. Everyone else thought they’d be showing up to a pleasant, rustic cabin for a day of grilling, outdoor fun, and presents. But Bucky had even managed to wrangle Nat into getting a cake together. He wanted Sharon’s birthday to be perfect . . . and Jack’s, too.

“We’re all ready for tomorrow, Bucky,” Nat nodded, looking around the decorated space and then back at Bucky. “It looks great.”

Nodding, Bucky let out a sigh. “Is does? Good. I was hoping I wasn’t biased. I . . . I really want everyone to feel like it’s a birthday not just a vacation, you know? And I wanna make a good impression on Steve’s daughter. I’ve never met her.”

“Think you get her a kitten or puppy and she’ll adore you for life. Of course, her mom won’t. Moms always get stuck doing the real work, but the kid will.” Clint grinned, hugging Nat to him.

Bucky just gave Clint an exasperated look and headed for the car. “Well, we should get going guys. Need to get back to the city and get prepared to come back out here tomorrow. And Sharon’s plane arrives tonight . . .” Bucky ran his hand through his hair nervously.

“She’s gonna like you, Bucky,” Nat stated as she slipped into the passenger seat, letting Clint drive back to the city.

Buck looked relieved. “You think?” He offered a smile as Clint got in and started the car, smoothly pulling it down the drive towards the main roads.

“Yup,” Nat nodded, “what’s not to like? She probably already practically knows you. I’m sure Steve’s told her about you.”

“Oh, God,” Bucky groaned. “She’ll think I’m a terrifying nutcase!” Bucky fiddled with the strap of his belt but left it securely fastened. “I took my meds today, right? You guys saw me?”

“Yes, you did,” Nat confirmed.

“Good,” Bucky sounded relieved. “Don’t need to start missing doses and start hearing and seeing things again. That would really freak her out and she’d never be allowed to visit again. I can’t hurt Steve like that.”

“You won’t. You haven’t missed a dose since you started the new medicine. Stop worrying,” Nat looked back at Bucky and gave him a small smile, “seriously. You’re gonna freak yourself out over nothing. Sharon’s going to like you.”

Bucky nodded, accepting Nat’s reassurances, but he fell silent the rest of the way back to the city. Once the Bartons had dropped him at Steve’s townhouse, Bucky let himself in, hurriedly checking the clock and muttering at how late he was running. “Steve? I’m home! Or did you have to leave without me, because I can understand that.” He shook his head. “Great, Bucky, talking to yourself.”

“You’re not talking to yourself,” Steve said, from the kitchen, and then the sound of excited running could be heard, “we did just get back from the airport though . . . her flight was early. Sorry, I tried texting you.”

"Yeah, no service," Bucky said without thinking how that would sound. "Was out with Nat and Clint." Taking a deep breath, Bucky turned towards the stairs and looked a mix of scared and hopeful.

A pretty blond girl with big blue eyes, dressed in a pink blouse and blue jeans, ran down the stairs. “Oh, I like the room looking . . .” she stopped short on the steps, eyes wide as she took in the sight of Bucky in his rumpled jeans and sleeveless shirt, amputation scars evident and leads protected by a taped on plastic covering.

Steve showed up next to his boyfriend and looked up at his daughter, “Sharon, this is Bucky. Bucky, this is Sharon,” he gave both of them wide smiles, not at all looking nervous about them meeting.

Sharon walked down the steps calmly, like her mother always demanded, and stepped right up to Bucky, looking up at him. Not addressing her father, but instead talking directly to Bucky, she asked, “do you bite?”

The question startled Bucky and he let out an incredulous bark of laughter, shaking his head. “Not until I know you better . . .”

“Good!” and Sharon threw her arms around the startled Bucky in a tight hug. “Thanks for taking care of my Daddy. He gets lonely.”

Grinning widely at the other two, Steve called out, “I’m making some dinner. Anyone hungry?”

“Yes!” Sharon called loudly, letting Bucky go. She took him by the right hand and pulled him towards the kitchen, excited. “You probably had Daddy’s cooking all the time, Bucky, but I just love when he cooks. It’s great. Mom cooks, too, but she makes regular food. Daddy cooks _American_ food!” Her accent held a mix of Steve’s Brooklyn accent and Peggy’s more formal-sounding British tones.

Laughing, Steve nodded, “nothing more American than hamburgers and fries.” He gestured to the plate of already grilled hamburgers. He moved to the oven to pull out the french fries.

Sharon let Bucky go once she had him at the table, as if she felt he needed guidance or caring for. “Yippee!” she called out, in the excited manner of a child met with something utterly delightful. “I could eat grill every day!” She grabbed Bucky’s hand again and led him to the sink.

For his part, Bucky was more bemused than anything, not used to being led around, especially by a child. He allowed Sharon to help him wash, throwing a grin at Steve. “I think she likes me?”

“Maybe just a bit,” Steve teased, putting some fries on a plate and making Sharon’s burger for her before putting the plate on the table.

As she washed Bucky’s hand, Sharon babbled much like she would to the stray animals she often rescued, “wow, for a guy with one arm, you manage to get your nails so clean! Not everyone’s so good and they have two hands to work with. Mom would love you!”

Bucky snorted, grinning, still allowing Sharon to _care for_ him.

“Yes, she would,” Steve chuckled and moved to plate himself and Bucky some dinner.

“I can do a lot more than wash my nails,” Bucky finally chuckled. “I can cook and clean and write, though not very good yet. I used to be left handed. In September I’m going to be getting a new arm.” He seemed to hold his breath, waiting for the girl’s reaction.

Sharon beamed up at Bucky, drying his fingers carefully then leading him to the table and his chair. She stopped short of helping him sit, though. Taking her own seat, Sharon said, “that’s great! Daddy said you had an arm that didn’t work right. That it was broken somehow. That’s why you have wires in your arm. But you got a new doctor who's gonna fix it better.”

Bucky blinked and looked at Steve.

Steve offered a small smile to Bucky, “sorry if it was too much information. She was curious?”

“Nah, it’s great!” Bucky began to actually relax, finding his nerves almost laughable in the face of the reality of the girl. “I don't mind. The more she knows, right? Saves on taking up time with boring explanations so we can get right to the being friends part?”

Nodding, Sharon picked up her burger in both hands. “That’s what Mom says. That people take too long talking about not important things instead of just being friends and accepting things like missing arms and weak ankles and stuff.” She bit her burger.

“Weak ankles?” Bucky glanced at his feet then at Steve, frowning. “Someone has weak ankles?”

Sharon nodded. “Me, I tried to ice skate and my ankles go all wobbly. Mom’s got me doing exercises so I can strengthen them. I like ice skating.”

Steve gave Bucky another smile, “everyone’s got something.”

Nodding, Sharon added, “Daddy had a bad heart.” She grinned as she took another bite, carefully chewing with her mouth closed before swallowing and putting down the burger. She reached for her drink, holding that with both hands, too. “And I got weak joints. I’m on medicine and exercises so I don’t spill or trip anymore. The doctor says I’m getting stronger, right Daddy?”

“That’s right, pumpkin,” Steve smiled at his daughter.

“Daddy, is it really Bucky’s brother’s birthday tomorrow, too?” Sharon continued eating her food as she asked numerous typical kid questions, treating Bucky as if she’d always known him.

“Bucky’s brother, Jack’s, birthday is August thirteenth, which is tomorrow. Your’s is August fourteenth. We’ll be celebrating both your’s and Jack’s this weekend at the lake,” Steve informed.

Suddenly Sharon looked up and looked uncommonly wise and mature. Softly, to Bucky, she said, “I’m sorry your brother got shot, Bucky. I hope he’s better and can come to the party. It’s okay I had to miss Daddy’s, right Daddy? For Bucky’s brother?”

Steve nodded, still smiling, “yes, it was very okay. I missed you. But, we had to give a chance for TJ, that’s Bucky’s other brother’s name, to heal.”

“And the bad guy? He got stopped, right? He’s been caught so TJ’s safe now?” Sharon dipped a french fry into a pool of ketchup and nibbled.

“Yes, the bad guy was caught. TJ’s perfectly safe now,” Steve assured.

The rest of dinner went in a whirlwind similar to the start, and in what felt like no time at all it was time for Sharon to bathe and go to bed. She threw her arms around Bucky, telling him goodnight, then went to her father and hugged him, hard, a long time. Softly, she said, “I miss you all the time, Daddy. Now you have Bucky you don’t have to be sad and lonely, right?”

“I miss you, too, pumpkin,” Steve kissed Sharon’s head, “and that’s right. Bucky helps make me happy.”

“Good, ‘cause you deserve happy.” Sharon kissed his cheek then bounded up the steps. “Night, Daddy. Night Bucky.”

Bucky blinked as Sharon disappeared upstairs. He turned to Steve and said, “and that was two _hours_? It feels like maybe ten minutes. What a whirlwind!” He grinned. “I like her, Steve.”

“I knew you two would get along,” Steve smiled, kissing Bucky’s lips. “I told you, though, she’s very curious. Be prepared to answer so many questions.”

Slipping his arm around Steve’s waist, Bucky leaned into his boyfriend’s kisses. “Don’t mind. She’s a good kid. Nice and sweet and open. For a moment I thought she’d put a belled collar around my neck and pet behind my ears. I was prepared to be _Bucky Kitty_ for the next fifty years,” he laughed. “So, Sharon rescued me?” he winked.

“Yeah,” Steve rubbed the back of his neck, “she has this thing about feeling like she needs to rescue everything. She actually wants to be a nurse someday.”

Laughing softly, Bucky nodded, “yeah, when you said that before, I thought it was just a kid thing, because doctors are cool in movies. But, I think she really _does_ want to take care of others. It’s such a great gift. And Peggy encourages her? Her questions?”

“Of course she does,” Steve smiled, “Peggy’s a great mother. Really wants Sharon to thrive.”

Bucky sighed, “good. Not that I’d have a problem taking in kids and stuff, now I’m better under control, but it’s good she has two supportive parents instead of one asshole.” Bucky leaned into Steve again, kissing his lips. “Time for bed, and if she really took the room with the view, my favorite guest room is occupied . . .”

“Bucky you’ve been sleeping in my bed for months,” Steve laughed, kissing Bucky’s forehead.

“Yeah, but . . . I wanna make it kinda official . . .” Bucky hesitated and dropped his voice, “if you want . . .”

Steve blinked, looking shocked, “official? As in . . . _official_ , official?”

Bucky dropped his eyes and said, softly, “yeah . . . but I get it. You’ve just got outta a marriage and I’m pretty screwed up still . . . and we only reconnected a few months ago.”

“Bucky,” Steve cupped his lover’s face in his hands, “of course I’ll marry you! I love you.”

Raising his eyes, sucking in a shocked breath, Bucky breathed out softly, “you will? God, Stevie,” he hugged Steve and kissed him. “I love you,” he breathed against Steve’s lips. “I loved you since we were fourteen!”

Kissing Bucky again, Steve said, “I love you so much, Buck. Never want to be apart. You and me, Bucky.”

“You and me, Steve,” Bucky breathed happily.

**************

The weather promised sunshine and hot humidity, not the best weather for outdoor play in August, but no one was yet complaining. As car after car pulled up, the gang reconnecting as they had attempted in Vegas back in March, more voices lifted in well wishes for the celebratory pair, presents stacked in two piles on either end of a picnic table. By the time all the guests arrived, the only _Vegas_ pair absent was Tony and Pepper, but no one questioned it.

Clint put down a large box, messily wrapped so that bits of paper looked torn and sticking out in all directions, revealing that the box he’d used was battered, old, and full of random holes torn at odd spots. He hadn’t even bothered to find a decent box for his gift for Jack. For Sharon, Clint placed a very meticulously wrapped gift in pink paper with a ribbon bow larger than the actual gift box.

Jack merely rolled his eyes at the different wrapping jobs. “Let me guess,” he greeted the Bartons. “Nat wrapped Sharon’s?”

“Of course,” Natasha grinned at Jack.

“Well, I didn’t do too bad with what I had,” Clint offered a grin, looking over the big box with pride. “Oh!” Shuffling into his jacket pocket, he pulled out a beat up bow and taped it over the one bit of smooth wrapping paper on the entire gift. “There! Perfect!”

David laughed, “beautiful, Clint. You should quit your day job and become a professional wrapper.”

“Well,” Clint grinned back at David, “the outside might be a bit battered and worn, but I guarantee what’s inside is brand-spanking new.”

TJ saw his older brother and gave him a bright smile, “hey, Jack! Happy birthday!” The younger man looked relaxed and happy from his honeymoon.

Jack grinned, “thanks. Hey, you look radiant, TJ! Hawaii must have agreed with you!” He hugged his younger brother happily.

“Yeah, it was really nice. We had a great time. Glad to be back though,” TJ said.

“Even left the room once or twice,” Johnny quipped, wrapping his arms around TJ from behind and pulling his husband back to him. He turned his head at the sound of one final car driving up. “Hey! Looks like the birthday girl and her dad, plus the missing Barnes, are here at last!”

The car pulled up and Bucky let himself out, opening the door for Sharon before she could get it. She grinned at Bucky and took his hand, turning to guide him towards the group outside the cabin. Everyone had been busy putting food in the house, and all had loved the _mysterious_ decorations. Sharon didn’t seem to like them any less. “Daddy! Bucky! Look at the decorations! It’s a _real_ birthday party!” Bucky flushed in pleasure.

“It is!” Steve beamed happily, looking at Bucky and giving him a wink. Seeing the decorations Steve knew where Bucky had been the day before. “The decorations are great!”

“Thanks,” Bucky flushed in delight. “Nat and Clint helped, too. Even if he can’t seem to wrap a gift, he can carry heavy objects a-rate.” Bucky watched as Sharon ran off to introduce herself to each guest, secure in the knowledge that at their private party, she was permitted to talk to the strangers. “She’s so friendly. I always wanted to be that open and friendly.” He looked at Steve and placed his hand on Steve’s lower back, at his waistline. “She’s a great kid, Steve.”

“Thanks,” Steve grinned, watching Sharon greet each guest and then looking at Bucky. He kissed his boyfriend’s lips, “I love you, Buck. Thanks for doing all this.”

Bucky beamed in joy at the praise and genuine affection he could hear in his lover’s tones. “Steve, this is gonna sound weird, but I’m not being morose, just curious. Why _did_ you and Peggy split? She’s nuts to have given you your walking orders!”

Laughing softly, Steve kissed Bucky’s forehead, “I told you before, love. The split was mutual. We simply decided we make better friends than spouses.”

Nodding, Bucky lowered his voice, “If for some crazy reason in the future, we make better friends than spouses, can we talk and be mutual friend and stuff, too? I don’t believe I’ll ever stop loving you, but . . . I can’t stand the idea of us being mad at each other or anything.”

“Of course, love, I let you out of my life once. I’m never gonna do it again,” Steve kissed Bucky’s lips, caressing his fingers down Bucky’s side.

“Let’s wait until after the presents to tell the others? I don’t want Jack or Sharon overshadowed when everyone freaks out.” Bucky laid his head on Steve’s shoulder.

“Whatever you want, love,” Steve said, continuing to run his fingers over Bucky’s side.

After another ten minutes, Clint suddenly called out, “Jack’s presents then grilled food then Sharon’s and the cake?” Please? Wanna see Jack open my gift! I chose it so carefully and wrapped it just about half an hour ago!”

“What do you say?” David laughed, looking at Jack, “wanna open your presents before Clint explodes.”

“Sure, if that’s okay with Sharon . . . her waiting until cake after lunch?” Jack grinned down at Sharon who nodded.

“Then we get to do presents twice!” she cried happily.

Jack laughed, “I’ll open Clint’s first so he doesn’t wet himself in anticipation.” He walked over to the odd messily wrapped package. “Well, if it needs air, it’s certainly got it,” Jack snickered and ripped off the paper, exposing the entire box as having random holes cut and ripped and punched in it. He shook his head and opened the box top, glancing inside. “Clint . . .”

“It’s great, huh?” Clint asked, practically vibrating.

Jack hesitated then reached in and suddenly laughed outright. “God, you had me worried, you dork!” Jack signaled David over to look in the box, grinning. “Go ahead, love. Check inside.”

David moved over and peered inside. A golden retriever puppy lay curled in a near ball, tail to nose, sleeping evenly, even the soft rumble of puppy snores could be faintly heard when David got close.

“You got Jack a dog . . .” David blinked in surprise.

“Touch it,” Jack said, laughing, seeming unperturbed by a gift he wasn’t permitted in his apartment in the city.

David reached out to touch the sleeping dog.

It didn’t even stir and felt warm but not puppy warm. It became readily evident that it was a toy dog, skillfully created to look real. Jack grinned. “I love it, Clint!”

Smiling at Clint, David laughed, “it’s very realistic.”

Clint nodded, grinning. “I know, right? Betcha my urgency and all those holes helped fool ya!”

“Sure did,” David agreed with another laugh.

“Well, I remember Jack always wanted a dog as a kid, so I got him one. And it doesn’t matter what the landlord says, it’s totally legal. And,” Clint rocked, “no poop!”

Jack nodded. “Come on guys, come look. It even _sounds_ real!”

TJ approached and looked inside the box, “it does look real. Very cool!”

Everybody took turns looking at the great novelty item. Jack finally pulled it out of the box and lay it on the table. Even then, it still looked and sounded like a real sleeping puppy. He grinned and reached for another gift, going through them all quickly, delighting in what he’d been given by friends he’d only recently reconnected with.

Finally, he got to David’s and smiled. “You didn’t have to get me anything, baby.” He opened the watch and smiled, instantly replacing his older, banged up watch. “Perfect!”

Standing, Jack finally cleaned up his wrappings and moved the presents, including the dog, to an inside table, leaving the half of picnic table for later cake and Sharon’s presents. He turned. “Hungry. Birthday boy wants food!”

Johnny stepped forward, “told you he’d be too polite to mention his own brother forgot him,” Johnny said to TJ. He offered an envelope to Jack. “From both of us.”

Blinking in surprise, Jack grinned. “Well, sometimes TJ writes me a song and lets me enjoy it later after everything’s quiet and calm. I was thinking he’d done that again. I always love his songs.”

“Oh, you still have a song for later, don’t worry about that, big brother,” TJ offered Jack a wink, though he looked almost as excited as Clint had before Jack opened his present.

Nodding, Jack opened the envelope and pulled out the contents then went absolutely still at the sight of two airline tickets and a bunch of papers for registration and stuff. Reading the papers, Jack softly said, “Hawaii? This is stuff for a trip to Hawaii for two, a week vacation?” He looked at TJ and Johnny, eyes wide.

“You and David never got a honeymoon!” TJ practically squealed, beaming brightly, “now you guys get a honeymoon, too! It’s all paid for. Hotel, food, spa . . . whatever you can think of!”

“David, this coincides with the week we were gonna take to redecorate the apartment?” Jack looked to his husband, shocked.

David offered Jack a wink, grinning brightly; the blond didn’t look shocked by the _surprise_ honeymoon, “it does. What a coincidence, huh?”

“Wait . . .” Jack frowned, “you mean you _don’t_ want to redecorate after all? But you begged me to take that week of specifically because . . . you wanted a change of scene, you!” Jack hugged his husband tight, figuring it out. Then he moved to hug TJ and Johnny. “Thanks! This is . . . wow!”

“Love you, Jackie,” TJ breathed in Jack’s ear, hugging him tightly in return, “now it’s your turn to finally relax.”

Bucky grinned. “Wow, everyone’s getting honeymoons recently!”

Looking at Bucky, TJ said, “and when you and Steve get hitched, don’t you two wait! Honeymoons are important!”

Shaking his head, Bucky said, “I don’t know, they seem more important to rekindle the spark than to start off while that spark’s still hot.” he winked and turned to slip his arm around Steve. “Burgers ala Steve now? I can help . . . I’m good at flipping. I’d show you, but little eyes and stuff.” He grinned over at TJ.

“Yeah, yeah,” TJ snorted, rolling his eyes playfully. “Go help make food.”

Bucky laughed and led Stve towards the grills. “Chicken, beef, and veggies . . .” he said, pointing to each individual grill then smiling up at his boyfriend, notorious for being able to grill anything.

“You got it,” Steve laughed, giving Bucky a kiss before beginning to grill the food.

As Bucky interfered, teased, and basically messed with his boyfriend while he worked, and Jack cuddled with David making quiet plans for the next week, Johnny turned to TJ and pulled him flush to his body. “Hey, I think they liked it.”

“Maybe just a little,” TJ grinned up at his husband, kissing his lips.

“I love you.” Johnny put his forehead against TJ’s. “Just think, we didn’t even speak to each other five months ago. And now, we’re inseparable, as it should be.”

“Can’t believe I let a misunderstanding keep us apart,” TJ sighed, leaning against Johnny’s body.

“All water under the bridge, sweetheart. At least now we’re together. Thank the Lord for that agreement to meet at Vegas instead of the regular reunion, huh?” He lifted TJ’s left hand and kissed the wedding ring.

“What happens in Vegas definitely _doesn’t_ need to stay in Vegas,” TJ smiled at his husband before kissing him soundly.


End file.
